Meet The Douche


Mark Sugrue writes:

Someone offering a spare room has included 5 paragraphs of personal information
“I want someone clean, laid back, tidy, a bit of fun and respectful. (and someone that can take the odd practical joke… ) I don’t mind strangers in the house as long as it’s not too often. I want applicants to mail me at least a paragraph about themselves and feel free to ask any questions, personal or otherwise.  I prefer to start with a 3month contract to see if we get on.. ”
Also, the only photo of the flat is of the bathroom.

Forbes Street (Daft)

72 thoughts on “Meet The Douche

  1. well

    Maybe they had a bad experience? this would certainly weed out most people that aren’t serious and anyone that cant write a paragraph.

  2. Aisling

    “I’m single and straight so like to go out for a few drinks a few times a week.”

    Do attached and/or gay people not like to go out for drinks?!

    1. KeithFahey’s Moustache

      Ah you know those Gays, so reluctant to socialize or mingle with the breeders of Dublin, Oh wait a second that does not seem right!

  3. Spaghetti Hoop

    Strangers in the house often do tend to become friends. But down with that sort of humanity thing.

  4. Frodo Baggins

    The bleedin price for what sounds like a small double room, and a car space?! 700 in total – That’s my entire 1 bed apartment in D7, andit’s nice! Not a dive. Having said that, my landlord is desperate to keep me, there years and never called him once.

    1. Sauron

      ah! Master Frodo, been busy the last while raising an arm…. ahem, paying my household charge. I’ve been meaning to get in touch about our arrangement.

      give us a ring later will you?

        1. Raskolnikov

          My bad, when I wrote “e-mail” I was thinking “post”. I’m pretty sure you understood what I was saying, quite unlike the original “post”.

          1. Frodo Baggins

            Speaking of, I’ve read your name three times and I still can’t pronounce it rascaltits.

      1. Frodo Baggins

        My point? It’s pretty clear really.
        I’m sorry you don’t get it, even after three times.

        Would you like a cup of Barry’s tea?

        He won’t mind.

        1. Raskolnikov

          Don’t worry about my name, it’s not important. What you need to focus on is trying to express yourself clearly.

    2. Lotho Sackville-Baggins

      You’re full of crap, Frodo Baggins. Everybody knows you’ve been sponging off you’re uncle for years!

  5. wikky

    What is supposed to be wrong with this? If anything I would say that all house/flat sharing ads should be like that, its very helpful to get a good idea of the person you would potentially be living with from both sides.

  6. Iwerzon

    •Apartment is not owner occupied

    Sign the lease and then tell him to Fcuk off or you’ll tell the managment committee he’s subletting and to throw in the carpark for free or you’ll tell them again and inform the Council he’s not registered on the PRTB and he’ll be fined 2k. Tell him to give you 1k and throw a Futher Mucking party and invite me!!!!

    1. iuqerirbe

      That will take all of 6 months + before prtb do anything by which time you’ll have saved 6 months rent and any bills received during that time.You’ll have to have a thick skin as you’ll have to put up with the other tenants fury that you refuse to pay any bills or rent.If the actual landlord forces you out you can sue for up to €10,000,the only snag with that aspect is you need to be in the house x amount of time to possess tenants rights and have the authority to sue.We had it done to us.
      When the tenant (she)finally got an eviction date she left whilst no one was in the house doused the carpets in cooking oil ,locked all the internal doors,threw away the keys and stuffed the toilets full of magazines to block them.Absolute nightmare

  7. Navel

    It’s overkill in my opinion and would turn me off.
    It’s also very stupid to not show pictures of the apartment.

  8. Clampers Outside!

    “feel free to ask any questions, personal or otherwise”

    1. Do you masturbate in the bathroom or in your own bedroom? I couldn’t be bringing round strangers if you did it in the shared spaces.
    2. Will you be my house bitch or do I have to be yours, because I don’t want to do that again?
    3. Do you like a good fry on a Sunday?
    4. If you have a TV, do you watch soaps, because that’s a big no, no?
    5. How often do you take that pole out of your bum?
    6. Are you a Youth Defence supporter?
    7. If you are female, do you look anything like Amber Heard?

    That is all.

  9. Jack

    I think the point is it’s a bit much when you haven’t even been bothered to take some other photos?

  10. Cheese

    Thats pretty much every ad on the apartment sharing websites in Germany… you have to write a paragraph about yourself and what you like… I’ve seen ads asking for things like: “ONLY die-hard, queer, vegans should apply” or “We’re trying to make a gender-balanced, alternative community, so you must be a woman”… it works to be honest… you don’t want to get stuck with the vegans…

    1. halcyon days

      Its normal here in Germany, not just in the extreme cartoonish examples you give above. I think its more important how people come across, than sharing interests with them. We recently let out two rooms in our large apartment here in Berlin…it was a process finding people. We wrote a little about ourselves in the ad (age, professions, nothing as specific as this guy), and a lot about the apartment. As a general rule, we didn’t entertain anyone who didn’t send a few personal lines about themselves in the first email (we got a lot of emails) – as these are usually people who don’t consider personal aspects of an apartment to be important, they just want a place to eat, sleep, shower and shit. In general these are not they kind of people we were looking for. In the end we got two nice people that we will probably never be best friends with, but that so far make for a nice, friendly and comfortable living environment.
      An apartment is a home, not a fucking business arrangement.

      1. Cheese

        Thats exactly what I mean… of course, the cartoonish examples were just that… the craziest of the bunch!

        A WG can be serious hassle to fin or find people for… the right people anyway!!

  11. seany_delight

    More info the better. I sub-let a room in my last place to what seemed like a completely reasonable, normal sound individual.

    Boy was I wrong. She was completely bats. Having conversations with herself. Moving and hiding things around the flat. Its always a risk moving in with someone, or having some one move it that is just a reply to a daft ad, even with some meetings and showings first its too hard to gauge.

    Everyone is in the impression stage when we meet anyone the first few times, to show the side we want others to see. That fades and then you are yourself. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Same reason a lot of relationships end with in the first year.

    True colours and all that.

    1. Lucy Mallon

      Come off it, Wayne, or whatever you’re calling yourself here. You loved me. It was your mother’s boyfriend that came between us with his incessant interference. Things could have been so nice with just you and me and Dolores. But you had to listen to Them.

  12. dylad

    not a bad advert really. probably a bit of a passive agressive type on some end of the autistic spectrum with definite ocd. suprised no one mentioned the toilet roll not on the floor.

  13. Simon

    That is a good ad. I have advertised a hosue share a few times on and have done something similar.
    No vegetarians, pioneers or religious freaks is the headline.

    1. Jockstrap

      “No vegetarians, pioneers or religious freaks is the headline.”

      That rules out about 3% of population.

  14. James M. Chimney

    I have a collection of bats and go by the name of Jarrod. My favourite bands are Xmal Deutschland and The Sisters of Mercy (First album only). I have a girlfriend who is a burlesque dancer and loves amateur dramatics. I enjoy German films from the Weimar period in their history. People say I look like a futuristic preacher. One day I’d like to own a motorbike, maybe a BSA or a Norton. I like to sleep during daylight hours and at night I dine on Pizza before I walk into the night shadows. I dislike bouncy castles, Dr. Quirkeys and comedy. I like Anne Rice, corsets, snakes, and graphic novels. I am ready to move in at anytime as my girlfriend’s Wiccan housemate has put a hex on me because I gave her a weightwatchers soup.

  15. Mike Baldwin

    Douche is french, for something…oh, maybe there’s a clue in the photo….to Mr Meh way above in case you’re not kidding…

  16. Camilla

    …… is this guy for real?! a shitty room for that price and plus u have to pay an extra 80quid for parking……. i think that is ridic enuogh without having to deal with him being a weirdo christ!

  17. El sabio

    An ad like this would be perfectly normal in the States on Craigslist or the likes.
    There, flatmate = friend, not like Ireland where it acceptable to advertise a room and not be in the least bit interested in getting to know the person.
    Broadsheet gets more and more conservative every week.

  18. Marcus

    So to answers your constructive comments,
    My wifi went down while uploading the photos. There are more photos up there now. (I have a broken knee at the moment so the place isn’t looking as great as usual).
    I have a long info about myself because I don’t want to live with the Frodo’s of this world. though I do feel sorry for them occasionally. must be tough having no friends and get your kicks out of living a virtual life.

    I pay the landlord €1350.. similar apartments go for €1400.. I’ve had about 60 enquiries so I think the price is fair.. I agree expensive but there’s not much I can do about the market prices of apartments in Dublin 2. The landlord is fully aware of the sublet, and he is registered.

    I agree it was irrelevant to mention that i’m single and straight and like to go out a lot. I suppose I was trying to disclose as much as possible so that applicants would do the same.

    My mates got a great laugh out of some of your comments.. I’m getting some serious slagging. If I were the loner sensitive type like Frodo or Mark Sugru I would probably be complaining about cyberbullying or something. Apologies for not responding to your enquiries about the apartment yet. I’ll get back to everyone by the end of the month.


    1. Siobh

      Yep, the ad looks perfect to me, I can’t for the life of me understand why Broadsheet considers it worthy of slagging. Especially since you come across as a really nice guy!

      I’ve advertised for flatmates a couple of times and my ads were similar to yours. Looking for a flatmate isn’t like looking for a tenant for a place you don’t live in. You need to know you can get on and that your lifestyles are compatible. Seems obvious to me.

      For the record, if I was looking for place in Dublin I’d definitely mail you!

      1. marcus

        Thanks Siobh,
        yes it’s amazing that so many people think living with someone is a strict business arrangement. If you give a fair bit of detail about yourselves at the start it rules out potential surprises along the way..
        I’ve never been on broadsheet before my mates all started mailing me comments from here today. I too get bored in work sometimes but never this bored to bother re-posting other peoples adds.. The internet is a mad old place.

        My current flatmate Jen is pretty messy so I haven’t got a shot of the room yet.. she’ll be hard to beat as a flatmate though. Tough to find the good people sometimes.

        Yes people.. Dublin 2 is f**king expensive.. blame Google and facebook and all those multinationals providing all the high paid employment around here..

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