79 thoughts on “A Limerick A Day

  1. Drogg

    Oi Moynes, hard working parents, work hard to discipline their children without beating them. It seems your into equality just not for kids.

    1. Joe the Lion

      This Moynes lad it is generally felt
      needs a few good hard cracks of the belt
      his poetry is poo
      and his ethics are too
      if I read more me poor head will melt

        1. Joe the Lion

          Major own goal by Broadsheet/Moynes

          bad poetry I can generally take

          blatant muck savagery I draw the line at

  2. Jimmee

    Next verbal chastisement will come under pressure.

    “Eat your dinner or Santy isn’t coming” … yeah that’s 3 years in jail for you.

    1. St. John Smythe

      Resorting to using ‘Santa/Santy’ as a threat fro every little thing shouldn’t land you in jail; it should however make you question your proficiency as a parent.

        1. St. John Smythe

          Because you need to use vague threats unrelated to the actual incidence of behaviour, and which postpone authority to a higher figure (an illusionary one in this instance), in order to coerce the child into doing something.

          Either give the child reasons, or when this is impossible, make the incitement/coercion/punishment fit the behaviour being challenged.

          To come to the main topic: this is one of my main reasons for being against slapping (besides a distaste for physical violence) because the punishment is unrelated to the behaviour which caused it. It doesn’t help the child learn right from wrong, only how to act to avoid violent reprisal.

          And before you ask, I have two kids, aged 6 and 9.

          1. nefD6

            My Mother used to postpone authority to an illusionary higher figure too. He sees everything don’t you know.

          2. St. John Smythe

            He saw what you were doing to yourself in your bedroom through your teenage years, and he wishes that HE had gone blind

    1. All the good ones fly south for winter

      Has he:

      1. Fallen down and is being offered a belt to pull himself up with?
      2. Started to hulk out and needs to be battled with?

      ——————————————————————
      Anwser : No. 2

        1. St. John Smythe

          Its a new craze called ‘Slingshoting’.
          You pull the bare-foot child along a polished kitchen floor with him holding onto a belt. You suddenly swing your arm, and if the child releases their grip from the belt at exactly the right time they will fly freely through the air, out the open kitchen window, and down the end of the garden.
          Done correctly, the child can manage 10 meters of thrilling free flight.
          Done incorrectly, the child lands on his ass.

  3. kmax

    Seriously? An ode to the right to beat children because work’s been tough that day? Did your boss hit you? I really doubt it. And what would your reaction be if he/she had?

    1. Paolo

      It’s not a right to “beat” children, it is a right to chastise children by loving parents. The law won’t make any difference. It will not prevent bad parents from actually beating their kids. Sitting a three year old down and explaining why it is wrong to try to run across a busy road is not effective and your child will be dead before they reach the age at which they can be reasoned with.

      1. kmax

        As presented in the poem, it is eulogising exactly that.Indicated by the words ‘right’ and ‘whack’ , a synonym of ‘beat’. Chastisement doesn’t have to be, and in my opinion shouldn’t be, physical in nature.

  4. Sinabhfuil

    So embarrassing for the Irish to be seen internationally as a shower of slappers.

    1. Tony

      Stupid stock photo. Who hits a child with the buckle end of a belt? That’s attempted murder.

      Everyone knows you wallop them with a pillowcase full of oranges. No marks that way.

      1. scottser

        a sock full of sand is the preferred method and is used by police forces world wide.

        1. All the good ones fly south for winter

          Place a bolder child in a sac and hit the lesser of the two boldsters with sac. Two for one reprimand.

          1. Don Pidgeoni

            I’d be worried that some of the bold might rub off on the less bold one. I guess putting the bold one in a pillow case, then in a sack would probably stop that happening and add extra friction to the beating.

    1. Drogg

      Well you can really see the intelligence in someone who call for the right to hit a child under two years old to make them understand your point of view. I see a mum of the year award in Lucinda’s future.

      1. Joe the Lion

        totally

        it’s only in Ireland that Lucinda’s style would have any status

        shallow talent pool and all that

        1. Drogg

          I read some of quotes this morning and was wondering how someone who is the leader of a party is not being absolutely destroyed for saying it’s ok to hit your kids cause you are tired or under pressure at work. Those comments should kill her political career, but this is Ireland so she is loved for it, sickening.

          1. St. John Smythe

            She’s against abortion, because if we kill the babies before they even get born, who will we have to let our frustrations out on when we are tired or under pressure at work?
            Abortions for some; miniature fleshy stress balls for others!

          2. Drogg

            I wonder what her feelings are on if you accidentally kill your child while beating them because your boss came down hard on you or removed you from your cabinet position? is it a grey area? or is she pro beating kids to death?

          3. ahjayzis

            It’s an effective political tool.

            “F**k up another Drivetime interview, Terrence, and little Timmy GETS IT!”

  5. collynomial

    I think we can all agree that beating a child to death is bad. It follows that too much smacking is bad.
    Those arguing against the ban must then believe not enough smacking is also bad, and that some smacking is good.

    It follows from these two statements that at first as one increases smacking from none to some, things get better, but eventually, one over smacks the child leading to their brutal demise. Therefore there exists an optimal amount of smacking. A smacking sweet spot.

    Now the question is, how is this smacking sweet spot determined? It could vary from child to child, depending on endogenous factors such as genetic makeup, appetite level, of tiredness or depend on exogenous factors such as the number of witnesses in the shops, how bad mammy’s hangover is or how daddy always thought he’d make more of his life than this.

    The only way to truly be sure is to test. So we can set up an experiment. But first we need to define what “good” can be obtained from smacking your child. For certain, smacking a child is a short cut to preventing a child from continuing to create inconvenience the parent either through embarrassment or engaging in a behavior which might lead to an event more harmful than smacking, such a death.

    The “good” it creates then is the convenience of not having to engage with the child, who is stupid, on a level at which they would not yet have the mental capacity to deal with (i.e. talking to them) and the also nothing is dead.

    Now it would be inhuman to experiment on children, so the experiment should take place on a proxy.
    One suggestion would be instead to hit women, wives in particular as they are also members of the family unit.

    So husbands, go home tonight and beat your wives for science and for the good of your children:

    If your wife acts in a way which is childish and reprehensible, smack her. If when smacked a positive outcome is not achieved, do not try explaining why (as you must remember your wife is a proxy for your child, who would not understand why anyway), instead smack her more until a “good” outcome is reached or until something is dead.

    Record the data, only then will we know what the optimum level of smacking is. My suspicion is NONE and I would much rather believe basic reasoning would lead us to this conclusion than experiment.

  6. ahjayzis

    My sainted mother never laid a spoon on me, but by god was I afraid of incurring the wrath of that spoon / hairbrush!

    Had she actually hit me she’d have failed, you don’t hit children, it’s insane that that’s a controversial thing to say to some parents.

      1. St. John Smythe

        A shame she never laid a spoon on her, or a shame that she was beatified by the Church?

      2. ahjayzis

        She agreed when I told her years later that I’d run out to the bin truck and thrown the spoon and her favourite hairbrush in on the sly…

  7. yer ma

    “And stop hitting me, you’re huge. How could you hit me?! That’s crazy. You’re a giant, and I can’t defend myself.”I really think it’s crazy that we hit our kids. It really is–here’s the crazy part about it. Kids are the only people in the world that you’re allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They’re the most vulnerable, and they’re the most destroyed by being hit. But it’s totally okay to hit them. And they’re the only ones! If you hit a dog they… will put you in jail for that… You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you. But a little tiny person with a head this big who trusts you implicitly, f(orget) ’em. Who (cares)? Just… hit–let’s all hit them! People want you to hit your kid. If your kid’s making noise in public, “Hit him, hit him! Hit him! Grrr, hit him!” We’re proud of it! “I hit my kids. You’re… right I hit my kids.” Why did you hit them? “‘Cause they were doing a thing I didn’t like at the moment. And so I hit them, and guess what? They didn’t do it after that.” Well, that wouldn’t be taking the… easy way out would it? “

    Mr CK

  8. Spaghetti Hoop

    Nowhere – Constitution, Amnesty International or anywhere, have I read words pertaining to “Your right to give children a whack”. Only cowards hit kids.

      1. Lan

        No no it takes a real hero to hurt a child that cant defend itself in order to force your will on it or to reinforce a lesson because your not able to do it any other way (or as often you dont have the patience to bother).

        Solve difficult situations with those weaker than you by hurting them. Great lesson

  9. Frilly Keane, Creative

    I’m a hard working parent Moynes
    As well as a Chauffeur
    A Nurse
    A Referee
    A Cleaner ( although that’s questionable)
    A Cook ( also arguable tbh)
    A Roadie
    A Stylist & wardrobe assistant
    A Doggie minder
    A Councillor
    A Gardener ( on long term leave atm)
    A Censor
    A Teacher
    A Meditator
    A Handyman
    A what ever yere having yereselves

    If I were EVER to become an abuser
    I would
    Without argument
    Accept Criminal charges

    There is no excuse for any physical abuse in the home
    NEVER

    You need to get yourself checked out Moynes

    1. Drogg

      How are you taking a break from Gardening with the current weather? I am seriously asking cause i am having to cut my fupping grass twice a week at the minute.

      1. Frilly Keane, Creative

        Managed the grass cutting
        Hedges, Nettles, Sticky Back Shitters, Mad Ivy, Dandelions that just laugh at me thru the patio slabs, Elder sprouts that have all but invaded the knicker drawer with their pals the Ivy…..

        Now if only smacking all them about would bring them under control and behave….

        1. Frilly Keane, Creative

          Also Drogg
          Not to be making excuses.
          But any free time available lately was given over to the canvas
          And last Saturday ( 1st kinda day off)
          Was spent on the Banks

          Of the Liffey Decent

          1. Drogg

            The liffey decent always sounds lovely but yeah i am totally with you with the garden laughing at me at this stage i think i should just let it go wild and tell the kids its a Jungle playground.

    2. Frilly Keane, Creative

      Jesus Christ
      How could I omit

      Non Recourse Money Lender

      See how pissed off ya’ve made me Moynes?

  10. Drogg

    Wow, if anyone is looking for an interesting read i say try the journal’s comment section on the article on this. I worry that the people that are commenting and thumbs upping there are voters.

  11. munkifisht

    Right, seems I’m very much the minority reading the posts above, but there are times when a smack IS warranted. Admittedly, it will only happen once, maybe twice in a child’s life, but it is in those instances where death was a narrow margin and the child didn’t realise, like running out in front of a car, and it has to be in the instant so the child realise. I was smacked by my mother twice growing up, not hard, but it was the shock of getting smacked that made me realise the gravity of the situation. It was extreme circumstances. Once was when I did run in front of a car, another was when I nearly scalded myself by climbing around the hob when there was a big pot of boiling water. Anyway, it seems to have worked, I’m still here today, and frankly, I prefer having the mental scars and serious emotional issues due to the fact my mother was such an abusive parent unable to control her child over being dead or badly disfigured.

    1. The People's Hero

      So you’re arguing that it’s OK to beat a child for a mistake? When the child neither had the understanding or cognitive reasoning that the child was doing something it shouldn’t have? Crikey.

      There is no reasoning to warrant an assault on a child – and yes what you deem “smack” is an assault.

      1. munkifisht

        Right, I’m only going to answer this one because everything below harps on with the same agenda. I wasn’t beaten, the smack was a one sharp, but soft, tap on my rump. It was not assault. I do not feel that just because I survived this excuses obvious abuse. I never felt any pain in fact, I didn’t even cry, it was more a shock that made me realise the seriousness of the situation. I was not Walloped by the nuns, I think even slapped or smacked (as I used before) is a strong word.

        I do not condone using smacking as a way to discipline your child and I do not condone parents who resort to violence rather than reason.

        HOWEVER, I do feel there are circumstances where a parent is totally justified to do something that highlights a certain action as incredibly dangerous.

        As I say, getting a smack of a car probably would have hurt a hell of a lot more than a light smack on my bum.

    2. Don Pidgeoni

      You shouldn’t have to smack a kid to get those messages across. Also, your mum may have only hit you twice but other parents hit a lot more. I was only hit a few times too and I still remember how angry, upset, sad and hurt I was at being the center of someone else’s physical anger, especially as we were NEVER allowed to hurt anyone else.

      1. Spaghetti Hoop

        Walloped by the nuns me – even after the Abolition of Corporal Punishment in Schools (1982). I distinctly remember that they couldn’t hold up a verbal argument with some of us, and would get flustered and indignant very quickly – sort of tongue-tied. You’d look ’em in the eye and see how desperately out of their depth they were in dealing with kids and discipline. That’s when the slapper came out. They were back in control then. Maybe some parents were like this too.

        1. St. John Smythe

          Didn’t realise that’s when the law was. I definitely got slapped by nuns in primary school in the mid 80’s

    3. St. John Smythe

      Lordy lord, that’s some logic. “I got slapped and I am still alive therefore it must have been the slaps that kept me alive.”

      Reminds me of this scene from the Simpsons
      Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
      Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad.
      Homer: Thank you, dear.
      Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
      Homer: Oh, how does it work?
      Lisa: It doesn’t work.
      Homer: Uh-huh.
      Lisa: It’s just a stupid rock.
      Homer: Uh-huh.
      Lisa: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
      Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

  12. Caroline

    This will no doubt be controversial but I don’t think Moynes was being serious. If any child of mine read bad poetry by the same person every day for years on end and still couldn’t identify the tone of their verse, then that child would get a slap upside the head and rightly so.

      1. Caroline

        DADDY YOU UTTER BSTRD, THAT BELT WAS HOLDING MY LEGO DINOSAUR SPACE STATION BEAUTY PARLOUR TOGETHER!! YOU’LL BE FEELING THE BACK OF MY WEAK AND USELESS HAND NOW AND NO MISTAKE!

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