Tidings Of Joy

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Ah here.

Controversial new stocking fillers from GrandGrand.

Designer Fergus O’Neill writes:

I’m unashamedly pandering directly to your ‘wonderful’ readers in a desperate bid to buy my dear tiny son all of the obnoxious crap he wants from Santy.

THE ENEMY LIST

A list for keeping track of one’s enemies. I’ll give FIVE of these away to your readers if they complete the sentence. ‘My number 1 enemy is…’

THE GILT EDGED BASTARD MUG.
An exquisite gold rimmed, fine bone China mug for Bastards. I’ll give FIVE of these away to your readers if they complete the sentence. ‘I’m a big bastard because…’

Lines must close (on both offers) at MIDNIGHT

GrandGrand.ie

Irish-made stocking fillers to broadsheet@broadsheet.ie marked ‘Irish-made stocking fillers’ No fee.

UPDATE:

Winners:

Enemy List: Don Pidgeoni, Clampers, Neilo, Kevin and Fluffy Biscuits
Bastard mug:Regista, Billytwelvetrees, Stephen, 15 cents and David.

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56 thoughts on “Tidings Of Joy

        1. Dόn Pídgéόní

          Fascists, complete and utter fascists….

          I think I deserve one for the slur against my good avatar name!

          1. Dόn Pídgéόní

            That’s right, I added fadas for these bastards and there is no respect, none at all!!

            *slurps pint, teeters dangerously on chair*

  1. cosmic

    ‘My number 1 enemy is… going to drown in the blood of their own worst nightmares for Iam the shape that waits at the edge of their dreams, the shape of things to come:- The Deathbringer….

    1. 15 cents

      ps. guna use this opportunity being able to say bastard without gettin blocked by BS … bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard BIG HAIRY bastard bastard go on ya smelly oul bastard ya diryty lookin stupid bastard … ah. content.

  2. Optimus Grime

    My number 1 enemy is the cat from next door. I know he keeps rats out of my overgrown garden but I hate him and he hates me! Doesn’t mean I don’t respect him!

  3. David

    My number 1 enemy is always all big bastards.

    I am a big bastard because I eat all my bastard enemies.

  4. fluffybiscuits

    My number one enemy is my aunt Pat

    Only because she has less meat on her than a spare rib , she has the diplomacy skills of Ian Paisley and she thinks Im a tear away (because I threw a party in her sisters house 15 years ago and a few chairs were broken)

    She tried to provoke me on facebook talking crap so I just clicked like on everything she said, made her annoyed even more :D

  5. bertie blenkinsop

    My number 1 enemy is… the fridge.

    I’m a big bastard because…I refer you to my previous answer.

  6. William The Bastard

    I am a big bastard because as the illegitimate son of Robert I and his mistress Herleva my status as the first Norman King of England was constantly in dispute, but enough about me …….

  7. H

    My number 1 enemy is Helen, because she has the same name as me and talks rubbish giving Helen’s everywhere a bad name. She makes me wish I’d used my full name so she couldn’t use t cos I was here first *pouts and crosses arms defensively*

  8. bobsyerauntie

    I’m a big bastard because I ate all the chocolates out of the Christmas advent calendar and it’s only the 4th of December..

  9. BillyTwelveTrees

    I’m a big bastard because, many years ago in a handball alley down the country.
    A blush of boys were about to play 5 a side soccer. I counted the blush and
    noticed there was only 9. I asked could I be the 10th. I was told, ask Eddie it’s his ball.
    I proceeded to the centre of the alley where Eddie was kneeling beside the ball tying his lace.
    I said, Eddie! Gis a game! he replied in a very Nasally tone, NAW! I asked again. Ah Gwan, Gis a game ya need 1 more for 5 a side. He Nasally repeated. NAW! I thought what a Bastard… Then I took out my knob and pissed on his head. As I walked away I thought! He’s not a Bastard. I’m a Bastard. I’m A Big Bastard…

  10. Stephen

    I’m a big bastard because I want to buy my girlfriends mother a Geebag mug for Christmas and tell her it means Grandmother in Irish and she won’t understand coz she’s Italian (our baby is due tomorrow and will literally be a bastard and will hopefully be passed the mug when s/he advances from beakers).

  11. mcp

    My number 1 enemy is a sea anemone. I’m a big bastard because the sea anemone eats small fish and shrimp and I eat sea anemones.

  12. Spaghetti Hoop

    My number 1 enemy is Discrimination, in all its measly forms.

    P.S. Donation given to Flavo’s nominated Capuchin Day Centre for use of his Hoop-a-tar ;)

  13. scottser

    Im actually a pretty decent guy and try not to be a bastard to anyone unless they’re a selfish, arrogant wanker. But now i can see there’s no currency in that and you get more kudos in being a horrible bastard. I now feel duty bound to be a right bastard to everyone and ye only have yourselves to blame.

      1. BillyTwelveTrees

        @Verbatim (vɜːˈbeɪtɪm)
        Bodger at 3:35 pm December 4, 2015.

        What Mid-night Would you like?

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