Broadsheet Trailer Park: Operation Transformation

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transformation

Bertie Blenkinsop writes:

Celebrities!

Feeling as unwanted as a “Garth Brooks – Croke Park 2014” cowboy hat? Career as dead and lifeless as Myleene Klass’s eyes? Does your agent keep you as well hidden as Ronan Keating’s second phone?

Why not join Celebrity Operation Transformation – A wonderful opportunity for you to simultaneously lose both kilos and dignity?

Like visitors to Bedlam in Victorian England, let’s rattle the cell bars and see who is inside…

Gerald Keane – Or to give him his full name Gerry Keane-to-tell-you-about-all-the great-work-I-do-for-charidee. He and the lovely Lisa Murphy have been engaged more times than Vodafone Customer Service, with Gerald apparently keeping the ring on a string like Top Cat’s coin…Hang on, He’s a solicitor? Strike all that, I LOVE THIS GUY!

Katherine Lynch – Katherine was a real trailblazer, finding humour and fun in the travelling community long before TV3 devoted 75% of their budget and airtime to them. A little known fact: the term Lynch mob stems from the angry gang who witnessed Katherine’s first television series.

Brenda Donohue:
Gerry Ryan loved her. Cynical people said that once Gerry had passed her career would slide but she has confounded her critics to …. Nah.

Karl Spain:
World renowned anagram experts have discovered that Karl Spain is actually an anagram of Karl’s Pain. Coincidence? You tell me.

Elaine Crowley:
She seems cool enough and she’s not Martin King so it’s all good.

Bertie’s verdict: Car crash telly at its finest

Release Date: Tonight on RTÉ One at 9.30pm

47 thoughts on “Broadsheet Trailer Park: Operation Transformation

  1. The Real Jane

    The great thing is that I drive home every evening with the radio on. Most days, I get to hear the dog end of the Raypole D’Arcy show. There’s a feature on this celebrity operation transformation I would estimate, four days out of every five. Spoiler alert – it was “revealed” to an “excited” audience that one of the laydeez who isn’t Elaine Crowley or Brenda O’Donoghue lost 8.5lbs in two weeks. FIND OUT HOW SHE DID IT – TONIGHT!

    This assumes you can’t give a reasonable guess.

    1. Caroline™

      So much fun to read I nearly forgot to be insufferably smug about not having a TV.

      That’s worn off now.

  2. Eoin

    So being rich qualifies you as a celebrity now? Or is it you just need to be in the papers for some reason? This has to be the bottom of the barrel for RTE surely? Hey, they can then interview them all on the Late Late Show about how many pounds they lost. Hooray! I don’t miss TV.

  3. Squiggleyjoop

    At the end of the advert the word ‘celebrity’ is written in a slightly lighter and thinner font than the words ‘operation’ and ‘transformation’. As though they know they’re pushing their luck with the use of this word.

    1. Brendan O'

      McSharry is writing a Young Adult book called: Gagging For It. There’s no crisp sandwiches in it.

  4. Liam from Lixnaw

    Can’t remember the celeb gal’s name presenting the celeb thing, but I think she should enter the World Gurning Champs and do a “fly on the wall documentary” as her next gig –

    Who do I need to pitch this to?

  5. Clampers Outside!

    OT is an excellent programme. And has helped people in many countries as the format is not exclusive to Ireland. It is good use of TV licence money IMO.

    And on that I say, broadcast away! …I await your ire :)

    ….but I won’t be watchin’, as I mentioned previously.

    1. ReproBertie

      I’d have to question how much help OT has actually been. If every year they have to drive people to get up off their sofas and go for a walk then is it really getting its message across?

      Also, the diet plans are designed to limit calorie intake to 1,000 calories per day (that’s about 1/2 a woman’s recommended intake and 2/5 a man’s) but there is nothing telling people to increase that intake to the recommended daily level once they have reached whatever their desired weight happens to be (or at the end of the 7 week programme). That seems to me to be an oversight and not a healthy one.

    2. rory

      You could also argue that with ‘improvement’ shows like this, there is a subtext hidden under the banner of ‘health concerns’; that if you’re fat, you’re a bit sh!te/worthless.
      You could argue that such a subtext has a dehumanising quality, that is ultimately not encouraging solid mental well being, that is instead making people hate themselves.

  6. Maire

    Bertie, can you use your influence to get me of off Santa’s Naughty List. He’s having too much fun keeping me there. Ta x

    1. Bertie Blenkinsop Post author

      Influence?
      Me?
      I’m fifth in line to the remote control at home, you’re asking the wrong guy!

  7. Martina

    They can all afford to pay dieticians, personal trainers etc if they want to lose weight. Why are TV licence payers subsidising this crap?

  8. Cop On

    This is disgraceful homophobia. Not a single gay celeb. How do they expect to keep the BLT in LGBT? Protest outside RTE Montrose next Wednesday. McDonalds afterwards.

    1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

      If I was in this band I’d just play all my notes at the beginning and go home earl…
      …hang on…

      Sorry, wrong thread,

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