There is no sadder sound.

By popular demand…

…Acclaimed for his wide collection of contemporary ‘father humour’ Bertie Blenkinsop writes:

I find it difficult to say what my wife does… she sells sea shells on the seashore.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea… they never give you the tea.

I used to work at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

“I hate oyings.” “What is an oying?” “This joke.”

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was’

I saw an advert that said: “Television for sale, 5 euro, volume stuck on full.” I couldn’t turn it down.

Here’s a photo of me with REM. That’s me in the corner.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!

Unless YOUR father can do better.

Pic: Shutterstock

51 thoughts on “A Father’s Laughter

    1. Sheik Yahbouti

      In the name o’ the late, the great JC, I am truly nonplussed. Is that the actual Bertie in de photo? Me head is wrecked! somebody help.

  1. Murtles

    What’s the best time on a clock?
    6.30 hands down

    D’ya hear about the magic tractor?
    It drove down the road and turned into a field.

  2. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

    What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
    – Hippos are heavy but a Zippo is a little lighter/.

  3. realPolithicks

    Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads “Small medium at large”

  4. Frilly Keane

    BTW Bert
    Looks ta’me like you’re sending your weekly in on the bag of a fag box

    You must be doing sum’ting right since you’ve made the Cast list

    1. bertie blenkinsop

      This isn’t my weekly Frilly it’s something different I was asked to do, but thank you for your kind words.

    2. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq


      In all seriousness, YOU were The Bravest.
      You stood up first, you took the flak and you didn’t sit down.

      I’m going to start writing for writing for Broadsheet, under your inspiration, but in English. (Otherwise Americans wouldn’t understand it.)

      All I have ready so far is this;
      I’s my ‘Heading’., but it will be less ‘nice’ as soon as I figure out woh to to that spɹɐʍʞɔɐq.

      Frilly, I love you.
      I never met a girl with balls like you before…
      …and I accept your challenge…

      I just have to go to the cinema for about a while or two.] first before I can really big you up.
      (I don’t want to seem seem pervy. Y;understand. ))

      I have no control over me brackets.

  5. Spaghetti Hoop

    Here Bertie…Angelina called…she’s seen your column….she’s looking for a Blenkinsop kid as her seventh ;)

  6. Stephen

    How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    “One, two……..one, two……….one, two three……”

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