For Your Consideration: The Day Stephen Donnelly Joined Foster and Allen

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The Day Stephen Donnelly Joined Foster and Allen

While gutless others shivered

alone in wardrobes of their own making,

debating whether to kill

by strangling, or have sexual intercourse with,

themselves;

you strode into our national crisis

stage left stylish

as a string quartet about to fiddle out

on viola, cello, Stradivarius

something by the late Benjamin Britten;

a set of implausibly perfect teeth attached

to what sounded like a brain.

Your intelligence so vast

you had to get the builders in

to extend the dome of your skull

to accommodate a Masters

degree from Harvard.

Not content to be the usual

slight disappointment, you reveal

yourself to be the thinking wing

of the Foster and Allen Party; politically flexible

as a cross-community Belfast brothel;

slick as rubbery bacon; aesthetically pleasing

as a Chicken Snack Box thrice reheated

before nine o’clock in the morning

or a third hand pair of trousers grown

pungent with badly digested cabbage;

but destined tonight to be wildly applauded

in darkest Arklow by those who’ll have

the shirts torn from their backs

when next the market crashes.

KEVIN HIGGINS

18 thoughts on “For Your Consideration: The Day Stephen Donnelly Joined Foster and Allen

  1. Zoella

    Huge disappointment. I could understand him leaving the Social Democrats but this… What was he thinking.

  2. Pat Harding

    Wicklow is the Irish equivalent of Virginia, it has the urban, the suburban, the rednecks and the hillbillies!

    Donnelly would have been better to have formed a proper centre ground party like the Liberal Democrats which would have been more in tune with the urban and suburban electorate of Bray, Greystones, Delgany and Enniskerry, and perhaps Blessington.

    Instead he is now the Grandmaster of the Backwoodsmen of Wicklow Fianna Fail who inhabit the dark ravines and isolated outcrops of Ballinaclash where men are men and sheep are scared!

    1. Louis Lefronde

      Hmmm. Not being a native, I was trying to figure out who Stephen Donnelly is.

      On the subject of Liberal Parties, Canada is governed by a Liberal Party (they’re quite good) and it would appear you must definitely need a real one. Fianna Fáil are not liberal democrats, even though they managed to slither their way into ALDE )Alliance of Liberal Democrats in Europe) Neither the Labour Party, Green Party or the Social Democrats are true liberal democrats for that matter. They’ll all lefties with varying hues of pink, and nothing like the FDP in Germany, the Lib Dems or indeed our Canadian Liberals. Most Irish parties mentioned above have acquired ‘Social Liberalism’ and passed it off as their own. What they lack is the Reformist nature of Post Modern Liberalism. In other words it’s not in their DNA

      So Pat, you have a point, there should be one and there isn’t.

  3. Ricky Ricardo

    Eh yeah, alright. Sounds like you know nothing about Wicklow but don’t let that stop you, Pat. (Funny that only the more northern parts of the county seem to register to you as places worth mentioning, too…)

    1. Pat Harding

      Ballinaclash is in the south is it not?

      Wicklow Town…. a nice dormitory town for taxi drivers, and as for Arklow, it’s good place for a safe house :-P

      1. No more mr nice guy

        Wow
        You are so funny knowing that the place Ballinaclash exists and using it an online blog! Ride me.

  4. Peter Dempsey

    More petulant whining from Galway’s chief narcissist Kevin Higgins. His arty mates will lap it up but the rest of us can spot the bitterness and hatred a mile away.

  5. Ferret McGruber

    I liked the poem. I particularly liked the “politically flexible as a cross-community Belfast brothel” line. Genius.

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