Opium For The Masses


02 Cruinniu na Casca B_90508961


From top: Taoiseach Enda Kenny and Minister for Arts Heather Humphreys at Cruinniú na Cásca on Custom House Quay , Dublin last week; Tony Groves.

The drugs are not working.

Someone tell Enda.

Tony Groves, who is not suggesting either the Taoiseach or Minister for Foreign affairs are on the Big O, writes:

Charlie Flanagan is my muse this week. Now there’s a sentence I never imagined typing. Nonetheless, it was our Minister for Foreign Affairs, that embedded the ear-worm that necessitated this piece.

While listening to a BBC interview of a Palestinian Authority Minister and an Israeli General about the history of terror, the conversation digressed to the Irish troubles, and from there to the current Minister for Foreign Affairs. Mr Flanagan was said to be “unhelpful” in his interventions with the Israeli and Palestinian parties.

In fact, the Palestinian Minister went so far as to say that he missed the old Minister Cohen (sic). I presume he meant Brian Cowen, whom he mentioned had sent him a message on LinkedIn recently. The mind boggles.

Then Charlie reentered my mind by telling Matt Cooper on Today FM, that the forthcoming British Election made Enda Kenny “essential to Ireland and our future”. Enda Kenny, essential? The mind truly boggles.

So it’s in this discombobulated mindset that I remembered another person who was considered “essential” to his country, but in reality was a hindrance.

On Tuesday June 6 1944, a man considered essential for the prosperity of his country got out of bed a little later that usual. He met with his Doctor, as scheduled and received his daily medication, Eukadol.

While all around him were losing their heads in panic, he jovially clapped them on the back and flashed a beaming smile. At lunch, while the news was going from bad to worse, he (a strict vegetarian) enjoyed “semolina dumpling soup, mushrooms in a ring of rice and a delicious apple strudel.

He then lectured his subordinates on elephants. Telling them how the “strongest animals in existence”, like him, abhorred meat. He added a lengthy bloody tale about his experience of a Polish abattoir, to reinforce his point.

All the while, unbeknownst to his browbeaten underlings, his Doctor was preparing his afternoon medication; a concoction made from the glands of the slaughtered animals. The chemical infused mind boggles.

When Enda Kenny went dancing at the Cruinniú last weekend, we saw a jovial, backslapping leader, who cannot see the many crises in front of his face. When he tweeted about feeling the pulse of the country, he must have had his morning medication, Eukadol.

You see, Eukadol is an opiate. It was given to Adolf Hitler to stop his headaches and terrifying temper tantrums. Hitler was an opium addict. He was also pumped up with animal hormones extracted from testicles and glands almost daily.

As the Allies landed on D Day, the Fuhrer was not putting a brave face on the disaster that was facing his country, he was not showing how his calming influence was essential to his country. Hitler was away in Cloud-Cuckoo-Land.

I’m not making false equivalences between Hitler and Enda. You can put Godwin’s Law back in your filing cabinet. I’m simply pointing out that the disaster that was World War II was made worse by subordinates attributing talents to a leader that clearly were not present. The Yes Men never called stop.

I’m saying we are repeating this trick, with a Taoiseach who needs to leave immediately. We need a government of action, unconcerned with beauty pageant leadership contests and not distracted by a lap of honour running leader. A Taoiseach who is already forgotten, just not gone. It’s time Fine Gael grew a pair.

Charlie Flanagan is lost in an opium mist if he believes the country is better served by a Lame Duck Enda Kenny. The public need to let the politicians know that the Emperor has no clothes. Enda Kenny is going to meet the EU Heads of State, on April 29. He should resign the next day.

Coincidentally, Adolf Hitler died on April 30. There’s a opium like, mind boggling symmetry to that, no?

Tony Groves is a full-time financial consultant and part-time commentator. With over 18 years experience in the financial industry and a keen interest in politics, history and “being ornery”, he has published one book and writes regularly at Trickstersworld


57 thoughts on “Opium For The Masses

  1. bisted

    …I don’t know why a Palestinian would be surprised by Charlie Flanagan he is the last surviving member of the ‘friend of israel’ still at the cabinet table…

  2. rotide

    The real villain in this piece is the person who first told Tony that he could write and really needed to share his thoughts with the masses.

    Since you’ll come back to this thread armed with smug glib responses, here’s a few questions to get you started.

    WHY does the mind boggle in the first two examples?
    WHAT have Hitler and Enda got to do with each other outside of your highly contrived tenuous connection?
    WHEN was Hitler summed up as Essential to his country?
    WHO told you that this wasn’t somehow a false equivalence between Hitler and Enda? Because they were wrong.
    WHERE is it ever a good idea to imply that a head of state is a drug addict with no evidence provided whatsoever.?

    1. Tony Groves

      Dear Broadsheet,
      As you can see I’ve been exposed as a fraud, a charlatan and a shyster.
      I have no choice but to quit the amateur analysis and go back under the rock I crawled out from.

      Unless this miserable, uninformed, anonymous and pitiful troll is wrong.

      I might sleep on it.



      1. Zena

        Tony, ignore the little pixie-runt, he’s just put out that he hasn’t been asked to write for BS so he can pontificate even more than he normally does.. He’s parked on here round the clock, isn’t a day of work in him I’d say.

        1. MoyestWithExcitement

          “Tony, ignore the little pixie-runt, he’s just put out that he hasn’t been asked to write for BS”

          In one.

      2. nellyb

        Tony, you’ll get to like rotide after a while, he’s very good at curbing runaway consensus.
        I did enjoy your poetically licensed piece. Hyperbolas and metaphors aside, I do not believe all Dail decisions are made in a sober state.
        Remember Tom Barry and Aine Collins magaluf-ing around in the chamber like two h0яnу teenagers?Mary Lou and Fidelma were restrained, but alcoholic blush n wondering eyes were fupping obvious :-)
        It’s a tangential post, not not entirely irrelevant.

        1. mildred st. meadowlark

          I’ll second that re rotide.

          He can be cutting and extremely forthright, but he doesn’t hold for much bullpoo and is frequently a breath of fresh air when the comments section descends into a scene from 300 (gerard butler included).

          That said, sometimes he’s just cranky like the rest of us.

    2. MoyestWithExcitement

      “The real villain in this piece is the person who first told Tony that he could write and really needed to share his thoughts with the masses.”

      Who told you that you could write interesting comments? Why do you think anyone here needs to read your thoughts? Zero self awareness but then you are just a bitter, sneering troll.

      1. spudnick

        You really need to learn the difference between ‘troll’ and ‘doesn’t agree with me’.

      1. Cian

        No, not really.

        Simile is “a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind”. it’s a comparison – the words “like” or “as” are typically used in a simile.

        This is what Tony wrote:
        “When Enda Kenny went dancing at the Cruinniú last weekend […] he must have had his morning medication, Eukadol.”
        “Charlie Flanagan is lost in an opium mist […]”

        I think the word you are looking for is Libel: “a published false statement that is damaging to a person’s reputation; a written defamation.”

        1. Cian

          Sorry, my ellipses were incorrect re Enda’s drug taking, it wasn’t the dancing, it was tweeting:
          Tony wrote: “When he tweeted about feeling the pulse of the country, he must have had his morning medication, Eukadol.”

        2. jungleman

          Cian, you are a shameless FG supporter and you are using the word “libel” when it no longer is called this under our laws. Stop trying to sound clever. You are wrong about it being defamatory anyway.

          1. Cian

            It may not be called “libel” under Irish law – but that doesn’t invalidate my statement.

            Do you really think it is not defamatory to accuse people of taking opiates? Maybe that’s because you’re “chasing the dragon” yourself.

          2. jungleman

            He’s not though. He is clearly mocking them.

            Don’t get me wrong, I think it is dreadfully poor piece. But he is not stating facts and it is not intended to be taken up in such a way..

    1. Tony Groves

      No, I’m trying to provoke thought, even with those who disagree with me and are generally incapable of stepping outside of their group-think bubbles. Job done, I’d say.


      1. Lord Snowflakee

        If you mean – by typically low standards of quality in work, particularly in the finance sector, yes, Tony.

  3. Cinnamon Girl

    Big Phil was on RTE yesterday emphatically insisting Inda will go down as the greatest Taoiseach ever. When he comes down. I mean, steps down.

  4. scottser

    1880 -1920 was known as ‘the great binge’ in that everyone and their ma was off-chunk on freely and legally available hard drugs. You could easily investigate the preferences and medications of any world leader and raise an eye. Churchill had a voracious appetite for alcohol for example, alongside his random cocaine use.

    1. Tony Groves

      Yes, Churchill had a great line about how “as a young subaltern in South Africa the water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable we had to add whiskey.”
      But Germany was the biggest producer of the Hard Drugs at the time in question.

      1. rotide

        Considering how you react to any and all Constructive criticism, I’d say this point is moot.

          1. mildred st. meadowlark

            I really wish you’d signed that Gossip Groves.

            It would have soothed my heart.

  5. realPolithicks

    “essential to Ireland and our future”

    The only futures that Kenny is essential to is a few cabinet ministers like Flanagan who are desperate to cling to their ministers salary and pensions, otherwise he’s irrelevant.

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