From top: Rock, paper,scissors; Tony Groves

I was in Great Britain yesterday. I thought it was Belfast, but the radio blokey-bloke assured me that it was, in fact, Great Britain. It struck me as odd that a local station might would talk in the language of empire.Perhaps, I mused, it was just my little islander mentality and natural dislike of colonialism.

There’s a difficult reconciliation between an economic education and life experiences. Brexit, thus far, has been a disaster. The UK has spent months saying they have a plan. They keep saying the ball is in the EU’s court. Someone might want to tell them that while they’re playing tennis, the EU negotiators are playing chess.

Eurostat, they of Irish Water fame/infamy, have Britain as the worst performing economy in the EuroZone European Union. A GDP growth rate of just 0.2% has Britain rooted to the bottom of the 28 country league table. Even Greece is twice the UK’s rate, at 0.4%.

The OECD has also weighed in on the Britain bashing. They’ve predicted that while things are bad now, they’re likely to get worse. They’ve forecast that Britain will have the lowest growth levels of all the 47 countries they monitor in 2018. They conclude, worryingly, that “the UK faces long-standing decline”.

Even the Bank of England has waded into the mire. They announced yesterday that the rate of inflation, that has already reached 3%, hasn’t yet peaked. This in a country that has had five years of wage stagnation and an inflation target of 2%. Everyone is, in economic terms, poorer.

Throw in the decline in purchasing power of the £ Sterling and you have an economic broth that might kill the patient.

On my drive home yesterday I was listening to the radio. Knowing all of the above and understanding the effects economic decline had on our little country over the last decade, I was taken aback by what I was hearing.

Caller after caller said they were feeling the pinch, but that it was a price worth paying to “take back” their country. The phrase “make Britain great again” came up twice in one 2 minute segment.

An elderly lady, who started on the basis that her pension wasn’t enough to provide the basics anymore, concluded that “I’m very happy with how things are”. Talk about wrapping yourself in the flag!

Another rapscallion said that having just spent £103 to buy €100 that he felt he’d finally taking back his country. The satirists, as always, are our only hope!

Dan Snow quipped this morning that Great Britain was to stride “back onto the world stage by deploying more of our army at home”. This was in reference to UK Home Secretary Amber Rudd, saying troops might be deployed to protect the UK’s borders should no deal materialise.

Who speaks of no deal is better than a bad deal now?

If I was to make a prediction it would be that at the end of March 2019, we will all wake up to the biggest April Fool’s day joke ever. A complete Brexit omnishambles.

The game of Rock, Scissors, Paper is commonly known as Roshambo. We’ve all played it and we all have a strategy. But there’s another laddish version of the game, perhaps not as well known.

In the chest-thumping male version the participants kick each other in the balls and the loser is the guy who takes the longest to get to his feet. Brexit looks a lot like this Roshambo.

Except the EU is up and walking away in a muted and sad victory; while the UK is rolling on the ground, clutching their balls and yelling how this is a great victory for Great Britain.

I hope I’m wrong.

Tony Groves is a full-time financial consultant and part-time commentator. With over 18 years experience in the financial industry and a keen interest in politics, history and “being ornery”, he has published one book and writes regularly at Trickstersworld.

Illustration: Pixaby

43 thoughts on “Roshambo Brexit

  1. Public Service

    It’s great and all to get these opinion pieces from people you can’t read anywhere else, but jaysis they all need editors

    Case in point: “Eurostat, they of Irish Water fame/infamy, have Britain as the worst performing economy in the Eurozone”. Well, no they don’t – Britain isn’t in the Eurozone. Very hard to read anything where basic errors stick out like a sore thumb

      1. Public Service

        “Eurostat, they of Irish Water fame/infamy, have Britain as the worst performing economy in the Eurozone.”

        Since when did Britain join the Eurozone?

      2. Public Service

        or, to spell it out for you:
        EU – all 27/28 member states
        Eurozone – EU members who use the Euro

        Britain still uses £ sterling, not the € – so it is not in the Eurozone


  2. wellness

    Eurostat, they of Irish Water fame/infamy, have Britain as the worst performing economy in the Eurozone.

    I think BS now have an “edit” function. Please use.

  3. MKG985

    No it doesn’t spag-boll, the boe even put it at .2% yesterday. I’m not Moany Tony’s biggest fan but you’re looking to dismiss his article based on waffle.

    Tony, I’d roshambo you, just cause!

  4. Pádraig Ó Raghaill

    Picking on grammar and or spelling is the lowest form of Internet point scoring when the majority of people fail to possess an original thought.

        1. Warden of the Snort

          Grow up little baby

          We all understood clearly what Tony was referring to

          Have you nothing more than idiotic pedantry to contribute?

          1. Public Service

            Thanks, but I’m old enough and wise enough to know why this is important. And maybe someday you will too. And you will also understand why Van Halen insisted there be no brown M&M’s backstage

        1. b

          thanks all

          i don’t have anything else to add, Brexit is indeeded an omnishambles , and as another commentator already stated the key tactic in roshambo is to dictate the terms of engagement by going first

          Ireland seem to be doing this on the border issue by setting hard negotiating lines but this could unravel

    1. Frilly Keane

      d’ye hear that now lads
      picking on grammer and spellin’ is just durty below the belt diving for the free point scoring stuff

      so there

  5. Baffled

    It’s a pity that Broadsheet can’t find someone to write on economics who knows basic facts such as who the members of the Eurozone are.

  6. Warden of the Snort

    That’s an excellent article Tony but the real one is about how it’s going to affect us.

    I think we’re going to be mired in a welter of uncertainty for at least a decade

    1. get a room you two

      The story so far. Snortie has celebrated Tony’s excellence.Snotie believes that there is a greater truth somewhere out there in the not too distant galaxy. He will be back to enlighten us all , but he needs to locate his dictionary first.

  7. Tony Groves

    Come on folks,

    The standard of trolling in here used to be much better. There’s never even a creative idea or a joke anymore!

    I’m very disappointed in all of you. If it keeps happening I will be telling your mammies.

    But I still love you.


      1. wellness

        The hailing of inacurrate facts was rather fashionable in the lead up to the Brexit debate. Gove, Boris, Farage.. all men in full conviction of their own gut instinct….

  8. Catherinecostelloe

    The EEC dictated to the veg man on a market stall that he couldn’t sell a bendy banana, a ‘pound’ of apples, half a dozen eggs so the Brits got sick of bureaucracy. Then if they wanted to deport prisoners , who committed serious criminal offences the EEC dictated it was in breach of their human rights. EEC is toxic bureaucracy , and the Brits voted OUT for good reasons. Another madcap decision was to allow a foreigner into Ireland, and claim children allowance for children be it Lithuania or wherever, who never set foot in Ireland , and send the dish abroad. Our government are total wimps bashing the Brits along with the EEC. Hey, why did Leo’s mum and dad end up in the UK? For training and opportunity no doubt. Just remember side your bread is buttered Leo.

      1. snowey

        if you want to be a bore at parties than for sure you’re point is accurate.
        but the EU evolved from the EEC – they are pretty much the same.
        one just a more evolved beast,

        but bore away…

    1. Cian

      this is all rubbish.
      I recently bought 8oz[*] of mince, a pint of milk[**], and a dozen[***] eggs. There was never a ban on ‘bendy bananas’.

      * granted it was sold as 226grams – but I asked for a half pound.
      ** 568ml
      *** 12

  9. snowey

    nobody knows what will happen economically …trump was going to be a disaster but he seems to be doing ok.

    but my main point is that is sad to see that notions of statehood , national identity and the rest all being made not for what is right but for what some people deem economically advantageous.
    to advocate selling your soul for a mess of pottage.

Comments are closed.