Take The Frail Off Our Hands


Ghost of Health Service Future

Back when we had only
the occasional old five pound note
invested under our long suffering mattresses,
in the golden age of scurvy, typhus, plague
there was always something fatal
to take the frail off our hands
at hardly any expense to anyone,
bar the price of digging the grave.

Now, some scientist comes flapping daily
from the laboratory to declare another bastard
disease sadly no longer incurable.
The long term cost of all this
getting better will be our ruin.

The future we offer you will be short
and affordable.

For starters, every cup of tea will be tested
to ensure it contains appropriate levels
of the deadlier strains of E-Coli.
Those suffering from cardiac
arrhythmia or elevated blood pressure
will be taken off all expensive medication,
and shouted at three hours a day
by unemployable sociopaths,
so happy at the hint of a job,
they’ll work for nothing.

From his or her fortieth birthday onwards
asthmatics, and those with chronic
bronchitis, sarcoidosis, and cystic fibrosis
will receive no treatment at all,
unless they agree to immediately
take up smoking.

Those with Crohn’s disease, IBS,
or colitis will be force fed three loaves
of slightly stale bread
until they stop complaining.

Everyone availing of our public health system
will be subject to random spot checks
on their way to work, to make sure
they’ve gobbled their daily ration
of fat only yoghurt.

Schoolteachers will be empowered
to wire children judged too thin
up to the school sugar pump,
until they have expanded sufficiently.

Those who, despite all this,
insist on turning seventy five
will be tickled to death with feather dusters,
they will be expected to supply themselves;
their laughing corpses dumped
in the nearest river to further
infect the water supply.

Over the next five years,
we will replace the costly chaos
of our hospital system with the eternal calm
of the graveyard.

Kevin Higgins


6 thoughts on “Take The Frail Off Our Hands

  1. dav

    It appears to be the blushirt homeless policy as well. do nothing to help and hope they (the homeless) die – it’s what they do across Europe, don’t ya know..

    1. Anomanomanom

      Dav while agree its a “do nothing” policy, its not the blue shirts. Its Ireland as a whole, politically we seem to never fix anything. We just try throw money at things instead of fixing the problem. Health is the best example. We actually spend far too much on health yet because of the waste its not enough. So we spend more and thats wasted.

      1. dav

        Perhaps, but we also require leadership. If this was another banking crisis their would be legalisation produced within days to try and fix that particular issue. I recall the mere suggestion that some psychedelic drugs might were legal in Ireland meant that a fix was in place within a few hours, but here we are, in a crisis that has been flagged since at least 2015 and …. nothing. No Urgency, no leadership. No care shown.

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