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Congratulations to veteran Broadsheet commenter Clampers Outside who got married at the weekend.
Clampers, best known for his loathing of identity politics, has been a constant, loyal and entertaining presence on the ‘sheet since 2010.
We wish him and his new bride our warmest regards.
What God has joined together let no one disengage with a bolt-cutter.
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+2
actually, chompsky, i suggest an amnesty for those in moderation (or me, at least) would be a thoughtful and generous wedding gift to mr and mrs clampers
ah thanks
What a thoughtful wedding gift.
yes
(in a way, it’s really from me)
Oh, hang on. I didn’t read your post properly and just repeated what you said.
I’ve a bit of a cold so am only functioning at 97%. Apologies.
so are you saying that when you read my comment, you don’t momentarily close your eyes to ponder the extraordinary gravity of it all, read it again and whisper “he’s so brilliant” to yourself, and then reply?
Ehhhhhm, yeah. That’s what I do. Brilliant, yes.
cool
Smooches!*
*in an overtly sexy way, obv.
I’m trying to imbue some gravitas into that post so I can ponder its brilliance.
THIS is the gift to Clamps. Post after post of inane wibblings by two absolute donkeys. I know he loves it.
You know me too well :)
oh no, that was one of the sexy ones (they’re to be enjoyed on a more primal level)
[i’ll tell you what’s not sexy, though: theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/apr/21/fatberg-autopsy-getting-to-the-bottom-of-londons-dirty-secrets]
LICK IT!
suppose i have to behave seeing as it’s clamp’s wedding bash and all, but, you know
Hear hear !
g’wan the Clampers !
Congrats on getting clamped.
The big question is, did she take your name?
Mrs Clamp?
She is a wheel , perfectly matched ….
and finely balanced….
I can’t remember if I like him or hate him. . . but sure feck it I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt for the day that’s in it. Congrats clamps!
Congratulations to the Clampers’s!
I hope you have many years of happy clamping together :-)
Congratulations-
I wish you both many years of happiness
getting nervous, bertie?
Congtratz, Clampers!
That poor woman :-(
ah now. we’ve all fought with him but this is cause for celebration. Congrats to you both, Clamps!
I’m sure your ma did the best she could with ya
But some folks have no love in thier hearts
Harbouring a bit of a crush on our Clampers, is that it Ina?
::Flings confetti::
Congratulations. Wishing you a long, happy life together.
Good Luck Mister and Missus Clampers Outside!
The new missus will put manners on clamps.
Congrats Clamps and Clampette!
Congrats! Just park this here…..
https://www.amazon.com/Pc-Small-Clamp-Set/dp/B00069DSQS
Congrats to yizzers both.
I hope it was a great day and you have many years of happiness together.
AFTERPARTY
yokes !
‘grats, Clamps!
Congrats Mr and Mrs Outside…
Clampers you ROGUE!
Congratulations to you both. Hope you have many many many happy years together :)
congrats mate!
nipple clamps from here on in
+2
+3
Also, while I’m here:
This is why I love broadsheet. Good job lads.
+ the feels
It’s as good as watching an episode of DIY SOS, so totes emosh am I.
+ Indeed.
Good news. Imagine if Clampers was left weeping at the alter ….jeezus. Congratulations Mr & Mrs Clampers.
Congratulations Mr. Clampers Outside!
May you both live forever clamped, for better or for worser
Congrats Clamps :)
‘Do you take Mr Clamps to be your husband’
‘I Do’
‘And Clamps, do you take…’
‘+1’
congrats!
Clamps has a big heart and it’s in the right place, so she’s a lucky woman.
+infinity
and that’s a lovely comment from you, nigel. fair play.
Congratulations Mr & Mrs Clampers.
Ah t’was a great wedding
Clampers looked smashing in one of JR’s perfect shurts
Herself scrubed up well, and the weightwatchers worked
I had the Turkey and Hang, but gave the Hang, which was the sweaty kind to Fluff, who had the roast beef.
They were mane with the Wedding Cake,
but we all got a drop for the toasts
The band after were savage, played all the 70’s and 80’s Country and Irish stuff
From Tina to the Swarbriggs
One thing about Clampers side; they love their spuds
and her side, well they’re gropers, so the dancing was limited
But the SingSong was mighty
Only flaw really was the Deise crowd howling don’t stop believing
and dere’s only ‘wan John Mullane from when the dinner plates were taken away
only two fights that I saw
but shur’ thats t’be expected
His side were the best turned out tbh
Her crowd looked like they came from anudder wedding the day before – or even a funeral;
again, typical Blah carry on, getting another day out’ve the rig out
Meself and Fluff scrubbed up well it must be said
New hat n’all
But Fluff did have his moments when he thought he was still in with a chance with our dear Clampers
and spent the latter part of the night pretending he was Joe Dolan on a night out
and I even let him have the double bed and the remote
Sleeping in a single reminded me of boarding school, but shur what harm
Clampers was handsome, and delighted with himself
I know he’ll be very happy and content with married life
and thats all that matters
You got a few things wrong there Frilly ;0)
Music… was deadly…. early afternoon was The Bugle Babes https://youtu.be/YDkCj5pE_NA
Evening music was tjese brilliant Donegal lads knockin’ it out of the park with foot stompin’ bluegrass… by Erdíní – https://youtu.be/pRDnI2-chBY
Waitin’ on a plane to Morocco now…. :)
Had a good chuckle at that Frills :) thanks!
well you wouldn’t let me make a speech!
Congratulations to both Mr & Mrs Clampers
ugh how could anyone marry him he is LITERALY a nazi
+1
This was really sweet BS, from myself and Mrs Clampers ( or ‘Clampette’… shes still deciding haha! ) to you all
…all the feels and hugs :)
Smooches!*
*in a non sexy way, obv.
Fair play and Congrats!
Ah congrats Clamps!
Well done. Congrats to you both
Congrats Mr & Mrs C!
Thanks again yiz mad yokes, love ya :)
It was no April fool!! Delighted for you and Mrs Clampers :)
Clampers, congratulations to you and the missus.
Congrats to you and the new missus Clampers!
Congrats.
I hope that the wedding limo was parked legally !
F.