Tag Archives: Broadsheet Trailer Park

unitedpassions

What you may need to know:

1. Just a quick reminder that this actually exists.

2. The story of FIFA was screened at Cannes 2014, but a year later is still without a release date.

3. FIFA bankrolled this to the tune of £16m. That would have funded the GOAL project (supporting football in developing countries) for a year.

4. Sepp Blatter (Tim Roth) is one of the good guys.

5. That’s the equivalent of Anglo funding a movie where Seánie Fitzpatrick volunteers at a homeless shelter and gives all his money away to the poor.

6.
Between this and Grace of Monaco (2014) was a bad year for Roth. And credible accents.

7. You need the money. We need the world championship.” It probably seemed like a good idea at the time.

8. Broadsheet Prognosis: Seppy played Qatar.

Release Date:
Don’t hold your breath.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

teott-poster-small-1

What you may need to know.

1. How I Met Your Mother and Sex Tape (2014) star Jason Segal IS David Foster Wallace! And Jessie Eisenberg is, well, Jessie Eisenberg.

2. It’s based upon a true story.

3. Foster Wallace was the author of Infinite Jest and other post-modern literary masterpieces. Spoiler Alert: was.

4. @ ’20 Ah, Joan Cusack – always a pleasure.

5. Suggested Tagline: There will be talking. A lot of talking.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Funnyman goes serious. We can smell that Oscar snub already.

Release date: July 31

point-break-2015-poster

What you may need to know

1. The original Point Break (1991) is perhaps the most ridiculous action movie ever made. It’s a masterpiece.

2. So why not do a remake set against the world of extreme sports? BECAUSE IT’S A HORRIBLE IDEA.

3. The new Johnny Utah? Luke Bracey. He lacks the depth, subtlety and nuance of a Keanu Reeves.

4. @1’54 Ray Winstone, getting paid.

5. @1’56 Hollywood Exec: ‘Get me the chick from Twilight! All right, get me someone who looks like the chick from Twilight!

6. Gerard Butler was originally going to play the Swayze role, but he bailed. When Gerard Butler bails, you know you’re in trouble.

7. Suggested tagline: There will be jumping. Lots of jumping.

8. Broadsheet Prognosis: What? No Gary Busey cameo?

Release date:
Christmas

ricki-and-the-flash-poster-640x949

 

What you may need to know:

1. Rock star Ricki (Meryl Streep) attempts to reconnect with the family she abandoned in the pursuit of fame.

2. Streep sings again. Why Meryl, why?

3. From his Roger Corman-produced sexploitation debut, Caged Heat (1974) through Stop Making Sense (1984) and Silence of the Lambs (1991), director Jonathan Demme’s CV is nothing if not eclectic.

4. Streep’s daughter, Mamie Gummer is playing the, uh… daughter.

5. Written by Diablo Cody, so steel yourself for Streep getting totes emosh. Because YOLO.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Mutton dressed as glam.

Release Date:
August 7.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

gallows

What you may need to know:

1. From Blumhouse…” Two words to chill the hearts of horror fans everywhere.

2. “Could we do it as found-footage?” Seven words uttered in every Blumhouse production meeting.

3. Speaking of which… Don’t forget that the Referendum Commission have banned selfies at the polling station.

4. Now if they could just extend that ban to everywhere until the end of time that would be just super.

5. Odd decision to show the entire cast getting killed in the trailer, but whatever.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: At least it was cheap.

Release Date: July 17.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

zacefronfriends

What you may need to know

1. Zac Efron! In the EDM Rocky! HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

2. The Ef did rule in Bad Neighbors (2014). We’re not too sure about this whole Dirty Grandpa thing, however.

3. Who’s that scary looking dude checking out Zac’s beats? Remember Wes Bentley? He was the kid from American Beauty (1999), then fell of the radar due to substance abuse issues, before returning, with outstanding facial hair, in The Hunger Games (2012) and Interstellar (2014). We love a happy ending.

4. Is that the girl from the Blurred Lines video? YOU KNOW IT!

5. EDM is what our American cousins call Electronic Dance Music. You know, for ravers. Bless.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Go (1999) meets The Rules Of Attraction (2002) meets 8 Mile (2002) meets The Social Network (2012) meets a Pantene advert. Party like its 2003!

Release Date: August 28

jobs

What you may need to know:

1. It’s another Steve Jobs biopic, because anything Ashton Kutcher does can always be done better.

2. Local hero Michael Fassbender really rocks that turtle neck.

3. Doesn’t it look like The Social Network? Everything Aaron Sorkin writes is like The Social Network.

4. We can expect three, 30-minute scenes dramatising the half hour before Jobs goes on stage at a new product launch. Interesting. I hope it turns out better then the Newsroom. The three launches span 16 years of Jobs’ life.

5. Remember the Sony emails about this film? Angelina Jolie probably does. Sony then passed the film to Universal Pictures.

6. Danny Boyle is in charge now. He makes great films and opening ceremonies.

7. Broadsheet Prognosis: They took our Jobs

Release Date: November 13

Jem

What you may need to know:

1. Loosely based on the 1980s Hasbro cartoon. It was sort of like GI Joe with singing.

2. I want to see George Miller’s take on Wacky Races.

3.
So much cliché. Shy girl becomes successful. Success changes shy girl. Loses herself and dumps her friends. Sees the error of her ways. Finds herself again and wins her friends back. We’ve all grown a little bit.

4. I predict a big musical climax. And Montages. Lots of montages.

5. Oh hai Molly Ringwald. What about prom?

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Yellow pack Hannah Montana.

Release Date: December 26.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

youth

What you may need to know:

1. Un nuovo film da premio Oscar, Paolo Sorrentino.

2.Small… far away.” Someone’s been watching Father Ted.

3. What’s clickbait? That poster, that’s what.

4. Quite frankly, Sorrentino’s success leaves me baffled. This Must Be The Place (2011) should have been a career-destroying disaster, but the praise for his pretentious, self-indulgent follow-up, The Great Beauty (2013) was bordering on mass hysteria.

5.
You’ve got one more chance, Sorrentino. Don’t forget the script.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Grumpy old men.

Release Date:
May 20 (Official selection at Cannes 2015)

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

vacation

What you may need to know:

1. Meh…

2. Wait… Chevy Chase! Beverly D’Angelo! Scat! Nope… still meh.

3. What happened to Cousin Eddie? Oh, right.

4. Please insert your own “Thor’s hammer” joke here.

5. Christina Applegate deserves better. After three Hangovers, Ed Helms has made his own bed.

6. Helms is the sixth actor to step into Rusty Griswold’s shoes since Anthony Michael Hall played the role in National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983).

7. Juliette Lewis was once an Audrey. She’s a Scientologist, you know.

8. Broadsheet Prognosis: Not good.

Release Date: November 13.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)