Tag Archives: Broadsheet Trailer Park

spectre

What you may need to know:

1. After failing to save Dame Judi of Dench at the end of Skyfall (2012) and blowing up his house in the process, James Bond (Daniel Craig) finds himself in need of a new gaff and a new ‘M’.

2. Like Casino Royale (2006) and Quantum of Solace (2008), the storyline of Spectre will carry through to Bond number 25. Craig is signed up for at least one more Bond movie, but beyond that all bets are off.

3. @1:08 “Excuse me… I’m a WHAT? Oh, a kite. I’m sorry, I thought you called me a… never mind.”

4.
Before Sam Mendes agreed to return, the producers’ wish list of potential directors included Ang Lee, Danny Boyle and Christopher Nolan (which kind of makes sense if you think about it).

5. The impossible-to-dislike Paloma Faith messed up her chances of “pulling an Adele” by telling everyone that she really wanted to do the theme. They should get Mark E Smith in. Or Duncan from Blue.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: No laser watches or invisible cars. Thankfully.

Release Date:  October 23
(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

maggie-poster-1

What you may need to know:

1. Post-apocalypse horror-drama from first-time director Henry Hobson. The American Midwest is affected by an outbreak of a disease that turns the infected into cannibalistic zombies. When Maggie (Abigail Breslin) is infected, her father (Arnold Schwarzenegger) tries to protect her.

2. Little Miss Sunshine is all grown up.

3. Ahnold seems quite subdued and taciturn in this, so there’s very little chance of him shouting “get to the choppah” at anyone. Shame.

4. So far, the Governator’s return to movies has been less-than stellar. Escape Plan (2013) was underwhelming and the less said about Sabotage (2014) the better.

5. Terminator: Genisys might look like the worst idea since Terminator: Salvation (2011) (or Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2009) for that matter), but Paramount have so much faith in it that they’re planning on shooting two sequels back-to-back.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: A disappointing dearth of braaaains.

Release Date:
May 8 (US).

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

slow_west_poster_1

What you may need to know.

1. FASSBENDER! In a western. His first one since the unwatchable Jonah Hex (2010).

2. Slow West is written and directed by old Fassbender mucker John Maclean. They did a great short together entitled Pitch Black Heist.

3. @ 1’05 The Hound lives!

4. Ah, Ben Mendelsohn. Always a pleasure.

5. @1’09 Kerry-German in his smalls – tasty.

6. Who’s the kid? It’s Hugo, all grown up. He’s up for Spider-Man, apparently.

7. Prognosis: Great Fupping Trailer.

Release date: Summer

entourage

What you may need to know:

1. Yes, kids, Entourage is still a thing. We’d prefer a Deadwood movie.

2. There will be cameos. A lot of cameos.

3. Lorne Malvo Power – Billy-Bob alert @ 1’05.

4. Recognise the dude @ 1’25? Recognise him NOW?

5. We’re still nostalgic for Jeremy Piven’s original hair.

6. Prognosis: They had us at Andrew Dice Clay.

Release Date: June 19

MI

What you may need to know:

1. When CIA chief (Alec Baldwin) disbands the (other) IMF (what, again?), Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) assembles a team (Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg, Ving Rhames and Rebecca Ferguson) to battle the shadowy force known as ‘The Syndicate’ and its elusive leader (Sean Harris).

2. Paramount have moved the release date forward by five months to put some air between it and Star Wars VII.

3. This is Christopher McQuarrie’s fourth collaboration with Cruise. He has directed Jack Reacher (2012) and co-wrote Valkyrie (2008) and last year’s worst-marketed best movie, Edge of Tomorrow (2014). If you were put off by that poster, do yourself a favour and check it out. Seriously.

4. After dangling from the 2,700ft Burj Khalifa building in Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (2011), that really is Cruise hanging off a plane 5,000 feet up in the air. His insurance premium must have accounted for a significant portion of the budget.

5. With John Woo’s M:I-2 (2000) arguably the only duff entry, the Mission: Impossible franchise is in rude health. Incidentally, reshoots for M:I 2 cost Dougray Scott the part of Wolverine in Bryan Singer’s X-Men (2000).

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Needs more Lalo Schfrin.

Release Date: July 31.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

tomorrowland-new-poster-1

What you may need to know:

1. A scientifically-curious teen (Britt Robertson) and a genius inventor (George Clooney) embark on a mission to unearth the secrets of a place somewhere in time and space that exists in their collective memory.

2. Mr. Amal Alamuddin gets back to work after the honeymoon.

3. Tomorrowland is director Brad Bird’s hotly-anticipated follow up to The Incredibles (2004), Ratatouille (2007) and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (2011).

4. Geek whipping boy Damon Lindelof wrote the screenplay.

5. A movie based on a theme park ride? Pffft… that’ll never work.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Interstellar lite.

Release Date:  May 22

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

the-transporter-refueled-poster

What you may need to know:

1. Yes, they’ve rebooted the Transporter series WITHOUT The Stath. HERESY!

2. Who’s the new Transporter? Ed Skrein. Who? EXACTLY.

3. Fact: Luc Besson farts these movies in his sleep.

4. Don’t worry, Stath fans, he’s back next month in THE MOST EAGERLY ANTICIPATED MOTION PICTURE OF ALL TIME.

5. We say: Are you sure this isn’t just a car ad?

Release Date: Summer

pixels


What you may need to know

1. Yes, kids, Adam Sandler is still a thing.

2. Pixels is a feature length riff on an acclaimed (and rather genius) short – watch it HERE.

3. We’re still fond of The Sandman, even if the glory days of Billy Madison (1995), Happy Gilmore (1996) and Mr Deeds (2002) are long gone. Yes, we’re willing to defend Mr Deeds.

4. That said, he seems to have spent the last few years starring in films riffing upon the soulless crap his comedian character in Funny People (2009) starred in.

5. And now he’s doing original movies for Netflix. Watch Punch Drunk Love (2002)  instead.

6. @1’31 – DINKLAGE POWER!

7. Let’s not mince words: this looks HORRIBLE.

Release Date:
Summer

Going_Clear_Poster

What you may need to know:

1. Scientology gets the Alex Gibney treatment.

2. Gibney has directed We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks (2013) and Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005). Going Clear is based on Lawrence Wright’s book.

3. You could argue that believing that the World’s problems are a result of an evil space lord called Xenu dumping a bunch of frozen aliens into volcanoes 75 million years ago is no more arbitrary than denying the existence of dinosaurs or believing that St. Patrick drove the snakes from Ireland.

4. On the other hand, it is out-and-out bonkers.

5. The Church of Scientology is a notoriously litigious organization. Going Clear was reviewed by a team of over 160 lawyers before it was screened at this year’s Sundance.

6. Here’s Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Any excuse.

7. Broadsheet Prognosis: Still no sign of Battlefield Earth 2 .

Release Date:  March 29 (HBO)

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)

The Forger

What you may need to know:

1. Living waxwork John Travolta comes out (GOOD FOR YOU, JOHN!!!) of prison (oh…) early to spend time with his ailing son (Tye Sheridan), but is forced into pulling off a heist with his father (Christopher Plummer) to pay back the crime syndicate that arranged his release.

2. “You missed a spot.” John got a free Gillette ProGlide Styler with his 12 month subscription to Scientologist Monthly. He seems to be working his way through the lookbook.

3. Travolta was all over this year’s Oscars – from creeping on Scarlett Johansson to manhandling Adele Dazeem’s face like it was a joint of meat.

4. Is Travolta turning into the Welsh bloke off The Voice, or is the Welsh bloke off The Voice turning into Travolta? Plastic surgery, kids. Not even once. Christopher Plummer is 85 and even he looks better in this than John Boy.

5. Tye Sheridan has just been cast as James Marsden’s replacement in Bryan Singer’s X-Men: Apocalypse .

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Thetan level: Disco Elephant Deckchair.

Release Date:
April 24 (US)

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)