Tag Archives: Broadsheet Trailer Park

a-little-chaos

What you may need to know:

1. Landscape gardener Sabine de Barra (Kate Winslet) is selected by the court of King Louis XIV (Alan Rickman) to construct the gardens at Versailles.

2. LANDSCAPE GARDENING, SUCKERS!!! Diarmud Gavin must be wetting himself.

3. This costume drama directed by Rickman obviously won’t appeal to everyone – it’s hard to find tension and drama in hardy perennials and hibiscus borders.

4. The Hogwarts gravy train has arrived at the station, so it’s back to the day job for Professor Snape.

5. It’s that time of year, so let’s treat ourselves to a bit of Hans Gruber.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Mulch ado about nothing.


Release Date:
April 17, 2015.

Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie

CINDERELLA_ELLAPRINCE_UNITEDKINGDOM_glamour_4dec14_PR_b_960x1440

What you may need to know:

1. Sir Kenneth of Branagh directs a live-action retelling of the Disney animated classic.

2. Lily James wants Prince Charming (Richard Madden) to stand under her Cinderella (ella ella, eh eh eh).

3. Disney continues to strip mine its heritage for all it’s worth. There’s a Cruella de Vil origin movie in the works.

4. There’s a bit of Downton Abbey role reversal going on here, with Lady Rose in the scullery and Daisy (Sophie McShera) upstairs, taking her revenge for having to gut all that pigging fish.

5. Glass slippers might sound all nice and fancy, but in reality would take more breaking in than a pair of Doc’s.

6.
Broadsheet Prognosis: Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before.


Release Date:
March 27, 2015.

Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie

christian-freida-062612-19

What you may need to know:

1. We do not really know what this movie is about. The ‘official’ line is:
“Once there was a young prince whose father, the king of the East, sent him down into Egypt to find a pearl. But when the prince arrived, the people poured him a cup. Drinking it, he forgot he was the son of a king, forgot about the pearl and fell into a deep sleep. Rick’s father used to read this story to him as a boy. The road to the East stretches out before him. Will he set forth?”

2. What we can gather from the trailer is that it’s about some fella with lots of money and girlfriends and he is unhappy. Poor sod.

3. It is from Terrence Malick. Wild, dreamy and beautiful films are kind of his thing. To some his Tree of Life (2011) was a characterful masterpiece and his The Thin Red Line (1998) was a philosophical wonder. To others they are dull and laboured. We loved them.

4. Cate Blanchett and Christian Bale team up for this alongside a megastar cast. Brian Dennehy for the win!

5. Malick was poised to be one of the great prolific American directors post Badlands (1973) but he took 20 years off instead so fans of his will be happy to see anything.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Carte Blanch

Release Date: TBC

blackhatNEW

What you may need to know:

1. Chris Hemsworth stows his big hammer and picks up a computer. He is a convicted black hat hacker who negotiates his release in return for helping to track down a cyber terrorist.

2. A black hat hacker is someone who hacks a computer for malicious gain. A white hat hacker is someone who hacks a computer to reveal any weakness in the system so they can be fixed. A grey hat hacker is… you get the idea.

3. After the Chinese saved us from a Decepticon apocalypse and paid over a billion dollars to see themselves doing it, it makes sense for them to save us from a vicious cyber terrorist.

4. If you really want to see someone hacking in to mainframes via yet another secret back door then go see Sneakers (1992). It’s an oldie but a goldie.

5. Blackhat’s director Michael Mann has not received many accolades since  hits The Insider (1999) and The Last of Mohicans (1992). He likes to mix up the good guys with the bad guys and he loves a bittersweet ending to his films and we can expect much the same here.

6. He can knock out a decent car ad and a good enough Nike ad when he wants to.

7. Broadsheet Prognosis: He da Mann

Release date: February 20 2015

1808

What you may need to know:

1. Inside Out is much snappier than the working title of ‘Untitled Pixar Movie That Takes You Inside the Mind’.

2. Pixar’s hit rate is second to none. With the exception of Cars (2006). And Cars 2 (2011).

3. Naysayers be damned – John Lasseter is prepping Toy Story 4 for a 2017 release. We’re still waiting for Incredibles 2.

4. Director of Monsters Inc. (2001) and Up (2009) Pete Docter has assembled an impressive ensemble of vocal talent, including Amy Poehler, Diane Lane, and Pixar regular John Ratzenberger.

5. Is The Beezer still running The Numbskulls? Is The Beezer still running?

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Grown men will weep.

Release Date: July 24, 2015.

Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie

Hot-Tub-Time-Machine-2-poster-550x859

What you may need to know:

1. Who said that Hollywood was running out of ideas? Amirite?

2. Not even the once-mighty Lloyd Dobler had the stomach for this. Parks and Recreation’s Adam Scott is filling in for John Cusack.

3. Lisa Loeb jokes were old 20 years ago.

4. Rob Corddy’s Lou must be the most repugnant movie character since Adolf Hitler in Triumph of the Will (1935).

5. If you’re reading this, Kim Jong-un, I’d love to get a peek at the emails behind this.

6. At some point in the future, a T-800 will probably be sent back in time to prevent this from ever seeing daylight.

7. Broadsheet Prognosis: Nope.

Release Date: April 10, 2015.

Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie

sanandreas0004

What you may need to know:

1. The People’s Champion with his ex-wife in tow is going to rescue his daughter after the Big One razes Los Angeles to the ground. Nothing brings a family together like earthquakes or Christmas.

2. Hollywood loves to trash L.A. We are well trained in what to do and what not to do in the event of disaster, see 1.40. We can count 12 LA disaster movies we have seen.

3. This film was shot in Australia so it can’t be because they like to work from home.

4. Kylie Minogue in the house. Somewhere.

5. After many rewrites the screenplay has been polished by twins Chad and Carey Hayes who cut their teeth on Baywatch and The Conjuring (2013). We really like this strange Adaptation (2002).

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Duck and Cover.

Release Date: May 29 2015

white-god-poster

What you may need to know:

1. A girl’s father cruelly abandons her dog but rather then embark on an incredible journey (1963), the dog raises an army of other abandoned dogs and sets about the city.

2. They say never work with animals or children but this one looks really good. The director calls it a dark fairytale, “closer to a David Lynch movie than to realism”.

3. They used 280 dogs in the film and shot the doggy scenes over 40 days. The human scenes took only 15 days.

4. It won the Un Certain Regard Prix at Cannes this year and has been selected by the Hungarian committee to represent the country at the Oscars this year.

5. Kornél Mundruczó has previous in Cannes. His saucy film Johanna (2005) was also shortlisted for the Un Certain Regard category.

6. We are safe, the rest of you are toast.

7. Broadsheet Prognosis: Who let the dogs out? Seriously.

Release Date: March 27 2015

terminator_-genisys_official-poster

What you may need to know:

1. John Connors’ trusted lieutenant/father Kyle Reese is sent back in time to protect his mother. However, things are not really as they are meant to be as both Skynet and Connors have sent all kinds of Terminators back in time already.

2. Before you start, this is how Genisys is spelt for the sake of the film.

3. The Terminator franchise is in trouble. The Halcyon Company filed for bankruptcy protection and tried to sell the rights for $60-$70 million. The only bid was from Joss Whedon for $10,000. Eventually Pacificor, the hedge fund that pushed Halcyon into bankruptcy in the first place, made a deal for $29.5 million and set about selling off the various bits of the franchise.

4. Arnold Schwarzenegger is showing all of his 67 years. The T-800 is clearly an human-like aging model. He totally redeems himself by landing a Harley on top of a moving train and turning himself in to a stinger missile in the trailer though.

5. They got Nike to remake the ‘Vandal’ trainers that Kyle Reese wore in the 1984 original. Very important?

6. James Cameron was approached to make this film but is too busy spending his Titanic (1997) wealth on Blue Star Wars (2009). He did however have a number of meetings with producers to discuss Arnold’s role and the film’s story lines. His two Terminators were very good.

7. Terminator: Genisys is the first part of another new trilogy. Terminator Salvation (2009) was also meant to kick off it’s own trilogy but Skynet went back in time and made it rubbish.

8. Broadsheet Prognosis: Please don’t come back

Release Date: July 3 2015

tumblr_nftcmuqS8x1qdx2f3o1_1280

What you may need to know:

1. A teenage English mathematics prodigy is chosen to represent Great Britain at the International Mathematical Olympiad. He is faced with many challenges including falling in love.

2. Bit of an all star cast for this BBC production. You will not recognise Asa Butterfield from The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (2008).

3. You might recognise Sally Hawkins from Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine (2013). She got an Oscar nomination for that one. Although she was better in the excellent Layer Cake (2004) in our opinion.

4. The director Morgan Matthews is better known for his documentaries. His Beautiful Young Minds is the inspiration for this drama.

5. Not to be mistaken for the New York based flick X/Y(2014) which is dire. X + Y (2014) is meant to be much more compelling.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis:  Let’s get physical, physical.

Release Date: March 13, 2015

(Delboy remains at large. Tom Dillon (aka Dylan) is Broadsheet’s social media manager and man of the soil)