Tag Archives: Broadsheet Trailer Park


What you may need to know:

1. The 2017 blockbuster previews keep coming, so here’s the Tom Cruise’s latest excuse to run fast and jump off things, The Mummy. He plays a military type charged with transporting an entombed mummy from the deserts of Egypt to London, only to find the creature (Sofia Boutella) is alive and set on causing chaos and revenge.

2. Yes, technically this is a remake of the immensely silly Indiana Jones rip-off The Mummy (1999), but it’s actually a franchise that goes all the way back to the 1930s, when the likes of Boris Karloff and Lon Chaney played the titular creature. Things got a bit out of control when Abbot & Costello got in on the act.

It’s a well-established fact that blockbusters and sequels aren’t enough anymore; at least four movies are required in any franchise, so Universal Pictures are getting the band back together.

4. So The Mummy is the first in a series that will see outings from Frankenstein’s monster, Count Dracula, The Wolf Man, Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Invisible Man, Bride of Frankenstein and more.

5 Russell Crowe plays none other than Dr. Henry Jekyll, of Dr. Jekyll and Mister Hyde. Here Jekyll is the head of Prodigium, an organisation which tracks the whereabouts of these creatures, which is presumably how the producers will crowbar those eventual team-ups off the page. They haven’t got a script yet, but they can bang one out by Friday.

6. Rather than the retro swashbuckling of the Brendan Fraser movies, or the gothic nature of, say, Penny Dreadful, this is a supernatural film set very much in the present, with what looks like the same globe-trotting antics as something like Mission: Impossible.

6. Tom Cruise seems to be giving less of a **** as he gets older. He’s got little to prove, and seems to choose roles based on what kind of stunts he gets to do. Rumour has it he actually spent a weekend in a body bag in a morgue before filming.

7. The Mummy is directed by Alex Kurtzman, the seasoned writer best known for the likes of the newer Star Trek movies. Kurtzman says he wants audiences to fall in love with each character first; if they can do that, then a world will present itself. “You have to make great individual movies, first and foremost,” he told journalists at a briefing last week. “And if you do that, then the audience will follow you.”

Verdict: The Meh-mmy.

Release date: J une 9, 2017


What you may need to know:

1. Martin Scorsese is back with his latest Oscar-bait, an adaptation of Shūsaku Endō’s 1966 novel. Silence was previously adapted for the screen in Japan in 1971.

2. As the trailer deftly illustrates, Silence follows two Jesuit priests (Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver) on a dangerous journey through 17th-century Japan seeking their mentor (Liam Neeson), who has apparently renounced the Church. In that period, teaching the Catholic faith was illegal, and Christians were known as Kakure Kirishitan (Hidden Christians).

3. Silence has been in development since 1990, yet another ‘passion project’ for Scorsese. (To be fair, all his films are described as passion projects). On the topic of keeping Silence on his radar all that time, Scorsese had this to say:

“As you get older, ideas go and come. Questions, answers, loss of the answer again and more questions, and this is what really interests me. Yes, the cinema and the people in my life and my family are most important, but ultimately as you get older, there’s got to be more. Much, much more. The very nature of secularism right now is really fascinating to me, but at the same time do you wipe away what could be more enriching in your life?”

4. In 2012, Scorsese was sued by investors who alleged that Scorsese was in breach of contract after pushing back a start date to shoot the film several times since their original deal was signed in 1990. Cecchi Gori Pictures wanted a slice of the profits of each film he had made while Silence was on hold. The case was settled for an undisclosed sum in 2014.

5. The budget for Silence was so tight that everyone, including the A-list cast, Scorsese himself and veteran producer Irwin Winkler, worked for scale. Without superheroes, monsters or spaceships in the script, some studios are jittery about handing over their cash – even when someone like Martin Scorsese is involved.

6. Silence receives its world premiere at the Vatican tomorrow.

7. At first glance, the historical setting makes Silence look like a companion piece to Marty’s poorly-received 1997 drama Kundun. Any excuse.

Verdict: Kun-do.

Release date: Tomorrow (Rome)


What you may need to know

1. The giant ape living on an island in the south Pacific is back. It’s a reboot of a reboot of a reboot of the 1933 original.

2. Blockbuster and their sequels aren’t enough anymore. Warner Brothers are getting in on the “shared cinematic universe” train by making this a prequel to the so-so Godzilla (2014), setting up a showdown between the two in the ingeniously titled Godzilla vs Kong, pencilled in for 2020.

3. All going well, the long-term plan is to bring to life more and more Kaiju monsters, which has been a consistently popular genre in Japan since the 1950s.

Kong: Skull Island is set in the 1970s, hence the noticeable Vietnam War motif running through the trailer: Creedence Clearwater Revival, the helicopter fleet, napalm and John C. Reilly doing a PG version of Dennis Hopper in Apocalypse Now (1979). Tom Hiddleston’s got his work cut out for him lopping the head off that giant buffalo though.

5. Despite winning Best Actress at this year’s Oscars, and playing a leading role, it’s strange that Brie Larson doesn’t warrant any lines in this trailer.

6. John Goodman makes everything better.

7. Hollywood’s go-to motion capture guy Andy Serkis (presumably) passed on Skull Island, so the titular ape is being played by Serkis’ Planet of the Apes co-star Terry Notary.

8. Part of the appeal of the aforementioned Godzilla reboot was that it wasn’t played for laughs; director Gareth Edwards attempted to inject some actual drama into the scenes between the carnage. That wasn’t always successful, but it’s still somewhat disappointing that this movie is heading back towards the Marvel brand of action comedy.

Verdict: Ape-pocalypse Now

Release Date:
March 20, 2017


What you may need to know

1. In another case of the coincidences that cinema is capable of, just as the USA stumbles through a political and social crisis that could well be its undoing, along comes this intense-looking drama recreating another of that country’s defining moments.

2. Following the assassination of her husband John F. Kennedy (Caspar Phillipson), Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy (Natalie Portman) attempts to make sense of her own shattered life as American politics swirls around her. The story is framed by the famed “Camelot” interview Kennedy did with Life magazine’s Theodore H. White (Billy Crudup) following her husband’s funeral.

3. Far from being a cloying, formulaic historical drama, however, Jackie has been described as having “the sophisticated psychological aesthetic of a Jonathan Glazer movie”.

4. Speaking of Glazer, Jackie’s soundtrack has been composed by Mica Levi. Levi is responsible for the distressing score to Glazer’s equally distressing Under the Skin (2013). That should give one an idea of what to expect.

5. Prolific Chilean director Pablo Larraín is behind the camera. He has already released two films in 2016, (El Club and Neruda), and is making his English-language debut here.

6. Spielberg had his eye on the script originally, before it got in to the hands Darren Aronofsky (who directed Portman to her Oscar for Black Swan in 2010). Aronofsky eventually passed it on to Larraín and took up producer duties himself.

7. From the opening close-up, Natalie is obviously gunning for her second Oscar. She’s appeared in some awful tripe since Black Swan, but at the end of the day there’s nothing wrong with taking a few Marvel paychecks while waiting for the next big fish to come along. She  also wrote, directed and starred in Hebrew-language historical drama A Tale of Love and Darkness.

8. At first glance, Jackie may look like histrionic Hollywood Oscar-bait, but the arthouse credentials behind the camera and Larraín’s distinctive visual style suggest something much more interesting. No doubt Jackie will feature heavily come Awards season.

Verdict: Jackie O Face

Release date: December 2, 2016


What you may need to know

1. Brace yourself.

2. Wealthy New Yorker Will Smith suffers a personal tragedy and, after withdrawing from the world, Makes Sense Of It All™ by writing a series of letters to the universe itself.

3. Miraculously, the universe replies. That, or his friends hire actors to pretend to be his cosmic pen pals. Which would be an extraordinarily cruel thing to do to a man with mental health issues.

4 Hugh Jackman, Jason Segel and Johnny Depp were all set to star before Smith’s Overbrook Entertainment took over and he cast himself. No sign of Jaden this time.

4. Poor old Will Smith doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going these days. A Grammy-winning start in music led to enormous success in TV, before he would become one of the world’s most bankable blockbuster stars. But his forays into dramatic territory over the years have mostly misfired.

5. There’s no denying his charisma, but Sidney Poitier he ain’t. All the way back to and including Ali (despite the Oscar nomination) there’s just always something that doesn’t click. Try as he might, he has just never managed to shake the Fresh Prince.

5.He was mad to turn down Independence Day 2, even if it was tripe.

6. Lots of fine actors slumming it in the supporting cast, in particular the enormously likeable Michael Peña. Catch him next year in a comedy reboot of CHiPs (yes, as Pancho) and also Kenneth Branagh’s Murder on the Orient Express.

7. Ed Norton, Kate Winslet, you’re better than this. Kiera Knightley, as you were.

8. But we’ll watch Helen Mirren in anything.

Verdict: Cinematic Diabetes

Release date:
December 30


What you may need to know

1. Moscow Never Sleeps is a Russian-language drama written and directed by Irish filmmaker Johnny O’Reilly. It has been on the festival circuit since last year, and goes on general release this Friday 11th

2. The film is a multi-narrative story set during one day in the Russian capital, where a range of characters find themselves at an impasse in their lives.

3. A terminally-ill movie star, absconds from his hospital bed only to find himself mixed up with a gang of petty thieves. A businessman runs into trouble with dodgy State representatives while his singer wife considers leaving him for an old flame; a pair of squabbling step-sisters go for a night on the tiles only to find their lives in danger. And so on.

4. As one might see from the trailer, the real star of the film is Moscow itself. The director, a resident of the city for the past 10 years and a regular visitor for the past 20, brings audiences on a trek around the city, from its tallest skyscrapers to its scruffiest streets. The soaring shots are a real treat for the curious, and a quite different perspective of the city than what we’re used to in this part of the world.

5. O’Reilly got himself in a bit of hot water last year during this promotional interview for the film, which was cut short when he expressed support for jailed Ukrainian filmmaker Oleg Sentsov.

6. Moscow Never Sleeps takes its title from a popular English-language phrase in the city. According to the filmmaker, everyone knows “hello”, “goodbye”, and “Moscow Never Sleeps”.

Verdict: утонченный

Release date: Friday, November 11


What you may need to know

1. We’re putting the band back together. Director Danny Boyle has reunited the original cast (Ewan McGregor, Robert Carlyle, Johnny Lee Miller, Ewan Bremner and Kelly McDonald), for a sequel to his era-defining 1996 comedy drama based on the novel by Irvine Welsh. Original screenwriter John Hodge is also back on board.

2. We can only hope Welsh will reprise his role as weaselly drug dealer Mikey Forrester; he has hinted as much on twitter. Russian sailors optional.

3. Set 20 years later and partially adapted from Welsh’s 2002 novel Porno, Mark Renton (McGregor) is back in Edinburgh to finally confront his friends after stealing £16,000 from them and fleeing to Amsterdam at the end of the first film. Sick Boy (Miller) and Spud (Bremner) are happy enough to see him, less so Begbie (Carlyle).

4. This feels like a good idea. Trainspotting launched the careers of its cast and director; reuniting exactly 20 years later feels distinctly uncynical. Less a cash-in than a genuine curiosity for them as much as the audience to learn what became of the characters.

5. Trainspotting 2 might have happened years ago, were it not for Boyle and McGregor falling out when the latter was passed over for the lead role in Boyle’s 2000 gap-year adventure The Beach. You dodged a bulled there Ewan, in fairness.

6. There are a quite a few visual references to the original in this trailer, and the remix of Renton’s iconic “Choose Life” monologue feels clunky. One would hope Boyle and co haven’t settled for a rehash. The only other sequel he has been involved in (as executive producer) was the excellent 28 Weeks Later (2007), and a rehash that most certainly was not.

7. On that note, Danny, how about you give us 28 Months Later next?

8. In a 2014 interview, Welsh called Boyle “a colossus”, saying “we’re all protective of the Trainspotting legacy and we want to make a film that adds to that legacy and doesn’t take away from it.”

9.Similarly Robert Carlyle told NME last year it’s one of the best scripts he’s ever read.

“This will be an emotional experience for people. [..] That’s really what the whole thing is about. Have these four characters changed? Have they remained the same? Have they f****d it up completely? Have they achieved anything? And of course the audience are going to be asking themselves exactly the same questions.”

Verdict: Let’s skip the garlic bread and proceed directly to January 27, 2017 (release date).



What you may need to know

1. William S Burroughs invented a technique known as cut-up writing whereby words and phrases are cut from newspapers and then re-arranged at random.

2. One can only assume that something similar was at play at when devising this new miniseries…

Interior HBO Headquarters, young TV executive rummages around in bag, pulls out slip of paper and reads aloud “YOUNG”…

“Okay, so whadda we got here…. “Pope”, “American”, “Young” and “Jude Law”. You’re killin’ me here. Still, at least TV critics will be happy with the Canon Law puns.”

3. With a premise as wacky as ‘Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank’, The Young Pope sees Jude Law move to the small screen, with a brand new head of hair as pristine and shiny as Sam Allardyce’s England tracksuit, playing Lenny Belardo, the first American Pope.

4. Jude first burst to fame as Dickie Greenleaf in The Talented Mr Ripley, Anthony Minghella’s 1999 thriller.

5. Law was excellent playing the part of a self regarding, foppish dandy but unfortunately as the years have progressed it looks increasingly like he was actually just playing the role of Jude Law in Ripley.

6. Twice nominated for an Oscar, he’s too good for hokum like this I hear you cry but I suppose five kids with three different mothers probably doesn’t come cheap.

6. The ever fabulous, effortlessly cool Diane Keaton co-stars as Sister Mary,

7. This show looks as unhinged as my Mario Balotelli Top Goalscorer bet from last season.

Bertie’s Verdict: Papal bull

PS I’m sorry I don’t have a better recommendation for you this week, here’s some good news about Kate Bush by way of atonement.


What you may need to know

1. August 1994 – Oasis released their debut album, Definitely Maybe knocking Wet Wet Wet’s Greatest Hits from the number one spot. Kurt Cobain had died earlier in the year, their was a huge gap in the market and their impact was instant and huge.

2. Funny, talented, opinionated, with a dangerous edge, almost overnight every second lad in Dublin developed a Mancunian drawl and a swaggering drunken penguin walk.

3. Everyone wanted to look, walk and talk like either Parker from Thunderbirds or Baby Gerald from The Simpsons, depending on which Gallagher you preferred.

4. The wonderful rock critic David Hepworth has a theory that all great artists have a three year purple patch in which they produce their finest Work and after that it’s the law of diminishing returns. You get the very odd exception such as The Beatles, Radiohead, Chico from X Factor etc but overall it’s quite accurate and Oasis are this theory writ large.

5. Cards on the table, I LOVED Oasis when they broke, I think that’s why I grew to dislike them so much when their creativity declined so sharply.Like Michael Owen signing for Man United, if I didn’t care so much to begin with it wouldn’t have stung so much.

6. Definitely Maybe is a stone cold classic album but even so the plagiarism allegations were there from the outset. Within the first minute of their first single Supersonic they reference Yellow Submarine, Cigarettes and Alcohol is T Rex’s Get it on,  Shakermaker is  ‘I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing by The New Seekers , Whatever is Neil Innes’ “How Sweet To Be An idiot”, Don’t Look Back In Anger is Imagine.

7. So where did it all go wrong for Oasis?

8. First and foremost, coke. Have you ever been cornered at a party by a boring, opinionated, self regarding coke head. Well put that to music and you have Be Here Now, their 3rd album, on which they’d so run out of ideas they were even plagiarising themselves.

9. Then there was the fractious nature of the brother’s relationship, a sibling rivalry so deep they made Cain and Abel look like the O’Donovan brothers,Which meant it was always going to end in more tears than the end of The Champ (1979).

10. Thirdly, believing your own hype. It’s one thing to say you’re the greatest but you have to consistently deliver or you look foolish. See also: Conor McGregor being knocked on his hole.

11. The final nail in the coffin for me was when self styled hard chaw Liam had his front teeth knocked out by an estate agent in Munich. Yep, you read that correctly. An. Estate. Agent. Rock and Roll. *devil horn sign*

12. Both brothers have since gone on to varying success, Noel as a solo artist and Liam with the now defunct Beady Eye but overall I’d rather listen to Noel opining about other artists than to any of his MOR albums.

Bertie’s Verdict:The movie looks to have captured the madness and excitement of their early years, if it focusses on the early years rather than the bloated excesses of their decline. It should be a good watch.

Release date: October 26,


RTÉ presenters launch the Autumn season on RTÉ in Grand Canal Dock last month

Reliving a James M Chimney/Broadsheet tradition

…Bertie Blemkinsop writes:

Heavy work commitments (Narcos Series 2 ) have prevented me from reviewing a fillum this week so instead I’ll have a quick glance through the week’s upcoming telly shows and make a semi educated guess as to what they might be about…

Cash in the Attic: We join the Revenue Commissioners as they pay a visit to Ivor Callelly’s delightful Clontarf home

Pointless Celebrities:
A second chance to view last week’s Operation Transformation

The Walking Dead:
The Social Democrats Ard Fheis live from a phone box in Dawson Street

Celebrity Big Brother:
Mat Osman from Suede discusses life as Richard Osman’s brother

Six One: A chance to relive Manchester City’s emphatic 2011 win over Manchester United

The Sunday Game:
Trying to have mammy and daddy time before the kids wake up on Sunday morning

Super Sunday: How you feel if you succeed at The Sunday Game.

The Sunday Supplement:
What you take beforehand if you think there’s a possibility of The Sunday Game

Loose Women:
Middle aged women discuss incontinence and their love lives ( No change there then…FIGHT! )

Cold Feet: Stephen Donnelly gives his side of recent events

Million Dollar Baby: The cast of Geordie Shore compete to be impregnated by a mystery Premier League footballer

All Star Mr and Mrs:
  Bertie Blenkinsop and Mildred St Meadowlark star in…. Oh a man can dream can’t he?

How I Met Your Mother: Mani and Clampers reminisce about old times

Would I Lie to You?:
Live coverage from The Oireachtas

Two and a Half Men:
Bono, Larry and Adam discuss the recording of The Joshua Tree

Feel free to add them below if you think you can do better….


Previously: RTÉ Guide Only Beetter