Tag Archives: Broadsheet Trailer Park

Mechanic

What you may need to know:

1.
Great, I have the NCT coming up in a few weeks and my wheels need aligning.

2. Here’s 90 minutes of Jason Statham scowling, shooting, stabbing, punching, kicking and blowing stuff up.

3.
Why? Because he’s The Stath.

4.
Tommy Lee Jones fills the Donald Sutherland “I’ll do owt for cash, me” role.

5.
This was shot back in 2014. The first Mechanic was shot in 2009 and released in 2011. Nothing says confidence like a two-year delay.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: The Bald and the Beautiful.

Release Date:
August 26.

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

reacher

 

What you may need to know:

1.
There’s not much going on in the news this morning, so let’s have a look at the new Jack Reacher trailer.

2. Reacher (Tom Cruise) returns to the headquarters of his old unit and finds himself accused of a 16-year-old homicide.

3. Cruise hasn’t changed in 25 years. Because lizards.

4. Fans of the Lee Child novels were furious when Cruise was cast as the 6ft5in Reacher. But the first movie grossed $218m.

5. Shooting probably involved a box for Cruise and a trench for Cobie Smulders.

6. Cruise will be seen next in Universal ‘s reboot of The Mummy (2017).

7. Broadsheet prognosis: Reach for the top shelf.

Release Date: 21 October.

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

Girl With All The Gifts

What you may need to know:

1. Post-apocalyptic zombie thriller. A virus has wiped out most of humanity and turned the survivors into flesh-eating “hungries”.

2.
Adaption of M.R. Carey’s best-selling novel. Directed by Colm McCarthy (Sherlock, Ripper Street).

3. Oh hai dystopian near-future. Long time, no see.

4. We do love Paddy Considine. We didn’t love his “dis dat dese and dose” Oirish priest from Peaky Blinders 3.

5.
Broadsheet prognosis: Om nom nom.

Release Date: 23 September.

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

Anthropoid

What you may need to know:

1. WWII drama about a Czechoslovakian resistance plot to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, the architect of Hitler’s ‘Final Solution‘.

2. True story, yo.

3. Spoilers: Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

4. Cillian Murphy and Jamie Dornan? Steady ladies.

5.
Murphy’s Brummie accent is better than his Czech accent.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Hello Nazi.

Release Date:
August 12 (US).

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

Storks

What you may need to know:

1. Storks stop delivering babies and start delivering packages for a massive online retailer instead. *Cough* Amazon.

2. Other multinational online retail monopolies are available.

3. Storks is the first animated movie from Nicholas Stoller, director of Forgetting Sarah Marshall (yay), The Muppets (double yay) and Bad Neighbours (oh).

4. With Andy Samberg, Kelsey Grammer, Jennifer Aniston, Key and Peele.

5. Broadsheet prognosis: Pregxit, stage left.

Release Date: October 14.

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

Orange_is_the_New_Black_2016

What you may need to know:

1. A year ago this would have been great news.

2. But season 3 was too preoccupied with Piper and Alex (nobody cares anymore), and neglected the other inmates. At least Ruby Rose is out.

4. That last season was a real chore to get through. Piper running a used panty business? Crazy Eyes writing sci-fi erotica? Go home, OITNB, you’re drunk.

4. OITNB is a textbook example of a one-season show that’s outstayed its welcome.

5. But that’s the problem with a lot of US television. You can’t walk away from a hit.

6. And it’ll get worse – Netflix has already renewed OITNB through season 7.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: Orange you glad there’s only 4 seasons left?

Release Date: Available from Friday 17th June (Netflix).

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

collide

What you may need to know:

1. A reformed criminal (Nicholas Hoult) backslides into his old ways to save his girlfriend (Felicity Jones).

2.
German-set Fast and Furious-style car porn thriller.

3.
With Sir Ben of Kingsley (strong, like bull) and Sir Anthony of Hopkins (calm voice/SHOUTY VOICE).

4.
Formerly known as “Autobahn”, this has been sitting on the shelf since last October when the studio went bankrupt.

5.
Four weeks of reshoots have been ordered for Jones’ Star Wars: Rogue One. This could be down to test audience stupidity or a sign of bigger problems.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Autobahn Garda.

Release Date:
August 19.

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

morganposter

What you may need to know:

1. A risk management consultant (Kate Mara) is summoned to a remote research facility to assess if an artificial being (Anya Taylor-Joy) should be terminated.

2.
Morgan is the first directorial feature from Luke (son of Ridley) Scott.

3. Shot in part up north.

4. You might remember Taylor-Joy from The Witch (2015). And Toby Jones… always a pleasure.

5. Mara currently has a gap in her schedule where Fantastic Four 2 should be.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Morgan a woman.

Release Date: September 2.

(Mark writes about film and TV at ScreenTime.ie)

Nine-Lives

What you may need to know:

1.
Successful business tycoon Tom Brand (Kevin Spacey) is turned into a cat called Mr. Fuzzypants.

2.
Ah here.

3.
The double Academy Award winner and artistic director of the Old Vic plays a talking cat.

4.
Christopher Walken seems to do an awful lot of these “magical shopkeeper” roles. If there’s ever a Mr. Benn movie or a remake of Gremlins (1984) he’s sure to be involved.

5. Tim Allen must’ve passed.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: We need to talk about Kevin.

Release Date:
  August 5.

(Mark writes about film and TV at WhyBother.ie)

beautyandthebeast

What you may need to know:

1. Disney adapt the classic fairytale.. Again.

2. With Mudblood Emma Watson as Belle and Dan Stevens  as the beast. Or “aesthetically challenged individual” if you prefer. We’re not labelist here.

3. Angela Lansbury has retired to Cabot Cove – murder capital of the Northeast.

4. More remakes from Disney. In addition to Tim Burton’s Dumbo, the studio is also developing live-action remakes of Winnie the Pooh, The Sword in the Stone, and yet another version of Peter Pan. Oy.

5. Disney does have the original animated feature, Moana, coming in November. Expect the remake around 2023.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Call of Beauty 2.

Release Date:
March 17, 2017.

(Mark writes about film and TV at WhyBother.ie)