1.“love at first sight may sound trite but it’s true, you know, I could list the details of everything you ever wore or said, or how you stood that day…”
2. That, dear reader, sums up my relationship with Anna Friel since that fateful day in 1992 when she walked into Brookside and Stole away my heart (insert thieving scousers joke here) and so as a consequence I’ve sat through so much dross over the past 24 years simply because she was in it (Marian Keyes‘ Watermelon anyone?).
3.Twenty four years I’ve waited for Anna while she’s been involved in long, tempestuous relationships with first David Thewlis and then Rhys Ifans. At this stage I’m beginning to wonder is she really just playing hard to get or have I misjudged the whole nature of our relationship….
4. In her latest movie I.T. she stars as the wife of Navan’s own Pierce Brosnan.
5. Brosnan plays the part of Mike Regan. CUE MOVIE VOICEOVER MAN:
“a self-made man who has it all: a gorgeous wife (Friel), a beautiful teenage daughter (Scott) and a sleek, state-of-the-art smart home. His company is on the verge of changing the aircraft leasing business forever, when his relationship with Ed Porter (James Frecheville), his I.T. consultant, goes bad. Mike soon finds himself in a deadly high-stakes game of cat-and-mouse when Ed starts stalking Mike’s daughter and using technology to threaten his family, his business, … and his life.”
6. Personally, I don’t mind Brosnan. I know he acts like somebody is shining a really bright torch in his eyes and bizarrely for an Irish actor he had one of the worst Oirish accents in movie history in Evelyn (2002): “der’s no laws in dis cuntree dat’s gonna keep my dawterr away fromee”, but he also has moments of utter fabulousness like The Matador (2006) that make me think he could be brilliant with the right script.
1.Billy Bob Thornton – Actor, filmmaker, singer-songwriter, epic haircut in Fargo, six times married*. ..This man works harder than Miriam O’Callaghan’s child minder and here he is back as Willie in Bad Santa 2, The sequel to 2003’s dark and cynical yet utterly hilarious Ba…. Well you’ve probably already guessed what it’s a sequel to.
2 Alongside Elf (2003) and the same year’s Love Actually (yeah Love Actually, I said it, I love Hugh Grant, I’m a fool to myself) Bad Santa is one of the great Christmas movies imho And the storyline this time sees him reunite with his sidekick Marcus (Tony Cox), to knock off a Chicago charity on Christmas Eve.
5. The movie seems to have had a troubled production as it’s been in development since 2009 however as an eternal optimist I’d like to think they’ve just been working hard to perfect their craft rather than the more likely awful alternative.
6. It’s directed by Mark Waters, the director of Mean Girls (think Broadsheet comments section with American accents) who surprisingly didn’t have to hand back his director’s badge after 2014’s Vampire Academy.
7. Sadly there’ll be no Bernie Mac this time round as he’s deader than the plants in Pat Hickey’s holiday home, but on a brighter note they have drafted in Christina Hendricks,
and Oscar winner Kathy Bates also stars as Thornton’s mother, despite being only
Seven years older than him in real life.
Bertie’s verdict: If it’s half as good as the first one it will pass a couple of hours pleasantly enough.
* SIX times married. Law of averages we’ll all eventually date either Billy Bob or Taylor Swift. Knowing my luck I’ll get Billy Bob.
NOTICE:After two lovely years with the ‘sheet Mark Ryall has handed over the bunch of keys of the Broadsheet Trailer Park to Bertie Blenkinsop, a name familiar to regular readers. This is Bertie’s first trailer.
What You may need to know
1.The Watchman is a one-off drama starring the ever-brilliant Stephen Graham as a CCTV operator who intervenes when the police fail to tackle a gang of drug dealers.
2. Graham was superb as the racist skinhead Combo in 2006’s This is England (the movie with the greatest soundtrack ever imho ), and stole every scene he appeared in with a fantastic mix of raw menace and disturbed vulnerability. If you remember the scene where Shaun is buying his first pair of Docs, the shoe shop assistant is Stephen Graham’s wife, trivia fans.
1. Two vice principals, (Danny McBride) and Lee Russell (Walton Goggins), compete for the top job at a US high school.
2. You had me at Walton Goggins.
3. Co-written by McBride and directed by Eastbound and Down’s Jody Hill.
4. There’s not much chance of this HBO comedy outstaying its welcome. Vice Principals is 18 episodes in total (split over two seasons). McBride said, “We just wanted to make a really long movie.”
5. Set photos from Ridley Scott’s Alien: Covenanthave started to appear online, including one of McBride in costume as a (presumably) redshirt pilot.
6. Broadsheet prognosis: Of Vice and Men.
Release Dates: July 17 (HBO) and July 26 (Sky Atlantic).
1. An FBI agent (Daniel Radcliffe) infiltrates a neo-Nazi terrorist group.
2.“I’m not racist, but…” One for Daily Mail readers.
3. Speaking of which, this Farage business is like letting one go in a crowded sauna and then locking the door behind you.
4. With Now You See Me 2 in cinemas now and Swiss Army Man out in the ether, Radcliffe’s been a busy boy.
5. He can shave his head and cover himself in swastikas, but he’ll always be the Boy Scout with the unravelled prophylactic (“Ready for action”) to me.
6. Broadsheet prognosis: You’re a grand wizard, Harry.
Release Date: September 23.
1. A fake medium (Elizabeth Reaser) adds a new prop to her act with unsettling results
2. Prequel to Stiles White’s critically panned box office hit from 2014.
3. Quiet bit… LOUD NOISE. Repeat.
4.Ouija: Origin of Evil is the third horror from writer/director Mike Flanagan (Hush,Before I Wake) this year. Quantity doesn’t equal quality. Just ask Woody Allen.
5. Yes, that’s Elliott from ET the Extra Terrestrial.
6. Broadsheet prognosis: Ouija ever give it a rest.