Get on all fours in the foot well facing the door. Everyone’s first instinct is to put their hands or legs down first. That’s the worst thing you can do: you will break something. The pointy parts of your body hurt – elbows, knees, hips, ankles. Put your fists under your chin, and bring your elbows together. Keep your chin tucked in to your chest to protect your head. The best point of impact is the back of the shoulder and your back. If you dive out directly onto your shoulder you’ll break it.
(Illustration: Nick Hardcastle)
The head is about 2 1/2 feet tall, is more or less like a cardboard geodesic dome with a flat bottom. I mounted mine on a backpack frame, but you could also probably wear it over your own head somehow.
Winner of the 26th annual Diagram Prize for the Oddest Book Title Of The Year – an unexpurgated guide for men to every poop-related dating eventuality. To wit:
Not an instruction manual as the title might imply, this is a practical guide to confronting every possible problem or eventuality one may encounter when wooing. Inside you’ll learn exactly what to do (through explanatory text and useful diagrams) in a variety of practical, real-life situations, from feeling the call of nature as you walk in the woods with your paramour to what to do if you block her toilet with a monster mud-out.
Meh, meh, meh, MEH!