You may recall yesterday’s movie insult competition?
The most enjoyable put downs nominated by YOU but selected by the judges at Wide Eye Media [formerly Carlton Screen Advertising] are…
“I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Nominated by Andyourpointiswhatexactly)
“If I medicined you, you’d think a brain tumour was a birthday present.”
Withnail and I (Nominated by Bertie Blenkinsop)
“You human paraquat”
The Big Lebowski.(Nominated by Odackatee)
“I mean, didn’t you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn’t that give you some sort of clue like, ‘Hey, maybe this guy’s not enjoying it’? You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You’re a miracle—your stories have none of that. They’re not even amusing accidentally! ‘Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh, and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.’ I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, ‘How can you stand it?’ I’d say, ‘Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith. I can take anything.” And you know what they’d say? They’d say, ‘I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Whoa.’ It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you to have a little string on your chest that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back—you would. ‘Aah, aah, aah.’ And by the way, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea—have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!”
‘Planes Trains and Automobiles’ (@3.48) (Nominated by MrGavoB who writes: “1. because the build up is priceless 2. because its a hell of a put down 3.because John Candy’s reaction to it breaks your heart and you then feel bad for laughing at what Steve Martin was saying in the first place.”)
“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Billy Madison (Nominated by Clare)
Previously: What Time Does The Film Start?
UPDATE: Some of the winners got mixed up in an earlier version of this post. Apologies. Fixed now. Sorry all.
UPDATE 2: The judges are deciding whether to ban the Withnail and I line insult/threat or let it WIN. More as we get it.