You’ve Got Mail


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Dear Enda Part 2 by Stephen Murphy.

Dear Enda,

I wrote to you a while back but you never did reply.
I know you’re really busy so don’t worry man it’s fine,
I’m sure it can’t be easy being Taoiseach of us plebs
but at least the Europeans are still ruffling your head.

It’s good to know you’re busy but I’m pretty busy too,
I have a little boy now and he doesn’t have a clue, 
that his future on this island is in jeopardy
’cause you have chosen to deny what’s self-evidently true,

In favour of an empire entirely designed
to conspire to constrict us so that we’re intertwined,
to a point where if we need to fart we have to sign the forms,
and then send them back to Brussels as methane gas reforms.

So please don’t tell Herr Merkel but I farted twice this morning,
I didn’t really mean to but I started without warning,
but I’d hope that she’d forgive me as I’m fairly sure the reason
was the German supermarkets now have broccoli in season.

I know I’m being facetious but it’s not too far removed,
from the specious declarations that are easily disproved
with a basic understanding of a union as a whole,
where a concept of demanding creates a construct of control.

But power is a liquor some people just can’t hold,
It devours and embitters the peace within their soul,
And while I’m open to correction if there’s something that I missed,
On the basis of reflection I think Herr Merkel’s pissed,

Cause she’s drained the bottle dry but she’s still looking for more
And she’s feigned she’s gonna try to build a Europe we adore,
Where the Germans hold the cash while the rest of us must pay
But if Merkel had a moustache, well, you know the old cliché…

I’ve been told I’m Anti-Europe but I don’t think that I am,
Sure wasn’t she yer one who ran away and married Uncle Sam?
They were living out in Malta – near yer man who can’t be mentioned –
In a mansion built by Nato’s taste for military intervention.

I know their basic premise is that war is beneficial,
That bombs equate to business and that peace is superficial,
But I’ve always had this notion of a world where I’ve envisioned
That invading other countries is an act of terrorism,

And that those who give the orders should stand trial out in the Hague,
For the disrespect of borders but it seems the rules are vague;
The Western world dictate the terms of what they deem the crime,
Yet they always seem to summarise that what they do is fine.

You’d probably think such notions are idealist and naïve,
And in truth you’re probably right, but I’d like to still believe
In a world where international law was made to be upheld,
As a rational code of ethics but that myth has been dispelled

By the way that wars are waged on the premise of a lie,
While they label us enraged for our failure to comply.
But I’m not some left-wing truant who’s just anti-everything,
Nor some neo-liberal fascist who’s entirely right-wing

I’m just a normal human being who still cares about this place,
And I’ve been called anti-statist but it’s simply not the case,
‘Cause this isn’t left or right, it’s just straight up right & wrong,
And while you fight within your fetters to pretend that you’re still strong,

I’ve just always found it better to use both my lungs to breathe,
Both my legs to walk and both my eyes to see
And the truth of what I’m seeing’s that this country’s on its knees,
And rather than the cure you’re still pushing the disease,

But when you’re questioned on these matters you revert to fluency
In a language left in tatters by the course of history.

Ach níl morán Gaeilge agam ‘s tá brón orm faoi sin,
Ach tá fhios agam céard a tharla daichead bhliain ó shin,
Nuair a bhuaigh tú do suíochán mar a fuair d’athair bás,
‘S ní raibh seans ag éine a bhí in aghaidh leatsa sa rás

Mar is tusa mhicín Henry, peileadóir i triocha sé,
A bhuaigh Sam le Mhaigh Eo ‘s mar sin chomh-súil le Dé –
Sch ba cuma liom faoi sin, an bhfuil fhios agat le bhur dtoil,
Cén fath go raibh tú fós sa phost an príomhoide sa scoil,
Nuair a bhí tú in nDáil Éireann, thar céad mhíle ó Mhaigh Eo,
Le na triocha ‘s a sé bhliain nó mas féidir leat níos mó?

But to be honest with you Enda, I still think that it’s harsh,
To hear so many people who show up to every march
Declare you the worst Taoiseach that this country’s ever had,
It’s as if they can’t remember that the rest were just as bad.

But the problem isn’t you, it isn’t even Burton,
It’s a system that’s designed and confined to keep us hurtin’
While the masters of resources dot the i’s and cross the t’s
On their psychopathic contracts like this TTIP.

I’m sure there’s gotta be days and nights when you must come to ask,
How the hell you came to land with such a massive task –
For a teacher by profession who came up the ranks and stuck
To a Taoiseach in recession while the country’s rightly –

Up the creek and down the pan, and round the knotted twist,
While the people at the bottom simply struggle to exist,
But as much as I would like to think that you are well intentioned,
I still saw you in New York with yer man who can’t be mentioned,

The way I saw you with Lagarde, and every two-bit thief,
Acting the blaggard as if it’s light relief,
To pretend that you’re important to those who hold the strings,
While you know you’re just a jester in the courtyard of the king.

But the truth is, as I see it, that this island is abundant,
I could call you a gobshite but I think that it’s redundant
To just label people names for the sake of angry words,
While the path remains the same for the masses of the herd.

I’d just rather as an island if we sat down for a chat,
To discuss some basic issues and the crux of where we’re at,
‘Cause as far as I can see it, unless we hit reverse
The road to where we’re heading isn’t better now it’s worse.

But I still believe in Ireland, though some may find that strange.
I believe that as a people we reserve the right to change.
I believe that underneath this web of core deceit,
There’s a movement of the masses who’ve begun to find their feet

And you and I both know that the masses on the move,
Still possess the power to redress and to remove
Those who would oppress them from their plinth within the Dáil,
Whether Fine Gael or Labour, Sinn Féin or Fianna Fáil.

I believe that we’ve been lied to, abandoned and abused,
And denied the basic tenets of our sovereign right to choose,
By the leaders of a Union who just see us as a toy
At the mercy of their making and the whim of their employ.

But I’ve farted so I’ll finish ’cause the post is gonna go,
Tabhairt aire do n-ár dtíre ‘s go néirí linn go deo.

Previously: “We’re Trying To Shape The Future”

Stephen Murphy (Facebook)

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10 thoughts on “You’ve Got Mail

  1. Mayor Quimby

    is this as cringy as it looks?

    Referring to your target using his first name makes it instantly infantile

    1. George T. Pig

      “Referring to your target using his first name makes it instantly infantile” – Someone who uses the pseudonym of a cartoon character without a hint of irony.

  2. Ally

    Saw this guy in Dublin. He had the crowd of thousands in the palm of his hand and he is brilliant.

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