A Mercy Frilling

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pudding-picjulien

Women want him.

Men want to be him.

Frilly just wanted to interview him.

In a surreal Pudding questionnaire ‘special, Friday columnist Frilly Keane grills Monday columnist Julien Mercille (above).

Who is the man behind the pillow-lips and insouciant ‘elite’-bashing?

What are his wants, needs and regrets?

And is there more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Frilly Keane: Would ya be a tay or coffee man?

Julien Mercille: I never drink coffee. Maybe I had five cups in my life, I never got used to it. Sometimes I drink tea when I’m trying to adapt to my new Irish culture but not so often. It’s green tea usually.

That stuff any good at hangovers?

I’m never hungover because I can’t do more than 3 pints.

A question fit for a President, tighties or boxers?

I shouldn’t reveal this for fear that commenter Anne would jam the comments section with too many comments.

She’s my best customer.

OK, I’ll let you two work.

You should be nicer to Anne, you might get onta’ the most commented top table. So tell us sum’ting your Monday readers don’t know about you.

I’m a private person so it may be better to keep some things private…

Nope. It’s good to share.

OK then, I have a sister.

What’s your secret ambition?

Have a weekly column in a national newspaper, preferably next to Dan O’Brien’s column to give it balance.

Dan O’Brien has a weekly column? Jays, they’d give anyone a weekly column these days, so what would you write about?

About the same topics I write for Broadsheet. Maybe more focused on Dan to entertain readers.

Entertaining is a bitta’ve a stretch tbh…

[silence]

Where are ya from and where’ll you end up?

I’m from a mid-size town in Quebec, Canada. I’m facing a dilemma as to where I want to end up really. I’ve realised over time that it doesn’t really matter where you end up, as long as you’ve enjoyed the journey.

So you speak French, do you do the accent n’all?

Yes, French is my mother tongue. The accent is very different than European accents though. Sometimes the French from France have a hard time understanding me.

Your Clinger of Choice and who’s the crush you’d like to fondle on the dance floor?

This is very difficult to reveal to tens of thousands of readers due to my political ideas. My crush I’d like to take to the dance floor would be Lucinda Creighton — it’s so sad she’s in the wrong party. Maybe I could convince her to join People Before Profit if I choose a really long clinger: November Rain or Stairway to Heaven, or both if needed.

First thing you do on a Saturday morning?

Reading the news and prepare my breakfast which is usually cereal.

Wha’! Not even a nudge?

What does that mean?

I’ll leave the Frill-Drillers answer that. Historical figure or famous person you identify with? Or Envy? And why?

Gerry Adams. Kidding, I wouldn’t want to scare any of the Young Fine Gael commenters. In general, writers and thinkers from the Enlightenment.

Ah yeah…Me too, love their stuff…

Yes, the Enlightenment, those who believed in human rights and freedom.

Dinner time – who are the guests and what would ya’put in front ov’em?

Among friends who could be known by Broadsheet readers: Peter McGuire (Irish Times journalist), Kitty Holland (Irish Times journalist), Aoife McLysaght (scientist), Sinead Gibney (IHREC), serving aubergine bake and Aperol Spritz.

FFS. Not even jelly n’icecream, or a bitta Swiss roll for afters?

For dessert, something with maple syrup, maybe berries.

Your concept of Heaven?

I’m not religious but if you mean an earthly paradise, somewhere abroad where I can read and write with no distraction and get a good meal in the evening.

And Hell?

In prison.

My idea of heaven is a heated smoking area, and hell is a wedding invitation… What TV reality show would you like to be on?

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It’s really funny, five gay guys come find a straight guy and they get him clothes, renovate his house and show him cooking tricks, so I’d benefit from all that. Or else a cooking competition show like Iron Chef or Hell’s Kitchen, to learn some cooking tricks.

After learning about Aubergine Bake and watery wine for dinner, I should’a known. Biggest regret in life so far?

Probably not having started to write for the media earlier.

Does every answer have to be about work?

Work is a big part of my life, but since I like it, it’s never really work.

What’s your greatest fear?

I don’t have too many big fears.

Stump up or else I’ll say you have a fear of butter, dickie-bows and redheads.

I fear that Bodger will never redesign Broadsheet.ie as he promised he would…

Friday night pints, what’s your sup?

I’m not a big drinker, especially by Irish standards. Sometimes when people do rounds I end up with 2-3 pints in front of me and then I give them to others who are more in need.

No surprise… lemme guess… pints of Coors Lite Shandy.

Usually I have Guinness or Smithwicks.

That’s handy, I’m a Smithwicks drinker too. Any favourite blog?

Here are some of the main things I read in terms of news. In Ireland, Michael Taft’s blog Notes on the Front is excellent and in the mainstream press so are the Sunday Business Post and the social affairs section in the Irish Times. I also look at every column written by David McWilliams and I monitor his development as a leftist writer. Fintan O’Toole is good but he should try to be less literary. Outside Ireland, the Financial Times (London) is the best paper in the world in the mainstream, followed closely by the Wall Street Journal and New York Times. Then there’s The Guardian for more critical perspectives. In the alternative press, I read many things; regulars include Truthout, Juan Cole, Jacobin, and everything written by Dean Baker and Mark Weisbrot, two US economists.

I didn’t make the cut, ‘ ara wha’ harm … hardly my kinda’ company. Do you have a favourite filum?

Probably Star Wars is the one I’ve watched the most often. Johnny Depp was amazing in Pirates of the Caribbean. Recently, Spotlight and Suffragettes were good. I’ve watched all the Vietnam War movies when I was a student in the United States.

Do you or have you, ever re-gifted?

Sometimes when I have friends over for dinner, they bring food or drinks that I don’t really like, and so I bring them as my contribution to other friends’ dinner parties.

Of course they bring their own grub! They bloody have’ta. What’s on the telly that you can’t miss?

I rarely watch TV. Sometimes I watch Vincent Browne but since he hasn’t invited me in a while now I’m inclined to want to make his ratings go down a bit.

You should lobby’em for your own show, you’d be great craic, a ratings poll topper.

[silence]

What Superhero would you be?

Invisible Woman. I’ve always wanted to be invisible. I could make my way in the parliament and spy on whatever they’re doing, like during the night of the bank guarantee.

Have you some gender fluid notions you’d like to share, like why does it matter if you’re a man or a woman if you’re invisible? Sur’ there’s plenty Women in your line of work that are treated like they’re invisible, you should ask them about it …. you might want to pick another Superhero after that conversation.

You don’t know your superheroes. There’s an Invisible Woman but no Invisible Man.

Bollox, you don’t know your telly, an annuder thing… you don’t know your HG Wells. BTW, since you mentioned him earlier, Johnny Depp is the newest Invisible Man.

[no reply]

Do you have a favourite joke or funny story?

Yes but they’re better told in person.

Thank Christ.

Frill’s Verdict?

Eh, no. I wouldn’t.

Frilly Keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow her on Twitter: @frillykeane

70 thoughts on “A Mercy Frilling

  1. Condescending Nana

    if this was a woman the sexist commentary would have you strung by the neck ,but sure he is man, please continue making absolute donkeys of yourselves.

  2. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

    I liked this. Thanks Frilly and Julien.

    Anne – you are sooooooooooooooooo in here

    1. Anne

      Who me Anne? or Nice Anne?

      “tighties or boxers” Or naaathing at all is grand with me like Mr. Mmmmmmmmm-mercille.

    1. Frilly Keane

      D’ja know, I was going to ignore this

      Firstly, what you have there is a Quarter of the full Q & A.
      And I do this in MY OWN TIME not an employers
      Nor have I a career to promote

      So go eff right off with yerself Stingina

      Or maybe you just like to climb on my tits.
      Fair’nuff. There’s a queue

      1. Anne

        Don’t mind her my lil Frills.. this is brilliant.

        Only a quarter of the questions huh?

        So many unanswered questions remain.. Is mmmmmercille gay or straight? Is he a big boy? I like um tall-ish. I’m 5ft 9 (and a half) myself. That’s without heels on. But we could stay in a lot too like, that’s no bother at all.

          1. Anne

            Ah thanks.. but it’s bit of a booby prize.. I want me some mmmmmmercile.

            hugs back though. breasticles smushed against the screen for ya..

  3. ahoui?

    “And is there more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking”?
    Didn’t The Village also expose him for being nothing more than a piece of meat. Looks like Frilly is not the only sexist mare in town.

    1. Clampers Outside!

      ….em, they pointed out some issues with his study of the media and property, yes. But it wasn’t a particularly bad article which had good points as well.
      And a few pages after that article, in another piece, in that same issue, Village went on to quote the guy and reference him in a good light.

      It was, mixed at best or worst, but it didn’t “expose him for being nothing more than a piece of meat”, in all fairness

      1. Joni2015

        I’m all for a decent put down but that was incredibly weak. You’ve just turned my insult back on myself.

  4. ahjayzis

    Fupp sake Frilly.

    Not even a hint of a candid pic of Jules in his undies eating cereal reading Taft.

    1. Nigel

      Next week Frilly will interview the shark.
      ‘So tell me,
      toothface,
      d’ya see your future
      as a wallet
      or a golf bag?’

  5. J

    No thrills or frills in those responses. You know it is over when curiosity is the last passion to leave the room. It is not me, it is you BS. Frilly, please draft me my letter of annulment. *sob* *sniffle* .

  6. ProvingGround

    No more than 3 pints, and we’re taking advice off HIM????

    Get back to France ye bleedin fordeigner!

  7. Owen

    Julien, I like most of your stuff, but sometimes its too long and I can’t be arsed, ya know. However, this whole giving pints away cause you can’t keep up has to stop. That sh1t is not on.

    Frilly, you should have had words about that. There is solid social protocol that must be maintained, and fecnchie here giving away hard earned pints has to stop.

    1. Frilly Keane

      Ah.
      Just thought t’would be better to bagsey the spot next ta’ him in the pub

      Play it cute like

  8. fmong

    Could Frilly interview Leather Jacket Guy? That would be a like an annoying fake persona supernova.. the comment section would implode with rage

      1. Frilly Keane

        Would love that one Gussie

        Meself and the Tipp lads understand each other

        And of course I’d have to get what he thinks of the other Tip Kelly canvassing for Low’ry

  9. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

    Day One;
    I’m almost halfway through reading another barely legible piece of wank that passes itself off as prose. Almost half of the men have fallen. The rest of them are showing signs of delirium, imagining things of virtue that don’t actually exist.
    Bickering has erupted among the men. Some are saying that there was two Fridays this week, while others argue that there was as many as three. I try to calm tensions by telling them there was one too many, but it isn’t helping.

    Tomorrow I have to read the rest of it.
    FML

    1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

      Fergus, just stop, please.

      You’re confusing literary criticism with potty training for the under-5s.
      -Yes, your little girl did a poo-poo all by herself, but that doesn’t warrant a public display or any encouragement for her to repeat the performance.

      Just stop.

  10. rotide

    I liked frillys first columm.

    Rickman was bizarre as a bucket of badgers, and now we seem have to arrived at the broadsheet circlejerk in essay form.

    When the late show has rte personalities on it , ye all go mental This is worse seeing as Mercille struggles for a gig elsewhere.

    I’m just going to assume Leather Jacket Guy writes all the content from now on

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