Job Share Government

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From top: Fianna Fáil negotiating team arrive at Trinity College Dublin for government formation talks; Fine Gael’s Paschal Donohoe and Simon Coveney at TCD.

With some planning we could have a job share roster for the next Dáil session.

Frilly Keane writes:

Sur’ why not?

We’ve seen and hurd everything else. Super Majority Civil War Ententes, Blueshirt and Light Blue Independent hankies, Soldiers of Dynasty and their DNA Independents, Minority Alliances from the Pic & Mix benches; all ponsing about the Leinster House podiums, Montrose broadcast studios, and filling column inches at a rate not seen since the Armstrong Moon Landing.

Instead of Leap Year proposals, there have been more combinations and blends promoted by Enda and Mickey than at a tea taster’s convention.

The real story here is that Frilly Keane was right. The only Government that still makes any sustainable sense is FFS’Fein and their colour wheel near-neighbors; or another General Election.

The latter being exactly what the Big 3 wants by the way. FG because they want to rope in a few stray Independents onto their tickets, while FF think they have what the Yanks call Momentum “The Big Mo.”

The Shinners on the other hand want another, and more wiser, go at a General Election campaign, a campaign that will not be infiltrated and infected by Mir.I.Am O’ Call’again and all the other anti-SF product placements, and by now manners will have been firmly put on a few of their own. They also enjoy the cosy luxury of another 6 figure damages payday to lash into the election kitty.

Something else the Big 3 absolutely agree on, they want another election now so that the Independents and small party collectives and rabbles are stalled trying to raise deposits.

Lets go back to Job Share.

First of all look at this.

Once you’ve stopped lol’ing at O’Reilly’s photo or sniggering at big smuggy grin on Nash, put the two fingers down and ask yerselves. Who is doing the job of Minister for Communications, Energy and Natural Resources?

And who is the Minister of State with special responsibility for Rural Economic Development (implementation of the Cedra Report), Local Community Rural Economic Development Issues and Rural Transport? Sur what daycent professional would want that job anyway?

While yere at it, study that list of Ministers for State, from the 15 gigs 7 got re-elected. And one of those was Dara Murphy. Cheesus wept.

There is something fundamentally incorrect with the structure of our Cabinetry and Design of our Ministries anyway. So whoever or whatever set up gets the Seal of Office next from the Áras, t’would do them no harm to make all those jobs redundant. If fully suited and booted

Senior Ministers need a dig out, let them pick their own Juniors/ Assistants from the party benches at their disposal, and with no extras goodies like Garda Drivers and wage/ pension top ups.

For example: Jack Chambers TD, assistant Minister for Children and Youth Affairs.

With some solid Manpower planning and committed partners we just might have a Job Share Roster for the next Dail Session.

Week On Week Off would probably be more efficient for lads collecting milage, but that’s up to the various mandarins, cardigans and Sir Humphrey’s. I’m using the FF FG casting call because that’s what everyone else from The Examiner to the Marian Brunch Party Sets are using. (I wouldn’t want to upset the establishment honeys any more than I have already.)

Taoiseach / Tánaiste, Meh and Meh eile. Back and forth week by week.

Finance / Public Expenditure and Reform, swapsies between Michael McGrath and Paschal Donoghue.

Department of Social Protection/ Employment, Community & Social Support (Kevin Humprey’s old job) Timmy Dooley and anyone but Noonan or Flanagan or Barrett.

Health, Primary & Social Care, Children and Youth Affairs; Kate O’Connell & Barry Cowen (for old times’ sake) Dara Callery and Richard Bruton. And a half dozen “Assistants”

Ed, Skills / Science & Innovation. Kate O’Connell / Niall Collins

Foreign Affairs and Trade : Varadkar (he’s a crap Minister but great Politician. This is the gaff for him) and Lisa Chambers. (Harmless and will look good meeting everyone from the Pope to Putin.)

Ag, Food, Marine, Defense, Forestry, Horticulture and Food Safety: Coveney (who’s done alright there tbh) and Jackie Cahill. Sean Kyne and Pat the Cope

Justice, Equality, Law Reform, etc etc etc Willie and Francie (she knows where the biccies are) Jim O’C and whatever local Solicitor/ Junior Council the Blueshirts quota’d in – Josepha anyone? The only objector would be Francie herself so maybe not.

Tourism Sport & Arts I’d lash John Deasy and Billy Kelliher in here. Peas in a Pod. I’d say there’ll be murder about who gets the week on when the Euros start tho’

Trade & Transport, Willie O’Dea & Colm Brophy

Environment, Housing John McGuinness and Jamsie O’Reilly. And only because Reilly has big department experience and knows how to negotiate if his IMO days have a chance of being repeated. These two will kill themselves trying to outdo the other with the deals and legislation they’ll race each other to announce.

Gaeltach, Rural Affairs & Infrastructure (aka Into the Whest) O’Cuiv and Ring – no better bucks.

So whatty ye lads? I’ve even cut expense in half! But can I hand it over to ye now? Le do thoil. There are only so many times I can run up and down the FF/ FG Teachta Dálas player lists before developing a beige allergy.

Maybe consider the creation of a Commander for Broadband infrastructure. If there is to be genuine equal opportunity for all in this Country, High -Speed Broadband needs to be available to all its citizens.

By recognizing the lack of access and signal beyond The Curragh as a National Emergency we are no longer deliberately denying our communities a chance to thrive and grow.

This is not about access to WhatsApp for illegal turfcutters or Twitter for lads driving home from the club after a heavy one; this is about developing business opportunities, encouraging relocation, re-opening our small towns and villages, and promising sustainable public investment in Schools, Post Offices, Garda Stations etc to the tax payer that qualifies for a Value for Money stamp.

G’wan now. I’m not keeping a tally so I don’t care what gender the comments come in.

Before I sign off. A bitta’ve a shout out for The Wine Show. (My dream job, I’d even give up the spuds to shift that stone so I could on the road with the lads without looking too much like Clarissa Dickson Wright) ITV tomorrow and or ITV4 on Sunday. I promise ye’ll be thanking me on Monday.

Frilly keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane

30 thoughts on “Job Share Government

  1. Daddy Wilson

    I can’t ever bring myself to read this trash.

    Can not stand anything written in faux colloquial sod hoppery, painful, derivative and far funnier in the author’s head than anyone else’s.

  2. Slightly Bemused

    I have a slight question, maybe it’s already been answered before. But why are they meeting in Trinity? Do we not have a large collection of buildings currently sitting idle between Kildare and Merrion Streets with plenty of rooms currently unused?

    1. timble

      Neutral territory as FG control Government buildings, while in Leinster House they run the gauntlet of the media and other TDs moving between rooms.

  3. Owen C

    Given how pee poor in information value the previous suggested FF-SF cabinet article was, what is the point of this one?

    1. Stuey Ungar

      +1,000,000

      Can somebody please stop this poo – I keep reading it by accident and it puts me in a bad mood for the day.

      This person has a “column” now ?!?!

  4. Joe Small

    Garda drivers for Ministers were discontinued years ago. You really have no idea what you’re talking about.

  5. My Meat is Murder

    Excellent article Frilly I can see you took some of the stylistic criticism on board also without diluting your unique phrasing so bualadh bos!

  6. DubLoony

    Vatican has this problem sorted.
    Lock them in a room until decision is made.
    Only let out when the white smoke goes up.

  7. rotide

    I can’t believe you gave into the mob and toned down your phrasing Frilly.

    That aul’ nonsense you write is quintessentially frilly, don’t water it down because it annoys a few people

  8. some old queen

    I have a question. Is the TDs pre election and the TDs post election BOTH getting paid while this charade goes on?

      1. Frilly Keane

        Hah!
        I was so overtaken by his Confirm photo I forgot

        Sur wha harm,
        no one else’ll notice

  9. pissedasanewt

    Looks like the Cast for Reservoir Boggers – Directed by Micheal Martin, Produced by Enda Kenny.

    Title song: “Stuck in the middle with ye shower”

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