Frilly’s Gone Back On The Wine

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Matthew Reese (left) and Matthew Goode of ITV’s The Wine Show

For your benefit.

The beshtest column in the whole wide world.

Frilly Keane writes:

I’m no expert, but sur’ when did that ever stop me talking about stuff here, so let me bring ye back a few weeks when I gave a bitta’ve shout out to The Wine Show.

For anyone who didn’t follow up; this is a new bloke’ish style Wine show in the ITV Saturday tea-time slot (ITV4 on Sundays.) I say blokes, since the two pretty faces are the Matthews’ Rhys and Goode.

It starts like this, Matthew (had a good flirty part in The Good Wife btw) Goode’s voice-over purrs like a Bond: “Wine is made all over the world and enjoyed by millions but still a mystery to many” first part yeah, tis. But a mystery?

Ara’ I dunno, like maybe in so far as its pricing is eff’all use as a guide to the buyer. Sussing out a bottle of wine hardly compares to sussing out a 5 year old Ford Focus Automatic with 50K on the clock and leather interior.

Other than that, wine is anything but mysterious, and it is also probably the most democratic of beverages, everyone can enjoy it and affordability is not an indicator of standard or quality. Personal taste maybe.

The Matties’ Goode and Rhys sup wine and sway lines in a swagger style that is so polished, and yes, endearing, that their years of supper parties and picnics have stood by them, and at the top of the class is who they gently refer to as Obi Wine Kenobi, Mr Joe Fattorini, who is like a favourite geography teacher setting homework and mentoring his two pets while he teaches them how to map the vineyards of Italy.

But to give them all their fair due like, of the show’s presenters and guests (so far), there hasn’t been any slurping, sloshing, or spitting. My kinda wine tasting..

The show is based from a Villa in Tuscany, from which “our team of wine experts have travelled to 11 countries on 5 continents to bring the best and more interesting wines” back to.

Here’s where I step in now lads. The show is sponsored by Aldi.

So while the two bhoys are snottily supping big backstory wines from Muldova to Napa, and far too busy and what-notty for the type of bottles that the likes of me reach for, I will be reviewing, and totally for your benefit btw, three Aldi wines all the way from the Long Mile Road.

I need to clarify a few things first. I’m no expert, but I do like a drink. 95% of the time I only buy Spanish wine, but would be tempted if the Sancerre is on special offer and has the special one week only 25% off for 6.

My consumption in Rosé:Red: White terms would be reasonably accurate with a 60:30:10 statement.

Yes, I drink Rosé and the pinker and plumpier the better, Seve Ballesteros pink. I’ve even gone and hosted a Rosé Wine Tasting night. (But that’s for another Friday.)

Red: It has to bloody and bold. A Carménère should strut down your gullet like a prize Bull, and fill you up. It should stain the glass. French and Italians just don’t make it, and I don’t care how Classico your Chianti is Mr Fattorini the experience compares well to a Rioja mixed with water in accordance with Miwadi’s recommended measures.

White: Meh; salad food. Crispie, clear, and ideally with a bittve’ a ting to the afterwards. Something that tastes like it’s good for you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not that much of a stickler that I would refuse a glass. Well. I tell a lie. I wouldn’t touch Chardonnay, even if Mattie Rhys asked me to lick it off his beard. And let me tell ye he has the sweetest of Welsh twinkles in his accent; the kind that you’d have to stay well clear of; a real proper taffy daffie Celtish charmer.

Something else, I don’t like wine to be too chilled that the bottle starts to form a puddle. Cool to the touch. That’s enough. My red needs to be room temperature or maybe a tick or so above.

The Test Section Process: All three were off the same shelf and all three have the same price tag; €8.99, and the same year, 2015.

pinotnoir
1. Rosé: Kiwi Pinot Noir Rosé, “Marlborough” 13%

If I was blind it would have passed for a white, but at €8.99 it’s harmless, it doesn’t even swallow like a 13%. It would be one for the back garden, or balcony, with some strawberries and rasas or a B&H. The fact that it’s not Spanish definitely hurts it in the colour and sniff outcome, but I’ve tasted worse Spanish ones. Mattie Marks 4.5/10. Tescos Revero for €3.99 bates it into the Christy Ring Cup Division.

 

noir

2. Red: A Kiwi Pinot Noir, “Wairarapa” 13% (which is a good number for red)

It had a watery texture and look, way more than I like but it wasn’t annoying oddly enough. I poured straight from the bottle that didn’t help the first glass.
There was a rocket salad scratch and sniff about it which makes me suggest it might be a good lunch time partner to a grilled Mackerel. It’s definitely not main meal stuff, unless of course you have yours in the middle of the day.
I started this bottle deciding that it could have done with warming up but the second glass was worth the wait. There was a soft soap aroma inside the second glass that I just couldn’t put my finger on, but I did picture Avon’s Lily of the Valley Talc and Bluebells. I suggest if this was to be tried out again a good 6 hour long pour decant would enhance its potential.

Mattie Marks 5/10. I’d take it or leave it. Tesco did 6 x Sangre de Toro Garnancha 2014 (imported by Findlaters) for forty yoyos recently. So to be fair, it didn’t really stand a chance.

 

sauvignon


3. White: Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc with “Private Bin” particularly bannered,
another Kiwi but this is an All Black. 13.5%

Again and Again and Again. The best white wine I’ve tasted since an organic Verdejo, in Spain a few years back, the cork is still around the house it was that special. I can’t recommend this Aldi wine highly enough. It is competent enough to stand on its own in front of the telly, or simply with some smoked salmon or fruit salad, but it also has the cop on to step down and work alongside a steamy gooey bowl of Frilly’s Creamy Chicken Pesto. Don’t be afraid to offer it to guests or to get a half a dozen.

Mattie Marks 9/10 (I docked one because Aldi don’t do a standard 5% off for six)

So there lads. Mr Frattorini, and the Matties; I’ve done yere job for ye. Feel free to sashay me out to Tuscany to change my mind about Italian wine.

Frilly Keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane

Basset hound: author’s own

95 thoughts on “Frilly’s Gone Back On The Wine

    1. Daddy Wilson

      The only reason I’m not upset about the censoring is that you also did a quick proof read

  1. A Certain Ratio

    Absolutely dire. Ridden with typos, elisions and grammatical errors. A No Grade piece of ‘content’.

    1. Daddy Wilson

      Have you ever actually looked at the twitter account?
      The documentation of a lonely existence.

  2. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

    Wine. Yum. More of this please.

    And all NZ wine. Just sayin’..

  3. edalicious

    Frilly, try an un-oaked Chardonnay. It’ll change your mind on Chardonnays! Also, Pouilly Fuisse is a chardonnay grape (I believe) and they’re also delish. And as a hardcore red drinker, you might try the richer alpine wines, like a Gewürztraminer or Grüner Veltliner before you write off the whites.

    I am an absolute fiend for white wine, I LOVE it.

        1. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

          Oh god, they are so good. Really syrupy and sticky and oh god yes.

          Wente Riva is nice?

        1. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

          See above.

          Also see White Riojas and NZ Pinot Noirs. And Merlots of course.

          Delicious!!

  4. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

    That wine show is great. The Moldovan part was v interesting.
    Matthew Goode was rather good in Brothers and Sisters and is also excellent in The Americans.

    I don’t get the antipathy towards Chardonnay. It’s the grape in Chablis, which is almost uniformly lovely.
    Rosé’s only like lemonade, really.
    I’ll give that Marlborough a bash. You should try Mudhouse from Tesco too. Nice.

    1. jack johnson

      Matthew Goode was in Downton Abbey – Matthew RHYS was rather good in Brothers & Sisters : )

      1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

        OH YEAH! Rhys was in Brothers and Sisters and The Americans! Correct and right.

      1. Lush

        Be nicer to Chardonnay, because Burgundy.
        It was an amazing wine before the Australians got over enthusiastic with oak chips, and Chablis, Pouilly Fuisse and all of Burgundy are proof it is worth a second chance.

        Totally agree with you on Spain. And Aldi’s Rioja is cracking.

  5. kurtz

    Serious question; Why is this written in an Oirish accent? Surely it takes less time to type ‘boys’ correctly than to type ‘bhoys’ (however that’s meant to be pronounced)

    1. A Certain Ratio

      A vainglorious attempt to cover up an irredeemable lack of talent. I’d wager her handwriting has little hearts over the lower case “i’s”.

  6. Yeah, Ok

    Your word usage in Unnecessary:Relevant to the article:parts I enjoyed terms would be reasonably accurate with a 60:40:0 statement.

    Your writing style is atrocious. Using made-up words and colloquialisms everywhere is clunky and unreadable, not endearing.

    Please stop.

  7. They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab

    Excellent – this is the best Frilly column (again) yet.

    Moderators – can you for heavens sake do your jobs and remove the odious personal slurs? Repeat offender.

    1. A Certain Ratio

      What personal slurs? If you put your ‘work’ out for public consumption, the price of admission is being exposed to criticism. Back to your ‘safe space’ with you.

      1. They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab

        Why? Who appointed you a literary critic? Shut the fupp up – attention-seeking idiot.

        1. A Certain Ratio

          See the button that says “Leave a Reply”? It’s open to all. There are no qualifications bar the random, capricious censorship choices of BS admin. If you don’t like it, go set up a tumblr blog or something where you can delete any criticism that hurted your little feelings box, you child.

    1. They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab

      Lonely troll posts comment about it. Cries, silently (no-one is watching).

      1. Daddy Wilson

        Happy individual looking for a brief distraction from work is annoyed at the quality of drivel allowed on a once good website, voices opinion on it.
        Observes astutely what can only be described as lonely behaviour and possibly a cry for help.

        And besides mate, you won’t dip the wick there so you’re wasting your time trying to be a knight in shining armour. Give it up eh?

        1. The Key of G

          Irony of idiot posting lengthy, windbag rebuttal in thread where idiot complains about writing style lost on said idiot.

          1. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

            Still, the idiots win at the end of the day so that’s nice

        2. Anne

          ‘Observes astutely what can only be described as lonely behaviour and possibly a cry for help.

          That’s a lot to take from a wine review you know.
          I think this is what they call projection.

  8. Common Projekts

    The Wine Show = an insufferable pair.

    This column is unreadable. The Irish Times Saturday magazine awaits.

    But more importantly: is that not a Basset Hound?

    1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

      (1) In your opinion.
      (2) It’s not. It’s perfectly legible.
      (3) Yes.

  9. scottser

    Not into dago plonk, frilly? I’d shlurp a valpolicella from a manky welly any day..

        1. Daddy Wilson

          I stand corrected, xenophobia was indeed the word I was looking for
          And no it is not cool

          1. Daddy Wilson

            Unrelated,
            My issue is not with his ethnicity but with his tearing up of an Irish passport, stating himself to be Egyptian to a crowd in Egypt and when things got tough reverting to Irish.

          2. scottser

            Daddy Wilson is on the vino a little early, judging by the rantiness of his posts. It’s always a problem with white wine -the hangover kicks in before the buzz ends..

          3. MoyestWithExcitement

            Except you’ve never seen that happen. Why were you so willing to believe that without seeing proof? Only one answer I can’t think of.

  10. Eoin

    I don’t know anyone who discusses wine. I don’t know any ‘wine people’. Thank Christ! I’ve no time for elitists.

    1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

      Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. People who like wine aren’t elitist.

  11. Sheik Yahbouti

    Ah, Frilly, what a wuss! I am a grateful imbiber of Aldi’s wine selection, but I take issue with your choices. Rose?!? Would you ever…..

      1. bisted

        …Tavel Frilly…now you are on the Broadsheet payroll you can afford to spoil yourself…

          1. bisted

            …Corton Charlemagne…Meurseult…Grand Cru Chabis…I’d purge the inverted snob from you with these Chardonneys and re-educate you with some Pinot Nior…real Bourgogne Pinot Nior…oh for beaker full of the warm south…anyway…back to my Spanish Chablis.

          2. Shayna

            I’ll probably bump into you on the next BS week-end trip to New York, whilst questioning the vintage of the champagne served by Aer Lingus.

      2. Sheik Yahbouti

        Ah, Frilly, I can’t argue with you – a little of what you fancy really DOES do you good :-)

  12. Kerri Ann

    Remember when the smoking ban came in, and suddenly all our pubs smelt of urine and eggy farts? We were breathing it in all along, but the smoke disguised it.

    That’s how these pieces read to me. As the “hup’owa dat” codology flakes off, the garbage underneath feels even worse.

    1. Sheik Yahbouti

      Kerri, could I interest you in a meaningless relationship with an Old Fart??? ;-)

    2. Caroline

      Kerri Ann has always been my favourite, I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before.

      Losing the culchieisms is an alarming development.

  13. Catherine McEntee

    Well done Frilly, that was an entertaining read and it’s given me quite a thirst!!!!

    Let us know whenever you’re hosting another wine tasting evening, myself and memes will be the first ones there, we can be your beautiful assistants ;~}

  14. Leela2011

    jaysus, alot of people got out of the wrong side this morning! It’s only a bit of craic :)
    I like your haphazard style Frilly, I’ve been know to frequent the same Aldi in the hope of wine offers. Enjoying the Wine Show, it’s very silly and can’t be taken too seriously… the Matthews are very charming!

  15. rotide

    The picture of rover with the bottle negates any issues I had with the article.

    10/10

    1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

      Rover has a look of “get that fupping bottle outta my face”, though.

  16. PTang

    From my limited experience with da ladies
    Red wine drinkers – full bodied and passionate in the leaba. Awesome
    White wine drinkers – lie back and think of Ireland
    Rose – all front and no action

    1. Sheik Yahbouti

      ‘ere, are you lot saying Frilly’s an actual worman? Well, there’s a thing. I can’t tell, meself.

    2. Anne

      That’s gas.. I mostly drink red.. Merlot if I’m having the odd glass of vino or two. Awesome.

  17. Serval

    wine “is also probably the most democratic of beverages, everyone can enjoy it”
    Yes, there are so few drinks that everyone can enjoy.

  18. Mulder

    Wine snobs take a back seat for a mo, or so.
    Actually know folk in this town who buy wine, not just to put on their chips but to actually drink.
    They pick the wine, by the colour of the wine the shape of the bottle and the colour of the label.
    It be hit and miss but when it`s good it be very good.

  19. Clampers Outside!

    I miss wine sometimes…. and beer, PLA’s, crafts too, Guinnish, whisky, brandy and vodka. Yeah, I miss neat vodka, real cheap, neat vodka….. God that stuff would strip the paint of a Massey’s rear wheel mudguard.

    * has coffee with three heaped spoons of sugar *

    Tells self… ” that’ll do Clamp, that’ll do “

  20. Shayna

    Food/Drink travel shows have always appealed to me, Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan’s, “The Trip”, although a tad contrived, was very enjoyable – smatterings of competitive impersonations of the Bonds (007s, that is), Michael Caine, Ronnie Corbett – and impromptu Abba renditions mixed with appreciations of fine wines and gourmet dishes made it successful. (It’s on Netflix, along with “The Italian Trip”).
    My personal go-to wine is Chilean Sauvignon Blanc, it’s crisp, not overly fruity and refreshing, but needs to be well chilled. I have never considered that my wine of choice might reflect my performance in the leaba, as suggested by PTang’s comment, but I yield (and think of Ireland?) to his posturing, because I can’t confirm or deny if this is a “thing”.
    I enjoyed this post by Frilly, her colloquialisms have calmed since the early days and look forward to reading her next installment.

      1. Shayna

        “We shall arise at Dawn, no maybe, having thought about it, 7am (for those who want breakfast) for a 7.30am ride to freedom and glory”.

  21. Mulder

    What i want to know, who is going to be brave enough to tackle the topic of Irish Wine, that be wine grown in vine yards in Ireland and then pressed and bottled.
    Ok ye might not get many bottles but.

  22. Mulder

    Would say, all points south, as the south has best climate.
    So in theory ye could grow grapes and press them.
    Depending upon the summer of course.
    Though allegedly, in Greece at one point, where had many irish holiday folk, there were some greeks, selling authentic, irish wine grown in some part of karrkat.
    Which is an infamous irish village going back hundreds if not thousands of years.
    Least thats what it said on the label.
    No questions asked.
    Though apparently, karrkat is irish.
    A great wine, with many, many different flavours.

  23. Kieran NYC

    I look forward to later when wine-drunk Anne comes to give wine-drunk Frilly (ably assisted by drunk Memes) unwarranted abuse over this column

  24. some old queen

    Wine descriptions are like Irish Water job specifications. Flowery language which means frig all.

    Lidl used to do a really nice dry white from Germany. The label said “Dry White from Germany.” I hope they bring it back.

        1. Frilly Keane

          Ah nah Same’oh

          I’m a whatever’s *Spanish and on special offer buyer
          Sur give the one above a lash
          An €8.99 punt will hardly kill ya

          I would get more German wine but they seem to keep the best stuff for themselves

  25. Donger

    Frillz, I’m half way through ep 1 ( I found on sky demand thing) and I can confirm it’s nonsense. 3 toffs making wine sound more arsey than ever

        1. Frilly Keane

          I dunno
          Is it Queenie?

          Maybe you should describe it more t’me
          Tell me what you saw to be phallic ….

          1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

            I love that word ‘phallic’.
            -It means that something looks like a mickey, doesn’t it?

            I have something that’s quite ‘phallic’ meself, only it’s much bigger.
            I’m planning on taking it for a night out* this weekend.

            *and in, and out, and in, and out, etc…

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