The cabinet gather at Aras an Uachtarain on May 6, following the General Election.
With some choice, salty and, frankly, work-unfriendly language the author casts her eyes over the performance of certain members of the cabinet to date.
Grab a tay.
This Government is S H one T
This Government is SH 1 T
This Government is just plain shit
Whatever way you want to spell it; it still means shit.
And by Christ is this current Irish Government all of them.
I don’t know of any other Government that has been more shit.
Did ye ever see the like?
A Minister for Health that was a Journalism School wannabe only a few years ago. Seriously. One of the biggest monsters in our annual spend, and one that is vital to the health and wellbeing of all us and our families is being led by a a 29-year-old DIT Journalism graduate .
Fair enough if Simon Harris decided journalism wasn’t challenging enough and he was capable of bigger and better things.
But you and I know he didn’t go off to McKinsey’s or Harvard MBA lands or even, you know, the real world of work. What Simon Harris did next was arse around and slobber up for a handy gig. And it worked. Like this is la-la land and we’re all doing so well that there is no need to consider someone of substance, qualification, experience and meaning. But it’s not yet we still get Simon Harris. Those Nurses better not strike is all I have left ta’ say about this one.
We have over in Iveagh House a Minister for Foreign Affairs that makes Elmo look like the smart one. Charlie Flanagan is useless. USELESS. He’s as much an International Diplomat & Statesman as I’m a Prima Ballerina. If I was ever held hostage over in some place where the even the kids carry guns I’d have a better chance of a safe return to ye if t’was a Healy Rae or a Mattie McGrath on my case.
Look at Leo, Minister for Social Welfare, now spending his days sitting on his arse waiting to pick a fight with the next Johnny Come Independent; that’s all he’s at these days – falling out with the Independents. For all the busy-at-work they’re-my-taxes heads pissed off at Social Welfare receivers… remember this, that’s also your pension (and Paternity Leave) in there.
Coveney? If yere wondering like … is Clongowes thru and thru, from his toenails to his receding hair line. That snobby langer is no more going to get houses built for our housing lists and hotel room families in the name of the common good of our local communities than Denis O’Brien will offer to pay for them. Watch the developers and land bank hoarders sort out his job for him while he pulling on his mainsheet.
And WTF was Mary Mitchell O’Connor ever good for? Now she’s Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation … now there’s an Edinburgh festival winning routine all on its own. Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation a vital Government Department in my opinion, it’s as important as Foreign Affairs, yet Fine Gael treat these appointments like they’re dishing out fun size packs of Haribos.
Paul Kehoe: Defence!!!! I feel’d more assured with just a Garfield sticker in his place.
Is it any wonder they’re having to back track on Water Charges and Bin Charges.
What’s next? I tell ya wha’
The 2017 Budget. What Noonan is going to have to do to get the votes could well exceed any previous pork barrel buffet benchmark by a toll-free 100km motorway with free NCTs at the Service Forecourts along it. At least.
And there’s another sham of an appointment btw, Minister for Finance Michael Noonan. Enda might as well have renamed the gaff the Department for Old Misers and Misogynists. It’ll be like a scene from a Willie Wonka revival in there come Budget Negotiations: I want I want I want or I’ll cry and cry and fuck off.
So what is that despicable cruel old man Noonan going to have to give to Ross? A South Dublin Stock Exchange perhaps? Ha I can see it now on RTÉ News: “and on the N11.sEX – down 4 points”
And what d’ye think he’s going to have to give to that interloper Zappone?
It won’t surprise me to see him tell Pascal Donohoe to increase their mileage allowance. Because all Droopy Donohue is going to do there in Expenditure and Reform is figure out a way of taking from one group of public servants and dish it out around the Cabinet table to keep them all happy.
I’d say Zappone is going to need a bigger promise meself, a Presidential Candidacy wouldn’t surprise me.
Maybe I’ve actually short-changed this Government. Not alone is it Shit – It’s a Gimme Gimme Gimme free for all.
Frilly Keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane