Ross Martin
Office worker Ross Martin is an Englishman living and working in Ireland.
Now.
So he is.
Ross writes:
One thing that has always struck me about Irish people is their incessant need to continually fill the air with mindless chitter-chatter.
Now this would be fine if I could understand what everyone was saying but a lot of the time some of the sayings and phrases have me scratching my head. So ‘comere till I tell ya’ my take on some of the best ones I have picked up
As I’m writing this article ‘It is after getting very cold in the office’. Why put ‘after’ in front of a sentence? It makes no sense to me.
Well apparently (after some long winded research and advice) this has something to do with the formation of a peculiar vestige of Gaelic Irish and English so I suppose I better keep quiet about that one…Blame the British!
Saying ‘Now’ after every little thing you do. What the hell is that about? Makes himself a cup of tea, sits down at desk and drinks said cup of tea….’Now’. In the office I hear about 50 of these a day.!
Just drink your tea in silence will ya for ‘Jaysus’ sake (a constant reminder of the great one is also an inevitable anecdotal expression you hear on a daily basis)
Terms of endearment for people you may or may not know are plentiful and getting to grips with some of these is a bit of a challenge. Without prior research this is what I came up with:
‘Yer Wan’ – The girl over there or the girl I am talking about.
‘Yer Man’ – The man over there or any male I have ever had any contact with.
‘Oul Wan’ – Your mother or any old woman I’m talking about.
‘Oulfella’ – Your Father or any old man I’m talking about
These are all fairly easy to remember but the one that always gets me is ‘You see yer wan there now, she has notions’. Now god only knows what that means but my rough translation would be: Irish people should always remain humble and never think or behave above their station.
Half way through writing the article and an urgent query comes in, I ask Stephanie to have a look for me and she says she’ll do it ‘Now in a second’.
So now I am sitting here perplexed as to when she will do it. Will it be now or will it be in a second? ‘Jaysus’ only knows. I’ll just sit here and hope for the best, ‘You know that kinda way?’
Anyway, I had a good old laugh to myself writing this ‘So I did’ but the research and all the ‘Messages’ in between has left me ‘banjaxed’ which is ‘Gas craic’ for all involved.
I’ve been told I speak with an Irish twang when I go back to London to visit family and they think I will lose my cockney accent but ‘I will in me hole’ as I must remember my roots.
If you enjoyed reading the article can I get a ‘Yeah yeah yeah yeah (sucks in breath)’ from any of you? ‘Good man/woman yourself’ for reading. I’m off to watch the Snapper for further inspiration.
Thanks Amy
“One thing that has always struck me about Irish people is their incessant need to continually fill the air with mindless chitter-chatter.”
This. You lads cannot bear a silence.
“Come here to me” was the first ‘Irishism’ I encountered that completely confused me.
*tumbleweed*
BOOM!
Proving my point andy, proving my point
Shurrup.
:)
where are you from yourself?
A land far far away through the mists of time and space
Ah, Cavan.
Ha!
Cavan is wonderful, and the font of all that is good.
Islignton, amirite?
I lived in England a few years and on return realised for the first time just how much incessant goddamn chatter goes on around here. Especially in th’office.
Being that Irish people are also quite unwilling to discuss meaty/difficult/grownup things with people they don’t know well, most of this chatter is so inane it sometimes makes me want to weep. I’d prefer a deafening silence to endless – ENDLESS – peregrinations about the weather, the traffic, and…well, that’s it. The GAA, every now and then, perhaps.
Other times, I find it funny and endearing. But to be honest, most of the time it is textbook neurotic.
I had a German boyfriend once, and his favourite Irishism was ‘a shower of b*stards’. It’s actually poetic when you think about it.
+1.
There are many a great turn of phrase and use them myself so I do! The liberal use of c**t took me quite some time to get used to though.
-1
@Niamh *chuckles* Acute and funny. Hope we see more of Niamh on BS.
Lived in England, German boyfriend…. Have we found NFATR?
Punctuating every sentence with ‘do you know what I mean?’
Innit.
Ah sure look it!
Repeated use of first name in formal settings when uncomfortable: ‘Look it, Sean’ or ‘Look it, Miriam’
It’s politicians’ favorite on RTE, conveying:
– fake extension of generosity towards interviewer in disclosing ‘real’ root cause of something, attempt to win trust
– gentle display of being irritated by question
– subtle display of being ‘in the know’, hence invitation to end the discussion, since everyone know what it is about, but nobody can say it straight on because it’s ‘sensitive’
– [a few more, I am sure]
Irish colloquials are an art form. BS John Moynes could create a comic book on these. The size of War & Peace.
Did I enjoy reading this article?? This was an article? Sound like utter racist drivel to me! Well Ross you know what to do if you don’t like something! FRO!!!!!!!
Well it certainly says it’s an article a few times. Does that qualify it as an article? This fella now seems to have a fierce struggle with understanding people. I imagine he’s gas when he gets going about the hot press.
Irish is a race now? Do explain.
Irish is but travelers never ever are
Of course travellers are, if they are born in Ireland then its IRISH. Iv never met anyone whose race is traveller.
Lighten up Pal. It is as merely a take on the sayings in every day Ireland and it doesn’t mention him not liking them . I fail to see any racist remarks.
Another creeping Irish trait. looking for offense at every opportunity. Nothing racists about this light-hearted piece. Get a grip!
Any fupping excuse to bring up historic injustices neither party were actually alive to witness or carry responsibility for so they can pleasure themselves to vicarious victimhood.
The guy’s probably working class, his ancestors probably didn’t fare all that well with the English aristocracy either. But noooooo…
Your time would be better spent googling racism than pressing your exclamation key.
Rascim : the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races…..
“One thing that has always struck me about Irish people is their incessant need to continually fill the air with mindless chitter-chatter.” I’m probably more annoyed I read this, boring non-entertaining, unfunny piece!
Ah fook off its only a laugh
Welcome to the parish Ross :-)
Fun read!
I have all sorts of misunderstandings with my Eastender housemates regarding the nature of hot presses the like which always end in me retorting YAWWW NOT MY MUVVVAAAAAHHHH!
On the flip side, I really hate the Londoner greeting “You okay?”, for about a year I thought I must look fierce shook, now, as everyone was asking me was I okay. Yes I’m okay.
in’it ?
in’it +1 :)
-1
“I really hate the Londoner greeting “You okay?””
That really threw me too. Why… wouldn’t I be? Is there something I don’t know?!
Hahaha…….. splutter, that’s a scary reminder of the past…
RIIIIICCKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Sound of glass shattering within a hundred metre radius of character on set and the TV in front of me)
Yer, wot is it?… You oh.. kay.. BIIIIIAAAAAHHNNNNKKKHHAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!
Why some Irish people wanted to watch that so often.. I’ll just never understand?
:-J
I’m always amazed when English people don’t understand other dialects of their own language. It’s makes them seem very insular.
Yeah, it’s funny how people wholive in one country don’t understand the evolution of language in a completely different country. What a bunch of idiots!
It’s not that Ross doesn’t understand it, it’s that he seems (faux) amazed that such a thing might happen.
What is wrong with being amazed by the world? Have you lived overseas before? I’m on my 5th country and counting (oo look at me). You can read as many blogs/articles whatever before you go, nothing will completely prepare you being there until you are there. This is no more than what every immigrant does, which is “hey, isn’t that interesting/weird, what’s that about, I find it confusing but I’ll work it out, it’s not you guys, it’s me”. I see my own experience in this, nothing faux about it.
It’s faux for the purposes of a “funny” article was my point.
I meant that he was amazed that it could possibly exist (another take on the English language). There’s nothing wrong with being excited and delighted by differences though.
I’ve lived in 3 different countries. I’ve yet to be amazed that they speak differently.
Oh give over….
Don’s a septic tank. Just occurred to me. Makes so much sense now.
Thats not nice
Though if I am, can I be the Victorian wonder that is Bazalgettes sewer works? Those are epic.
Septic tank = yank = American.
I’m not, no. GUESS AGAIN CALLER
Disappointed I can’t be Victorian sewer works though.
I think I remember where you are from.
Have you got furry feet?
People who csll Americans septic tanks aren’t ina position to be giving this chap any grief.
You all know too much, I’ll have to kill you
Boom!
He’s not amazed, he’s written a humorous description of the phenomenon. You’d not bat an eyelid if he wasn’t English.
That’s not true. His nationality is irrelevant.
Good point.
Is news, noted fighter of anti-Church bigotry in fact bigoted against the English?! Join us at 12 for more on this developing story.
Whatever gets you through the day Don :-)
@Don – Antipodean? Kiwi!
@ahjayzis – agree wholeheartedly. Laughing hoop off at EastEnders bit above.
Ta me tar eis…..
I am after….
Simples
I’m never surrendering ‘I’m after doing x, y, z, etc.’ It describes your position with perfect preciseness. i mean ‘I’ve done x, y, z’ – but, what? In the distant past? Near past? Consider the difference between ‘I feel in that lake’ and ‘I’m after falling in that lake’. The second is so much more dynamic.
FELL. Freudian slip wahey.
Here’s a No, No, No for you
It’s called Hiberno English. Derives from the tongue your ancestors forced on us, we made use of it, won a few nobel prices here and there for literature. Ring any bells?
Doubt it was the ancestors of Cockneys forcing anything on anyone, in fairness.
“Cold-blooded murder of the English tongue”
Name that quote ladies and gentlemen!
Jamie T
Ah the Nobel Price – E2.57. Worth every penny.
Cockneys are bemused by and unfamiliar with idiomatic speech. Apparently.
Alright geeze? Gordon bennet. you’ve only gone and nailed it. knocked me off my plates, couldnt adam it brahv
pukka.
Hi Ross, I’ve never understood the ramblings of cockney rhyming slang jibber jabber or the expressions “Me old mucker” , ” Cor blimey” and “Old blighty”.
May have been a mistake to post your picture me old tulip.
Hey Catherine,
This was an article I wrote for my work newsletter for a laugh and sent in to here by my Mrs without me knowing.
Feel free to pop to Dublin 2 as you now know my face and I can give you some Cockney rhyming slang lessons me old mucka!
The language is called Irish. Please just call it Irish. Not Gaelic, Gaelic Irish, Irish Gaelic or anything else.
you are wrong. the correct term is Irish Gaelic so as to distinguish it from Scots Gaelic and Manx Gaelic and of course the simple adjective Irish
@ Ross
Lol, I will – only if you have Chas & Dave playing ‘Down To Margate’ and a cup o’ rosy lee waiting on me :-)
The comment about your picture came from a good place….
“This was an article I wrote for my work newsletter for a laugh and sent in to here by my Mrs without me knowing. ”
That’s a bit fupped up.. innit.
Tricolour plastered about them. Check.
Vague threat to random English guy. Check.
Scumbag on deck. Watch out Ross, she’ll sling her can of Dutch at ya.
Aw hewere Leave it owt ….
@ ahjaysis
Get over yourself – enough attention seeking for one day love
Can you not go and fix the internets somewhere else no?
@ Anne
My dearest darling Annie, what’s your beef?
Love Catherine xxx
She never went away, you know…
@ Kieran
Neither did you, holed up in your bedroom way over in the arseho!e of nowhere in the Weshhhht pretending you’re in the big apple – you haven’t the balls to emigrate.
Being ajaysis’ b*tch is about the height of your accomplishments.
This would be great as a stand up comedy routine.
Followed by 10 minutes on the differences between men and women (you know what I’m talking about guys, right?)
Real fresh stuff.
Chortle..
Nailed it.
And what’s the deal with airplane food?
be dum be dum dum POP
Haha… ye.
:-J
Two nations, divided by a common language.
Ah sure look
Ah grand
Ah now
Ah now isn’t that grand
Ah go away
Ah maybe
Ahhh?
Ah would ye ever go and f…
Next article will be the difficulty he has in pronouncing Irish names.
THEY ARE HARD AND HAVE TOO MANY LETTERS
Hehe
Schure lookit, you’ll be grand
I can’t comment. I’m in the middle of my dinner so I am.
a mountain range of spuds – heaven.
‘Wan’ for female comes from the French, don’t you know, as does the ‘Pan’ in Sliced Pan (Pain), be de hokey.
Gasún – from garçon
‘Now’ thing, maybe it’s short for “Now, here we are, in this particular situation in which we find ourselves in”
In Beckettian kind of way?
Another Irish term they dont get is “geebag”..we had an English relative ask for a pint of it at a bar in Dublin and we were in hysterics…
Hurr durr let’s make them say a slang word they don’t know and we’re so clever and funny.
Hahaha…. I’ve done that one too..
To an English friend going into a shop…
– “Grab me a geebag while you’re in there… Just say a large one at the counter and don’t worry they’ll know what you mean.”
I also had to say “don’t worry it’s a sandwich”.
10 mins later.. “You faak’n leprechaun’s c**t..”
A large geebag sandwich please…
Ahhh.. classic gag…
:-J
Seamus Heaney’s Hiberno-English Beowulf begins with ‘Now’ – the original Old English word is hwaet’, and this was traditionally, in English, translated as ‘what ho’, or something similar (like ‘listen up’, or ‘hark’, or something like that). So it’s a bit like ‘tally ho’.
I don’t think I could like without exclaiming ‘NOW’ before I begin anything. It involves everyone in the room in your dull task/sandwich/opinion.
It begins with “So.”
So now.
Ah crap I’ve remembered that wrong for years. ‘So now’….not as random.
People speak differently in different countries.
We do chatter on though.
Have London cousins who add a yeah? to the end of every question & expect you to nod in agreement. My neck hurts after about 10 mins with them.
That ‘yeah’ thing is a melt, a colleague who had spent some time in London and acquired a cockney affectation did it all the time, it like seemed obnoxiously aggressive, and he had to be told.
:):):)
you know that one
Here or here
If he dreams big, he could get a International Buzzfeed listicle!!
Not meant as a dig at Ross, he’s not to know we’ve heard it all before. And sorry to Ross about those who got offended, that’s their problem.
*troll siren*
Lighten up ya shower of bast*rds
Fukkenn offen homeum then. Problem solved.
Although you come.across as the type.that would whinge anywhere.
Hopefully one day they will make it an Olympic event and there will be a value to your sprouting
Think you’ve missed the point. No whinging here, I’m embracing the irishisms!
Still working on my German though, fücken offen…..
You failed then as you come across as a fierce whiny gobshite.
https://www.google.ie/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwjLjZv_8snOAhWnDMAKHTcTAfMQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F290622982180681005%2F&psig=AFQjCNHemmmdtuybG3iAx91AmJa3G8T5LQ&ust=1471573020676180&cad=rjt
:-J
Yeah….. no interest in joining pintrest to look at a pic of your junk, thanks.
So it turns out some of us can be fairly prickly and sensitive and mean-spirited when we think we’re being slagged. Oh dear.
Dialects and colloquialisms tend to add to the charm of a place and its people. Maybe ’tis time loike to either accept it or LAVE IT.
@ Spagetti
Love the ‘Lave it’, very jovial
there’s a little bit of an air of guffawing at the silly paddies about it. i dont think he means it like that at all, but we’ve had it for so long that it grates on us a bit. so dont be offended by the backlash you’re getting, Ross, we’ve just been having brits come over laughing at us for a looooooong time now.
I take no offence and I’m not laughing at your expense. Was merely a light hearted look at the phrases I’m trying to get my head around in the office!
The article wasn’t even written to be published. It’s my piece for an internal newsletter in work, little did I know it would be sent here so.
Arrah shure now tis often that a person’s mouth broke his nose…as they say ;)
@ Ross
Look up Nob Nation on Youtube, might clarify some things for you
Monaghan man is my favourite
The Irish love having a go at the English (look at any sports event here) and then get totally freaked out should they do the same in return. That’s all that is going on here, harmless banter, Ross is obviously not responsible for whatever offensive stereotypes that were cast in the past, therefore to try and play that card in this thread is fuppin ridiculous.
That was funny actually, imagining hearing “Now” 50 times a day in a large office before having the tea.
I’m a big fan of “So now, so”. Very useful.
…or the taxi driver’s favourite upon arrival at destination: “There we are now.”
Ha. Poor Ross hasn’t even ventured up north yet.
Every thing is WEE. For absolutely no reason. Describes nothing.
Would you like a wee cup of tea? ‘No I’d like a normal sized one tnx’. *Confused look*.
See that wee lad over there? Said ‘wee’ lad is 6’4 and about 18 stone.
Etc.
See also ‘big man’ in Glasgow which is used to label any adult male taller than 5’5″
“do you know what I’m about to tell you” is a good one.
“Do you know who’s dead?”…
Ok Peter Kay highlighted that one but very common here.
Ross, you never know, you might get a book out of it.
Also, your missus sent it in without telling you?, she must be Irish?!
LOL! She is totally Irish
Tell you what. Do another whinges fest, on your wife this time, and send it in without telling her.
Oh, how the two of you will look back on this and laugh….
“One thing that has always struck me about Irish people is their incessant need to continually fill the air with mindless chitter-chatter…”
Good god, has he ever heard the english, ending every sentance with “,,,,’awrightthen…”
Bit’ve a moany bollix
Int’ he
Ross meet Frilly. Frilly meet Ross.
lol
You can play etcha sketch in life, but when your moaniness is here in black and white every friday, you can’t be throwing those sort of accusations around willy nilly.
Well now Anne
You were more than welcome to sub in for me
In fact you tuned your arse to the offer
So FRO
@ Frilly
She couldn’t have done it as she’d have to come up with her own material – no relentless copy and pasting. Also, any critisism would have brought on one of her brattish tantrums and she’d be fking everyone from a height ;-}
In udder’ words
She has nothing ta’say for herself
In fact you tuned your arse to the offer
I musta missed something.. I’ve not had a chance to get on here as of late.. I’ve been on a foreign mission. Can’t discuss.
I woulda tuned me arse if I’da known about it.
I’ve a bit of catching up to do.. I do get some good lols from the abuse you get.. Sorry, can’t be helped.
@ Frilly
That’s it, she only comes on here to pull an argument out of someone, as she did with you and me yesterday, then slinks off when we call her out on it – miserable way of going on.
I forget me quotations for the bit you said..
I’ve loads to say.. Catherine is an aul moany do-gooder. I talk about tax credits for mothers on maternity leave on one of your posts (that it’s presumed they’re getting full pay) and she hasn’t a bull’s notion of what I’m talking about (either did you by the looks of it) . She wants to tell me about the joys of babies, of looking into their eyes and seeing the innocence and some other sorta nonsense. Go sell crazy some place else like. CTRL C, CTRL v for revenue and citizen’s information is to help ye out, ye twits. Do I get a thanks for it?
Links or you just pulled it out of your arse like. Facts are good.
@ Anne
You’re on here round the clock under your hoard of transparent user-names
Ah would ya give over Anne
Empty Shirt
No Trousers
That’s you
Gotta go now
Some savage waves are looking for me
Btw, if any wave watchers are about
The best swell we’ve seen here on the East Coast since ’09’s (mini) Hurricane Bill
bye buh.. don’t drown or anything.
@ Anne
On that particular thread you rambled on bitterly about women you’d worked with having baby after baby, being paid maternity leave and then leaving while poor old you had no paid leave for being a singleton.
I love children in general, not just my own, you wouldn’t understand that as it doesn’t involve ‘me, myself and I’ mentality – you’d actually have to give simething of yourself other than bile.
Go back and read it again. Tax dear. Mostly about tax. I didn’t agree with how tax for mothers on maternity leave was being worked out by revenue. I already explained what they were doing, but you can’t understand it, can you?
To spell that out for you, that would be me being supportive of mothers. Learn to just read the words in front of you. Not what you imagine. And I’m not single. Trot along now.. It’s great you sprouted a few out. How’d ya do it at all? Well done you.
@ Anne
You copy and pasted a few bits about tax- whoopedee doodah – go you!!!!
What you’d like to be forgotten is the nasty attitude you began with on that thread – no matter how much you copy and pasted after your little selfish rant, you couldn’t backtrack and erase the dark angle you’d originally commenced on.
okie doke Catherine…
https://www.broadsheet.ie/2016/06/17/making-happy-fathers-pay/#comment-1631093
I’ll leave that there for you.. mind the dark angles!!!! !!!
Try and get your wee head around it. You might be able to pass on useless information to some women sometime, instead of the ‘ I had babies, they’re wonderful, I love all babies, you wouldn’t understand’ nonsense
See when people understand if they’ve been taxed too much, they can get it back. They don’t come looking for you to give it back to you like. Ja get it?
By the way, clawback clauses have been added to some women’s employment contracts, so you don’t see situations where women have a few babies then leave a company.. it’s considered fair practice. Not dark angles. That means, they usually have to put in a certain amount of time with the company.
There’s nuance involved in most situations. It’s not all black and white. You can be supportive of most women availing of maternity leave, but critical of some scenarios – i.e. the ones who have back to back pregnancies, then leave a company.
Just read the words in front of you. Try and take it in!!!
@ Anne
I was well aware of the tax implications – it wasn’t news to me, most people with families are familiar with it all.
I’m away to meet one of my beautiful daughters for lunch now, catch you later.
Enjoy your day darling, toodles x
most people with families are familiar with it all.
It’s nothing to do with having a family… it’s maternity leave benefit. Taxable since July 2013.
And on what basis would you say most people with families are familiar with ‘it’? You’re starting to sound a bit condescending about having spouted a few out again..
‘It’ being the tax implications for women getting maternity leave benefit, made taxable since 2013, and on the presumption from the revenue commissioners that women receive full pay, therefore they are deducting their tax credit from their maternity benefit and affecting their standard cut off point?
You’re full of sh*te Catherine. Any pregnant women I’ve talked to isn’t aware of it. Most people haven’t a bull’s notion about tax.
Mind those dark angles!!
@ Anne
‘Having a family’ as in having had children.
Find someone else to entertain you now darling xxxxxxxxx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBwmnYIUYWI
I’ve worked with London clients for years and the one that gets me is ‘What it is yeah?’…….proceed with explaining the issue’ *affect Danny Dyer tone when saying it,….
“I wuz sat there”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TCN56ZUSD0
Ross sounds like a male genital.
…cor blimey.
Bunch – A – bleedin shy – hawks, de hole bleedin lor-ov-ye….. So ye arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………… rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………………….. .rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………… rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………. rrrrggghh!
Translation:
You’re all part of a group made up of untrustworthy and opportunistic people who are carefully looking around and waiting for the right moment to strike with their tongues which will possibly cause problems for others and most likely yourselves, all of you.
Yes It’s true that you are…. rrrr…. rrr…. etc.
Cockney -esque version:
Faaakk’in geezer’s an’ tw@ts, the whole bleedin lot of ye, ye?
Ye, that’s what you are, you lot ov’a der….
Lov-ely-jubi-lee…. Rodney you pillock !
:-J
Did you forget your badatmemes trolling username?