Minister for Arts, Heritage and the Gaeltacht Heather Humphries
On The Appointment of Director of Failed Bank
To Executive Board of Literature Ireland
My Dear Writers & Readers,
Adhering to recent Arts Council guidelines,
we are adjusting
our corporate governance structures
to include more criminal psychopaths
and people who just don’t know what they’re doing
per capita than are allowed exist
wherever the average eejit gathers
to do his or her thing.
To this end, and furthermore, to help me,
I mean ‘us’, avail of the expertise
of those with experience running the real economy,
I am appointing to my board a man
with a wide-brimmed felt hat
who has supplied political and business
conferences down and up the country
with all levels of women.
To assist in the enforcement area
we are anointing a bloke who for our purposes
will go by the name “Anto”;
who may have unexplained income
about which the Criminal Assets Bureau
would love to have a chat
but that is none of my business or,
if you know what’s good for you, yours.
Finally, from next month
the skeleton of a different one
of David Loyd George’s mistresses
will sit in on each of our meetings
to advise on social agility.
Kevin, many tnx for t dedication!
— Jonathan Sugarman (@WhistleIRL) October 27, 2017