I Will Find You [Updated]

at | 97 Replies

Beardy.

Fixie.

GUILTY!

It’s Satchelman!

Earlier

Oh.

This morning.

FIGHT!

97 thoughts on “I Will Find You [Updated]

      1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

        I will find you, no matter how long it takes.
        I WILL FIND YOU.

        That was one of my drunk quotes in my youth. No idea why. Said in strangulated tones. As usual, I was probably the only one laughing.

        Reply
    1. Martco

      Audi drivers? think it depends more on size of yoke than brand.
      Q7? I definitely agree
      I can tell you for a fact that 100% of Range Rover drivers are utter tools. fact.
      (tend not to be so smart tho when faced with a Merc Sprinter)

      Reply
        1. Rob

          Yea, pre crash it was guys in Beamers, now if you are pottering along the motorway a wee bit over the limit and someone comes flying past you, 90% of the time they’re in an Audi.

          Reply
  1. Nialler

    To be honest I was coming up baggot street one morning and hit the breaks slightly hard, cyclist slams into my rear tail light smashing it, he said I braked too hard, I argued he was too close to me as I wasn’t rear ended by a car, anyway, what could I really do, demand name and address from him for insurance purposes, no, little did I realise it would be €360 to fix the mini rear light, I have learned.

    Reply
  2. Rep

    Is BS going down the route of using the bile assocaited with cycling for clicks?

    Post anything bad about cyclists
    Wait for people to complain about cyclists
    Wait for cyclists to respond
    Wait for people who are complaining about cyclists to call the people defending cycling
    ???
    profit

    Reply
    1. The Old Boy

      It was once a rich seam for Broadsheet. Back in those halcyon pre-Brexit days, we could expect a 150 comment thread of doom about cycling and cyclists almost weekly.

      Reply
      1. SOQ

        A thread on transsexual cyclists is coming, I can feel it, or maybe on transsexual Audi drivers who hate cyclists?

        Mash it up a bit there Bodger, new angles of division etc.

        Reply
    1. theo kretschmar schuldorff

      the motorists you usually see use those arms to text, or speak on the phone while driving. Imagine the carnage if they tried to control a vehicle while operating a firearm.

      Reply
    2. Ciuncainteach

      Motorists are already in charge of a weapon, and my personal experience indicates that the majority don’t realise this.

      The minority are aware, and not above using the threat of violence to get their way on the roads.

      Reply
  3. postmanpat

    Tiny scratch could have been there already, it probably wasn’t but can you prove it? Get the Garda to CSI the paint flecks off the buckles of every satchel? ..que: pedo-(research, it was research…) WHO music…

    Reply
    1. postmanpat

      Personally I cant help but self pleasure (broadsheet edits out the M word because ..reasons?) while cycling! Especially with so many overweight red faced men staring at me from behind their steering wheels during the morning gridlock. The look of impotent frustration is too alluring.

      Reply
      1. topsy

        You’re being sexist pat. What about all the lovely lady drivers who are of the same physical and psychological disposition as those unfortunate men.

        Reply
          1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

            As I cycle home with my helmet perched atop my woolly hat, hi-viz jacket over my coat and a pair of flapping overtrousers, purple in the face with exertion, I often think about how sexy I look.

          2. Spaghetti Hoop

            Pedal on
            Pedal on, pedal on, pedal on for miles
            Pedal on

            Ah go on
            Ah go on
            Get up on your bike
            Get up on your bike

          3. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

            I FUPPING HATE cycling this time of year. It’s dreadful.
            A cold coming I have of it, just the worst time of year for a journey, and such a long journey. The ways deep and the weather sharp.

  4. Gertrude

    I wasn’t going to reply that “you’d know all about tiny” to one of your previous posts, I doubt there’s any danger though, of you knocking anyone’s wing mirror off…said it now, oh well…

    Reply
    1. postmanpat

      I know right? I’m dying to see the face of this two wheeled h̶e̶r̶o̶ …criminal! I hope nick adds evil music too.

      Reply
  5. Gertrude

    Yeah, I’m the psychotic, w***king postman ;-)

    Your original post about w**king as you cycle, was deleted, it doesn’t matter where I posted, it all ties in and you’re still a little crazy.

    Reply
    1. SOQ

      Or at the very least some sort of road safety certificate before they can take one of those Dublin bikes out. It is amazing nobody has been killed on one of those.

      Reply
      1. George

        If it was so dangerous someone given the number of journeys someone would have been by now. That’s how you measure danger.

        Reply
    2. Ciuncainteach

      Car drivers should bear the full environmental and social cost of their chosen transport method through a carbon tax on fuel. When this happens, I would be more than happy to advocate for compulsory third-party insurance for cyclists.

      Reply
      1. scottser

        having recently enquired about my rip off car insurance, i was told by the nice man at 123.ie that my insurance premium has gone up (in spite of my 10 year no claims bonus and zero penalty points) because of ‘the market’.
        compulsory insurance will not make the roads safer, but it will generate further profits for a shower of opportunistic, monopolistic chancers.
        the car will be on carzone tomorrow.

        Reply
        1. Ciuncainteach

          Fully agree – don’t expect that I will be compelled to advocate for the introduction of compulsory insurance by this statement for a while though. Perhaps there will be a cooperative insurance company in operation by then?

          Reply
  6. Emily Dickinson

    I’m not sure it’s wise or even lawful to post stuff like this. Surely there are data protection issues? And our motoring vigilante could run into serious problems with defamation. As someone mentioned earlier, can he prove the scratch wasn’t there already? Not defending cyclists, but you do have to let some things go.

    Reply
        1. theo kretschmar schuldorff

          ..”I’m a man with a mission
          A boy with a gun
          I got a picture in my pocket of the lucky one
          Who doesn’t know I’m a big mess
          I mean a really big mess”…

          Poor Satchelman!

          Reply
  7. Oily Cromwell

    In fairness: not referring to Upper Camden Street as Portobello is enough to ruin any millennial cycling types day.

    Reply
  8. postmanpat

    I’m sure satchel man will be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life now. Ha!! Oh Nick…Nick ..Nicky Nicolas,,’diculous You have to let this go. , What else do you think will happen your car if any passing cyclists who you have all called #bikewankers sees a tubby 4 eyed ponce getting out of a blue Audi and accosting a fixie bike man on a weekday morning? You car will have more key marks for you to count. Or are you going to try to get more footage and have the guards hunt this man down? They couldn’t catch a cold!!! buy a small tube of scratch filler and a small can of Audi Blue in Halfords for €20 FFS. Be seeing you NIck. Blue Audi on Camden Street weekdays around 8:30? Ill give you a wave!!

    Reply
  9. ComeAtMeBro

    I know I’m going to get mobby by the car lobby enthusiasts but that scratch doesn’t look like it was caused by a pannier at all. Looks like some bad parking job that Nick is trying to fob off.

    Reply
    1. edalicious

      I was thinking this last night too, that scratch definitely looks like it was caused by something much harder and scratchier than a (probably) plastic pannier clasp. Looks more like brick or concrete.

      Reply
    2. Rep

      I agree. The scratch looks like force was needed to cause it. Would you get enough force from a pannier to do that? I doubt it. Stones hitting the car while driving have more force and don’t cause scratches so how can that lightly moving across it do it?

      Reply
    3. postmanpat

      I thought that myself. the curvature of the scrapes certainly looks like it. Maybe the wife did it and said nothing. (Guys, you know what I’m talking about! ) I’d say Nick’s missus had to listen to an earful of anti–bike rants up to all hours last night and just sat there all demure like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. “yes dear” “I know dear… you should go to bed dear”

      Reply
      1. edalicious

        Actually, that’s a good point, it’s on the passenger side so it could’ve been there for ages and Nick just never saw it. I had a comically large bird shite on the passenger side of my car last year and when I pointed it out to the missus she informed me that it had been there for weeks!

        Reply
    4. Nick

      I’ve done enough bad parking jobs to know that is definitely not one of those! usually bad parking jobs get the edges of the arches this one is too high up

      Reply
  10. Starina

    LOL I just went to look at this guy’s twitter and I already have him blocked. Which means he’s some sort of frothing puddle of bile outside of this incident.

    Reply
    1. George

      He appears to think migrants come to Ireland to bleed the welfare system. He also uses the term “virtue signaler” and seems to support Irexit.

      Reply
      1. postmanpat

        Oh! all those bloody lazy brown immigrants that also want to work at the same time?. buuurrrghhhhhhh. Isolationism now! I cant wait to trade in my Audi for an Irish manufactured car instead.

        Reply
  11. JEH

    Probably should have said “enhance image” like they do on CSI. Based on that photo I’d say your culprit is definitely a bowl of fruit which has been turned upside-down. Good luck with that.

    Reply
  12. George

    “Innocent car assaulted by madman” – I don’t know if that is supposed to be funny but it just sounds nuts.

    There nothing to prove he realized there was damage to the car. He probably didn’t actually. Definitely would have seen it with that tiny turn of the head.

    I’m not saying he couldn’t have done this damage but there are 3 distinct scratches which seems strange for a pannier especially as they have plastic clips.

    Also how is this a “hipster” bike? Looks like a hybrid to me.

    Reply
  13. Frilly Keane

    well
    if its any help like

    I’m currently driving
    probably around the same streets
    highways and byways as this lad Nix here btw

    A yoke
    that has scratches just like that

    an I can promise ye cyclists has nathin’ ta’ do with any ov’em

    Reply
  14. postmanpat

    Holy Poo! incase any office workers haven’t realized , stick in your earphones, he actually did add some royalty-free rip off Hans Zimmer type soundtrack!!! Oh priceless!!!! What a tool!!! dun dun dun dun dun dun…bwoooooooooong.. !!!!!!

    Reply
  15. Liam Deliverance

    My first impression of this thread was that Nick was just having a laugh, the Liam Neeson thing etc, I doubt he actually intends hunting anybody down, just getting a little fame with his dashcam footage.

    Then I looked at the video again, does the cyclist not kick the car as he goes past, you can see him getting his foot back to the pedal, hence the reason he looked back, the car is stuck in traffic and “vulnerable” to attack, if that’s the case why would the cyclist do something like that? Nick? Why Nick, why?!

    Reply

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