Filling The Void

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Still recovering from a messy, heart-shattering break-up….

…long-standing Broadsheet commenter, contributor and proud bear, Fluffybiscuits sought solace through meaningless physical gratification with complete strangers.

It seems to have done the trick.

Warning: Over 18s only. Includes sexy chat, actual carnality and naughty random cheek ‘cupping’ . Not safe to read aloud among colleagues at work.

Fluffybiscuits writes:

Laying on my bed, I’ve the urge to write the most honest piece I can on why in the last two years I’ve probably hit the near enough treble figures with men I have slept with.

Monday just passed, I went for my six monthly STI Check Up (all clear). My head was full with a fog that clustered my brain from the weekend’s shenanigans and I thought, it really has to stop somewhere. The promiscuity has lead down one dark path, some really interesting paths and mostly fun paths.

This is not a boast, I’ve been sitting thinking about this for a while.

That dark path was an attempted sexual assault (if you can call it that) in a sauna I was in nearly a year ago. A man tried to take me from behind and I said no, straight up, no and he attempted again but was met with a very hard punch to the ribs.

I was not upset and it was no where near what others I know suffered but it certainly granted me an inside view on the principals of consent and the need for such education.

Freud eluded to sex being how we can explain the world around us. From his work he formed the Oedipus complex, mostly it was inane but the reasoning underpinning it (i.e. sex explains the world around us) drove me to understand why I was given to promiscuous ways.

A friend recently remarked (quite stupidly as he has blinkers) that this bear should conform to heteronormative values and settle down…I’m open to it but I just wont settle down with any lad and subscribe to a set of values, which are plain drab …wife, kids, car, house…bollocks to that.

Coming just out of a relationship, your confidence is on the ground. Anything will do to make you feel like you are just about alive.

The first encounter after breaking up was with this elderly chap called J. After some chit chat and down to business at 3am, I belted up my jeans and walked the 200m back to my house.

That had been the first time I had cold, meaningless sex in four years and it was a mixture of both relief and confidence. Back up on the saddle, not just the saddle but I had come to think of myself as a stallion. A day later the chap is texting me wanting to be my boyfriend. Had I led him on?

The coming months saw me fill the void of shutting down my emotions with random hook ups from bars, apps, saunas and even cruising.

Cynicism became like a shell and feeling nothing but cold mechanical one on ones began taking its toll. I even tried dating…one fella brought his female best friend and then told her to go away when he realised I wasn’t going to bury him under my patio.

Loneliness crept in at this time too.. That time between Xmas and New Year was a bloody killer. I filled the gap with everything from an unknowingly bi-married guy to a lad I knew liked big guys. All this just to keep that loneliness in abeyance.

The interesting parts mostly came with trips to England and Germany. See being in the same area for so long in Dublin, you do tend to be yesterday’s news sex-wise quite quickly.

In England, I discovered how this cheeky Irishman who did not get a look in twice in Dublin was hit on with a lot of frequency by sex-mad English men and I was happy to oblige.

Standing in a nightclub in Manchester last year, I felt a hand down the back of my shorts cup a bare bum cheek. The directness of the approach was different than at home. Into my ear, he whispered : “you are built like a shit brick house” and he spun me around to meet his stare.

A huge ginger lad from London. I left at 8am the following morning, doing the ‘stride of pride’.

The last thing I learned about sex was its intimacy that accompanied friendships. A mutual trust built up and, by extension, a deeper friendship.

These men know who they are, but they probably formed some of the most beautiful, exciting and fun times I had as I came back into being myself.

Perhaps too much honesty within this piece but, truly, Freud did have half a point…sex reflects who we are as humans…

Fluffybiscuits previously: The Right To Bear Arms

80 thoughts on “Filling The Void

        1. Rosette of Sirius

          Well. If your next series of posts are erudite, engaging, interesting and above all entertaining, who knows?!

          Until then, you’ll always have journal.ie.

      1. Susan

        I do enjoy his reflections, a peek into his life as he’s on the mend after the break up. Not for everyone I’d imagine but lovely when his articles pop up out of nowhere.

      1. Rosette of Sirius

        Crikey. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this time Bodger, you’ve nothing to apologise for!

  1. B9 Com From No

    That’s very enjoyable.

    Thanks fluffy, amazing stuff.

    Standing at the nightclub in Manchester last year I felt a hand down the back of my shorts cup a bare bum cheek

    – I want to go to this nightclub ;)

  2. Slightly Bemused

    This reminds me of a time I went out for the evening with a group of friends, both men and women. We went to a bar in Dublin which was very friendly to both straight and gay customers. In our group, I was the only straight guy, and the only one hit on, much to the amusement of the rest of the group.

    I have a friend who came out of a bad relationship and somewhat similarly became very promiscuous. He was previously very shy, so this was very much against his normal character. He went to some dark places, but thankfully he has crested that wave, and is now a happily married man.

    Fluffy, it is clear from this and your other posts that you, too, have brushed against those dark places. Take care of you.Not just the physical care, but especially of the you that makes you you.

    And as an author I enjoy once said, enjoy your body while it is young and beautiful.

    1. Janet, I ate my avatar

      +1 take care and very brave piece
      I think it important to be honest about how much damage a bad break up can do, people really underestimate the trauma and knock on effects it can have

      1. fluffybiscuits

        Cheers SB

        Yup brings up a whole discussion around consent. One of the biggest complaints was straigjht women groping blokes in Manc Pride weekend just gone..

  3. some old unicorn

    Funniest date I had was when a guy arrived with his girlfriend- she came along to make sure I was suitable- he was bisexual and she couldn’t satisfy his needs apparently- I hadn’t the heart to tell her about ‘pegging’.

    You can be picked up so many times you are growing handles or take the lesbian route and read each other’s book collections, bond with each other’s ex’s then interview each other’s cats- up to you.

    I’d be more the sort to check the claimed land portfolios myself.

        1. Daisy Chainsaw

          “Promiscuity” should be irrelevant these days, it certainly shouldn’t be a weapon to look down on someone. You are enjoying frequent consensual sex and, more importantly, you’re looking after your health with it.

          1. Joe Small

            No, there’s just a different way of looking at it. We’ve moved away (hopefully) from being worried about what other people think of you having lots of sexual partners to being concerned about the mental health of someone who has endless sexual partners and is thoroughly miserable.
            And fluffy there’s nothing wrong with having a wife, kids, car, house – maybe its not just for you!

      1. Papi

        Shennagans are a type of trouser, used by the gays, and whilst fetching in the extreme, can cause some straights to question orientation. Therefore, diddy does not wish to be hear of them.
        Shenanigans, now, that’s a different matter, they’re great crack, no matter which foot you kick with.

  4. B9 Com From No

    I’d love to be yesterday’s news sex-wise

    Can we have a how to .. for dummies guide to this please next Fluffy?

      1. some old unicorn

        Fluffs- older gays were on the cruising merry go round long before we were both born- the only thing that has changed is the technology.

        Now you can get buzzed of your tits and end up in the washer or get on with your life in the hope Mr Right comes along- and if he never arrives- so what?

        Up to you- the world is not going to stop either way.

    1. Cú Chulainn

      Great article Fluffy. Just want to say, if you had past 4 numbers in two years.. maybe promiscuous.. but in the 100’s over two years is only 3 a week and when you’re young and horny and in the zone, I’d venture that that’s quite healthy. Enjoy your self, it doesn’t have to dark in anything other than an exciting and interesting way. 6 months is too long between tests when you’re galloping. Stay safe. :)

  5. Johnny Green

    That was a great read Fluffy-just a suggestion/recommendation but THC (weed) based lubes are impossible keep in the stores in LA,read all about them tomorrow,I highly recommend Velvet Swing:)

    “Velvet Swing is the world’s first water-soluble cannabis lubricant. It contains both THC and CBD, as well as a custom terpene blend designed specifically for sexuality. The combination is pure magic: it can improve blood flow, sensation, and orgasmic potential. That’s why our tagline is “Better Orgasms.” Here’s what you need to know to get the most out of Velvet Swing:”

    http://velvetswing.com/

  6. Jam

    Would a similar post about the exploits of a hetro sexual be posted here? No because it’s really boring. but congrats on demonstrating how woke and liberal you are.

      1. fluffybiscuits

        Thanks Janet, beat me to it! Im.surprised Jam has just seen this and thought ‘oh another liberal type waffling’. Dig a little deeper Jam until then maybe wallow with your brethern over on thejournal?

    1. Bodger

      Sorry, Qwerty123, we are unable to provide that service. Have you tried a dating app or sending it to your own friends?

  7. Niamh

    I’m really enjoying these updates, so refreshing and an antidote to my own moaney mopey hermit tendencies when brokenhearted. Keep ’em coming.

    1. V

      Ah here don’t be encouraging him

      Fluff’s big problem
      Well his second biggest problem -•)
      Is that he doesn’t want to be single
      He is a born nurturer and family man
      And thinks he’s not living up to his potential

      He genuinely feels he is failing in his life because he doesn’t have that special someone to come home to, or to care for, or to love, or to plan a future with

      He’s fecking exhausted by the stress of it all

      Fluff bhoy
      How many times have I told ya
      Don’t be so hard in yourself
      Give yerself a break FFS

  8. Holden MaGroin

    I have to say I have struggled with my sexual life. I’m a single gay man in my 30’s. After a relationship I went on lengthy enough sex bender, judging myself to the point where I felt I was a sex addict and in doing so became a terribly frightened and sad person.

    I have found it hard to navigate being single and your sexuality, especially in the aftermath of a long-term relationship.

    Being a human is difficult.

  9. fluffybiscuits

    Holden

    Ive started up a coffee group for men thats starting next Monday. If you want to pop in …im on twitter @fluffy_biscuits or get my e mail through here :)

    Ill send you the info

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