Vanessa Foran: Lactose Intolerance

From top: Disgusted by the quality of cakes, Paul Hollywood walks out of the tent during last night’s Great British Bake-Off on Channel 4; Vanessa Foran

And the responsorial psalm is Full fat all the way;

I know he went home (and we’ll talk some more about it later) but for many of us that’s pure gospel; maybe a truck driver called Phil is my Patronus; maybe not, but he speaks to my spirit anyway. Full fat all the way.

There’s so much to talk about in last night’s Signature, but first I want to just bring us back to our own Bakesheet interests.

The first bake I did from the new kitchen here was Millie Murderlarks Buttermilk Sponge from last season’s Bakesheet; I remember her saying it was a Friendly Cake.  I didn’t share this with ye before because, well, nobody was really in the humour for cake least of all a Friendly Cake at the time.

Anyway, it was a no brainer for me to follow through with because I usually have a litre of buttermilk in the fridge just for baking.  Just like a baker will always have both plain and self-raising, and a range of sugars from caster to dark muscovado to icing.

And of course tubs of sour cream for just about everything else.

I was delighted with myself following the Signature last night, like there was more going on than just cultured dairy to share with the bakers at home; I loved that it was Cake, and pretty much all of them are easy, well the four here are tagged easy.

I wouldn’t be so sure about Helena’s spooky sponge or Michael’s Sour Lemon sponge with cheesecake filling – but feck I would have ate it, all of it, even the plate it was on, no matter what condition it came in.

The only difficulties are, and by way of an Ask a Broadsheeter – oil spray or butter for those fancy Bundt tins?

It is well established by now that I hate to promote anything here that requires kit that isn’t already in the everyday kitchen baking press.

But since I’ve a healthy suspicion it might be on a lot of bakers Christmas wish list; and I’m getting one anyway, so I thought I’d ask and share a Mary Berry’ism that I live by myself; get the very best you can afford.

So if you have fifty yoyos – spend the fifty, and not go home with one reduced to twenty.

And in fairness, Steph’s Rasa Chocolate Fudge was made for it.  Shur you’re worth it.  (and if someone can post up a reliable source for the freeze dried rasas’ you’ll be on the short list for the hamper.)

Another whinge for what was a great mutual Signature collective experience is that Rosie’s homemade Limoncello isn’t included in the recipe for her Limoncello & Basil cake and I think we are being short changed here.

OK, I know we are getting the recipe for free from the producers, but in fairness she got a brag and they got a telly moment out’ve Prue sneaking it away. It’s a Just Saying, that’s all.

The Technical; so bad it was good.  Even the Hollywood turned his backside to it.  Good in the sense we were introduced to a bake we’d never heard of, and one we wouldn’t dream of, Mary Anne Boermans excepted of course (who has the best bake blog going – @wotchers btw.)

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came up with that technical for the producers.

Is it any wonder I’m now gagging at sharing this, I’d say that tent smelled like baby’s vomit – in the back seat of a ten year old car, in July.  And no matter the state of it was, Steph was the best of the lot.

Showstoppers; would ye?  Definitely not for me, boiling milk and stirring and stirring? I’d rather change the beds.

So I’ll be leaving it for the milk sweet experts and the lovers of Mishtie, the only interest I had in it was hoping Helena’s lemon sherbet recipe would be shared, and shouting you silly boy! at Henry to leave the freezer closed.

Jesus he couldn’t leave it alone, I was convinced he was going, I really was, so when Phil got called out, I too was shocked.

But you know, he wasn’t going to progress all that much further anyway; and it’s worth remembering we don’t get to see everything in the tent or witness the full depth of the judging.

Yet even from my own viewing of this year’s bakers, I would agree that Henry the tie man and Pirya deserved another round of challenges before being culled.

Big shout out to my fav from the start, Steph , Star Baker was well deserved last night.  She’s enjoyable and endearing; and good telly , also my pick for the final, along with last week’s Star Baker Michael.

Another great night for Helena who is clearly thriving.

I’m not getting Michelle or Dr Rosie but they deserve to be taking seriously in fairness.

Roaring Twenties next week.  Cocktails and Custards apparently.

I think I’ll have to go all out and put feathers in my hair.  Till then; BAKE!

Pic: Channel4

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