Gran Jab Altogether [Updated]


This afternoon.


Stop your tiers, numpty.


This morning.

Via Britain’s NHS:

The biggest vaccine campaign in NHS history kicked off this morning, as 90-year-old grandmother Margaret Keenan became the first person in the world to receive the Pfizer COVID-19 jab following its clinical approval.

At 6.31am early riser Margaret, known to friends and family as Maggie, was given the life-saving jab by nurse May Parsons at her local hospital in Coventry.

Maggie, who turns 91 next week, is a former jewellery shop assistant who only retired four years ago. She has a daughter, a son and four grandchildren and is looking forward to being able to go out again once she receives the top up dose.

Margaret said:

“I feel so privileged to be the first person vaccinated against COVID-19, it’s the best early birthday present I could wish for because it means I can finally look forward to spending time with my family and friends in the New Year after being on my own for most of the year.”

Landmark moment as first NHS patient receives COVID-19 vaccination (NHS)



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78 thoughts on “Gran Jab Altogether [Updated]

  1. frank

    Maggie added, “NOW I AM IMMORTAL. Knee before me you worthless cur”. Before smiting the nurse a deadly blow to the chops and firing lasers from her newly formed ‘gizzard pouch’, a very beneficial side effect of the vaccine. Maggie then flew out the window and is currently razing Lyme Regis to the ground.

    1. Micko

      LoL “gizzard pouch” – sounds pretty far fetched man!

      I heard she split in two and grew tentacles just like ‘The Thing’ and then went rampaging around the nursing home shouting “WHERE THE HELL IS MACREADY? HAS ANYONE GOT EYES ON CHILDS – GOD DAMN IT!”

      But, I’m sure it’s just a rumour…

    2. Nigel

      So long as she goes back in time and punches Hitler, then comes back to the present and punches Trump, then Putin, the Saudi royal family and everybody who throws their dog poo bags into the bushes.

  2. bisted

    …the first man to get the vaccine was William Shakespeare…he said:
    So long as men can breath and eyes can see
    Thanks NHS, this gives life to me…or words to that effect…

    1. Charger Salmons

      Actually the first man to get the vaccine was Christopher Marlowe but William Shakespeare took all the credit.

      Fnarr fnarr.

    1. Brother Barnabas

      I think most would read that as the IT (not normally known for its frivolity) teasing the Brits

      I wouldnt have thought it would score a hit… seems it did, eh, charger ?!

  3. Joe

    Finally we have a firewall to protect the weak and vulnerable for the ones we love.
    A true Christmas present.

  4. Just Sayin

    “the first person in the world to receive a fully-tested and approved Covid-19 vaccine”

    But it’s not fully-tested and approved.

    It’s only approved for emergency use and even then with the special condition that the UK government indemnify the pharma company for any damages the vaccine causes.

    Isn’t it a little odd that they need an emergency vaccine for a disease that is NOT a high consequence infectious disease?

    Definition of HCID
    In the UK, a high consequence infectious disease (HCID) is defined according to the following criteria:

    – acute infectious disease
    – typically has a high case-fatality rate
    – may not have effective prophylaxis or treatment
    – often difficult to recognise and detect rapidly
    – ability to spread in the community and within healthcare settings
    – requires an enhanced individual, population and system response to ensure it is managed effectively, efficiently and safely

    1. Micko

      Sure look, if it gets the world running again, then that’s worth it – maybe? I dunno.

      Wouldn’t think it’s a great idea to start doling it out immediately to people of childbearing age or kids though.

      Will be interesting to see how many HSE frontline staff aged under 40 take it.

      1. E'Matty

        My sister is a nurse who heads up a dept in one of the country’s major hospitals. She says the general chat amongst medical staff is they are not going to be forced into getting it. Many are dead set against it. Remember, just 40% of healthcare professionals were getting the annual flu jab. In the US, 50% of doctors say they will not get the vaccine and a recent poll in the UK found four in ten doctors would be reluctant to be vaccinated. Reasons varied but more than half cited safety concerns.

        I think we should just encourage the more herd like to get it so the numbers get to a sufficient level to undermine any attempt to mandate it. If 60-70% get it, the rest of us have a better chance of avoiding it.

        1. scottser

          interesting that teachers don’t seem to be a priority.
          i think we can expect quite a volley of argument from the teachers’ unions.

        2. SOQ

          And why would they? They are front line for a reason- they are now mainly immune- as is likely their families and close friends.

          Why are politicians who got sick still wearing muzzles please?

    2. Cian

      @Just Sayin

      Which of these boxes does Covid not tick?
      – acute infectious disease
      – typically has a high case-fatality rate
      – may not have effective prophylaxis or treatment
      – often difficult to recognise and detect rapidly
      – ability to spread in the community and within healthcare settings
      – requires an enhanced individual, population and system response to ensure it is managed effectively, efficiently and safely

      1. Just Sayin

        about the only one it ticks is

        – ability to spread in the community and within healthcare settings

        but then I suppose almost any virus would pass that test

    1. newsjustin


      Seriously though, Bill Gates knows everything she’s thinking now. That’s the price of being allowed out.

  5. newsjustin


    Seriously though, Bill Gates knows everything she’s thinking now. That’s the price of being allowed out.

    (Well done to her btw)

  6. Janet, dreams of an alternate universe

    out and about once she gets the top up ,
    so is that the top up in 6 months time,
    so 6 more moths at home anyway ?
    is that what that means ?

    1. Janet, dreams of an alternate universe

      guess who recently searched for moth carpet killer, little egg laying feckers

      1. ReproBertie

        Get yourself some bats Janet. Bats love moths. Would you have space in your attic for a small colony?

      1. Morning George

        Two doses needed, so granny is not protected yet and when she is (if not already dead),it may last for months,maybe years,nobody knows.

        1. ian-oh

          I’m hoping 6G will allow me to cerebrally merge with my appliances.

          Maybe I will finally understand how the washing machine thinks?

          Still be clueless about its operation but I might learn something of its motivations, wants and needs.

  7. Charger Salmons

    The largest vaccine programme in the history of the NHS begins today — just 10 months after a man in Brighton became the first UK national to be diagnosed.
    It is a remarkable achievement.
    Well done Blighty.

    1. Toby

      The largest act of self sabotage in the history of Empire begins this week as Boris crawls to Ursula begging for a deal. Just a few decades after they were kicked out of Ireland and shamed by the IRA.
      Its a remarkable achievement.

      Well done Blighty.

        1. millie bobby brownie

          I think you’ve put me off food til Christmas.

          Sounds about as appetising as a bowl of regurgitated beans.

          1. bisted

            …in fairness to V, I made Cornish Pastie this week…Delias recipe of course…don’t even have to look now…12oz plain flour + 6oz lard…filling is rump steak + onion + diced spud and turnip + seasoning and mixed herbs…glase with egg wash and cook slowly for 100mins…

      1. scottser

        in fairness to the tans, they did make fabulous drums and drum kits. i have a vintage premier hifi, chrome over brass snare coming over from yorkshire tomorrow. it’s from 1969, my birth year.
        bleedin deadly.

  8. ACI Question

    SD99298147 clearly knows the score but as part of the Super Secret Mandatory Vaccine Squad I’ll still be sneaking into each and every one of your houses and injecting you with the vaccine while you sleep.

    1. Junkface

      I liked how believable their username is. So close to a bot type of name. You know you’ve a quality clinician when it’s SD99298147. They forgot to add “wake up Sheeple!” at the end of the tweet.

        1. Daisy Chainsaw

          It’s spelled viale today in honour of Shakespeare getting ye newe antie viruse jabbe.

          I dOnE dE rEsEaRcH!!!1!!eleventy!!

  9. Junkface

    Matt Hancock pretending to cry on TV. So cringe. What is wrong with modern politicians? I think the internet and social media has also broken their brains. The Tories seems to be fairly unhinged, deffo the ones closest to Boris Johnson.

    1. Brother Barnabas

      “it makes you proud to be british”

      it will take some time before my toes uncurl from that particular moment of cringe

  10. E'Matty

    I would encourage all of those who are so very excited by this news to do whatever they can to get themselves and all of their family vaccinated as a priority. That way, people like myself, can wait a couple of years and watch how you all get on. Thank you for your bravery, ever trusting nature and sacrifice. I will observe with interest.

      1. E'Matty

        Thank you, I agree, though it would of course depend on who’s health one is speaking of…the guinea pig or the observer…

        1. Bitnboxy

          Wow – good solid public interest advice by E’Matty! I totally endorse his message.

          He may think the Queen of England is actually a lizard but fair dues to him for this advice.

          I don’t give a damn about your health E’Matty but I do care about my loved one’s health. Kudos to you.

          1. E'Matty

            Touché Bitnboxy. Just as I care little for you or your family. Indeed, I am quite pleased that you and yours will be the experimental guinea pigs thus providing my family ever greater protection. Thank you in advance. Your sacrifice is my gain.

            It’s telling that you need to lie and misrepresent my views when responding. If you can find any occasion where I have said that the Queen is a lizard I will donate €100 to a charity of your choice.

            Whilst your lizard comments are quite amusing, it does suggest you have little understanding of what is actually meant by the reptilian/lizard reference some make. According to neuroscientist Paul MacLean, and widely promoted by Carl Sagan, we all have a “lizard” or “reptilian” brain under our “mammal brain” (which itself is supposedly under our “primate/human brain). I believe it is called the Triune Brain Hypothesis. The primal attributes of one under the influence of this reptilian brain supposedly include greed, aggression, lust, pursuit of status etc…Personally, I don’t put much store in such a hypothesis though I wouldn’t mock those who do. Clearly Sagan is no fool, and certainly far more clever than someone like you. Given the behaviour of the ruling class throughout history, it isn’t difficult to see why some would consider such a hypothesis quite apt in describing why they might behave in such a way. Personally, I do not believe any such hypothesis is necessary to explain the sociopathic behaviour of the predator class.

            In truth, I’m more interested in goats than lizards, though I wouldn’t expect you to understand that reference either…

          2. millie bobby brownie

            The absolute bang of smug off your comment.

            Smartest boy in the class strikes again.

          3. Bitnboxy

            Ooh – I am naughty! Like it or not you have done the vaccination initiative some service E’Matty.

            Did you get the MMR vaccine E’Matty?

            You little rascal.

            PS. Knowing and understanding are not synonymous as you display with a degree of conspiracy-heavy panache.

            Still, kudos on the public health message above. Credit where credit is due.

          4. E'Matty

            @ millie bobby brownie – yes, of course. It’s difficult to not be smug when engaging with such low intellect low information livestock. “Smartest boy in the class strikes again” At least you recognise that anyway….good luck with your vaccine…hope you’ve already had your children…

  11. Sham Bob

    I read through this waiting to see what Bodge would throw in as the contrary view at the end, glad to see it’s ridiculous nonsense that we’re obviously not meant to take seriously. I’m taking this as a sign that BS won’t be using its platform to persuade people not to take the vaccine.

  12. Charger Salmons

    Update to the update – more fantastic vaccine news coming out of Blighty.
    ‘ The Oxford/AstraZeneca Covid vaccine is safe and effective, giving good protection, researchers have confirmed in The Lancet journal. ‘

    The UK has ordered 100 million doses.
    Back of the net !

    1. Charger Salmons

      Good news for Ireland too which has ordered 3.3 million doses of the vaccine – the largest of all the orders they’ve put in for different vaccines.
      Blighty rides to the rescue again.

  13. Charger Salmons

    All eyes are on Blighty today.
    It’s not just that the first people in the country are getting the vaccination but the first people in the world. Other countries,particularly those in the EU, are still dithering with unnecessary delays and red tape.
    It makes a fellow proud to be British, although like this chappie being interviewed here, one doesn’t like to make too much fuss.

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