From top: US President Ronald Reagan in Ballyporeen, county Tipperary during his 1984 visit. State papers reveal White House officials were unimpressed by accommodation arrangements for the presidential enourage; Eamonn Kelly
The week that was.
Post-Christmas is that time of year when old news archives are opened. Bertie Ahern, Charlie Haughey, Jack Lynch, John Major, and all the other politico stars of yesteryear are back in the saddle for a few days as state papers are released as per the 30-year rule.
Haughey’s contribution to the peace process appears to have been retirement. Once he was gone the wheels started moving.
Padraig Flynn’s contribution was deciding not to take insult on behalf of himself, Fianna Fáil and Eamon DeValera, in the interests of peace. Instead of tearing off his jacket and wading into unionists with flailing fists, he held his counsel and did nothing, as was his wont when in office. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Ravers
In other news, a Co Meath farmer was alerted on St Stephen’s night to the fact that dozens of taxis were pulling up onto his land and delivering party revellers by the score to nearby Skryne Castle, close to the legendary hill of Tara. On closer inspection there was a pumping rave afoot in the castle.
Concerned for his livestock, particularly his horses, (farmers are ambivalent about cows,) the farmer rang the guards and then single-handedly stormed the castle, bursting in on the invaders, yelling of impending drug squad arrivals. It was a bluff, but it worked. The ravers panicked and fled.
The guards soon arrived, and on the premises they found a “massive” bar, as in a drinks bar, not a Yorkie Bar, and a number of large canisters of nitrous oxide, or “laughing” gas. There were volatile scenes as new revellers arrived by taxi, becoming irate when confronted by the garda presence and the fact of no rave tonight lads. Gardai used the laughing gas to pacify the disgruntled party animals.
Blarney
Earlier, in Blarney Castle, a woman, presumably elderly, suffered a non-life-threatening injury when she fell at the top of the 90-foot tower prior to kissing the Blarney stone. The unfortunate woman couldn’t be brought back down the narrow stone stairway.
Instead, a Shannon Rescue Helicopter, which happened to be in the air at the time, for the craic, was summoned to the scene and the woman was airlifted from the top of the tower to the relative safety of Cork University Hospital where she was placed on a trolley in a draughty corridor until the New Year.
Ballyporeen
In older news, White House officials were unimpressed by accommodation arrangements in the Galway area for staff accompanying Ronald Reagan on his mythical return to Ballyporeen in 1984.
The White House entourage were to be split up across the West of Ireland into 41 different hotels and guest houses, all offering full Irish breakfasts, since Galway lacked a hotel large enough to accommodate the entourage.
Galway has since built several huge hotels, many now lying empty, just in case the issue should ever arise again. At the time, Bord Failte, ever alert to costs, warned the US Embassy that they would be responsible for costs incurred by diverting people from the Great Southern and Flannery’s Hotels to God knows where to make room for the Reagan entourage.
Costs in Ireland being what they are, added to the inevitable price hikes for tourists, the Reagan administration was forced to sell some guns to Iran to cover the hotel bills.
Plague-Spreader
Meanwhile in Covid news, an Italian man, described as a “proud plague-spreading anti-vaxxer” died of Covid-19 complications to the unabashed delight of many, proving that while we may have lost a degree of general empathy, we haven’t lost our sense of irony.
The man apparently enjoyed working up a fever and then going maskless to supermarkets to spread the fever around, possibly costing lives in the process. Apparently, he worked up a fever too many and found one that did for him. RIP.
By week’s end the infection rate in Ireland was past 20,000 per day with experts warning that it could be higher, since these were only tested and confirmed cases. Since Omicron appears to be not as severe as earlier varieties this could be a signal for the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning. Though with mutations, it could be worse, and be only the beginning of the beginning with no end in sight.
Prince
Finally, in New York, Ghislaine Maxwell was convicted of sex trafficking, leading to speculation that some similar outcome might yet await Prince Andrew. Now that would be awkward for the Royals.
If push comes to shove, they might consider making a deal to house Andrew in the Tower of London, as a merciful close-to-home incarceration, doubling as a tourist attraction. It’s high time we had a royal in the Tower again, for the razzmatazz, with maybe a Big Brother production thrown in, to keep an eye on him.
Eamonn Kelly is a Galway-based freelance Writer and Playwright.
Previously: Eamonn Kelly on Broadsheet
Enjoyed that :) Happy New Year to you Eamonn!
Cheers Clampers. Many happy returns.
Hi Eamon,
great balance and fairness to your humor in that round up
more of the same please.
Baz
Great read!
Enjoyed this, thank you Eamonn.
Very good read!