Call It Vanity; I Call it House Proud


Frilly Keane is back!

Has she had some work done?

Frilly writes:

So, a few weeks ago I was on a ‘work’ weekender thing. You know, bar on check-in, chicken supper cabaret dance, residents bar, followed by a whole day of motions n’ shyte n’ freebies n’ stuff, then the free bar, the gropey dinner dance, and then more residents bar networking; the you’sh.

And of course I’m suited and booted through it all; hair and nails done, bits done; well you never know. Anyway, on these long-day late-nighters, I use a thing call Beauty Flash Balm to keep the paint work together and in some way manageable without constant touching up.

It’s like a primer in a way – it smooths out all the rough spots and holds the next layer of paint perfectly.

But when you do your nightly scrub off; your face literally falls away into a limp flaccid useless organ; until the following day when you do it all again and this stuff pulls it all together and firms it up as much as it can; and after a few days detox and rest everything goes back to normal.

But not this time; and a few nights after when I took my face off I found a crack.

The crack is traveling from the edge of my lips, between upper and lower, and sloping down. And is now followed by a mirror image on the other side. And it was all so sudden.
And I’m not coping with it. I have it in my head now that I’m dribbling.

I would insist I’m not vain and I know I’m not afraid of getting old; I just can’t not notice them.

So what happened next just started off with a quick search about fillers; and within 3 hours I was having conversations with three different clinics; and have actually being diagnosed, Marionette Lines. Incidentally all three clinics are on a direct bus route from my gaff.

Anyway, it all got very real and then as if I wasn’t already being ridiculous, it got even more ridiculous.

Like an eejit I filled out an online form, gave them what ye just got about the cracks, and now mentioned the vertical crevice kindly hidden by the bridge of my glasses; which I now know is a Glabellar Line.

Within 24 hours, clinics in Barcelona, Prague, Wroclaw and Szczecin – they’re both in Poland btw, and another one in Holland were in touch with their fancy and well-presented websites.

Suddenly I was now considering Lipo as they all have a 2- for-1 and other discounts on bundles, and was now learning about the package deals they all offer.

Then I was being introduced to my Personal Assistant for my stay and surgery. Then the surgeons themselves were contacting me for photographs of the mentioned worksites. Even through WhatsApp, and, no word of a lie as I type this, Arthur in Szczecin for Dr Osadowska is sending me pictures of “real Patients” and links to LipoLife3G demos.

Interestingly, three of the clinics advised that my Health Insurance was a possible payment option, along with interest free payment plans. And I have now been offered a 10% additional discount from Anna if I book beforeh June 30

It’s all being made so doable and why not-able; and d’ya know what, why shouldn’t it?

Why shouldn’t I invest further in personal appearance? I already get my roots done every 5-6 weeks, I get mani – pedis, facials, waxed, massages, and like to shop, whether I need another pair of shoes or another work shirt or not.

I invest in my profession, skills and my practice. I NCT the car and replace it with a newer one every 5’ish years and I maintain a totally avoidable yet expensive Personal Grooming regime.

Like, if there’s a cream, serum or scrub for it, I have it. It’s not Vanity. Not a bit’ve it. Its maintenance. I’m not enhancing an’ting I’m just fixing stuff.

If a crack appeared over the front door of the house you’d get it sorted.

So what’s stopped me, or at least delayed me picking a surgeon and booking the flights.

Me. The sheer indulgence of spending €2.5 – 3k on meself, when there’s school fees, ‘van fees, new tyres needed, renovations, ara’ the list goes on, brings on a guilt that I can only describe as a pure Me Fein that I’m very uncomfortable with.

And something someone said to me lately “its not about you” probably secures the guilt.

Secondly; the imposition of being out of action for some time, for what is simply an electable set of procedures is just not fair on work and home.

And finally, I don’t want to do it on my own; despite the availability of a Personal Assistant. I don’t want to be sore and drugged and on my own, and I definitely don’t want to be in a departure lounge swollen, bruised, and weary, on my own; more selfish self-interest I suppose.

So surgery is ruled out; for now. Unless I win the lotto then all bets are off.

But I’m definitely getting fillers. Don’t ask what ones, or what clinic etc.

So if ye’re all wondering, like, what to get me for the biggie; all these local clinics sell gift vouchers.

Frilly-new-face on the way; an’ with a bitta luck by the first Sunday in September, it’ll be like I only left Cork yesterday.

Frilly keane’s column usually appears here on the first Friday of every month. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane

48 thoughts on “Call It Vanity; I Call it House Proud

    1. anne

      Ah now.. I was going to offer some encouragement & cheaper alternatives.

      How about some cement or polyfila for the cracks maybe?

      I dunno about the lipo business either…apparently you can’t store fat in the areas they Lipo as they remove the fat cells…so like unless you put the fork down you’re just gonna end up with lumps of fat somewhere. Get lipo on your stomach, keep eating away, you end up with an ar*se the size of a small country…

  1. Clampers Outside!

    I had a good chuckle Fillery… I mean Frilly, sorry ;)

    – – –

    New writing style is crisp, and read, em, very easily. I look forward to the next. Have a super weekend Frilly!

    1. Lush

      Totally agree, very enjoyable Frills.
      You’ll be ready for your Broadsheet telly close-ups.

  2. H

    As a woman of a similar age can I recommend Boots No 7 Protect & Perfect Intense Advanced Serum the only cream that has been clinically proven to work.

    I don’t use it myself but as the crow’s feet are spreading I am seriously thinking about it…

    1. Malta

      Started it recently, who see how it goes.

      Although is not the only stuff proven to work. Stuff with hylaraunic acid, retinol and glycol also work.

    2. Lush

      I’m about to hit the half century, so can sympathise.
      Recently converted to coconut oil, for everything: make-up removal; hair styling; body and face moisturising. Can’t recommend enough.

      1. anne

        like the version of coconut oil u cook with? i got some before in the pharmacy and it wasn’t for cooking with..

        1. Lush

          Yep, the jars of the solid white stuff (melts in hot weather). Organic is best.
          It really is the biz.

          1. anne

            yeah..I’ll give it a go so shur.

            what are you liking about it?
            does it make you look ten years younger by any chance? :)

  3. Shayna

    Hmm, I feel your pain Frilly. I don’t think it’s vanity to address one’s appearance, if you’re not satisfied. I had some “work” done last year, which included a “nose-job”. My reflection in the mirror is less scary these days (IMO).

      1. Shayna

        No, it was a trip to Brighton, which involved two overnights in hospital, but had to stay locally for a week in case of complications, which was fine, the weather was great, I guess I’m now a medical tourist?

        1. Frilly Keane

          Brighton would be handier than Eastern Europe tbf

          And the pound is doing us a favor at the moment

          Here, Shay, would you recommend them?

          1. Shayna

            It’ was The Nuffield Hospital in Woodingdean, Brighton, the setting is great, outside the reception area there’s a veranda that overlooks The Channel, which can be enjoyed by sipping coffee from their cafe area. The nursing staff are wonderful, my surgeon called in with me at 5.30am when they alerted him there was a possible clotting problem post surgery. Yes, highly recommend, also, the transport network is very easily managed, flight to Gatwick, trains from the airport only take about a half hour and they run every 15 minutes.

  4. Murtles

    My vision through my right eye is fuzzy AF but my left is like bionic or something as the last time I was at an optician she said it compensates for the other one. She says unless I’m getting blinding headaches from the PC (the perils of office work) then don’t get glasses as in general your eyesight deteriorates once you start wearing them.

    I’m wondering Frilly would this be along the same lines (no pun intended) as if you use the face filler once, then the next time you use it you need a little more, then multiple layers until before you know it you’re putting Isopon P38 on your face.

    But sure ya know we all like to look good and if it has to be done L’Oreal the f*** because you’re worth it.

    1. Frilly Keane

      I’d say you’re right there Murty
      Once you start you have to keep it up

      Like getting the roots n’ colour done
      Or letting it all grow put
      An’be done with it

  5. Happy Molloy

    I never usually read these (I don’t read everything here) but I enjoyed that.

    and I bet you look beautiful as you are Frilly, leave your face alone and be like Helen Mirren

  6. Joxer

    the best from you yer Frilly (IMO). writing style is settling down

    as to the should -i shouldnt -i debate….go for it… invest in yourself….you’re worth it :)

  7. Laura

    That just wasted 3 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. I’m off to waste another 3 minutes having a chat with myself about reading vapid poo on the internet to pass the time.

  8. Zena

    I’m sure you’re a real doll, Frilly. As Lush said, coconut oil is fab and it’s natural too, all the parabens and acids in these ‘miracle’ creams can’t be good for your skin, long- term. Aim fot 10 fruit and veg a day (home-made smoothies make it easy), wild red salmon few times a week, nuts and seeds for snacks and plenty water and you’ll be ready for representing Cork in the Rose of Tralee.

  9. Janet, I ate my avatar

    If ye can rock that bikini I’m sure you can rock anything ;)
    Enjoyed the piece but of luck on whatever you decide !
    After 1 month… line between eyes and forehead furrows significantly reduced..Sanoflore.. essence magnifica and it’s all high concentrate essential oils bio !
    It’s my new secret weapon against pollution, time and a misspent youth.

  10. I'm "alright" Jack. Mad Jack is on annual leave.

    Excellent article in that it’s actually readable for once. The real story was the “gropey dinner dance” however.

  11. Lilly

    ‘bits done, well you never know’. I’m curious Frilly, what do you do about the face if you get lucky? I say to hell with it, learn to love the cracks. We should leave ourselves alone lest we all end up looking like bland American dough balls. I’m in denial myself and avoid mirrors :)

  12. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

    Ah Frilly, now I know why you didn’t go for the fish and chips.
    It didn’t make sense at the time but it does now.
    – And you looked grand. Easily 10yrs less than your actual age, unless you lied about that.

  13. Lilly

    Read Rita Ann Higgins in Sindo and her take on ‘Smart aging going forward’. Sums it up.

      1. Lilly

        Haha, I’m with you there. My granny still reads it so I get it for breakfast when I visit. You’d have it read while topping your egg. Still, I liked Rtia Ann Higgins today. We have to fight the shyte. Wrinkles are not cracks, they’re badges of honour. Which would you rather be as an old woman: Maureen O’Hara or Fionnula Flanagan?

        1. Frilly Keane

          I’m aiming for a Debbie Harry mixed with Candice Bergin type old age meself Lil

        2. I'm "alright" Jack. Mad Jack is on annual leave.

          Would it really take that long? I get most of it scanning the headlines

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