The (ACTUAL) KPMG Email

at

You stay classy, accountancy dudes.

Subject: Wed

Employee No 1: (From the Audit dept.): ‘Good night on wed man. Good old craic. Any luck with the ladies ?’

Employee No 2: ‘Was a very good night. Got very messy in the end. No luck with the ladies. Had my eyes on this one xxx x’xxxxxxxx. Some piece of work. But bottled it in the end’.

Employee No 1: ‘I know the one your talking about alright. She’s friends with one of my mates….Seems like a nice girl. Gonna chance it next time ?

Employee No 2: ‘Definiately (sic) going to stick the head in next time. Falling behind on this whole k score thing. Need to get on board. She’s top notch in fairness. What u reckon ?

Employee No 1: ‘Ya, sure go for it if you like her’.

Employee No 2: ‘Alright next thurs, im gonna stick the head in. Just wait for the right moment. (When she’s drunk) and she cant say no. Got this unreal technique for scoring aswel, called the whisper. I pretend im whispering in her ear and when shes not looking I just kiss her. The element of surprise throws the(m) off and BOOM’.

Employee No 1 then sends the e-mail thread to the girl his colleague has designs on, saying:

Hey xxx,

Thought id give u the heads up about this chap xxxx here. Think he has some serious plans for you’.

Which, we think you’ll agree makes him the most despicable playa in the whole Accountancy/Schoolboy debacle of the past week.

Previously.

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