You may have read the article by Terry Prone (top) in yesterday’s Irish Examiner exploring the subject of self-harming and the workplace through the eyes of a self-harming young woman
Mairead Carey (above) writes:
Terry Prone’s article on self-harming is written from a person’s view of a woman who cuts herself. This view is an incorrect portrayal of those who self harm.
It is a correct portrayal though of how ignorance can damage people and can ultimately stop people from reaching out for help. This article somehow made it into a newspaper spread but this is not news, this is a distorted look at reality.
I myself, a self harmer for many years, knows too well the effect that this kind of ignorance can have. I no longer self harm but not without help from my peers, my job and therapists. The article’s title {Nothing They Can Do For The Co-Worker Who Cuts herself]really broke my heart as it is breathing despair and hopelessness for anyone who is self harming. It claims there is nothing you can do for the co worker who cuts herself.
Please know this is so terribly far from the truth. If you self harm please know there is hope, you can get help and there are people who want to help you. If you are the worker or peer who does not self harm but has a colleague or friend who does; please know your words can ultimately help the person who self harms, you could potentially be the first person to show them there is help, there is hope and it can get better.
For the co-worker or the friend who does not self harm, let me try give you a correct insight to a the self harming person. A person self harms because they are in severe emotional turmoil, they may have been through trauma, they may have experienced something which has caused them great pain.
The people who self harm do so because they do not know any other way of expressing this pain they are in, they may not have people in their life that lets them verbally express what is going on for them. Yes the person who self harm sometimes hides their wounds but sometimes they do not.
Please do not harshly judge the person as they have spent many days been judged and this just adds to their pain. People who self harm are also human, just like you, they have feelings, they like to laugh, they like to talk to people and they, like you, also cry. Remember this before you ignore, judge and label them as hopeless. Please do not the article Terry Prone has written as the truth.
If you know of someone who self harms but they do wish to talk about it, do not ignore them, they may need to build trust before they disclose something so personal with you. Talk to them the way you would talk to any other human, laugh with them, go on lunch with them. You could be the first person who lets them know they are OK, you could be the first person who treated them like a human being, this will ultimately help them to reach out as they will begin to feel safe. Getting help for self harm is a very delicate thing to do, forcing it or ignoring will only make it worse.
For the person who self harms. Whatever you do, do not believe that everyone thinks the way Terry Prone thinks. You are worthy of friends, friendly co workers and much more. You can get help if you wish or you can reach out to friends and co workers that you trust.
You are not hopeless and you are certainly not helpless. There are so many organisations and people who really want to help you. You can overcome self harm and I know this because I have. It can be difficult and you will cross paths with many who judge you but know that you deserve a life where you no longer self harm.
Do not let anyone’s false judgment and hurtful words discourage you on your journey. Use your voice even when people try to silence you, walk when people try to make you crawl.
Don’t let anyone make you feel inhuman, you deserve a beautiful life just like everyone else and I believe you can achieve it.
For the published writers out there, please take responsibility for your work. Your words, your articles can seriously affect people.
Do not write about self harm without having a full understanding of the effects it causes. Detailing wounds, detailing ways people self harm, focusing on blood all contain triggering material that can cause so much devastating damage that you will probably never hear of because your articles have silenced their voices.
The article by Terry Prone has so much triggering material as well as so much material that is false, that it disgusts me that it was published.
It portrays work places as terrifying for anyone who self harms, it portrays self harmers as a “bit odd”, it portrays people who do not self harm as heartless and scared but this is all so incorrect and a real distortion on reality.
I have held down my recent job for over five years now and anyone who discovered and heard about my self harm were supportive and reached out to me. Some people won’t understand straight away but they do try.
So to the writers, would you prefer to create a society of silence or would you prefer to help create a society where it is OK to speak out, to reach out and get help.
Remember when you write you influence. Take responsibility, we are real people.
Mairead Carey
Nothing They Can Do For The Co-Worker Who Cuts herself (Terry Prone, Irish Examiner)
Update:
“Terry Prone’s “nothing they could do” attitude and depiction of co-workers passively witnessing a colleague’s self-harming behaviour at work only propagates the culture of secrecy around mental health problems in the workplace that needs to be urgently challenged.
…A good employer should be mindful of the levels of stress that all employees experience at work. Promoting and protecting the mental wellbeing of the workforce is important for individuals’ physical health, social wellbeing and productivity. It can impact retention, productivity and performance while also assisting and supporting employees experiencing distress. Having clear steps and guidelines on how to engage with employees on wellbeing and mental health makes it easier to form an appropriate proactive strategy to address a situation.
For better or for worse, we all bring our mental health to work so this open conversation needs to happen from the boardroom to the break room.”
From a statement by John Saunders, Director of See Change, issued today.
John Saunders Responds To The Irish Examiner (SeeChange)