Brian Anglim wites:
I’ve been depressed since as far back as I can remember, sometimes for weeks and months at a time. But as I’ve gotten older things have gotten worse, more ingrained into my everyday life and routine.
Recently I’ve had trouble sleeping, trouble staying motivated and trouble staying happy. If I’ve nothing immediate to worry or stress over I’ll find something to get anxious about.
Up until now only a handful of close friends and family know about it but since reading Garreth MacNamee’s brutally honest description of his own mental health problems I’ve been thinking about coming clean myself, in the hope that it might prompt someone still in the dark to reach out for help.
My own depression manifests itself in a form of apathy. The smallest tasks become gargantuan in size and weeks pass at a time where I’d gladly stay in all day feeling sorry for myself. One night before Christmas I became virtually paralyzed at work, I sat behind my desk until 9:30pm staring blankly at my computer screen like some sort of zombie.I had become totally oblivious to the outside world.The sudden realisation that I had become so apathetic frightened me so much that I was afraid to get into the car and drive home.
That night I decided to finally get help, after years of trying to convince myself that there was nothing wrong with me I took the plunge and contacted a doctor and told my family.
It’s a cliche, but opening up really was a massive weight off my chest. I’d always managed to convince myself that telling people wouldn’t be a good idea because on the surface I didn’t think I looked like someone that should be depressed considering I drink and enjoy myself just as much as the next person.
Getting it off my chest didn’t suddenly cure me of my ailments but It certainly helped. I know that some people will read this and think I’m a looper, but at the end of the day the stigma that surrounds mental health issues in Ireland will only be broken down if people can stand up and be frank about it.
There’s nothing to be ashamed about, I might come in for some slack posting this but if it helps one person take a step towards getting help it will be worth it.
Previously: Staying Alive