50 thoughts on “Ask A Broadsheet Reader

  1. C

    Yes. But tell ’em that from the start.

    Most guys actually don’t want to go to your wedding anyway because you bore them.

    1. Mani

      Ouch. That’s not the kind of thing you expect to hear from your father. Still. At least you had more room at the top table.

  2. mike

    Your stag is meant to be a night out/trip with your closest bunch of friends. If you don’t like them enough to invite them to the wedding you they shouldn’t be on your stag!

    1. Draxx Ltd II

      Exactly! Bit strange inviting him to a stag but not the wedding. A bit insulting. Afraid he’ll make a show of ya? Or is your wife a narc? Dump her and spend the money on a lads holiday instead.

    2. ned

      This is a totally BS answer. Some people are constrained by money and numbers and maybe they can’t afford to invite everyone they want, ever think of that

      I’ve been on two stags where there was no wedding invite for me. On the first, there was about 25 lads on the stag and about two thirds had wedding invites. Those of us without didn’t take offence. We liked the guy, we wanted to go away for the weekend with the group, so went and had a great laugh. I didn’t see it as his fault that his future wife was limiting the numbers at the wedding. It left him with some awkward choices (and you could tell he felt bad about it) but we’re men, not women, so we’re not gonna take offence where none is intended. We’re all still mates and if you wanna invite someone to the stag but not the wedding, tell em the situation early, explain why, and if they’re sound people then they’ll understand.

      And let’s be honest. The stag is way better craic and most fellas, unless they’re VERY close to you, would probably prefer not to have to go to the wedding anyway.

      1. Zaccone

        +1

        There are only 4-5 lads whos weddings I would really want to go to, who I am very close to. For my male friends outside this inner circle I would be delighted to be able to go only go on the stag, instead of the wedding.

        Far more craic at the stag, and the cost usually isnt too dissimilar if its only in Europe for a weekend.

      2. Stephanenny

        This has been so informative. I didn’t know your reactions to different circumstances were entirely dependent on your gender. Good to know.

  3. medieval knievel

    depends on your relationship with the chap. i’ve been on stags where the brother of the stag – who might not know all the other guys that well – brings a friend so he’s not billy no mates.

  4. Eamonn Clancy

    Yes, but ask them along to the afters as a matter of courtesy. They’ll probably crash it anyway.

  5. Freddy B

    Why would you invite lads to your stag but not the wedding? I’d like to see a woman invite girls to her hen but not the wedding. The claws would be well and truly out!

    1. Malta

      I’ve been on hens where I wasn’t invited to the wedding. It was fine, no class were drawn.

      Strictly speaking, no, you shouldn’t invite someone to a stag or hen if they are not invited to the wedding.
      (Certain exceptions apply e.g. the above-mentioned Billy no-mates situation; a foreign or small wedding where the stag/hen might be the only opportunity for some people to be involved in any wedding festivities etc)

      All of that said, if everyone involved has a bit of cop-on, manners and common sense it shouldn’t be an issue.

  6. Eoghany

    If you’re not having a big wedding, there’s pressure on numbers, and you just want a big night out with all the lads, then it’s fair enough. They’re not going to care about not being invited to the wedding, unless they’re total whinge bags…!

  7. Soundings

    Not enough information from Fluffy.

    Obviously, the dilemma is causing them some concern, otherwise why ask.

    There are lots of reasons for inviting someone to a stag and not the wedding. What’s the reason in this case?

  8. Jay

    It’s fine but I’d interpret it as the partner voicing their dislike for your friends. Makes your other half look petty.

    Personally if it’s an option though I’d rather go on the stag than to the wedding.

  9. Digs

    You can’t invite to the stag and then not invite to the wedding. Why would you ask success a retarded question? Surely common sense would inform you?

    On the upside, those who do not attend stag should not expect a wedding invite.

    1. Mikeyfex

      Of course you can. There are multiple reasons you would invite people to the stag and not the wedding. One of them being you can do whatever the f**k you like.

    2. Stephanenny

      Please don’t use the word “retatded” like that. It’s hurtful in the extreme to people with disabilities that you would use it as an insult.

        1. Stephanenny

          It’s not. And even if it was then it’s still not ok unless digs has an intellectual disability.

    1. Murtles

      ^^^ I hate people using the word retarded especially when dismissing an innocuous question as if they think they have a higher standing than the OP. So it is especially delicious when they make a spelling mistake that throws them into a light not unlike said retardation they’re so offended by. Karma.
      Anyway Fluffy I can’t add anything to what’s already being stated
      * YES if one of the Stags are in a Billy-No-Mate situation
      * NO if some of the Stags are in fact whiney bi+ches that will make a big deal of not being invited to wedding
      * YES if the wedding is abroad and the Stag is at home
      * NO if the Stag you intend to leave out is the Father of The Bride (or any male relation to bride)
      * YES if the Stag(s) are par-tay types only that hate weddings but will happily come to the afters

  10. Stephanenny

    I’d say more info is required but that probably means giving the game away to the parties concerned. So I’ll just guess that if you have concerns now then it’s probably not ok.

  11. Elrond Hubbard

    No. For one of two reasons.

    1) You’re a terrible friend/coward.

    2) You’re one of those selfish couples having a wedding abroad.

  12. Joe the Lion

    of course you can fluffy

    indeed if the wedding is taking place overseas or is a small gathering confined to family and closest friends, I’d say it’s almost a prerequisite and most of your friends will be glad to attend to mark your event in some capacity – that was my experience when organising a stag for a friend recently at least.

  13. Clampers Outside!

    Yes Fluffy, so long as they are cool with it but you’ll have to judge who would and wouldn’t. I have a feeling that more women than men would be put out by such an invitation…. but so long as you are clear from the beginning it should be fine.
    That is, your stag invite should make it clear that there is no wedding invite, in as nice a manner as you see possible.

    I didn’t want to go anyway, I could never get the flower clamp head piece right.

  14. Drogg

    I have gone to loads of my mates stags and not to their weddings. Weddings are expensive and people understand your family comes priority for invites even if you don’t like them. But that doesn’t mean you mates should miss your last hurrah of freedom.

    1. Joe the Lion

      Plus one – Drogg is correct.

      Stag is a relatively less expensive way for your ‘real’ mates to mark the occasion even if they cannot afford to come to the wedding itself. Think about it – no-one likes to turn an invite down but it’s also unfair to invite folks who don’t really want to say no. What I would do is just front up about whatever reason is that you cannot invite them to the wedding. Real mates will understand whatever the circumstances are.

  15. Eve

    All the references to the missus are making cringe. Sorry Fluffy, they do not know what they’re saying.
    I had lasses at my hen who weren’t invited to our wedding. Stags and hens are nights out, with a link to the wedding. There’s no formal contract that attendees should come to both.
    But yeah, honesty is the best policy, be upfront about it.
    Good luck!

  16. fluffybiscuits

    Thanks all.

    Its just because Im organising one stag and Im going on one.

    The one I am going to is with my other half and a friend, we were going to bring along another friend , we’ll call him A until the stag bluntly told me he was not welcome as he was not going the wedding which A knew (It never even occured to me, to me its jsut a bunch of us lads having a bit of a laugh on a weekend away).

    It got me thinking about teh stag Im arranging thoughm, have to double check with my friend make sure this doesnt even happen!

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