Broadsheet Trailer Park: Hitman: Agent 47



What you may need to know:

1. First-timer Aleksander Bach directs Zachary Quinto and Rupert Friend as the follicly-challenged assassin. Based on the popular video game series.

2. Alone in the Dark? BloodRayne? Super Mario Bros? What could possibly go wrong?

3. Homeland‘s few remaining fans have been begging to see more of Friend. This probably wasn’t what they had in mind.

4. Given that Quinto’s not involved, is anyone remotely optimistic about Heroes Reborn?

5. Timothy Olyphant already had a crack at the role in 2007. It didn’t go well.

6. Broadsheet Prognosis: Press R2, X, L1, L2, R2 to activate slo-mo.

Release Date: August 28.

(Mark blogs about film, TV and other stuff at

21 thoughts on “Broadsheet Trailer Park: Hitman: Agent 47

  1. jeremy kyle

    The premise of the game was to use stealth to slip through a security and quietly take out a target, y’know, like a hitman,

    1. Nially

      In fairness, that was an approach to the game. You could also go on violent murder sprees in which you might occasionally kill your target, if only accidentally – the “pick your own strategy” element of the games was one of my favourite things about them.

      1. jeremy kyle

        Yeah true, but the best rank was from having max stealth and only killing your target. I still lob on Hitman 2 for a bit of a shooting spree now and again (Don’t worry guys you don’t have to report me to the authorities), The character Agent 47 is meant to be pretty much to be non existent. I’d personally prefer a little bit more Leon and a bit less Die Hard 4.

        And before you ask my neckbeard is well maintained.

    1. Mani

      Try thinking about Brian Cowen rubbing a slice of cheese all over his naked, sweating body. Might get you to a minute.

  2. Avon Barksdale

    Not even the brilliant Timothy Olyphant could save that last one. Won’t even waste my time watching the trailer

      1. Mikeyfex

        Credit: My mate Gorman who frequently reads this but doesn’t have the chutzpah to comment. Can I say chutzpah?

    1. Clampers Outside!

      Timothy did his part in that flick, and I think he did a great job. Such a pity the rest of the movie was largely… ‘meh’… :(
      Loved the game, back in the day… so I wanted to like the movie… :)

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