78 thoughts on “Sleeping Tablet

      1. Janet, I ate my avatar

        I humbly bow out in advance
        I speak two languages badly
        and no one with a Scottish parent has any business pretending they can spell..
        my excuse and I’m sticking to it

          1. Janet, I ate my avatar

            lurking the correct word.. surfaces when I turn green and burst out of my troussers

  1. bertie blenkinsop

    Kids love this one –

    I know every single product in the Argos book.
    Don’t believe me?
    Pick a number between 1 and 10,000.
    ……….

    Sorry, out of stock.

  2. Nigel

    I live next door to a hospital but the constant sound of one particular siren is making me get out of bed every night and wander the house in my sleep. I have a problem with somnambulance.

    1. Janet, I ate my avatar

      sure where would you be going with no bell on your bike and your knickers wringing

      1. Bertie Blenkinsop

        * Holding up letter *

        What does that say Da?

        It doesn’t say anything, you have to read it

        1. Janet, I ate my avatar

          not a joke but favourite saying
          “The things you see when you forget your gun”

  3. Brother Barnabas

    My grandad’s favourite – told around 11,000 times:

    Why don’t skeletons go on holidays?
    Because they have nobody to go with.

    1. mildred st. meadowlark

      I love this.

      I should point out I’m crap at anything like this, so I’m just here to admire.

    1. Bertie Blenkinsop

      When I told my Da that Lady Bertie was pregnant with our first kid

      “Oh great, now I’m gonna be sleeping with a Granny”.

          1. mildred st. meadowlark

            Oh dear…

            I did that to Mammy Meadowlark. She near died of shock.

            The words “But I’m too young to be a Nana,” come shriekingly to mind.

          2. Clampers Outside

            Try online dating when you’re over 40……. be prepared for all the granny’s and grandad’s…. your own age… to come out of nowhere. It was depressing :(

            I got over it tho.

            How?
            I stopped online dating.

      1. Starina

        i just let out a disgusting cackle and i’m going to tell that to my french coworker at the first chance i get.

  4. Bertie Blenkinsop

    Here’s another one kids love:

    I wish I were a glow worm,
    I never would be glum,
    cos how can you be cranky,
    when the sun shines out your bum.

  5. scottser

    i took the kids to the zoo the other day. it only had one animal in it, a dog. it was a shi tzu.

    1. Deluded

      : D
      Stop me if I’ve told this one already…
      … a guard stops a car and it’s full of penguins and he says “Where are you going with all the penguins?” and the driver says “The zoo!”
      so the guard says “Fair enough” and waves her on.
      The next day the guard stops the car again and it’s full of penguins and he says to the driver “I thought you brought them to the zoo!” and the driver says “I did, and now I’m bringing them to the cinema”.

    1. bertie blenkinsop

      The Italian wartime flag, a white Cross on a white background.
      (spike milligan I think)

  6. Spaghetti Hoop

    Real Hoop Dad joke on passing double-humped Celtic burial ground; ‘only women buried there, wha’.
    (follied by triumphant fart and cackle)

  7. Casey

    Grandad Casey….

    Want to hear a great joke I have about paper?
    (silence) (shakes head)
    Actually no, I’m not telling you, it’s tearible…..

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