For Your Consideration: On Your Unsuitability For High Office

at

UK Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn

“You loved me as a loser, but now you’re worried that I just might win” – Leonard Cohen

On Your Unsuitability for High Office

for Jeremy Corbyn

The minute they realise
you might succeed in changing
more than the occasional
light bulb in the new
old community centre,
where the anti-apartheid
meetings used to happen;

the late Lord Lambton
climbs out from between
two prostitutes and into
the next available issue
of the Daily Express
to urge votes for anyone
but you; Earl Haig

gets up from his grave
to bang the table and tell us
you’ve not successfully
organised enough death
to properly understand
Britain’s defence needs
in the twenty first century.

The Telegraph mutters
into its whiskers about your lack
of experience – how you never once
so much as successfully destroyed a bank;
as former comedians gather
in darkest Norwich and Lincolnshire
to speak of your beige zip-up jackets.

LBC Radio exclusively reveals your plan
to give each failed asylum seeker,
and anyone who’s ever
taken an axe to a child,
their own seat in
the House of Lords;

the same day, The Spectator
gives retired General
Franco space to expose your
long term associations
with known vegetarians
and Mexican importers
of fair trade coffee.

While on Radio Four’s Women’s Hour
the former editor of the News of The World
and Dame Myra Hindley agree:
the last thing this country needs
right now is you.

KEVIN HIGGINS

(Pic: REUTERS, Peter Nicholls)

12 thoughts on “For Your Consideration: On Your Unsuitability For High Office

  1. MoyestWithExcitement

    One thing that is really surprising* is the amount of commentators/pundits who were raging over left wing Melenchon supporters not wanting to vote for right wing Macroon but are now complaining about the Tories but spending half their time talking about how they can’t vote for Corbyn. Idiots.

    1. scottser

      no lad, write it like this:

      One thing that is really surprising*
      Is the amount of commentators/pundits
      Who
      Were raging over left wing Melenchon
      Wupporters not wanting to
      Vote for right wing Macroon but are now complaining about
      The Tories but spending half their time
      Talking about how they can’t vote for Corbyn.
      Idiots.

  2. Lord Snowflakee

    Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
    You’ve everything I would like to be
    I could fly higher than an eagle
    With you as the wind beneath my wings

    ( It must have been cold there in my shadow Kevin)

  3. Kolmo

    The verocity of attacks on Corbyn will be analysed in years to come, and it will be looked on with as much shame as the same campaign to invade Iraq, the same media hacks will regret what they said, the same documentaries will be made about how the media was manipulated and how regrettable it was…
    Corbyn is not a radical.

    1. Serval

      It’s all about wealth inequality really.
      Any politician who threatens to narrow the wealth gap is demonised as unrealistic.
      The demonisation of Corbyn is very like the demonisation of Sanders in USA.

  4. missred

    Well this poem is better than yer man earlier anyway. It has good inspiration from the style used in Private Eye without actually ripping it off.

  5. Sibling of Daedalus

    Love this so much, yes, amazing how media people, most of whom have connections, many generational, with the stalwarts of the current system hold Corbyn to ridiculously high standards in comparison. Incredibly well illustrated by this poem.

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