73 thoughts on “De Monday Papers

  1. Charger Salmons

    Goodness me – it must have stuck in the craw of FT editor Lionel Barber to run that story as the splash.

    1. Brother Barnabas

      You’re celebrating two German pharma companies coming to the rescue of the Little England economy?

      That’s not what your nan sucked off all those GIs for.

      1. Charger Salmons

        Now now.You’re better than that.
        But as continuing evidence the Britain is the number one destination for inward foreign investment in Europe I’ll take it.

        1. Charger Salmons

          Much like the news that German company Siemens is laying off 7,000 staff, mostly in Germany and the US, but with ” very limited ” redundancies in the UK.
          Wolfgang Schäuble is having a bit of a spat with the Siemens CEO at the moment.
          Not that this gets much traction in the Irish bum-sniffing media.

        2. Brother Barnabas

          But when put alongside the pulled investments by Novartis, Pfizer and Roche in the last month (which together are more than 10 times these announcements), it starts to look a little paltry.

          And what’s not mentioned is that the British taxpayer will be matching it pound for pound. Dumb.

          1. Charger Salmons

            Ain’t gonna matter diddly when the EU bring in harmonised Corporation Tax.
            Ireland will be like a Blade Runner film set.

        3. Charger Salmons

          Like Brexit ?
          Anyway,I’m done for the day.
          Full to the cap badge with vintage claret.
          It’s up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire for me.
          Adiós Spuds.

        1. Brother Barnabas

          oh dear

          Berluti / he says Berlutis

          So what would a pair of Lobb shoes be called?

          if you were even a small bit cleverer, you could do this well.

          you’ve shown yourself to be economically illiterate, politically illiterate and prone to embarrassing malaproprisms (well, they’d be embarrassing to be but I’ve an education)… almost a pity.

          1. Charger Salmons

            ” (well, they’d be embarrassing to be but I’ve an education) ”

            Nope,I was right first time.
            I can get the whiff of the cowshed from here.


          2. Bertie Blenkinsop

            Oh thank heavens, I thought you’d crossed a line Brother (like Messi’s goal last night)

          3. Brother Barnabas

            on that, there are 10 of those against Barcelona every year. it’s a wonder they ever manage to win the league. even officials are rooting for Real.

  2. Shayna

    @ Brother, Hampstead, you say? I lived in Willow Road, Hampstead for 2ish years, really nice part of London. Then George Michael happened to drive his Range Rover into my local pharmacy, I mean, he lived in Highgate? Also, RIP, George.

    1. Shayna

      Also, I did encourage the readers not to engage with Charger Salmons, now look what’s happened with Brother?

  3. Shayna

    To be fair, I feel 50/50 DeValera/Collins – My family were De Valera types, but we always pondered, “The Long Fellah” was a politician and Michael Collins was a soldier. We sold out the soldier and got him assassinated in his place of birth in West Cork. We ended with a Politician and 6 counties less.
    The Long Fellah, I have to say, I wouldn’t have a great time for him.
    Such as it is with Brexit, An Taoiseach needs to show strength. As much time as I’ve spent living in England (15 years) they still refer to us as Paddys. Condescensian is second nature in Whitehall. “Micks and Paddys ” are abundantly verbaged. I know this, because I’ve been there.
    I’m not a Sinn Féin type, but, okay, kinda am. in certain ways.
    I just find the whole politic of Ireland frustrating.
    The “Nordie” thing – come on?
    “Dubs” – really?
    It’s banter, is all, GAA stuff, no harm, no foul?
    Although, Seán Cavanagh was injured, yiz divils, ye Dubs, (sorry)
    Anyhoos, I think we’re good?

  4. Charger Salmons

    Leo Varadkar wakes early after a fitful night’s sleep with major decisions weighing heavy on his mind.
    The rising threat of Sinn Fein concerns him and he wonders whether his Big Idea of suggesting Northern Ireland breaks away from the rest of the UK will curry favour with voters.
    Then there’s the bothersome email thingy that threatens his already weak government and with it his carefully-constructed image of a master statesman strutting peacock-like across the world’s stage – a 21st century Bonaparte.
    ” Dammit ” he says out loud, ” I can’t put it off any longer.I’ll show them.”
    And with a single leap of his gym-honed body,pausing just for a moment to admire himself in one of the eight mirrors strategically placed around the lavender-scented boudoir, he pulls out pair of box-fresh socks from a drawer.
    “Yes,I have decided on a momentous choice for this great country of ours.Today,I will be mostly wearing cobalt blue socks,with matching Egyptian cotton shirt offset by a cerise pink silk tie.”

    1. Noone

      You see that’s the problem with being a one trick pony… you need to find a new persona now fella starting to repeat your jokes

    2. Mourning Ireland

      FG Strategic Communications Unit Memo to derail Frances Fitzupmccabe row:

      1 Brexit talks derailed
      2 Sinn Fein kangaroo courts
      3 She’s a woman
      4 An Post too busy at Christmas to deliver election bumpf
      5 Repeat 1-4 to RTÉ, Irish Times, and INM.

  5. The Custard Machine

    Here’s a free tip for everyone.
    If you’re looking for a laugh, don’t look at the papers.
    Simply wait until 11:00 and read the comments on the papers on Broadsheet.ie

    Participation is always voluntary and strongly ill-advised.*
    Clowns are abundant..but they aren’t popular… but they ARE abundant
    In the words of David Byrne, ‘Nobody knows what they’re talking about

    (Mind you, that song was called

    I have nothing to add apart from my salute to Charger Smoked-Cod.
    More Salt ‘n’ Vinegar please.

    You’re wrong all the time, but that doesn’t matter.
    If you were a shill you’d be cleverer than you are.
    It’s complicated.

    Upset ALL of the apple tarts.
    You are an asset.

  6. Charger Salmons

    Subscription service only from now on ….

    Meanwhile,great news from the British royal family as a mixed race divorcee is set to be engaged to Prince Harry.
    Unheard of a short while ago.
    Marvellous stuff and happy days ahead for the dashing prince.

      1. Charger Salmons

        I doubt it.
        Who can forget Her Majesty’s wonderful visit to this part of the British Isles and the magnificent welcome the people of Ireland gave her on her walkabouts.
        And royal weddings have always attracted huge television audiences here.
        The Royals are box office and the dashing ex-helicopter pilot who fought in Afghanistan is quite a catch for the sultry actress.
        The heart of many an Irish colleen will be broken when the news is announced.
        I bet even Verruca will be looking forward to a wedding invited – if he’s not permanently re-arranging his sock drawer by then.
        Pip pip !

        1. Ban the Poo. Ooh-er!

          It certainly is a refreshing change from the inbreeding that they normally indulge in.

          You are quite correct though, there are an awful lot of saps who follow Mrs Windsor over here.
          I note she’s barely able to stand these days, don’t they have euthanasia over there?
          Have mercy on the poor old woman and put her and that ghastly Greek out of their misery.

    1. bisted

      …unheard of…surely not…I thought divorcees were almost de rigeur with your royals…at least you’ll be relieved that she is from one of the colonies…

    2. Brother Barnabas

      It certainly is great news. And long overdue. The lack of genetic diversity is the crisis facing the British royals right now. Charles, most obviously, is the product of sibling mating. He is technically inbred. Pairing him with the distantly related Diana left the two boys only moderately inbred, which was an improvement of sorts. It was a good strategic move to pair the older one with a commoner and the younger one with someone entirely outside the messed up gene pool. You have to hope that their children don’t revert to course.

      1. Charger Salmons

        Both Wills and Harry have turned out to be fine chaps,Brave,self-effacing and in Wills case a life-saver many times over.
        What have you done in your life?

      2. The Custard Machine

        Hampstead Heath is SO 1980s man.
        George Michael blew it for everyone, and then he got arrested.

  7. The Custard Machine

    And another thing Charger…
    You’re talking to nobody whenever you mention Leo. We didn’t elect him and I hope we never will.
    – Stranger things have happened though… You don’t need to look far to find a nation of reactionary idiots… but that’s just the general consensus of the rest of the World… Not your concern.
    Carry on.

  8. Charger Salmons

    Breaking News – it’s official !

    “His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales and Meghan Markle are engaged to be married. The wedding will take place in Spring 2018. Further details about the wedding day will be announced in due course. His Royal Highness and Ms. Markle became engaged in London earlier this month. Prince Harry has informed Her Majesty the Queen and other close members of his family. Prince Harry has also sought and received the blessing of Ms. Markle’s parents. The couple will live in Nottingham Cottage at Kensington Palace.”

    Great news and it’ll be front page leads everywhere not just on the mainland.
    You can’t bate a good royal wedding for lifting the mood of the world.

    1. Killian G

      In fact, to correct a statement from above, I believe you will find that Markle is actually related to Harry.
      Their common ancestors are Elizabeth Bowes (1505– c.1572) and her husband, Richard Bowes, son of Sir Ralph Bowes of Streatlam Castle and High Sheriff of County Durham – ancestors of Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother (née Bowes-Lyon). I don’t know what it is with these people. I suppose it’s good fortune they did not have a sister. The temptation would surely have been too great. (Although |I do know for a fact that William brought some nasty habits back from boarding school, and was not permitted to be alone with the young Harry during holidays. Although once Harry became initiated, there was no stopping the two of them). So next time you are looking and wondering at Charles’s ears, Harry’s squinty eyes or William’s disorderly gait, just remember they only have themselves to blame. Giddy sexual attraction towards close relatives will ultimately lead to genetic implosion from within. There is a distinct gimp quality to the British royals and it is getting worse.

        1. LW

          That’s the most interesting thing to ever fall out of the comment section Cian, bravo! I wonder is it a smaller pool for Ireland, given our insular origin

          1. Cian

            I wouldn’t have though so. For 1000s of years (up until the steam-trains in 1800s) most people would have lived and died within walking distance of their birth place. That limits your marriage choices to a handful of villages – hence the 2nd cousin thing.

            As for our insular origin – the frequent Viking pillage and rape stirred the gene-pool enough to keep it from going stagnant.

  9. Ben Redmond

    The Daily Express is focused on the cold weather, while the Daily Star homes in on sensible Christmas underwear for lads to buy for the girlfriends. Now the Morning Star could do something really revolutionary if its front page had a photo of the sensible longjohns worn by North Korean border guards – sensible prezzies for the gairls to buy for their freezing lads.

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