Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary

For Michael O’Leary

(after Primo Levi)

You are everywhere and, when it matters, nowhere
oh Lord of this cancelled flight.
All across a continent the bodies pile up
at Ryanair help desks while you are home
talking to your horses who are grateful
they, at least, will never have to travel
Ryanair. I don’t want you taken to the termination chamber
some here are building for you, or pulled apart before
a jeering crowd by the four of your own racehorses
with the most unresolved anger management issues.
May you live to be a thousand years old
and spend your remaining nine hundred and forty two
years sweating in a queue to speak to a red faced girl
at a Ryanair help desk. Let your every night be Sunday
and it always be December. May you be late
to the death bed and cremation
of your favourite uncle and his remains
be delivered to you
while you’re still here in this queue,
in a clear plastic bag with a hole in it,
for which you will, naturally, be charged.
And when you open your mouth
and a complainy word shoots out
may the Chilean secret police instantly appear
and tell you with their eyes,
and their drooling Alsatians’ eyes,
to cut that out or your slug tongue
will no longer be yours to wiggle.
And when your time here is done
may you be peeled, tied,
and spread-eagled across your own help desk
and two fat blokes from Chipping Ongar
be paid to sprinkle pollen
all over you, and then release
the bees.

Kevin Higgins


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15 thoughts on “For Michael

    1. Bud Flanagan

      I’ll save you the trouble.
      It’s a whine louder than a Ryanair engine on take-off about not being able to virtue-signal about how he’s going to help unseat an evil Tory in the General Election.
      Kinda sums up the Corbynistas to a tee.Big on boasts but short on practicality then blame someone else whenit goes wrong.

      1. Brother Barnabas

        “Big on boasts but short on practicality then blame someone else whenit goes wrong.”

        brexit in a nutshell, eh?!?

        hehe x3

  1. Termagant

    Heading out a bit late aren’t you? Seems to me all the hard work would have been done in the weeks leading up to now.
    Regardless Kev it all feels a bit “But I’m not like these common people, how dare there not be a flight”

  2. Verbatim

    I love this poem, straight from the heart!
    One thing I remember is that I can make plans as carefully as I like the outcome in out of my hands, and sometimes, in hindsight, it’s for the better.

  3. shayna

    I know it’s de rigeur to have a problem with Ryanair – but my personal experiences with the airline, not so much. This year, I’ve flown with them maybe 20 times, last year similar. Okay they’ve upped the price of carry-ons, but – depending on how you travel – well, you don’t incur additional charges. It’s a low-cost airline, there will be hic-cups Perhaps the scene at Shannon could have been handled better, but to write a Death Poem to the CEO wreaks of entitlement by, “Likely the most widely read poet living in Ireland” (His words).

    1. Kevin Barringtono

      And poets normally spew venom on advertising. It’s a fupped up muddled up screwed up world…

  4. Shitferbrains

    That would be the same Shaheen who argued on the TeeVee that murdering Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics wasn’t anti-semitic and nor was Corbyns laying a wreath at the murders graves. Then Kevin mentions Primo Levi. Neck.

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