From the Irish Times, sometime home of “property porn” and the Points Race (run children run) comes another classic of the ‘keeping-up-with-the-Jones’ genre:

SCHOOL ENROLMENT figures provide a fascinating glimpse in parental choice. They help track which schools are seen as ‘successful’ and which ones are struggling to fill numbers. The lists published on this page track a decade of change in Irish education. They compare school enrolment figures for this school year with the position a decade ago.

And the first newspaper to protest against the introduction of league tables for schools would be?

Take your time.

Which Are The Fastest Growing Schools In The Country? (Irish Times)

Magnitude 7.1 Quake Jolts Japan Coast (CNN)

TANAISTE and Foreign Affairs Minister Eamon Gilmore has insisted he did not know Prince Albert of Monaco attended a controversial dinner with Michael Lowry and Michael Fingleton during his visit to Ireland last week.

The Labour leader’s deputy, Social Welfare Minister Joan Burton, said yesterday she was shocked by the reports of the unofficial gathering organised by businessman Dr Michael Smurfit, Ireland’s Honorary Consul in Monaco — a position controlled by Mr Gilmore’s department.

Also on the guest list were disgraced TD Mr Lowry, the former Fine Gael minister officially reprimanded in the Dail the previous week following the Moriarty Tribunal report, and Mr Fingleton, the former Irish Nationwide chief.

Irish Nationwide provided the loan to Dr Smurfit and property developer Gerry Gannon to purchase the K Club in Co Kildare.

Gilmore ‘Had No Role’ In Prince’s Controversial Dinner (Fionan Sheehan, Irish Independent)

Tomorrow’s Sunday Independent.

Now that‘s an unexpected development,

What would he have said if investigating rape cases hadn’t been his forte?

Meanwhile, Michael McDowell makes a welcome, if utterly barking, contribution to the debate, asserting:

“Whatever offensive crudities in a squad car in Mayo we, as a nation, need to get the gas ashore. If the loony Shell to Sea campaign succeeds Ireland will suffer irreparable damage.”

To readers outside Ranelagh, crudities are offensive remarks. Crudités are traditional French appetizers comprising sliced or whole raw vegetables dipped in a vinaigrette and/or another dipping sauce.

CONTROVERSIAL TD Michael Lowry and former Independent deputy Jackie Healy-Rae were each given three positions on state boards to hand out to supporters as part of a secret deal struck with Bertie Ahern and Brian Cowen.

The Irish Independent has learned the six posts — worth tens of thousands of euro a year in payments and expenses — were a key part of the deals reached with Mr Lowry and Mr Healy-Rae to ensure their support for the Fianna Fail-Green Party coalition.

The full details were not known to other members of the Cabinet outside of Mr Ahern and Mr Cowen.

Revealed: Secret Deal For Lowry And Healy-Rae (Fiach Kelly, Irish Independent)

(Photocall Ireland)

Jackie and Michael’s appointments (by private arrangement with Bertie Ahern and Brian Cowen):

Valerie Reilly

“Ms O’Reilly (30) does PR work for Mr Lowry through her company Unicorn PR. Her company also does work for the Tipperary Venue casino project which Mr Lowry is championing and she is also a director of Clonmel Chamber of Commerce. She was appointed to the National Transport Authority and gets €11,970 per year in fees.”

Sean Fogarty

“Mr Fogarty is a long standing member of Mr Lowry’s local team in Tipperary North and is a former chairman of Munster GAA. He was master of ceremonies at Mr Lowry’s re-election launch this year. He receives around €7,695 per year in fees alone for his position with the Equality Authority, based in Roscrea.”

Billy O’Dwyer

“Mr O’Dwyer is also a supporter of Mr Lowry and is a director of the greyhound track in Thurles. His position on the Irish Greyhound board comes with an annual fee of €12,600 and his three year terms ends in 2012.”

Michael Healy Rae

“Mr Healy-Rae was a councillor when he was appointed to the Citizens Information Board by Mary Hanafin in 2009. He has since assumed his father’s Kerry South Dail seat. The CIB job — which Michael Healy-Rae has said he sought for himself — is worth in €5,985 fees, as well as travel and accommodation expenses.”

Rosemary Healy-Rae

“Ms Healy-Rae was appointed to the Criminal Injuries Compensation by Brian Lenihan in September 2007 and was re-appointed last year by Dermot Ahern. She is Ms Healy-Rae’s daughter and is described as a very able barrister. She will get paid €272 for each meeting she attends and up to €361 for each case on which she gives her legal expertise.”

Colm Lonergan

“Mr Lonergan is a Killarney-based engineer who dabbles in rally car racing. He was appointed to the National Roads Authority, which comes with fees of €7,695 per year.”

Hello.

You look awfully like our Minister for Finance.

Minister for Finance Michael Noonan (above) is an investor in German government bonds as well as share funds focused on China, India and the US, according to the 2010 register of interests for Dáil deputies published last night.

Mr Noonan, who has opposed “burning” bondholders in the main Irish banks, owns German government bonds paying a modest 1.75 per cent rate of interest and maturing in 2020, according to his entry in the register…

Good times.

Register Shows Minister For Finance Owns German Bonds (Irish Times)

(Photocall Ireland)

Taken within the last hour outside Leinster House.

If anything, it’s getting uglier:

The first three replies under the ‘Breaking News’ comments section:

This is such a waste of Tax payers money AGAIN – Anybody could have made daft comments to their friends / colleagues, in what they thought was a private situation ANYBODY ! – those women weren’t acutally IN the car. Anybody who says this is attrocious wants to take a good hard look at their lives and ensure that they’ve never ever ever said anything daft in their lives before they go making such a mountain out of a molehill. And by the way, what a waste of taxpayers money too, two hippies with nothing better to do than waste Garda time which could be better served saving lives on our roads or catching criminals – get real people, this country is gone so PC its sickening.”

Not to mention that a garda was attacked yesterday trying to stop a tiger kidnapping, but that seems to have been brushed over. People would rather stick in their bit of faux outrage than have some sense of persepective. This country really is ridiculous at times.

It stumbles from one ridiculous episode to another. A protest outside the Dail now? Get a life you losers and get over it, 5 days of outrage over something so stupid really shows the intelligence of some people in this country.

Crowds Gather To Protest Garda Remarks (Breaking News)

By Dominic Hyde

Who among us has not spoken of our wish to commit the deed that dare not speak its name? I’m talking about rape.

If a man, in the privacy of his own study, cannot turn to his wife and say: “I shall be raping you later” you might as well lock me up and throw away the key.

My wife knows she will be occasionally taken by force in her chamber.

That’s what men do. We have raping since before women came along, and we shall be raping long after they are gone.

In the minor public school I attended it was an honour to be raped. It was a sign that you were obliging to the older, stronger boys.

Oh yes, I can hear all the strident women going  ‘he’s condoning rape’. Nothing could be further (Cont. p75)

The coffin of murdered PSNI Constable Ronan Kerr is carried from the catholic church in Beragh in County Tyrone by his PSNI comrades, after the funeral mass today.

Policeman’s Funeral Hears Plea To End Violence (Belfast Telegraph)

Man Arrested Over Northern Ireland Bomb (Sky News)

(Eamonn Farrell/Photocall Ireland)