I pity you if you’re a ghost
You’ve got a few months at the most
To count pennies and save
Up for a new grave
Because next year your home will be toast

John Moynes

(Mark Stedman/Photocall Ireland)

The people of Toronto town,
Accidentally elected a clown,
But they thought there’s no way,
That he’d stand up and say,
That his missus quite likes to go down.

John Moynes

PA

When Martin said he would employ,
That cuddly old bogeyman Roy,
We all knew, in a flash,
The impending car crash,
Would fill the newspapers with joy.

John Moynes

(Irish Sun)

All of the papers agreed,
That some Cyrus is just what they need,
Though it has to be said,
She’s no clothes left to shed,
So instead she just sparked up some weed.

John Moynes

Pic: Billboard

Admit it, we all like to see,
English soap operas on TV3,
But now it seems Corrie,
Without saying sorry,
Will soon run off to UTV.

John Moynes

In these tough times we all now should spare,
A thought for poor old Ryanair,
When the stockbrokers call,
That their profits will fall,
Well sometimes life just seems low fair.

John Moynes

(Laura Hutton/Photocall Ireland)

I’d normally moan in despair,
When the papers report an affair,
I just think it sucks,
But it’s Coulson and Brooks,
So this time I don’t really care.

John Moynes

(Telegraph)

(From left: Web Summit founder Paddy Cosgrave, Enda Kenny and Bruce Aust of NASDAQ at the ringing of the New York stock exchange bell yesterday in the RDS, Ballsbridge, Dublin)

We’ve had five years of financial hell,
But at long last it seems things are well,
Our national debt,
Is no longer a threat,
Since our chieftain rang a magic bell.

John Moynes

(Mark Stedman/Photocall ireland)

Yet again the nice folk at Love/Hate,
Are making the hippies irate,
Those lads have some cheek,
And they’ll be back next week,
With another dose of Liveline bait.

John Moynes

(RTE)