Author Archives: John Moynes

US House Speaker Nancy Pelosi hands out ceremonial pens to Democrat colleagues following the signing of Articles of Impeachment against President Donald Trump yesterday

So many Republican men
Got up on their high horses when
They found out that Nancy
Was fond of a fancy
Ceremonial custom-made pen

John Moynes

Getty

Former Renault-Nissan boss Carlos Ghosn’s escape has inspired internet copycats to fit themselves in boxes for musical instruments like he is reported to have done to escape house arrest.

If you find that you have lost face
And want to sneak out of some place
Then folks in the know
Suggest you don’t go
Inside an instrument case

John Moynes

AP

Researchers in the US have created the first living machines by assembling cells from African clawed frogs into tiny robots that move around under their own steam

Some boffins are building a bot
Are they using transistors? They’re not
They take living cells
And if it all gels
They watch it to see what they’ve got.

John Moynes

Graph: The Guardian

Britain’s Duke and Duchess of Sussex are seeking to register the “Sussex Royal” brand as a global trademark for a range of items and activities including clothing, stationery and the running of “emotional support groups”

The Sussexes have announced that
From now on they’ll swing their own bat
Don’t worry, they’re grand
They’re starting a brand
To flog lots of cheap royal tat

John Moynes

AP

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar (left) and Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin will meet today amid rumours that a General Election is to be called

The grown ups are meeting today
And we’d all like to know what they’ll say
Will the leaders extol
A February poll
Or convince themselves that they should stay?

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Almond milk requires almonds, which grow on trees with flowers, which require bees to pollinate them

If you’re trying to live dairy-free
But can’t think what to put in your tea
You could try almond milk
Or something of its ilk
But don’t say you’re a friend of the bee

John Moynes

Pic: Olive magazine

Model Kaylen Ward is raising money for Australian bushfire relief by offering nude photos in exchange for donations

When you’re fighting climate change it’s
A smart move to take pics of your bits
For some men don’t care
How the kangaroos fare
But they’re willing to pay to see tits

John Moynes

Pic: Twitter