US President Donald Trump with the executive executive order on space policy

America’s leading buffoon
Has issued an order that soon
They’ll rejoin the race
To our neighbour in space
And set about mining the moon

John Moynes

Getty

4G, 5G and data radio relay antennas on a Vodafone mast in Berlin, Germany

We all know how tough life can be
When you’re facing a threat you can’t see
But it also makes sense
That you’d have to be dense
To blame all of this on 5G

John Moynes

Reuters

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II during her televised address in relation to the coronavirus epidemic last night

Every Brit stared at their TV screen
To watch as an elderly queen
Instructed the masses
To sit on their asses
And remember to keep their hands clean

John Moynes

PA

Meanwhile…

I, for one, would like to thank the Queen for making her royal address and providing the nation with something it sorely needs right now…

The perfect Photoshop bait… pic.twitter.com/dU0CIATWs1

— Peter Chiykowski respects the Queen, I promise (@rockpapercynic) April 5, 2020

Ah here.

Boffins identified subtle changes in the face of a mouse when it shows various emotions 

Some scientists think that it’s nice
To do painful testing on mice
To see how they react
And here’s an odd fact:
It’s not science till they do it twice.

John Moynes

Pic: Journal of Science

Long-term Isolation may lead to excessive boozing. boffins have warned

Some medical experts now think
That we’re all having too much to drink
Well it’s certainly true
There’s not much else to do
I wonder could there be a link

John Moynes

Pic; Alamy

Goats roam the Welsh town of Llandudno yesterday during the coronavirus lockdown

For weeks we’ve been locked up all day
With nothing to do or to say
Now we’ve got anecdotes
Of a town full of goats
And right now that’s cause to shout “Hooray”

John Moynes

PA

The Impossible Burger was one of the first plant based meat alternatives

It’s really an impressive feat
To make vegetables look like meat
So boffins now make
A mushroomy steak
Is that something that you’d want to eat?

John Moynes

Getty

Tim Martin, Chairman of Weatherspoons pub chain, came under fire as he said the company would not cover staff wages from the coronavirus

A gammon-faced arsehole called Tim
(Who’s unpleasant and seriously dim)
Thinks it’s a good laugh
To shit on his staff
His soul, like his pubs, is just grim.

John Moynes

Pic: Catering Today