All [Martin] Fagan could think about was his next race, looming on the calendar: the Houston Marathon, January 15th, 2012 – probably his final chance to qualify for London, and perhaps finally break the vicious circle.

“And I started panicking. I just felt so committed to that race, that it was my last chance. I was so stupidly stubborn about it, and that was my downfall. But I was very confused. I know that’s no excuse, but I was only semi-knowing of what I was doing. I was not in the right state of mind. That’s when I should have reached out. But that was my only reality, I was in a dark place, and knew it. I can only ask myself how I ever got there.”

Where he is now is back in Mullingar, and tomorrow in Dublin he will attend an adjudication hearing before Athletics Ireland and the Irish Sports Council to account for the positive test he gave for EPO in Arizona in December: that’s the easy part because he’ll readily admit everything, doesn’t want to know about testing the B-sample, and will openly accept the two-year ban they’ll inevitably throw at him.

“This positive test, the ban, is only the small issue. The bigger issue for me right now is getting myself mentally right again. I know that’s going to take time but I know I’m around the right people now, my family, and friends.”

 

‘Injecting Myself, Thinking This Is How The Junkie Feels’ (Ian O’Riordan, Irish Times)

Pic: Melissa Dunstan