My Abortion

at

90305049

(A Pro-Life ad truck parked near the Dail last week)

A reader writes:

I am a 30-year-old Irish woman and two and a half years ago I travelled to England to have an abortion.

My ex-boyfriend and I had been together seven years when it happened. We hadn’t been stupid, just very unlucky.We were both from a small village. A couple, most of the neighbours had written off for marriage, and a happy ever after.

Both of us had been to university, together, in Dublin, and found good jobs almost immediately afterwards. For a while it looked like we were destined for great things. However, after the economic crash, we found ourselves unemployed and living at home.

I had a much more staunch Catholic upbringing than him…His parents were the local “hippies”. Though I consider myself intelligent, well versed, and liberal, I have certain fundamentals ingrained in me, since I was a child…The nuns will do that to you. So, when I found out I was pregnant, there was a certain responsibility that fell on my shoulders.

I have been pro choice since I was old enough to think properly (16), but I felt that we were in a loving relationship and owed to the child to keep it…He was of another train of thought. With a cold stoicism, I never knew he had, he explained to me that it was a financial burden that in reality we could not take on. So we went and went for “a little break” and “had it seen to”.

In England I mentally couldn’t get around the idea of having a physical abortion so I took the tablets that induce a miscarriage. It was difficult and painful but, I was fine. The problems only began when we got home. Firstly, the depression was unexpected and extensive. I came home stigmatized. There was no one to talk to, I had no idea where I could get counselling. I had never felt so alone in my life.

Bottling my emotions inside while putting on a brave face and acting like nothing had happened. However I’ve seen the posters that say ‘abortion shatters her life’ and I would like to state that this is not true. Though having one is most definitely an unforgettable event in a woman’s life.

It’s a hard decision for anyone to make. As your body returns to a pre- pregnant state, your hormones are everywhere and it is paramount, that the woman has someone who is trained, to help her deal with the aftermath from this decision. Those who say that if abortion is legalized it will ‘open the floodgates’ to abortion on demand, obviously, have never had one. Trust me, no woman could possible see this as a form of contraception. It is a difficult choice to make and a draining traumatic experience that necessitates firm resolve, courage and mental strength.

Secondly It was the infection I got. The one that made me collapse in my home. He [partner] didn’t know what to do. The local doctor would probably have tried to have me arrested instead of helping me, so he did nothing. The next day I drove myself to the family planning clinic in the closest big town and they got me the help I needed. There they told me it was caused by too much physical strain after the procedure. But I had been unaware that I was meant to be taking it easy for six weeks after the abortion. I had been helping on the farm because I didn’t know any better. Again this could have been avoided if I had been able to speak to a trained medical professional about my condition,

You see taking the abortion pill isn’t at all like a surgical abortion. If you take the pill you go through an induced miscarriage. After a ‘normal’ abortion a woman usually bleeds for about a week or so, as much of the lining of the womb is cleared during the procedure. However, if a woman uses the pill, all the lining, including the actual pregnancy, has to pass naturally, and in my case, I still had very heavy bleeding a month after our trip to England. My infection was very easily avoidable, but I didn’t listen to my body and spent all my energy acting like nothing was wayward with me. Instead of taking it easy, I was out doing strenuous exercise every day. That, coupled with such a heavy flow allowed for the perfect environment for bacteria.

When I saw the doctor at the woman’s health clinic, she had never even heard of the abortion pill, and before she examined me, she insisted on me taking a pregnancy test, to make sure I wasn’t still with child.

What a pertinent example of how uneducated we Irish are, when it comes to this medical procedure. Obviously, I wasn’t still pregnant, though my cervices were inflamed and I had an infection present. I didn’t even merit a hospital visit; a course of strong antibiotics and an iron supplement coupled with a week of bed rest had me back up on my feet.

Now, I have to be very honest here, and say that I’ve never been back to a doctor, to have a check up or an examination since. Stupid! I know, but I’m just so typically Irish. Once I felt OK again I just didn’t see the point of revisiting this experience with a doctor’s appointment. I just kept finding excuses not to go, and here I am two years on, thinking it’s definitely an appointment I should make but in reality I probably never will.

I’m very aware that the abortion pill has become increasingly popular in Ireland, as it is much less expensive than a trip to England. So ladies, please be informed. Afterwards, take it as easy as you can, for at least, three weeks. This method is physically exhausting. Though it’s the only option open to so many of us.

For the ‘pro-lifers’ reading this and thinking I got what I deserved. Shame on you. I really am one of the nicest girls you will ever meet. Chances are I’ve given you my seat on the bus, helped you across the road with your shopping or simply listened to your stories with a smile on my face and engagement in my voice.

About 4 months later I emigrated. To a country that is less judgemental and unemotional than Ireland. I’ve never looked back. Two years on, I can say it definitely was the right decision to make. Here, I have a good job wonderful friends and a life I could only imagine back on the island. I am happier than I have ever been. I am a productive member of society.

So, why am I sitting here rehashing such a difficult chapter of my life?? I’m only writing this for the girls who have recently gone through this experience and who have been left down by our silly spineless politicians.

Let me take this chance to say to you: everything will be all right, It might seem like the end of the world right now but it’s not. You’re going to be OK. Trust me and trust in yourself. If you can go and get counselling it will make everything much easier. Please don’t be afraid to talk about it like I was. Ignore the idiotic idea in Ireland that you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t. You are braver than all those dogmatic fools put together. And you will come out of this experience stronger and wiser than ever before. It just takes some time.

And to the cowardly bunch of idiots in the Dáil I would like to say this: You are a disgrace. The whole debate on these cases has been bulldozed by a certain fanatic few. Your job should have been to create a framework of support for people like me. You, who destroyed the economy with the property bubble, have created a country where now, more than ever women find themselves in the predicament where they simply can’t afford a child. Are you so detached from reality?

Why do you keep sending your problem to England? It’s a shambles, that you have bowed your heads to old bitter people who can only fathom hate. Democracy is meant to benefit the welfare of the people, not court the Roman Catholic Church. Please stop this childish refrain of “Abortion in the case of foetal abnormalities or suicide”.

For once, can the county make an adult decision. Abortion is necessary in modern society. I reiterate, it is a life-changing decision for any woman to make. But it is her right to decide. We don’t need your opinions, we need support readily available, so that we can recover from the experience and move on with life.

As for me I’ll never be back. Only at Christmas to see the family. And trust me you lost a good one when you lost me! And though, I long to write this letter with my name, I’m afraid I can’t, because it would kill the mammy if she knew what I had done. She’d think I’m damned to hell…

191 thoughts on “My Abortion

  1. Helen

    seriously – we REALLY need to have abortion on demand now. It’s a medical procedure – not a moral condition.

    1. The Citizen

      If medical procedures could be demanded by the unqualified then I’d suggest you should join the brain transplant queue first Helen before you elected for a womb scrape.

        1. The Citizen

          Anything can be demanded. Medical procedures with any risk (read virtually all, definitely abortion) have their go-ahead decided by a medic. It’s a good system.

          The rest was ad hominem abuse related to Helen’s previous contributions.

          I agree there is a problem, I just don’t agree with a medic being forced to carry out any procedure that they don’t think is the right option because someone like Helen demanded it.

          1. Jandals

            But medics would be in charge of signing off on an abortion, just like any other medical procedure. Also, any medic who doesn’t want to perform abortions doesn’t have to. I don’t see your point?

          2. Sidewinder

            So treat it like any other medical issue? Decided between the patient and her doctor? Well I’m well on board with that.

            Worth noting though:

            The only medical reason there could be to not carry out the abortion, which is the basis on which medics make their decisions, would be if it would be detrimental to the health of the woman. It would be an extremely, extremely rare circumstance that an abortion would be more dangerous for a woman’s health than pregnancy would be.

      1. FK

        Wow! The Citizen, all you had to do was disagree with Helen. Your abusiveness was unwarranted. If you cannot make a reasoned argument and have to rely on insults and aggression then perhaps you do not have enough knowledge of the matter to be involved in the discussion.

        1. Am I still on This Island

          Perhaps you have never dealt with Helen! She has plenty of previous in the type of behaviour you have described above.

          1. Am I still on This Island

            I don’t have the requisite plumbing to have a valid opinion on this but, if required for Medical purposes they should be freely available to anyone that needs them, as a form of birth control I don’t think its required but If I had to vote on it in the morning I would opt for allowing medical professionals to make the call.

      2. scottser

        you really came to the wrong place with nonsense like that. if you were standing in front of me right now, i’d spit in your face.

  2. Tom

    “For the ‘pro-lifers’ reading this and thinking I got what I deserved. Shame on you.”

    Shame on you for that crass depiction of pro-lifers. FWIW I’m very glad you recovered from your abortion and are healthy now. Long long may it last and I wish you every happiness and fulfilment.

    “It might seem like the end of the world right now but it’s not.”

    But it does, sadly, end a world. It ends a tiny human’s life and that’s why it is such a utterly tragic and unjust act.

      1. Tom

        “I am now four months pregnant with my potential child/baby”.

        “There you can see your potential human’s heart beating”

        “We miscarried our potential baby last month”.

        1. ReproBertie

          And? Throwing a few sentences at me designed to look like quotes won’t alter the fact that at a few weeks it is not a human but a potential human.

          1. Tom

            “Here we have a four week old potential human being, next Tuesday at 3.47 am it will have lived its first day as a human being”

            “But Prof, how does that happen, how can it change from a potential to an actual human being, what marks that change?”

            “I don’t know Bertie, just go along with it.”

          2. Stapler

            “Tom has found the quotation marks”

            “Tom now overuses the quotation marks”

            “quotation marks”

          3. ReproBertie

            Ah Tom be serious. A blastocyst is not a human being. It’s potentially a human being but any number of things can prevent it reaching its potential.

    1. gallant

      Eventually we’ll evolve and catch up with the rest of the world and not have the Church holding our country by the throat.

      Homosexuality decriminalised in 1993

      Divorce in 1996 – 50.3%?!

    2. Nigel

      ‘Shame on you for that crass depiction of pro-lifers.’

      Oh, I’m sure a few will rise to the occasion. I mean, even your comment boils down to: ‘I’m glad you’re okay, but you’re a murdering bitch.’

      1. Tom

        It’s perfectly coherent to say that you hope a person is truly happy in life, that you really care for them etc and at the same time think that something they once did was very wrong.

        1. Sidewinder

          Bollocks. If you want a person to be happy you don’t imply in any way that they’re an evil murdering arse. That’s the biggest issue with the ridiculous pro-life claim thy anortiin causes mental health problems. When actually shitty attitudes towards abortion(eg yours) cause mental health problems because it isolates and stigmatises women like the author.

          You also don’t care about her health or you perhaps may have mentioned the problem with continuity of care and a properly informed medical community here.

          1. Sidewinder

            Actually you have a poor attitude towards your own opinion. I believe the accurate term is “hypocrite”.

          2. Nigel

            “For the ‘pro-lifers’ reading this and thinking I got what I deserved. Shame on you.”

            ‘Yeah, I have a poor attitude towards killing’

    3. megward

      Tom, there was no ‘crass depiction’. She was clearly talking to the pro lifers that DO think she got what she deserved, of which I’m sure there are many, don’t be so butthurt. She didn’t say ‘Now I know every pro lifer will think I got what I deserved…’. Read the line properly. That’s like reading something that says ‘to the Christians who oppose gay marriage’ and taking that to mean ‘every Christian opposes gay marriage’.

      1. megward

        Or rather, it would be like saying ‘to the people who oppose gay marriage and think every homosexual should burn in hell’ and assuming they meant everyone against gay marriage hates gay people, which isn’t true. Some claim to have no problem with gay people but are just convinced marriage should only be between a man and woman, which baffles me, but that’s not the point of what I’m saying anyway.

  3. Derp

    This is a wonderfully written piece – passionate and engaged. It speaks of sense, reason, and decency. It upsets me that people like the author have to suffer because of other people and their dogma. Hear, hear.

    1. ZeligIsJaded

      I bet she had a puppy as well.

      And she probably had to get rid of it, in order to emigrate.

      Although she lived on a farm, so I just really hope that the puppy stayed there on the farm and could run around and have lots of exercise.

        1. Drogg

          Your a real big man Trippy look at you there swinging your d**k like the big man you are. Id love to meet you to see how big of a man you are. You obviously weren’t hugged by your mother enough and are in need of some mental help.

          1. Drogg

            i Didn’t ask you to vote for me you f**kwit. I am saying you are a scum addled waste of space for making comments like, someone should be neutered. You obviously have mental problems if you think thats appropriate, but you must also think you are the big man to be able to say such things.

          1. Trippy Man

            Hey guys, I can’t help you if you all have predisposed positions on this issue, wheter its defending your mums decision to abort one of your siblings or your own excuse to yourself for heading your partner off to the UK because you couldn’t afford the long term consequences of your short term decision, these are your issues, not mine. Hey, what can I say, you went down the personal insult route first!

      1. Sidewinder

        Yeah because you can know everything about a person based on whether or not they had an abortion. Bearing in mind 1 in 15 Irish women have had one, how do you think your friends who have had an abortion are hiding their celluloid villainy from you?

          1. Sidewinder

            Gosh, it’s almost like the figures aren’t readily available and calculable. But I expect it’s a bit of a stretch to ask you have an opinion that’s actually an informed one.

            What’s very worth noting is that it’s only 1 in 15 women who had an abortion IN THE UK, doesn’t cover women who had abortions anywhere else e.g. Netherlands, France, Spain, their own bathrooms etc.

  4. catface

    Amazing letter, thank you for sharing. I am glad you have found happiness with yourself now, It sounds like you went through the ringer, emotionally as well as physically.

  5. Trippy Man

    What a croc of sh!t. You don’t honestly expect me to believe that’s anything but a contrived work of a fiction writer. We all get the arguments, that’s fine, but really Broadsheet, a bit more respect in the future please. If I want a Daily Star esque agony aunt colum then that’s were I’ll look.

    1. Stapler

      How is it a crock of sh!t? Because it’s well written and engaging? Because that’s what actually happens?

      Broadsheet doesn’t need any future respect as it’s not tailored for you.

      1. Trippy Man

        I’ve moved on to having feelings about my wife’s sister. What should I do about these feelings?

    2. jeremy kyle

      Trippy Man is upset. Dry your eyes mate, I know It’s hard to take but her mind has been made up.. there’s plenty more fish in the sea.

    3. Carlos

      Yeah, I gotta say it seems like a work of fiction. Either that, or she lives and extremely cliched life.

    1. sickofallthisbs

      Written by someone who has a highly inflated opinion of herself.

      The lady doth protest too much, methinks

      1. Nigel

        And we do hate self-confidence and self-belief way more than we hate abortions, corruption and bankers, don’t we?

  6. ZeligIsJaded

    “Shame on you. I really am one of the nicest girls you will ever meet. Chances are I’ve given you my seat on the bus, helped you across the road with your shopping or simply listened to your stories with a smile on my face and engagement in my voice”

    “And trust me you lost a good one when you lost me!”

    Typical. This would never have happened to a f*cker with a bad attitude

  7. LucyLoo

    Thanks for posting this, BS. It infuriates me that so many of our leaders are dancing around this issue. I’m fortunate to never have found myself in the predicament of the OP, but I have close friends who have – and whose problem was unceremoniously dumped over to the NHS. It’s mortifying that we treat our fellow citizens with such callous disregard, and difficult for our medical staff whose hands are tied even when they want to help. Although it is just a matter of time before we follow the lead of other progressive countries and bring in abortion for those who seek it.

      1. Sidewinder

        Indeed it is. But given Thats how women in Ireland are actually treated it’s appropriate to describe them that way.

      2. Jandals

        Well, it’s the pro-life side who are forcing the “dumping”.

        “”"”"”"”" < in case you run out Tom

  8. sickofallthisbs

    Eh, no shame on you for getting an abortion as a lifestyle choice. Shame on you for not feeling guilty for taking a life away.

    1. Nigel

      Having a child or not having a child is a ‘lifestyle’ choice? I never quite noticed before just how much contempt for women this particular phrasing holds.

      1. fits

        me neither :)

        Although there was that guy who said women might get abortions if pregnancy interfered with their holiday plans, or if they might not be able to fit into a dress for some event. Charming fellow.

        1. ZeligIsJaded

          And what if they did?

          Are those reasons not up to scratch for you?

          Do you have a list of acceptable reasons?

          Is it pro-choice or pro-reasonable choice?

          1. Sidewinder

            I think there’s a difference between “acceptable” reasons and reasons you won’t judge.

            Take breast augmentation surgery, if a woman gets it after a mastectomy it’s seen as perfectly understandable, if she gets one because her boyfriend of three weeks likes bigger boobs then she’s seen as being a bit silly. If she gets them because she wants “to look better” she’s seen as shallow.

            Same judgement of the reasons, but she’s still entitled to decide whether or not she wants one.

          2. Nigel

            But your judgment is your own in these matters, and has no standing whatsoever with her.

        2. ZeligIsJaded

          Just wanted to clarify.

          Fits seemed to be suggesting that there would be something undesirable about a woman having an abortion in order to fit into a dress.

          Get back to the middle ages Fits!

    2. Drogg

      Em it was a financial choice if you read the article and what puts you in a position to judge anyone you sycophantic scum?

    3. John

      Well I hope you have advocated for full government support of all those children who women are forced to carry to term. An abortion is an economically prudent measure that can safeguard children who are already born. But then you and your ilk don’t actually care about the children once they’re born.

  9. Tommy

    I think its sad that a 27 year old woman with a partner of 7 years felt the need to have an abortion. Shame on him.

    1. Gutter Watcher

      They made a sensible choice based on rational thinking.

      Not like the pro lifers and their uncivilised thinking borne from the teachings of a 2,000 year old nomadic desert tribe.

      I know I always think ‘what would a Canaanite do?’ when I’m making decisions in the 21st century!

      You’re just holding back the inevitable march of civilisation and rational thought. I am so glad to know that one day you and your beliefs will be looked back on with disbelief, contempt and pity.

    2. Am I still on This Island

      You are right it is the couple that created the shame not years of opression and brain washing by the RCC

      1. Tommy

        I’d support peoples right to chose but I would still judge them based on the circumstances. Nothing to do with religion.

        If everybody was to wait for the right time to have a child then we would be extinct as a species. Its about personal responsibility. If he’s man enough to have a partner and a sexual relationship then he should deal with the consequences.

          1. Tommy

            Our population replacement rates are too low for sustaining population in nearly all western countries.

          2. Sidewinder

            Yeah, sustaining current population levels and reaching extinction are wildly different things. The human population increased by a billion in the last thirteen years, we’re grand.

            Sensationalist nonsense.

          3. Xiao Liu

            1. You don’t know Sidewinder’s a man.
            2. Western countries aren’t the only countries.

        1. John

          Personal responsibility is not having a child you cannot support. Your cognitive dissonance is mind blowing.

          1. Tommy

            Only a very select few could reasonably support a child in the world then. The current western setup sees people become financially secure later and later in life, near 40s. Ask people who grew up in a average to poor household would they prefer not to be born.

    3. Nigel

      He does not come off at all well in this story, though granted it’s from her point of view rather than his.

    4. Anne

      Yes, blame the man, blame the woman, blame economic circumsdances. Blame….oh I don’t know, the direction of the wind.

      Change the subject to talk about anything except the right of the woman to have the choice …. for whatever bloody reason she wants to make it.

      Reasons are unimportaint and always more complex that anyone outside of a situation understands anyway …. freedom of choice is the importaint thing.

  10. Sidewinder

    Thanks for sharing your story. Really highlights the problems with the “sure you can go to England” attitude so many people have.

    1. ZeligIsJaded

      Yeah, it illustrated it so that it was more understandable.

      Like a pie chart multiplied by a nursery rhyme

      1. Sidewinder

        Try posting again but this time wait til you’ve come down off whatever it is that’s preventing you from making sense.

      2. Nigel

        I get that all you can do in response to this is sneer, but I must say I apreciate how your sneers are just getting more and more surreal and abstract.

  11. Rachel

    That is a beautifully written, sensitive letter. That lady has amazing courage. I hope nothing but the best for her and that her voice is heard over the ramblings of the fanatic few.

  12. Nej

    This is a well written piece, and it’s very nice that the author took the time to outline their thoughts and experiences… And what I’m about to say is not directed at this specific author, rather an overall observation, which is my opinion.. However do we really need another personal story on this subject? It’s beginning to sound like the plot to a bad TV3 daytime movie (“One woman’s struggle against….”).

    Regardless of stance, just legalize this procedure, and let every person make their own choice, in a manner that suits their personal beliefs. Seems to work for almost every other country, so what is so special about Ireland? Why do we have to re-invent the wheel?

    1. Sidewinder

      I think we do. Campaigners on the pro-life side are wildly generalising the women who have abortions and the various cases they’re involved in. They also ignore the actual numbers. I think it’s important to illustrate that every case is different.

      Most importantly this shows that the question of abortion rights is not one with a “one size fits all” answer. It’s the individual, unpredictable, private circumstances that show us why it should be up to each woman to choose for herself.

        1. Sidewinder

          Or possibly researched from NHS records?

          Golly, you’re really having trouble with this “informed opinion” concept aren’t you?

  13. Tom

    @ Reprobertie – I am being serious. If you are using the term “human being” is a scientific sense then of course the embryo is a human being. The embryo is a human organism – a human being. There is no entity that corresponds to the description of a “potential human”.

    1. Rod

      You know when someone starts their sentence with “I am being serious”, that the opposite is about to transpire.

      Brace yourselves.

    2. Derp

      Tom, once again, you are focused on a ridiculous sideline. There are many children born into awful circumstances around the world and are deserving of your pity, assistance and love. Why are you so hell-bent (pun intended) on ensuring that more children are born to negative circumstance? Do you really think a monotheistic god (intentional small g) that you believe in should hold sway over someone who doesn’t believe in her?

          1. Rod

            When Tom speaks it’s like the voice of a Harvey Norman advert, there are no feelings of sensitivity, just full volume and as over dramatic as possible.

      1. Limey Tank

        As an aside to derail this thing even further. Christianity isn’t really monotheistic. A plethora of saints are worshiped and prayed at.

        (I just never really understood what monotheism brought to the table that elevated it above polytheism.)

    3. Sidewinder

      “Human being” is not a scientific phrase. It’s a philosophical one. “Human” is a scientific phrase, it is a category of species, a human zygote is no more a person than a human blood cell is a person.

      On top of which, no born person has the right to live off the body of another person without their permission so why would an unborn person be any different?

      1. Tom

        An embryo is a member of the species homo sapien, what we call “human being”. From a human rights perspective, all human beings are human persons.

        You are confusing your categories at an alarming rate and flitting between science and philosophy and back again. I’m not sure you are even aware of it.

        As for the analogy, parents have a positive duty in law to safeguard their child’s welfare – the criminalisation of abortion is simply an extension of that. The right to bodily integrity does not encompass a right to intentionally kill.

        1. Derp

          Ever weeded a garden Tom? Those plants were plants too! Ever eaten meat? Those mammals were mammals too! Ever worn a pair of leather shoes? Those cows were cows too!

        2. Sidewinder

          Sorry, you say I am confusing my science?

          Well dearest, saying “that we call human being” just illustrates it’s not a scientific term. Most people call a tomato a vegetable but that doesn’t make it so.

          Also “an embryo” is not “a member of the species homo sapiens”. A HUMAN embryo is OF the species homo sapiens. A chicken embryo is not a human person.

          And I’m afraid you’re wrong on the analogy point. Parents have a duty only if they assume that duty. If they want to give up that guardianship they are completely entitled to, it’s called adoption.

          Why is it intentionally killing to take some pills when it’s not intentionally killing to not give blood?

          1. Tom

            “of” the species?????!

            You are tying yourself in knots and no one is going to get you out of it other than yourself.

            Your last point is more serious but think of it this way – if you refuse to give blood do you intend for someone to die? If you want an abortion do you intend that the child be killed?

          2. ZeligIsJaded

            I’m not disagreeing with you.

            But it is a tricky point – be it philosophical or scientific, and not clear cut.

            I’m not religious by the way!

            We often hear about victims of tragedies being counted, including the unborn children of one of the victims.

            The recent case in the States of the three abducted teenagers, may result in a murder charge due to a miscarriage that one of the girls suffered.

            This is a grey area at least

          3. Sidewinder

            Ah the ol’ Thomas Aquinas argument over intent. Classic catholocism.

            As for not giving blood, I don’t know what a person’s intent is. Nor do you know what a woman’s intent is. Generally speaking I’d say her intent is to not be pregnant much as the person who doesn’t give blood has the intent of not having a needle in their arm. What’s the difference between the two that one is murder and one isn’t?

            Also – what knots? You’ve twice accused of somehow being confused but in no way given an example of how.

    1. Drogg

      I think they have changed accounts Tom seems to have some very similar views. But then again, they might have finally found each other and are romantically embraced somewhere by a warm fire.

        1. Drogg

          You have a very similar opinion to what both those hate mongers express and you started to appear more and more the less they appeared.

          But if your talking about my other comment. Well they both seemingly had a hate of women, both had a strong catholic upbringing and where constantly suffering from bouts of rage. It sounds like they where hiding their true selves and their religion kept them from coming out of the closet. Until they found each other and it was beautiful they left hate behind and embraced each other.

          1. Tom

            You are preoccupied with speculating about the ill will of people who disagree with you. I suppose it’s easier than trying to defend your p.o.v.

            You know what? I’d wager that your are a decent person who sincerely believes in the truth of your worldview. In assuming that I don’t feel i’ve compromised my views at all.

          2. Drogg

            No Tom I am a world class D**khead i excel in being an a**hole, i just feel that pro-lifers are so caught up in their beliefs that they can’t be talked to with logic and understanding. So i think that they should be shamed with their own beliefs like how none of them actually follow what the bible teaches , I want them driven from their soap boxes locked away from the general population where they can no longer spread their venomous hate and lies.

            When you see people attacking someone who has been through a very difficult time, but was brave enough to share her experience and then posting hateful messages on here like she should be neutered, that doesn’t sound very christian to me.

            Be nice to me Tom if you think it will help, but the eradication of your kind and freedom of choice in this country, is the only thing that will quell the anger in my belly.

  14. brianto

    where to these ‘prolifers’ (cough cough, probly aint lived a proper dayin their lives) get off tellin folk what to do with their bodies… i wish half of them would go to california and get a decent plastic surgeon and change their offensively ugly faces but you don’t see me marching down the road demanding it or renting advertising space on the back of trucks telling them how in bits they are. thats because i’m not a meddling nosey self centred ignoramous.. i just try n get on with my own life, i’ve enough on my plate here.. zip it you anti-people prolife gimps

  15. hojo31

    It’s really so hard to get involved in this debate as people on both sides of the divide get so angry and emotive, and I understand why. My girlfriend had an Abortion in the late 90′s. She learned to live with it (she was a student at the time). We both discussed the issue and felt that, as students, we could not possibly raise a child at the time. We both regret having to do it. We get on with it but from time to time it really upsets her. I don’t know if we will choose to have children in the future, I hope so. I am not necessarily anti abortion or pro life. If a baby in conceived through rape or abuse I understand why a woman would not want to carry to full term, although not all feel this way. For me I wish we could have avoided our choice, and maybe we could. I would hope that counseling and advice is made more available in the future as we found it harrowing afterwards.

    1. Sidewinder

      As a pro-choice person I really wish ye hadn’t been forced into that. Part of being pro-choice in my opinion is advocating for all support to be available for women to follow all options. The level of assistance with childcare in third level in Ireland is very poor. I had a friend who got pregnant in college and despite the fact that she was due midsummer and had great support at home and would barely miss any semester time (I think like two weeks) she was told she’d have to skip a year. Totally unnecessary.

  16. Tom

    @ drogg – hold on, I never mentioned anything about neutering, that was a disgusting remark & I agree with you. Before you or anyone else accuses prolifers like me of a lack of compassion or understanding please acknowledge that, whether mistakenly or not, we see (at least) two human beings in an abortion procedure, not just one. I can assure you that it’s a view very much motivated by compassion.

    1. Drogg

      Then why not spend your time helping the already birthed, the under privileged, the orphaned, the abused. Their are too many people on this planet as it is, but you want more brought onto it and into situations where they are not wanted and not loved and will never have a chance. Aborting a bunch of cells before they become a human in an unwanted situation might be the most humane thing you can do.

    2. Drogg

      And sorry i know it wasn’t you who made the neuter comment i was just pointing out that some of the pro-life side has said some serious S**t.

    3. FlanFlanny

      we see (at least) two human beings in an abortion procedure, not just one.

      Speak for yourself, there is one person involved in this, one person to walk into that clinic and one person who bleeds for weeks after to recover from those cells being scraped out. ONE Person. That’s all/

  17. The Citizen

    Any views on the boyfriend’s “cold stoicism”? Anyone else read into it that the abortion was forced upon her somewhat?

    I wonder if they stayed together. It must have been very difficult.

    1. Carlos

      Yip, just commented on that. Never usually comment on these stories but what this screamed was someone who actually wanted the child, was unsupported, and is justifiably angry at her treatment from all quarters.

    2. Sidewinder

      Yeah, it doesn’t sound like she was totally happy with the decision then but she seems happy with it now. I think a major part of what the author is trying to get at here is informing people on what it’s like to go through it and I think a big part of being in a relationship with someone and sleeping with them is the discussion of what would happen if someone got pregnant. My boyfriend and I have talked about it.

      1. pipedown

        My ex girlfriend took the trip across the water when we were together and while I tried to convince her to have the child, I travelled with her and supported her as much as I could. I found that whole time very traumatic and our relationship ended a short time after. It still saddens me when it comes to mind from time to time. I think its probably a personal choice and should never be taken lightly and anyone with an ounce of spirituality not necessarily of any organised religion will feel a hole in their heart. The writer of this story took a long time to come to terms with her decision physically, mentally and I’m sure spiritually too on some level. So its more than just a prceedure. Although I am personally pro life, I had little say when it came down to it at the end of the day. Unfortunately its not my choice!

  18. brianto

    myself and my girlfriend had an abortion a few years back and while it wasn’t all a bed of roses at the time we are both doing fine now and couldn’t be happier

  19. Carlos

    Well written. But the anger at the end is misdirected. Politicians are introducing termination, and does anyone really expect the Church to advocate this legislation?

    The most spineless part of this story sadly is that a woman who wants to see a pregnancy through is unsupported by her partner who pleads financial incapacity. Nothing stoic about his choice, simple cowardice when faced with circumstances which thousands of people in the past have dealt with easily.

    1. Sidewinder

      I can see where you’re coming from but I think cowardice is a very strong word to use, nor would I say people have dealt with it easily. Raising a child in tough financial circumstances is not easy, believe me I was one of four kids raised in such a manner, with a sibling with special needs too, you may manage but it’s not easy.

      1. Carlos

        Maybe it is too strong a word but there’s something lacking in the guy’s response in this story. I know its not easy. SImilar story to yourself (although didn’t have a sibling with special needs & can imagine that is hard). Just the idea that a man would respond to his partner in such a way turns me a little.

        1. ZeligIsJaded

          Are you anti-choice Carlos?

          Or wtf?

          It turns you a little?

          Would you rather he wrapped the ‘little lady’ in some cotton wool, and protected her from the hurt feelings she was bound to suffer when he dosed her with reality?

          Mad stuff?

          Sounds like genuine misogyny.

          1. Sidewinder

            Really? I disagree. To be honest it seems to me that you’re assuming in any situation like this it would always be the man who was being pragmatic and the woman who was feeling all fluffy and vulnerable. Not always the case.

          2. ZeligIsJaded

            I know its not the case.

            But what has cowardice got to do with it?

            So a female is exercising choice in her decision not to have baby.
            A man is flailing? Cowardly? Lacking?
            Not sure the word Carlos was looking for, but by all intents and purposes, he felt a little ill at the thought of such a man, such a weak man – the kind of man who might ‘fail the little lady’ or ‘fail to keep up with the 21st century woman’.
            Either way – the man done f*cked up as far as Carlos is concerned

        2. Carlos

          That’s funny being described as misogynistic and sexist by someone who describes a female, without irony, by using the phrases ‘little lady’ ‘‘fail the little lady’ ‘fail to keep up with the 21st century woman’.

          I think the female in question is pretty strong all things considered, and was let down by partner, health service and state.

          But thankfully the male saved the day eh? “he dosed her with reality”. Lucky lady…

          What was that about misogynistic again?

          1. ZeligIsJaded

            Is this the first time someone has had to explain sarcasm to you?

            Your post implies the female in question was let down.

            I took those unfortunate cliches as an obvious insinuation.

            Forgive my stupidity, but can you explain to me, in the context of a debate about choice, how it is that the male in question let his partner down by not wanting to have a baby?

            I’m sorry, I’ve read back over it, and the only conclusion I can come to is sexism.

            She either decided to have an abortion or she didn’t.

  20. phillyg

    Pro lifers you are out numbered and out gunned and you all sound like a bunch of old women gossiping over the fence about young tina down the road!

    Its only a matter of time before some politician has the balls to put it up to you nunch of neantherthals and pass the necessary legislation for abortion on demand. you lot make me sick!

  21. SK

    “Let me take this chance to say to you: everything will be all right, It might seem like the end of the world right now but it’s not. You’re going to be OK. Trust me and trust in yourself. If you can go and get counseling it will make everything much easier. Please don’t be afraid to talk about it like I was. Ignore the idiotic idea in Ireland that you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t. You are braver than all those dogmatic fools put together. And you will come out of this experience stronger and wiser than ever before. It just takes some time.”

    The same could be said for keeping the baby too.

    1. FlanFlanny

      No it couldn’t you dipstick.

      One is a certainty based on experience. The other is an unknown which no-one can prenounce on.

      Apparantly Crystal balls are not just the preserve of Mystic Meg, Sunday Mirror readers, pro-lifers have them too!

  22. jeremy kyle

    Actually the fatality rate for women who have abortions is lower than those who carry through with the pregnancy so it is actually would make them safer in a sense.

  23. i wrote this

    Sorry I was very busy at work all day… So
    1. This is not a fictional story- this happened to me but I know I’m not the only one….
    2. Thank you to all who tweeted and re posted this letter. Maybe I did this for me. But I hope not.
    My only intention was to give a voice to all of us who have been there. (though I’ve learned today there are plenty of stories like mine on different websites- and that was incredibly comforting)
    3. Carlos- you were on the ball- mostly it was his decision. But I wasn’t brave enough to be an single mother… and I applaud those who are.
    Though I have to add “he” is a very good person and I only wish him well.
    4. Tom and Trippy man… everyone is entitled to their opinion… no harm done… Tom for the record “we” caught it very early on… though I know how you are… we’ll talk tomorrow… lol
    Sin e

  24. Conor

    I find it very odd that a doctor in a woman’s health clinic had never heard of the abortion pill, even though it’s been in use in the UK for about 20 years as well as most other European countries for varying amounts of time. A minor point but it struck me as very odd.

    [I'd be very much pro-choice but I don't get this bit, nor the bit where the local GP would have her arrested. In 2011? Really?]

  25. Sharrow

    http://abortionaftercare.ie/

    Drs are not compelled to report women who present and say they have taken the abortion pill.

    In this lady’s case she was prescribed the abortion pill legally in the UK but if a dr suspected that a woman took the abortion pill here at home in Ireland then it is illegal and s/he can choose to report the woman to the garda.

    And when that proposed bill becomes law any women who uses the abortion pills illegally here in Ireland may face up to 14 years in jail.

  26. caggy

    I’m very glad this was posted. I am also an Irish woman who had an abortion. I don’t regret it, we’ve moved on from it and are happy. We often think “what if” but we know we made the right choice for us. Its a huge decision and not one that was taken lightely by myself or my partner. Some of the comments here are very hard to read because I know they are not just directed at the lady who wrote the article but at all women who have abortions because basically no one cares, no one gives a damn why you feel its the best choice, they see you make a decision they don’t agree with and that makes you scum and dirt in their eyes. My partner and I have lost friends over this, been called murderers, told we don’t deserve to be parents ( we have since had two children). I just wish people would allow women and couples to make their own minds up on what is best for them.

    1. Anonymouse

      Caggy, I’m happy you were able to have kids afterwards. Many women have difficulty with this after abortion. I am against abortion myself, I don’t see it as a justifiable option except where the life of the mother is at mortal risk. I am all for state-funded post-abortion counselling, in fact I know it’s there because I helped raise money for a charity (underfunded!) that I won’t mention that deals specifically in crisis pregnancy counselling. I find it sad that people decide to take a life for whatever decision, war or peace, justified or not, in poverty or in greed. I find it sad that after years of “positive options” campaigning, people forget the support that is out there. I find it sad that lives are not treated equally. Actually I think it’s wrong. But I am nobody to judge who you are or why you made your decision, even if I have a different view on life. I hope you experience more love, hope and healing in your life. God bless you. And no, I’m not a Catholic. Or a Protestant.

      1. Jeremy Kyle

        I get where you’re coming from, its such a tense subject.

        However, I don’t think the fact that you think its wrong or immoral means you can decide its fair to have a law that forces another woman to carry through with a pregnancy and allow their body to used.

        But, really, who expects to change someone’s opinion on an internet forum? :/

      2. FlanFlanny

        “I’m happy you were able to have kids afterwards. Many women have difficulty with this after abortion.”

        Oh FFS, more pro-lifer type lies spouted by SOME of those plonkers. Many women have no such difficulties of any sort.

        Did you know that the procedure used to remove and clean out a woman after a miscarriage to reduce the risk of an infection is the exact same one used to remove the cells in an abortion procedure.

        There you go, the procedures perfected and practiced in abortions help women the women who have them AND the women have miscarriages to go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies afterwards.

        Ignorance kills not safe medical procedures!

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