Don’t Know You’re Porn

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Bu4BLDPCUAIJ636Today’s Belfast Telegraph

Una said the psychological impact of her ‘revenge porn’ experience has been immense. “There was times he would say he took it down and then because I still wouldn’t talk to him he said he would upload it again,” she said. “One of the comments he made to me was, ‘well at least you’ll be famous’. “He told me he would send it into my employer, so two weeks into a new job I had to sit down with my manager and have that difficult conversation.”

Sex tape revenge porn hell at hands of jilted ex-boyfriend (Amanda Ferguson, Belfast Telegraph)

73 thoughts on “Don’t Know You’re Porn

  1. singing detective

    I was randomly thinking of this sort of situation last night. Google can now remove pictures and videos through analysing their code (like that guy that got done for using Gmail to store child pornography). Is it then possible that they could remove all traces of this automatically if a victim gives them the images/video?

    1. Medium Sized C

      Google don’t have eternal dominion over the internet.
      They could conceivably de-index all reference to this, but they would have no way to prevent re-upload or sharing through services they have no control.

      So if they host something or index something, they can do something about it.
      Otherwise they can’t do anything.

      Its like asking samsung to do something about it if the prick was walking around showing the video on his phone.

      The solution is a combination of education and legislation.

      1. singing detective

        That’s a fair enough point but the reasoning still stands – if every picture has a unique code like a fingerprint then the major search engines could delete all references to it through web bots. Not a perfect solution, but if they’re off all the major search engines and searchable social media platforms, that’s a pretty decent outcome (from an absolutely horrible situation).

        1. LiamZero

          Not really. It will still be on sites where the URL can be shared. Very few people worldwide would actively search for the specific video, but would come across it (yes, I know) while browsing the site. And in this instance, the threat for the woman is that her psychotic ex can upload it at will and then forward on the URL to her employer, friends, family, etc. So as pointed out above, the search engines really don’t have any relevance here.

      1. Sidewinder

        To stop it happening to others too. To campaign for the provision of support to people who are victims of this and for the punishment of the perpetrators. Good on her. Brave woman.

        The headline says the battle was lonely, maybe she wants others to know they’re not alone.

        1. Rep

          Agreed. Her ex filmed her without her knowing then repeatedly put it up on the net and the police said they could do nothing about it. That is shocking stuff.

          1. Zynks

            Unfortunately, once something is uploaded, it is easy to copy and gets out of the uploader’s control. people should be very careful, the Internet is unforgiving.

            As for the boyfriend, he should be made an example, named publicly, forced to pay her for every view the video ever gets for the rest of his life, get a jail term if any laws allow for it, and let him live in the fear that he will star in a new video made during his incarceration.

    1. munkifisht

      And maybe she’s realised that women who sex have nothing to be ashamed about, sex tape or no sex tape.

          1. munkifisht

            Hate to say it (for you), but I think I understand it better than you. Revenge porn is only effective because women somehow are convinced but a women hating society that all sexual expression makes them sluts. Slane girl is the perfect example. The guy is probably today held in higher esteem due to that video while the girls life is ruined. Men are generally not targeted by revenge porn because in all almost all sexual encounters between heterosexual couples the women is still viewed as somehow more culpable than the man and it is them who are made feel chastened.

          2. LiamZero

            I really don’t think you do, Munkifisht. The fact that women shouldn’t be ashamed of having sex is of absolutely zero relevance here, that’s a total red herring.
            What is of relevance is the fact that someone’s most intimate moments are being used as a weapon against them. Threatening to send an employer such a video is a gross invasion.
            Sure, if you’re the sort of person who advocates dogging, then I guess that’s your right, but I and most others prefer to have sex with my partner when there isn’t someone watching, and especially not my boss, or my family. Doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of sex, it means I value my privacy.
            I honestly don’t think you’re properly considering this in a realistic fashion.

          3. Medium Sized C

            I don’t entirely disagree minkifisht but I think you are grossly oversimplifying things.

            Many people feel self-concious about their bodies, male and female, and don’t want them on video riding out for all to see.

            Many people feel sex is something private shared between two people, which is enjoyable and special to those two people.

            Many people engage in sexual relations that they later regret, because they weren’t special and didn’t feel like shared experience.
            Other people feel that sex is all about being owed your end away.

            I’m pretty sure that I, as a man who won’t suffer from slut-shaming, would be pretty damn embarrassed if someone got a picture of myself going at it. I know my wife would.

            Its not really about slut-shaming. Its about invasion of ones privacy here.
            Even if the video was consented to, it is an utter betrayal to release that to the public without permission.
            I would contend that it is just as likely that someones shame at having a sex tape is just as likely, in fact more likely, to be a result of a normal mature attitude to sex, as it is any prevailing wind of misogyny.

          4. Jay

            @Medium Sized C
            “I would contend that it is just as likely that someones shame at having a sex tape is just as likely, in fact more likely, to be a result of a normal mature attitude to sex, as it is any prevailing wind of misogyny.”

            Can you elaborate on that a bit? Ok, the tape got released, is it embarrassing? Yeah, sure it is. But to to feel shame constantly seems a bit much. If you feel shameful about having sex then I think that shows a lack of maturity. If you feel shame because some assh*le made a covert video of you I think you have some mental issues as well. It had nothing to do with your actions, it was just them being an assh*le and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. Though I’d be inclined to say if she was actually ashamed of it she wouldn’t have given every detail you would possibly need to find it online and had it published on the front of a newspaper, I guess her shame may have a nice price attached.

          5. munkifisht

            Thanks C, This is much better than what I wrote. Personally I (as a man) would also not like it if a sex tape of me came out (neither would anyone else mind you). Of course it’s utopic to say this, but nobody (or even no body) should be ashamed of having any kind of consensual sex and any shame we have you would have to think is due to societal weirdness coming mostly from sexless religious weirdos. You don’t see sexual taboos in most uncontacted tribal cultures.

            In fairness though, I was trying to explain my original comment :: “And maybe she’s realised that women who have sex have nothing to be ashamed about, sex tape or no sex tape.” as a reply to Bejayziz asking why is she publishing it.

          6. Nigel

            Seems to me that there’s so much more than shame involved in being the victim of revenge porn. There’s the loss of dignity and autonomy, there’s breach of trust, invasion of privacy, simple and understandable embarrassment, the knowledge that unknown numbers of sweaty internet gruntscrubbers are watching you at your most intimate and unguarded, with the distinct possibility that some of them might seek you out online and make life miserable for you, and the not-at-all out-there possibility that one of them might seek you out in real life. To say nothing of the video being made available to friends, family, co-workers and employers out of sheer spite. Even with the best will in the world, if every one of them were understanding, supportive, discrete and instantly aware that you are the victim, that’s going to be hard to bear. Being ashamed of sex is not same as feeling that it is private and not for public consumption.

          7. Medium Sized C

            @munkifisht.

            I can think of two very clear examples of sexual taboo in “un-contacted” tribes on television. Of course these were contacted tribes but recently enough that the documentaries were purporting to be filming uncontacted tribes. Whatever like.
            If you have some reading to that note, I’d love to see it.

            If I get filmed walking around naked, I have nothing to be ashamed of, but I do feel embarrassed if people end up looking at me naked. It’s normal.

            And again, I don’t disagree with you, but I think people have a right to their own shame or embarrassment without it being reduced to the patriarchy or religious intolerance.

          8. munkifisht

            @C Directly, now, I can’t think of any to be fair other than of course the lack of shame with respect to nudity in many Amazonian and African tribes. Maybe I should have said like the Bonobo which just loves to have sex in all it forms.

            @Nigel, yes, I understand what you’re saying, but surely the bullying twat who made the video is the one who should be ashamed.

            This all said, I can respect that in a way there’s quite a lot of similarities between taping someone without their knowledge and other heinous acts like rape, and making a unconsensual video like this, or releasing it without consent, is something that should be placed in that same box we researve for acts like rape. People who do these types of things should be shunned by their friends, not high-fived.

    1. Murtles

      He looks a shifty fecker alright. Hopefully all girls will run a mile when they see his photo published and see what he’s capable of. It might be Pam and the five sisters for him from here on in.

  2. Jumanji

    Hypothetically, if someone records me dancing drunkenly in a nightclub and uses it to blackmail me isn’t it the same thing?

    If anything it could be argued that it is worse as I may not have given permission to the recording

    1. Silmar Recruitment Consultants

      A nightclub is a public place. What you do in a nightclub you do in full view of strangers. The two situations are not comparable.

    2. ThatLadThere

      “secretly filmed”

      While whatever was being done was consensual, the filming wasn’t.

      Go dance somewhere else.

    1. postmanpat

      Plenty of other fat bald ugly couples to watch having sex in the internet, if your into that kind of thing.

    2. Jay

      This is the thing, she’s worried it might be found online. So then she gave an interview to a newspaper with her name, the name of the guy she was having sex with, and the fact that it can be found online and also a giant comparison picture of herself so you can make a positive ID of her.

      I think the existence of the sex tape is less her problem than the fact that she’s apparently denser than Planck.

          1. Medium Sized C

            You have assumed, for whatever reason, that she is completely ignorant of the consequence of the article and all she wants is to be left alone.
            That is a stupid assumption to make.

            Given that she basically explains why she came forward with the story.

            Making that assumption makes you look dumb.

          2. Jay

            Yeah, it says this: “she hopes by coming forward with her story it will help other young women who have found themselves in a similar situation.”

            How it would isn’t explained. This is what every story like this claims. Articles have been published elsewhere discussing revenge porn as a problem, they’ve actually talked about the legislative steps necessary to prosecute previously. This isn’t something new.

        1. fits

          indeed. cant believe people are questioning someone not wanting a video of a private act, made without their permission, posted all over the net.

      1. Nigel

        Her purpose in coming forward and potentially causing more people to go looking for the video in no way reduces the encrusted shittiness of the people who will go looking for it.

        1. Jay

          I agree, it absolutely doesn’t reduce the encrusted shittiness of those people. However, her coming forward doesn’t really make any sense. I’d assume she got paid for the interview but apart from that there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of logic behind it.

          1. Jay

            Just realised there’s an article on the same papers website about how a Mrs Doubtfire sequel is now unlikely with a picture of Robin Williams beside it. I think I’m beginning to grasp the intellectual level of the target market.

          2. Caroline

            Well apart from alerting people who might not have known that this was a thing to the fact that it is a thing, thus giving them an opportunity to think it a bad thing and seek along with the rest of society to eradicate or change it, and highlighting even for those who knew it was a thing the difficulties that people who are victims of revenge porn experience in having the material removed, despite the well-publicised but perhaps poorly understood Google right-to-be-forgotten, thus affording society at large the opportunity to reflect on this fact and consider whether there’s something that could be done, and also getting the opportunity to publicise her scumbag ex’s name and picture for the purposes of warning others about him and also, maybe, as a minor act of vengeance in itself.

            But yes apart from that her decision is pretty incomprehensible.

          3. Jay

            “publicise her scumbag ex’s name and picture for the purposes of warning others about him and also, maybe, as a minor act of vengeance in itself.”

            I never actually considered the revenge motivation she herself may be taking. I think that’s a pretty good call as to motivation.

          4. Nigel

            It makes sense if viewed as bravely taking a stand and bringing wider awareness to an ugly issue. There’s no way a victim of this can speak publicly about this without attracting attention, and therefore is caught in a bind whereby people will apparently question them going public if while complaining about some aspect of themselves being made public against their will. I don’t think it’s a stretch to suppose that by being open and public about this she will provide help and comfort to others who can or will not do the same.

          5. Stewart Curry

            Google’s right-to-be-forgotten doesn’t remove material from the internet. It just de-indexes keywords related to that material. Plus it doesn’t apply to Google.com.

          6. Lorcan Nagle

            There is an honest-to-goodness industry made out of so-called ex-girlfriend revenge porn, with websites paying for pictures and videos submitted by members of the public.

            I’m sure a lot of the material uploaded is with the consent of the people in them (and they’re just doing it for a laugh or the money or they want to break into porn or whatever), but the message that these sites sends out is “if she’s left you, get back at her by uploading naked photos to the internet!”. It’s a particularly nasty message, even by the deeply misogynistic standards of the mainstream US porn industry.

            As to why come forward? To get the word out that this does happen in real life, and it isn’t acceptable. We have a nasty tendency in this country to blame the victim when it comes to sexual assault and harassment issues, and to want to hush up anything vaguely controversial involving sex – which contributes to the lack of open discussion of sex in general. It takes a handful of people who do put themselves out there, and do get judged for it for the rest of us to start talking openly about their own experiences. So she’s utterly mortified by this situation, but wants some good to come of it.

  3. Murtles

    Still can’t understand how the PSNI can’t (or perhaps won’t) do anything about it. If you call me on my mobile and I record it without your knowledge then publish either the content of the call or the actual call without your consent, then I’m can be prosecuted for phone tapping. How is secretly filming someone and releasing it without their knowledge or consent any different. Lawyer me that someone.

        1. Jay

          That’s not why she said she came forward. In fact she goes off the reservation a bit at the end.

          “It should be a criminal act to put any sort of images or videos of anybody online.”

          I’m hoping that was out of context or mistakingly edited. Facebook are going to be gutted otherwise. Hilariously the Telegraph itself would fall foul of such a law.

          1. Rep

            You don’t think that there should laws in place about secretly filming people having sex and putting them up on the internet without their knowledge?

  4. JamesThing

    Revenge porn is a thing. It’s an actual genre.
    It’s utterly ridiculous.
    Who gets a kick watching and enjoying this stuff aside from the uploader?

    There’s better ways to get over an ex without being the scum of the earth.

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