Do You Like Horses?

Admin at 5:19 pm February 19, 2015

Via Pod:

POD are delighted to announce that legendary poet, author, and punk icon PATTI SMITH will play an intimate outdoor show at the Royal Hospital Kilmainham on bank holiday Monday 1st June, performing her seminal 1975 debut album “Horses” in its entirety.

Woah there.

Hold your horses, horses, horses.

Any tickets?

We have one pair (a PAIIR) of tickets to see Patti Smith at the Royal Hospital, Kilmainham, Dublin on the June Bank Holiday Monday. To enter just complete this sentence

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to__________________________because he/she is obsessed with Patti Smith [anecdote here if available]…

Lines MUST close at midnight.

Tickets go on sale on Monday

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39 thoughts on “Do You Like Horses?”

Clampers Outside! February 19, 2015 at 5:35 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to__Mani____because he/she (I dunno) is obsessed with Patti Smith and my Ma because….

– – – – – – –
Me Ma looked at Mani, Mani wanted to run,
but the bedroom kept spinning as planned
Me Ma took Mani, she pushed him against the locker,
She clamped his bits, she clamped it home, she clamped deep on Mani
Me Ma disappeared, Mani fell on his knees,
started crashing his head against the locker,
started crashing his head against the locker,
started laughing hysterically

When suddenly Mani gets the feeling he’s being surrounded by
nurses, nurses, nurses, nurses
coming in in all directions
white shining rubber gloves with their nose in flames,
He saw nurses, nurses, nurses, nurses, nurses, nurses, nurses, nurses.
And Mani screamed
‘Do you know how to pony like Bony Maroney’
– – – – – – –

When Mani gets out I think he’d appreciate these tickets :)
1. Lush February 19, 2015 at 9:51 pm
  
  Awesome.
2. Joe the Lion February 20, 2015 at 9:56 am
  
  That was a decent effort alright.
3. Mani February 20, 2015 at 11:33 am
  
  Sadly, I despise Patti Smith. The saddle I bought was for your mother, not as an homage to the song.
  1. Clampers Outside! February 20, 2015 at 3:30 pm
    
    Wahey! g’wan up outta that !
    
    *slaps hip*
    
    Giddy-up! :)
Gruper February 19, 2015 at 5:40 pm

Please give the tickets to Flea as he’s obsessed with Patti Smith judging by the way he follows her around the beach playing trumpet barefoot in ‘Dream Of Life’.

Failing that give them to me as I can’t afford the holiday to Redondo Beach this year.
Stephen Erskine February 19, 2015 at 5:43 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to me because I am obsessed with Patti Smith and *in Patti Smith voice from Free Money* “it would mean so much to me!”
bertie blenkinsop February 19, 2015 at 5:46 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to me because as a quiet kid growing up in finglas the album gave you an opportunity to tell the bold boys that, yes, you loved horses too and you could ( almost ) fit in.
1. Joe the Lion February 20, 2015 at 9:57 am
  
  Interesting take on it.
sqoid February 19, 2015 at 6:20 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to Olga because she is obsessed with Patti Smith every since seeing her in 2007. She delighted in seeing a try hard, millenial punk kid get a face full of gob from aul Patti at that gig and maybe this time Olga will get the karmic face full.
duffles February 19, 2015 at 6:48 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to my beloved Pete because he is obsessed with Patti Smith, he saw her once before in concert and when he talks about it gets a faraway look is his eye and starts shifting in his seat while talking about her ‘charisma’ and ‘presence’ and then disappears off for a suspiciously long shower. Which I wouldn’t mind, but he tends to bring the horse in there with him and the hooves do be making an awful hames of the tub.
Brian February 19, 2015 at 6:50 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to Claire because she is obsessed with Patti Smith, to the point where she broke down in tears after passing (and then following) Patti on Baggot Street recently. A total turn-around from when she was a Hanson-loving 12 year old tasked with buying a Patti Smith cd for her mother, and after scouring the country music section for a good half hour (because obviously her mother was asking her to buy some lame cd, and obviously anyone called Patti was a country music crooner- Dolly, Patsy, Tammy…) returned empty-handed (because obviously she couldn’t ask the 16 year old dreamboat behind the counter for help looking for a lame country cd). Ah go on!
Elsa February 19, 2015 at 7:36 pm

Please give the tickets to ME (ELSA CROWLEY) as I am obsessed with Patti Smith. Got my love from Patti Smith from my sister. I was living in new york last year and was in the strand book store and I saw her book Just Kids. I spent the next few weeks reading and re-reading, to the annoyance of my friends. I even chopped off my long hair in solidarity with her at the part in the book. I was walking through alphabet city with a friend one morning and I saw this being in front of me, I squeaked with joy. This is it, the moment, the story I can recant at dinner parties. It was Patti Smith. I grabbed my friend and for some reason started skirting along the buildings, as close as possible, like a ninja. Following Patti. Trying desperately to think of what to say to an idol. We followed for maybe 9 blocks and then the former turned. I could barely breathe. My friend was in a fit of laughter as we found that my wonderful idol was a beautiful looking man in his twenties, meeting his girlfriend for brunch. Hopefully winning these tickets can be my new anecdote ha.
Horselover Fat February 19, 2015 at 7:45 pm

Please give me the tickets because I’m a Horselover. And I’m fat.
Darragh February 19, 2015 at 8:20 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to the American man (whose name I never ending up getting) because he is obsessed with Patti Smith. ’Twas about a year ago, and I found myself up in the gods inside Carnegie Hall of all places, at a benefit concert for Tibet (friend offered up ticket after an unfortunate zoo accident, but that’s a story for another comp). Patti herself was on the bill, and sat next to me was Patti Smith’s biggest fan (t-shirt declaring such) and what seemed to be a girlfriend who was visibly chosen for her vague “Patti-like if you squint” features. Their conversation ranged from his favourite Patti album (Horses) to his favourite Patti hair colour (“mousey”). About half way through the night, Philip Glass walks on stage and himself sees it as the perfect chance for a wazz break. He leaves, and it turns out Glass is only on to introduce Patti Smith, who comes on and delivers a heart-breaking cover of ‘Perfect Day’ in honour of the then recently deceased Lou Reed. The tears flow. Standing ovation. Himself potters back a few minutes later complaining about “that gawddam line for the gawddam restrooms”. The girlfriend DOESN’T tell him what he just missed and he finishes the night wondering why his beloved Patti never showed.

Assuming he later found out, and assuming he broke up with the missus for not dragging him back mid-wazz, I’m sure he’d be more than willing to come along with me to the gig in June once I track him down in NY… Or maybe he’ll read this? If so, I was the fella sat on your right eavesdropping on all of yer conversations.
1. Joe the Lion February 20, 2015 at 11:26 am
  
  Best story ever ;) Wins hands down.
One Dub February 19, 2015 at 8:44 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to Clampers Outside because he/she is obsessed with Patti Smith, and if I won them I promise to bring him/her.
I just want to see Spiritualized before I die, and I’m sure he/she will allow me to do that in peace. I’m not interested in a relationship.
1. One Dub February 19, 2015 at 8:54 pm
  
  But yeah…
  Seriously, I’d love to go, beause…
  
  well actually, Because The Night.
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xACZHv-sLCg
  
  I’ll bring Clampers, I promise.
  1. One Dub February 19, 2015 at 9:23 pm
    
    I don’t mean to seem creepy.
    What I mean is that I couldn’t think of a better runner-up than Clampers Outside..
    -If he/she doesn’t come first, he/she should come second, after me…
    
    Damn, I’m starting to sound creepy again.
    
    Just give me the bloody tickets.
    No, don’t…
    Give them to Clampers.
    You know it’s right.
    
    (But hey, Clampers…I really like Spiritualized…just sayin’…
    You deserve it anyway, but y’know…yeah?)
    1. One Dub February 19, 2015 at 9:31 pm
      
      F***.
      I can’t stop meself.
      I swear I’m not a rapist. The words just come out wrong.
      
      I don’t mind if you give it to Clampers Outside.
      I’m happy to watch.
One Dub February 19, 2015 at 9:36 pm

I’ve run out of tenuous innuendos.

I’d still love to see Spiritualized before I die, so I’m still backing the obvious winner, and hoping for a jockey-back…

F***
What is wrong with me?
1. bertie blenkinsop February 19, 2015 at 10:06 pm
  
  if I win* I’ll bring you, you sound like a loon.
  
  * a long shot admittedly!
2. Clampers Outside! February 19, 2015 at 11:29 pm
  
  But if I were to win ….I’d have to give the tickets to Mani, no……. aaararrrrrrrrgggghhhh! Ooops :0)
Jakey February 19, 2015 at 11:10 pm

Please Please Please give the Patti Smith tickets to me Des because me and my lovely wife Claire left their firstborn (eek!) at the tender age of a week old with a lovely caring Auntie in Dublin and rocked out to Patti at Vicar Street a few years ago. Mummy was sleep deprived, Daddy was sleep deprived but it was their first foray into testing if one could have a kid and rock! (kinda)….So we’re obsessed with Patti Smith and we’d LOVE the tickets cos now our little boy and little girl rock to Horses too when we play it! THE END :-) (*wipes tear*)
Bertie Blenkinsop February 19, 2015 at 11:40 pm

Please give me the tickets, I’ll bring Will Smith with me and give the world the long awaited Smiths reunion.
Chris February 19, 2015 at 11:59 pm

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to my girlfriend because she is obsessed with Patti Smith. But more importantly give them to her because at the moment she is working a crap job for poor money for the sole reason that it’s the only job she could get that would give her the flexibility to work towards becoming a full time musician with her band. Patti Smith has been a huge inspiration to her musically but has also (quite sincerely) been a guiding light for her as a woman who at times struggles to identify with a world that is filled with inequality. I can’t say I’ve been a stellar boyfriend these last couple of weeks and I would love to at least try and make it up to her by giving her something that would make her as happy as this would. She’s the kind of person that would give the other ticket to someone here who wanted it as badly as she does here on BS.
Chris February 20, 2015 at 12:01 am

I botched that last line but the basic sentiment is that she’s a kind and generous person.
One Dub February 20, 2015 at 12:05 am

Wake up Broadsheeters, the closing time was 5 minutes ago.
You only have about two or three hours left.
zipupyourmickey February 20, 2015 at 12:06 am

Because I love her! The last time she played here i had already booked flights and tickets for another gig in glasgow…and did not enjoy any minute of it knowing Patti Smith was being a total legend in Dublin and I missed it…please can I not miss rhis one?!!!
Bingo February 20, 2015 at 12:12 am

Give me the tickets so I can flog them to one of the desperate tools above….
One Dub February 20, 2015 at 12:40 am

And also, with Patti Smith doing ‘Horses’, (fnukk, fnukk, fnarr, fnarr….etc.)
and Spiritualized on the same bill….

I demand to find at least one merchandise stall selling only the finest heroin, and I demand it now…
-Oops, I’m in the wrong film.

Stop messing Broadsheet.
Give the tickets to Clampers.

(Clampers…Let’s meet in the Foggy Dew.. Just look for the best looking girl in there on the night…I’ll be the creepy guy she’s avoiding eye-contact with. I have a wooden-leg and I look troubled. It’s because I can’t remember what it is that Gyspies put on you when you piss them off.
It’s a curse.)
1. Clampers Outside! February 20, 2015 at 9:46 am
  
  “Just look for the best looking girl in there on the night…I’ll be the creepy guy she’s avoiding eye-contact with….”
  
  You almost had me….
  
  but again… Oh Mani ! *said in Al Jolson’s singing voice*
aftermidnight February 20, 2015 at 12:50 am

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to me because the Night.
One Dub February 20, 2015 at 12:54 am

PS to Clampers Outside
I probably won’t have the wooden leg with me on the actual night.
It’s a Bank Holiday, so my Granny might need it for ‘legitimate reasons’, as she calls them.

I swear, if it wasn’t for the free karma I’ll get on Reddit in March when she turns 110yrs old I’d disown her right now. What a bitch!

Rant over.
One Dub February 20, 2015 at 4:47 am

Hang on, I have a better idea.

Give ME the tickets, and Clampers can go and stuff him/herself.
I just remembered, my son will be ‘of-age’ before this thing happens, and he’s never been to a proper gig yet.
I could take him with me, and he’d experience ~~Spiritualized~~ Patti Smith which would leave an indelible mark on his mind, and make him a better person, and the World a better place.

He has an aunty called Patricia Smyth if that helps.
(It doesn’t help, does it? IT’S TRUE!!!)
One Dub February 20, 2015 at 6:19 am

C’mon Broadsheet, nobody is trying harder than me.
I was only messing about bringing Clampers Outside.
I can’t stand him/her either.

Let me win and I probably won’t give the other ticket to him/her, I swear.

What’s that sound?
-Oh no, grandma just fell down the stairs. (I haven’t got time to take a photograph. You’ll just have to take my word for it. The poor woman is in pain. She needs my assistance.)

Stop messing Broadsheet.
I know where you live.
Send me the tickets…
…grrrrrr…
Joe the Lion February 20, 2015 at 11:31 am

Please give the Patti Smith tickets to a person who voluntarily or professionally advocates for inclusion of women and other under-represented minorities in male dominated cock rock because G-L-O-R-I-AAAA
1. One Dub February 20, 2015 at 2:37 pm
  
  Vic-tooooorrriah…
  Victoria,
  Victoria.
  Vic..tor…eee, eh…
  
  Oh no, not again.
  
  I’ve done it again, haven’t I?
B February 20, 2015 at 12:11 pm

What a pile of wank

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39 thoughts on “Do You Like Horses?”