Let’s Get Seriously Locked



Thought you’d never ask.

Bolt cutters begone.

Keep your bike from being half-inched.

Sally O’ Brien (yes) at The Bike institute [Lower Dorset Street] writes:

I’m not sure you normally do this but…we love your ‘we don’t normally do this’ section however it fills our eyes with tears seeing people getting their brand new bikes robbed all the time in Dublin.
In an effort to really show how important locking your bike is with a ‘proper’ lock and how it can save your bike from creepy crawlies, we made a short video on bike security (above). To celebrate, we have FIVE top notch Gold Star rating MasterLocks (these are really good locks) to give away to BS readers. (Five of the worst stories of bike thievery in the comments section chosen by BS wins a lock)….

Lines MUST close at midnight tonight.

The Bike Institute

Sponsored Link

114 thoughts on “Let’s Get Seriously Locked

  1. Mark

    I came back from a fairly headonistic holiday in NYC. i had 250euro left in my account and spent it on a new bike and lock. Locked it in the school I work, came out after school the day after I bought it, too a boy crying that his scooter was stolen and so I joined him crying as mine had been stolen too. Sad times. Sad sad times.

  2. edalicious

    Years and years ago, while I was still in college, I came back to my bike after classes to find that some toe-rag had gone and nicked the front wheel off my bike. While I was standing there bemoaning the fact that I was going to have to awkwardly walk my one-wheeled bike home, another student walked up to the bike rack to find that everything BUT his (quick release) front wheel had been stolen! Obviously the thief had seen that yer man’s bike was only locked through the front wheel and so had quickly unbolted my (non-quick release) front wheel and made off with the other lad’s bike and my wheel. I tried to convince the other lad to give me his wheel, since he wouldn’t be needing it anymore, but he was having none of it and stormed off with wheel in hand.

  3. Soft like

    The time was 18 years ago, the place just outside the old Connolly dart station ( you know the one that’s closed now but should be open cause you have to walk a mile to get out of the station head wrecking stuff each morning for me) the bike was a repainted racer to the color of white and completely rebuilt from the peddles to the seat post. Oh why did you bring it up the pain the suffering I loved that bike like I love life. What I would have given for a time traveling machine to lock it up with a master lock. But then again if it didn’t get robbed I would have had to go into work that day and I wouldn’t have got fired from my first summer job. But that’s a whole different story.

  4. Dirmius

    I bought a bike manufactured by Giant which was a relatively new model. However within four years of purchasing the bike there was what looked like a welding flaw in the seat stay, and the frame cracked all the way round. I went back to the shop and they contacted Giant who said all frames less than 5 years old were guaranteed and promised to replace the frame as long as I proved that the purchase was less than five years old. Of course I’d long since discarded the receipt but I pointed out that they’d not been manufacturing that model for more than four years. Tough luck they said. I’ve never had my bike stolen but this was bike thievery if you ask me.

    There is a happy ending though. I used the bike, with freely rotating saddle, for another year when I went back to the shop for some new tyres and brakes etc., and had to go through the whole story again with the curious staff member. This time the very helpful chap got back on to Giant and argued with them on my behalf and ultimately got me a new frame.

    Weak I know but I’d really like a decent lock for free.

  5. Liam

    Left my bike at the station, unlocked because I was rushing for the train. I’d done this before without problem as my bike is generally the worst looking piece of crap around, I figured only a masochist would steal it. Sure enough got back that evening and it was gone… oh well, easy come, easy go I thought.

    3 days later walking past the rack I looked over and it was back!! Whoever stole it either had an attack of guilt or it was just such a terrible rustbucket they couldn’t bear to look at it any more. If I win the lock it’ll be worth substantially more than the bike it will be securing.

  6. rungmc

    So the best way to make sure your bike doesn’t get stolen is to use a lock?

    Dammit man, that’s just crazy enough to work!

    1. $hifty

      Correction: the best way to make sure your bike doesn’t get stolen is to use a good lock, and to lock it properly.

      It’s not what you lock it to / with that’s most important, it’s where you lock it that counts, imo.

  7. obriendj

    Went into Dunnes on Georges street and picked up some healthy food so I could start my healthy lifestyle with the new bike I got for Christmas. It must of been 10 minutes and when I returned the bike was gone. The lock was split in 2 on the ground.

    Since then I haven’t locked my bike outdoors and wont buy a brand new bike again.

  8. Paolo

    Surely this should read

    How To Not Get Your Bike Stolen

    How Not To Get Your Bike Stolen implies that some ways of getting your bike nicked are better than others.

  9. Kevin Owen

    I had my bike stolen from a locked underground carpark in my apartment where they caused over €1,000 of damage to the gate (worth more than the bike!). A few weeks later I saw a little toe rag riding it around the IFSC. After cutting short the phone call I was on I ran after him but he knew how to ride that thing and I never caught him. Suffice to say the Gard’s didn’t give a **** and I never heard anything from them

  10. Unlucky in locks

    I used to work in an office in one of the old Georgian buildings just off Mountjoy Square, and right around the corner from Fitzgibbon Street Garda station which was still open at the time. I used to lock my bike to the railings at the front of the building up by the door (stupid, I know, but in my defence I was young and an idiot). One afternoon I was sitting at my desk near the window and next thing there’s this big crash and I look up from my computer and turn to the lad beside me and say “Ha sounds like someone’s car has been broken into”. So I go over to the window to have a gawk and, of course, don’t I only see three young lads after reefing my bike off its admittedly crap lock (again, young and an idiot) and jogging off down the street with it…

    I legged it downstairs to find that the receptionist has already taken off down the street after the thieves. God knows what would have happened if she’d actually caught up with them, but I doubt it would have ended well for them. She was formidable in an Irish mammy sort of way. I take off after her but can’t see the three feckers. The receptionist was heading back up the street at this stage and said they’d disappeared off towards Dorset street down a lane and she’d lost them.

    Ah well, I’ll run into Fitzgibbon Street station, sure they can’t have gone far. I’ll have the bike back in no time. Five minutes later and I had explained what happened, and how recently, to the Garda at the desk and the only response I got was “Ah they’ll be long gone by now. Sure I’d say it’s been repainted by now. We’ll mention it to the squad car but I’d say that bike’s gone for good”. I think the Garda was overestimating the efficiency of these lads. Never saw the bike again. Had to get up half an hour early in the morning to get to work on time from then on. Disaster.

  11. $hifty

    Cycled into work one Thursday payday ages ago, and got invited out for one or two pints in the Parnell Mooney. Locked the auld rothar to the rack outside Murrays (formerly McGraths) on O’Connell St and went around to the pub. 5 or 6 pints later we head on to the Oval, which begins a mini pub crawl around town and I end up having to leave the bike in town overnight and get a taxi home. Arrive in to O’Connell St next day and it’s gone, no sign of the lock or anything, just gone. Chalk it down to experience and get a new, second-hand bike.

    Fast forward about 2 months, and same story. Few pints after work, have the bike with me, time to minimise the chances of it being stolen. Decide to lock it to the racks just beside Busáras. “Nobody’s that thick to rob a bike from outside Store St Garda station, are they?”

    Lock it there and as I’m walking off, notice a familiar steed locked to the next rack over. “That’s my old bike, looks a bit worse for wear but it’s definitely mine!…..Feckers must have locked it there, should I wait for them or tell the Guards?”…..And that’s when I notice the lock is the same as my old lock as well. Still had the key on my keyring, tried it, and it opened with a bit of effort. Turns out drunken me had the same brainwave about leaving it outside a Garda station for safe-keeping.

    1. edalicious

      The EXACT same thing happened to a mate of mine except he left his in Ranelagh and claimed for the first bike off his insurance!

    2. Clampers Outside!

      I have to chalk down one of mine to not remembering where I left it, I must’ve looked around all my usual spots in town about ten times over a couple of days before I gave up… :) I felt such a prize tulip at the time!

    3. commentwriter

      Left my bike unlocked outside a pub in poland while I went in and had the craic. Two days later I walked by though to myself “that looks a bit like my bike, but nah sure mine’s safely at home in the garage”. Twas still there!

    4. ahyeah

      was about to say the one a few above had to be the winner, but surely this….if only because we’ve all done it.

  12. Nessy

    I’ve had three bikes stolen on me, all whilst on loan to other people and I’ll never loan anyone a bike ever again. When I was in my teens my brother once took a loan of my bike and didn’t lock it in the shed afterwards. Someone hopped over the garden wall and stole it.

    I once loaned a bike to an ex of mine. She locked it to railings in her apartment complex and the management company stole the bike and erected “locked bicycles will be removed” signs a week later. I bought myself a new bike. Same said ex took a loan of my bike without my permission and locked it on Abbey Street using a crappy lock possibly bought from a Pound shop or Euro Giant. It was robbed within an hour.

    I use two locks if I have to lock my bike anywhere in town, or better still: get the bus :(

  13. feargus

    Before there were many bike racks around I’d lock my bike to traffic signosts ( I try to avoid it so the bike doesn’t block the footpath) – remembering to be smart and look up and check that there was a sign attached so no one could lift the bike off it. I did this in smithfield one morning and when I came out of a meeting found that some smarter person had got a key to unlock the ground socket that the pole was mounted in. They’d nicked the bike and cycled off with the signpost!

  14. AlanG

    Kept my bike each night outside Tara station for over a year for commuting during the day. As it was old it never got touched. Eventually the cable lock was snapped but their jack didn’t quite manage to pop through the 20 year old U lock on the front wheel. Upon returning I could not get the now warped U lock open with the key. My dad and I spent about an hour trying to get it open with all sorts of saws, jacks etc. and got loads of dodgy looks from tourists and commuters but no one challenged or reported us. Eventually gave up and it became one of those poor wheels that is abandoned on a railing in town. The sad sight of my abandoned wheel greeted me every morning for about a year before the council removed it and ended its lonely existence. Hopefully it reminded others of the risks around town.

  15. Mick Flavin

    This was done to my crap bike in the early hours of one Sunday morning…
    They broke our brush by twisting it repeatedly around the lock against the bike stand, but the lock held (decent lock…Kryptonite). I don’t think they had noticed there was also a second lock on the front tyre.
    I’m still using the same lock but it’s all out of shape, so a new one would be nice.

    *massive applause*

    Please, please, at least hear the others out. They deserve a cha…

    *applause grows louder, cheers drown me out*

  16. Dave

    I used to cycle about 5km to my primary school to get my school bus to secondary school in rural Kildare. Everyone would leave their bikes behind the school wall completely unlocked, it never even crossed our minds that someone would steal them. After about 2/3 years of doing this I arrived back off the school bus to find that my trusty steed was nowhere to be seen. Sad times. Having given up hope of ever catching the thief who took it, I started using my dad’s bike; again not locking it when it was left at the school (we’re either very trusting of very stupid people, although, there really was nothing to lock a bike to there). Luckily this bike was never taken but one day while cycling home, roughly a year later, I saw a bike lying in a field but it wasn’t just any bike, it was MY BIKE (minus the bull bars). Reunited at last I made my merry way home with two bikes and we all lived happily ever after.

  17. Ribeard

    Back in 2012 I was in college in DIT Temple Bar (yes, it exists) and I’d just picked up a brand new bike. I collected it on the Friday and happily cycled into college on the Monday. I had a decent lock on it and spent a good 5 minutes weaving it through the bike rack, which was one of those inverted U shaped lengths of pipe you see all over Dublin. When I was finally happy it had been secured I wandered in to my lecture. An hour later, it was gone… and so was the railing I’d locked it to. Some tourist told me they’d seen 2 guys in a van simply lift the whole railing out of the ground, load it into the back and drive off. Apparently chiseling away some of the concrete to loosen the rail for easy removal is a common enough trick they use, they can then remove the lock in a workshop or something at their leisure.

    Bonus slap in the face: this happened right outside a well known pub in Temple Bar who wouldn’t let me check the security tapes, even when the guards went in and asked.

    Bonus slap in the face 2: a year or so later I was pulled over for cycling in the dark with no lights (they’d been nicked off my bike while I had it locked outside), the guards took my ID and smugly said ‘I see you’ve had a bike confiscated before!’ I told them I’d reported one stolen and after a decidedly nervous and hushed conversation in front of their computer in the car I was waved on with a verbal warning. I’ve always wondered if my bike was recovered and sold off at auction because it was marked as confiscated and someone was waiting for me to collect it!

    1. Ribeard

      Oh, I also had someone try and nick the replacement by twisting the lock to try and break it… it broke the bike instead http://i.imgur.com/PdQKZOl.jpg

      Fork pulled back against the frame, and rear bracket stamped apart in what I assume was a fit of frustration.

  18. Rosie

    Having just bought a pretty spiffy looking bike I was all set to become one of those nippy cyclists I see whizzing past me on the way into work. After a couple of weeks not only was I getting to work quicker but maybe i was even a little fitter (well less coughing and sputtering by the time I got to the office.)

    One day as I got to work I realised the bike stand where I normally leave my bike was full. Wanting to to avoid the bike thieves I didn’t want to tie it up to the pole a little way down the road. It thought it was best to tie it up where there was lots of other bikes… surely there is safety in numbers right?

    Wrong! After walking around looking for a bike stand with space I came back out at lunch to see that all that was left was my cut lock. No one else’s bike was touched…. maybe it was it’s silvery allure that made them take mine or maybe the big guy in the sky just loves to feck with us every now and then!!!!

  19. Nially

    Had my bike nicked from the ‘secure’ lock-up in my apartment block. Security guard left the padlock off, a few lads with an angle grinder and a van broke in and stole half a dozen bikes out of the place, and the CCTV camera installed by the management company was positioned facing into a light fixture, so all that was on the security tape was a glare and some unidentifiably blurry thieving bastards. Management company disavowed all responsibility, and I spent the next year and a half cycling a cobbled-together scrapheap held together with rust and duct tape called The Frankenbike (or “Frank” once you got to know it)

  20. E.

    Sad Bike Story! About 13 years ago the girl I was dating at the time and I broke up, I was pretty heartbroken at the time. We decided to meet in the Phoenix Park at the bandstand and chat as friends one day, a few weeks of the initial breakup. I cycled a bike I had bought there the previous week (the one prior to that had been stolen also!) and we decided to take a trip into Dublin Zoo (I locked my bike outside the main gate). We went inside and had the most depressing day looking at depressed animals and basically it wasn’t one of my best memories (I was a vegetarian and very into animal rights at the time so I don’t know what I was thinking). So the Zoo trip ended and I went outside to get my bike and just head the fuck home and have a drink or whatever just to clear my head. I went out to exactly where my bike was supposed to be, right outside the main gate, and it was gone. My second bike in two months. My ex being so sweet about it and saying we should hang out rather than me heading home alone to be pissed off about the bike loss was just too much…..I just walked away and had a bit of a cry and then a drink :/


    Many years ago I had to go to work in an area of town where stabbing is part of the curriculum. I cycled there without a care in the world and the wind in my hair. Little did I know that it was going to be one of, if not the single worst day of my life.

    I locked my bike to a potential tree and went inside the building. Eight hours later after trying my very best I came outside only to realise I’d been stolen. I had no idea where I was and it was dinner time and I was hungry.

    Things got worse when I looked around and found that my best friend had left me a note which I now could not read. This is when I bought my first phone but long before the iPhone so I’m sure you’ll understand when I say ‘Down Boy!’ and back away into the crowd.

    Suffice to say I’m now a keen cyclist and a total convert.

  22. Art Vandelay

    My poor missus is single handedly keeping the bike thieves in Dublin in business I’m afraid. She is on the worst run of luck Ive ever heard of. She’s had THREE bikes stolen in the last month. The first was a very good second hand LaPierre road bike that was stolen due to her being a numpty and locking it terribly one day in town, whereby I then lectured her for days afterwards about how to lock a bike (this smugness came back to bite me on the ass). No less than 2 days later her absolute pride and joy, a ludicrously expensive (sure what else it the cycle to work scheme for?!) LaPierre mountain bike that she bought 2 years ago was stolen from our underground car park. It was locked but still not that well and what with it being in a “secure” car park she had planned on waiting until the weekend to lock it with a better lock. We had recently moved from a house into this apartment complex which is why the lock was so crap because we used to always have it inside the house but the complex has a strict no bikes inside the building rule.

    She swore off bikes forever, but after about 3 weeks of me nagging her to get back on the horse and convincing her to get one of her mates who wouldnt use the CTW scheme to get a another decent bike and off we went to cycle superstore and got her the cheapest (and still decent) womens bike that the shop had. As adverse to locks as she is, she bought the dearest one they had in the shop, 120 quid and brought the bike home. She then proceeded to spray paint the bike matt black so that it had no recognisable features at all. That added to my “lessons” on how to lock a bike, we were sure this one was going to be around for the long hall. Not so. One flaming week and it was taken from the underground car park. Angle grinded off (Cue me having to explain that my locking technique only made it harder to steal, not impossible, as apparently my smug tone lead her to believe it was going to be). I have no idea what they will do with that bike as it has no markings. The worst part about that last bike is that our elderly neighbour interrupted the two dudes that were stealing the last bike and they threating to cut his throat if he didnt feck off. He rang the Garda and they arrived. 4 hours later.

    So thats that. 1 month, 3 bikes and a lady who swears she wont ever use a bike again. (I plan to get her one for her birthday on the QT so hopefully she doesnt read this.)

    And if you think any of this is made you I can provide you with the Garda crime report letters!!

    1. Lilly

      Your management company needs to install cameras in the underground car park. And a Rothweiller.

  23. Ronan

    Used to commute on old road bikes I bought cheap as I REALLY didn’t want to get one stolen. After doing this for 5+ years I finally got sick of it and wanted a new decent bike as I really enjoy cycling. Saved the pennies and picked out a nice Cannondale, supplemented by the bike to work scheme. Loved the bike, but was terrified of having it stolen. I have always had two decent locks, U-lock and cable lock, even so, I just didn’t want to let it out of my sight (can you guess where this is going?) anyway, with bikes not allowed in our office, I used to arrive to work early, bring it in, hide it in fire escapes, utility closets, anywhere but outside, getting periodically reprimanded along the way. After several months, and on my last warning, if I finally had to bite the bullet and lock it up outside. Left it there in the morning, checking out the window every 15/20 minutes that it was still there, sometime around 3.15pm some f–king toe-rag got it, first day I locked it up. Heart-breaking and still paying for bike I don’t have.

  24. jonjo

    I Used to cycle to college back in the day. I used to leave my bike, UNLOCKED, in the corner of the bicycle lockup area where the neighbouring hedges would conceal my laziness.
    One day one of my “best mates”, discovered my habit and asked why i dont lock my bike.
    At the time i was going through a phase of quoting scenes from the movie, the general (true story ya know).
    So my reply was “sure what bo***x would rob MY bike” – you may remember Martin used that one after leaving his honda 50 on the steps of the court house….
    Any who, low and behould my bike went missing shortly afterwards.
    After a few days of demonstrating my despair i noticed my “best mate” had a mischievous grin any time i mentioned my bike going missing. It would turn out he was the perpetrator. He did it to teach me a lesson! And because he was such a good lesson teacher, he gave the bike back to me instalments. A hand full of nuts one day, another handful of nuts the next. (“handful of nuts” ….now that was a movie!!)

  25. Mani

    My da had been out of work for ages and finally got a job putting up posters. The same day his bike gets stolen. We spent ages roaming the streets looking for it….he knows he’ll lose his job otherwise. Eventually, we found the lad who took it. But we…we had no proof so the case wouldn’t stick. Driven temporarily mad , he even tried robbing one himself. To no avail.

    My mother eventually had to pawn sheets in order to make some money. My da never recovered.

        1. dereviled

          In a biological sense or as a family member?
          I think Oscar Wilde captured the sentiment best:
          “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
          I can understand that people would have guffawed at some of these quips in his send-ups of Victorian sensibilities but even I raised a chuckle at some of his lines.
          I’m sure of course that Monty Python will be on the leaving-cert someday and the kids will struggle through the “Dead Parrot” sketch like an endless r3ddit thread. However they may be able to relate this to some contemporary example of societal norms and expectations.
          In this regard, humour is in the “aye” of the beholden.

        2. Mani

          We all have a father, joe. Our almighty god, ever watchful. You’ll do well to remember that as you tug yourself to sleep at night after another fruitless search for a human connection on broadsheet.

  26. And

    We thought our bikes were safe locked in the underground car park of our apartment block. So safe we didn’t even check them for 3 months. One morning, just before Christmas, I happened to be walking by the bike parking area and noticed a wheel were there should have been a whole bike. I asked the caretaker and he said a couple of months before hand some industrious young hooligans had made there way in, undid the quick release on the front wheel (which was locked to the bike stand) and made off with the rest of the bike. Kind of thought it was as much our fault for not securing the bike properly (or checking on it ever), so when we did get a new bike, we locked it up in the same spot. Alas 6 months later, despite being locked properly with two locks, in the “secure” underground car park, it too was stolen.

    1. Mr. T.

      “undid the quick release on the front wheel (which was locked to the bike stand)”

      Well duh.

  27. dereviled

    I borrowed a friends bike to meet a deadline for submission in college. I locked the front wheel only as the racks were packed.
    Fuppin baxters robbed it in the space of twenty minutes, and clearly walked across the campus and out the main gate with a one-wheeled bike.
    A bloody expensive bike.
    My friend is fierce cool though. Thanks D.

  28. Conor

    Back in school, I was using a pretty crappy chain lock on my bike that really only gave the illusion of being locked. One day I came out of school to find that the lock had been stolen…not the bike though…just the lock. Not sure what that says about the quality of my bike.

  29. TF

    Two bikes stolen from apartment underground car park last March 2014. Had decent locks but poorly locked up. Saw the cctv footage. Two guys stole bikes. One guy carried two bikes out on his shoulder to their car and went out the entrance of the complex with the two bikes hanging out of the passenger door. Coincidentally a whole load of guards arrived in squad cars literally a minute after they left, never found out why. Guards got footage and eventually they caught both of the guys but sadly no bikes. One of the guys pled guilty and was sent down for 6 weeks. Other guy was due in court a couple of months ago as he had pled not guilty. That Friday I was due in court to give evidence. He was a no-show so case didn’t go ahead. The very next day was in town and took a stroll around Stephens green. Walked past the Luas stop and lone behold there was my bike. Banged up but totally working. Called guard who brought down a boltcutters. Such a coincidence!

  30. Robyn

    I surprisingly have never had a bike stolen, but when I was younger I did have a run of bad luck.

    At the time I was cycling to and from school and work. Cycled to work one evening wearing a bright yellow reflective jacket (fire service spare, so it was properly bright) My boss was out the back having a sneaky smoke, saw me arrive and quipped “You’re not going to get run over!”

    Guess what happened the next day? No, I was not run over, but cycling to school the next day I had a run in with a car. Bike written off. My face mangled. The car completely unharmed.

    A year of dental work didn’t put me off. 3 months later I had a new bike. Not long after, though, I returned to Cycle Superstore with a wheel. Just a wheel. A wheel with a shattered axle. Axle replaced, but a couple of months later the new one had buckled.

    These days though, to celebrate the end of my being unwell and being able to get fit again, I am happily cycling the wheels off a lovely Giant hybrid, which I have a good cable lick for, and a cheap Aldi cable lock just for the quick-release front wheel. I am paranoid about leaving it locked anywhere though, so could use a little bit of extra protection!

  31. nevan

    After staying far too long at a party in Ballybough I had to cycle home at dawn through the badlands of 80’s Summerhill. After cresting the hill at the main junction and starting down towards O’Connell Street I noticed a couple of young lads out surprisingly early. Even more surprisingly, one of them walked into the middle of the road (so I’d have to go between them) and pulled out an enormous bread knife. Not even a pointy one, just one of those plastic handle jobs. He shouted something like “Gerrof yer feckin bike!!” and I made dumb decision to speed up and give him a boot as I went past. Luckily the criminal masterminds had decided to do their bike-jacking on a downhill and I got up enough speed to scare the guy with the knife. In the end he jumped back, made a futile stab at my back wheel and I managed to sail past. Two minutes later I got a mad case of jelly legs and had to take a rest at the Jesus statue near the taxis.

  32. Alan

    I bought the cheapest (new) bike in the shop, had it for three years. Lock wasn’t great but since it was a cheap bike I thought it would be ok. One morning I found my bike had been stolen from the underground carpark at my apartment. I had taken a note of the bike chassis number and had a photo of the bike from the day I bought it, so I headed down to the local garda station with that information. I wasn’t expecting to see the bike again, but I wanted to report the theft. The garda said he’d put up the photo in the station and tell the lads to keep an eye out for it, and if they get any leads he’d call me. I nearly burst out laughing in his face it seemed so ridiculous. Three weeks later I was browsing DoneDeal and my bike popped into my head so I searched for it. There it was! Only listed a few hours before. Cheeky feckers saying how well it had been kept. I called the garda who was on the case and told him. He phoned the guy and arranged to buy it. Five hours later the guy was in custody and I was cycling my bike home from the garda station, best feeling in the world! The bike was only worth about €50 by then but I was so pleased to get it back. Next day I spent €60 on a new lock. Not taking any more chances!

  33. Clampers Outside!

    A few months after a bike of mine was stolen I was cycling its’ replacement up Church St, just past The Bridewell Garda station when I spotted my old bike outside what was the Spar shop beside the Law Library.
    It was in the company of about nine or ten young gents in ages from eight to fourteen or so.
    As I locked my current bike, a number of them went into the shop, while one of the smaller members of this wee group was left to mind ‘their’ bike.

    I proceeded towards the shop door becoming more convinced it was mine the closer I got. As I came upon it, I looked up to see some of the young biys spot me, spotting the bike. I dropped my hand to the saddle and declared “that’s my bike” to the wee lads surprise… didn’t mean to frighten him, in fairness. He said he’d get the owner who was at this point coming out with his posse.

    “That’s mine”, “Prove it”, “You prove it”, “Where’d you get it?” “No, where’d you get it?”, “There’s a Garda station over there, let’s go and sort it out”, “No”… and on it went… I gave my tuppence story and the eldest gave his a full shillin’!
    He got it… from his Dad, who got it from his Uncle as part payment for a job. And his Uncle got it from a fare, his Uncle was a taxi driver, who didn’t have the money to pay him for a trip. So the Uncle was given the bike as a loan until he could be paid the fare. But that didn’t happen….for some convoluted reason to unfathomable in twists to recall… and so it was agreed he keep the bike, for the fare, a still in top condition €350/€400 typical town bike / hybrid… we argued some more, myself insisting on going to the Garda Station with the bike again and again.
    The posse swirling around myself, the bike, and the two eldest, as we argued, and the posse yelping, getting their say in “you had to pick on wee Jimmy(?), the youngest of us to steal our bike”, “Jimmy’s all scared”, “think your a big man pickin’ on Jimmy”… it was mental… then, out of nowhere a plain clothed detective lady stepped in to the mire, badge aloft the smaller tykes heads.

    “I’ve heard enough, that man wants to take this down to the Garda station and that’s where you’re all going” apparently having been listening to the kerfuffle for a time. Never mind the kids, I jumped myself…. I think I was more annoyed with having to finish this ‘officially’ and in a time consuming route to justice.

    In the station, the story about the taxi man, the Dad, and the favour grew a couple more characters. I gave my bit, and popped home, couldn’t find a receipt, got back, told it’ll take a while as I’ll have to wait to see if the tykes were going to continue contesting ownership…. some months went by, I’d swing in now and again, ask the Garda what stage were we at if he was there…. some months passed…. then eventually I lose my other bike, and I’m more determined to get the one in the station back…. when the clanger of all clangers falls. The bike’s gone missing from the station…. never to be seen again.

    *I was given a replacement bike which turned out to be a cheap, ridiculously heavy, spring suspension mtb death trap. I accepted it in desperation. It was on that bike I went head first through the rear window of a parked SUV due to brake failure…. and a badly parked car, in the middle of the road. I had some fun telling the Gardaí where I got that bike on the trip to James St hospital :)

    1. Caroline

      I had a bike stolen outside that exact shop. I had left it there over Christmas – I say that not to add poignancy, it was a terrible bike and its theft was a real boon if I’m honest.

      1. Clampers Outside!

        I’ve had two from that same pole! The one above obviously down to my own incompetence… it was a Friday, back in the days when I’d have *cough* one or two after work… tsk tsk!

  34. Clampers Outside!

    I had a new bike the day of an Ireland game, can’t recall who we were playing… and I cycled out to Ballsbridge, had a scoop or two. And thought the railings outside Roly’s would be a grand spot for a bike to be locked – open, full view, busy restaurant beside it, neighbourhood’s not too shabby.
    Got back after the game and boom! No wheels! Feckin’ new bikes and those stupid quick release nuts! And then I’m the one walking home getting stopped by Gardaí askin’ “where’d you get that?” …bugger.

  35. Clampers Outside!

    I borrowed a bike from one of the lads in work. Wasn’t a great bike, but it’d get me home for an errand during lunch… I got home. Past the security pedestrian gate. Into my block, and closed the block door. I left the bike there, went up for ten / fifteen minuted and on return it was gone…. that one pissed me off no end, because it had to have been a neighbour. I duly bought my colleague a new bike, nothing at all pricey mind…

  36. Clampers Outside!

    I cycled home one Friday evening, and got to the Spar on the corner of Lamb Alley / Cornmarket, just before Thomas St. I was in a hurry. Threw off the big plastic chain lock and wrapped around the telephone pole my bike was about to be locked to.
    I went into the shop and when I came out, bike gone, lock….. still wrapped around the pole…. I’d locked the pole, but I’d not locked anything to it :)

  37. Clampers Outside!

    I locked a bike to the railings on the Stephens Shopping Centre side of Stephens Green one evening. I left it over night. On my return, I found my lock holding some rickety rattle bone shaker thing to the railing. I tugged the lock and it popped open. At least they left me something…..

    1. Anne

      Ah go way our that… No one could have that many bikes stolen on um.
      Oh wait, we’re talking about Dublin.. Nevermind.

      1. Anne

        You’ve been unlucky clampers in fairness. You definitely deserve the lock.. but I’ve a feeling your bike will probably still end up stolen.

        1. Clampers Outside!

          In fairness I only bought a top lock for my ‘good’ bike recently :) I’m in no need of it.

          Still though, when I first took my good bike for a spin in the city it took me twenty minutes to settle on a place to lock it… I was freaked! :)

        2. Caroline

          Don’t give him the lock, for Jesus’ sake! Sorry Clampers, I’ve been lolling (in sympathy) at your litany of misfortune but if you get the lock the thieves will just evolve and learn how to break it. I’m sorry but it’s for the greater good of the bike-owning community.

  38. Clampers Outside!

    I bought a bike while in Galway a few years back, had it a few days. Brought it to Dublin, had it a few days more up to the day I went to LiDL on Thomas St. Locked it to the bike railings just beside the bus stop. Admittedly, I used a good cable lock and a crap one, I thought it’d be enough…. it wasn’t.
    And what pisses me off on that one was, I’m sure I saw the guys eyeing it up as I locked it, but I brushed it off as paranoia…. twit! :)

        1. Anne

          Wasn’t your car stolen on you too.. the one you fixed up?
          That’s some bad luck with thieving c***s you’ve had.

  39. Robodave

    My beloved motorbike Peggy-O was nicked from outside my Gaf, expensive disk lock in place. Garda reckoned in was lifted, lock and all, into the back of a van. Poor Peggy, I hope she was treated well but I’d fairly doubt it.

    Anyways the upshot was I was now standing on the kerb outside my house, in the rain wearing full motorbike gear, key in hand like a right tool. Later that day, after talking with the 5-o and realising I wouldn’t be seeing peg again, I invested in a bike. 4 years later I’m a daily cycling commuter, but am too terrified to bring Derek (my lovely specialised bike) anywhere remotely dodgy, which in Dublin is anywhere aside from by my desk and in the hall outside my bedroom!

    Please give Derek and I a great lock so we can realise our potential, and fulfil our relationship. YES equality for robodave and Derek!

    1. Anne

      ” 4 years later I’m a daily cycling commuter, but am too terrified to bring Derek (my lovely specialised bike) anywhere remotely dodgy, which in Dublin is anywhere aside from by my desk and in the hall outside my bedroom!”

      Jesus, it sounds nightmarish up there. Would you consider moving out of the hellhole?

      1. Robodave

        Dodgy for the likes of Derek, especially when left alone for 5 minutes (see the previous 50 comments). I like the bleedin accent an’ all too much to think about leaving blah cliath Anne. Thanks for the offer though, keep putting yourself out there….

  40. gorugeen

    So there I was putting the rubbish in the basement car park when I hear something untoward. At the other end there’s a bunch of young lads liberating bikes (mine included) from a locked bike store. Something possessed me akin to a viking beserker and off I legged it after them, up the ramp, down the road. Caught the lad with my bike outside the millennium pub. In the process of knocking him off my bike he took out his mate on another bike. The rest legged it, abandoning their mates. Well I must have looked suitably psycho cos one lad wee weed himself. Him and the his mate ran off leaving the bikes. So I got my bike and what I assumed was my neighbours rather tasty Giant mountain bike. Turns out it didn’t belong to anyone in our block!! I inadvertently nicked the thieves bike and got mine back. Being too honest I told the cops when they came to check out the break in. They said “nice new bike you have. better get a good lock”.

  41. Kieran

    My bike turned up on Adverts.ie about a month after it was stolen so I made an offer, arranged to meet the person at Heuston with the intention of delivering cold vigilante justice. Instead he was there with a mate, also on a bike so after some negotiation I took it for a test drive and scarpered, full of fear.

    Got my bike back though.

  42. Anne

    I’ve never had a bike stolen.. I live in Limerick. I’ve no need for fort knox for my bike down here, but thanks all the same. Just sayin’

  43. Owen O'F

    Having had two bikes stolen from me as a young and lock-ignorant student years ago, my amazing college mates secretly clubbed together for my 21st to buy me a spiffing new bike. Most had tossed in a few quid (out of their measly student bank accounts) without actually being present at the bike-buying, so once lectures finished for the morning, there was a sizeable troop keen to march over to inspect it where I’d locked it up in front of the sports hall.

    You can guess the rest. Twunt me had locked it by the front wheel, and a shiny, forlorn front wheel that was all that remained. A mute semicircle of former present-givers were torn between sympathy, disappointment and outright derision. I still hear about it to this day, that many people never even got to see a bike that they themselves bought.

  44. Tbird

    Won’t someone please think of the giraffes! I’m 6′ 7” tall, carrying most of that in my neck. I had a bike custom made for me, to suit my giraffe like features. It was an XXL frame with sleek black design. It gave me three years of endless freedom and saw most of the west coast of Ireland on it.

    I had it ‘securely’ locked – u-lock and chain-lock in a shed with a security camera covering it, but a non giraffe animal robbed it! I still see his face which was captured on the CCTV, making off on the bike into the early morning sun.

    The worst thing was – the thief was so short in height he struggled to reach the peddles and couldn’t sit correctly on the seat. The CCTV captured him attempt to get on the bike and fall the ground as he tried to become acquainted with what must have been a penny-farthing or monster truck bike to him. While I was stricken with grief watching this – I gave the video to two members of the Gardai who have probably since made a quick £250 after sending it to You’ve Been Framed – it was actually quite funny in that home video sense

    I await the day I meet the baby giraffe who cycles it now.

  45. Ally M

    (insert setting the scene here) I got my bike robbed whilst cycling it. The little thieves were lying in wait as I rounded a corner in Stoneybatter. Rang the Guards from Centra (took my phone as well), got picked up from there and went bike thieve chasing – without success.This isn’t a failed locking story but I got locked after though, miss that bike.

  46. Clampers Outside!

    I had a bike stolen from outside my local shop. I’d come home, dropped in for an errand, popped home, realised I forgot something and went back, on the bike but no lock…. the inevitable happened. A short time later, the shop owner whom I’d given my number to called, he wanted me to come down to the shop, the Gardaí were there.
    They were discussing the CCTV footage when I arrived. In a very nice manner, the Garda asked me, and apologised before doing so, and said “are you on any kind of medication or anything that might make you forgetful”. I said “no”… and asked “why” to which he replied, “it’s you we see taking the bike in the footage”… that melted my head for a while I can tell ya! :)

  47. Dangerfield

    The backyard of the house divided into flats, one of which I lived in a few years ago, had piles of old rustbuckets against a wall. Obviously jettisoned by previous tenants, they were a motley collection of the wrecked and unsalvageable. Oddly, there was a chain locked around them, even though they were practically worthless.
    However, one of the piles had a shiny LaPierre roadbike locked to it with a fairly cheap combination cable lock. I locked my own 4th-hand bike to this every night, and not once in five months was the shiny bike unlocked or taken for a spin.
    With a covetous eye and determined to get to the bottom of this mystery, I started to rule out each tenant one by one.
    There was a middle-aged Baghdadi refugee in the flat under me, and I was quite certain he wasn’t the owner. All he did was shuffle from the front door to the wheelie bin, and the mosque on the odd Friday when he was feeling social.
    Next up was a girl who was quite glam and didn’t strike me as the cycling type. She left soon after and that ruled her out.
    Then there was a chain-smoking Singaporean medical student who had moved in after the bike so it wasn’t his.
    My buddy on the stair-turn flat didn’t own it, and that only left my deaf neighbour, who was quite overweight, and had a massive TV that was always on when he wasn’t at work, which he walked to.
    Besides, deaf guys don’t cycle, right? Can they even cycle legally? I reasoned they mustn’t. Your ears are almost as important as your eyes when cycling and the blind don’t cycle, do they?
    I debated it with my friend and we came to the conclusion that it must have been left behind by a previous tenant for some unknown reason, possibly they left the country and hadn’t bothered to sell it before they left (the previous tenant in my flat was Polish and was ‘a very bad, very bad man’ according to the Baghdadi when I moved in – maybe he’d left the flat on the lam?).
    I left it for another month and eventually couldn’t take seeing it rust away to nothing, unloved and unused, especially when I could be using it instead of my own tired clunker, so I borrowed a hacksaw from a DIY shop around the corner and had the lock off in a tick. Gave the tyres some air and took it out for a spin, a huge self-satisfied grin on my mug at a victimless liberation. Then I got a puncture on the maiden voyage so I left it in my flat to repair rather than leaving it out in the rain anymore.
    A week later, my buddy downstairs knocked on my door, a sheepish look on his face, saying he’d bumped into our deaf neighbour who was distraught about having had his lovely bike nicked.
    A flood of emotions overtook me, each one worse than the last as I became aware of some awful things about myself.
    I was a deluded idiot for allowing myself to think such a shiny bike could possibly have been abandoned. I was ashamed I was now a thief. I was disgusted that I was prejudiced against the portly deaf. I was horrified to realise that I was now not just the kind of guy who would steal a disabled neighbour’s only means of independent transport, but was actually THE guy who stole a disabled neighbour’s only means of independent transport.
    My friend turned on his heel, doubtless a bit guilty for his assumptions too.
    I wrote a very contrite and apologetic letter to my neighbour, promising to repair and return the bike within two days, with a much better lock to boot.
    He wrote back with gratitude and commended my honesty, but it didn’t make me feel any less a heel every time I’d see him in the communal hallway. Apparently he’d injured his knee earlier that year and between one thing and another, hadn’t got back in the saddle yet.
    Even though I got him a decent lock, he kept the bike in his flat after that. I never saw him ride it over the next two years we were there before the landlord sold up and we all had to scram.
    I think I deserve a lock for the massive sense of shame I still carry around with me, weighing me down more than any heavy-duty lock ever could.

    1. Clampers Outside!

      No harm done….. *scrolls up* em, Dangerfield…… *sniggers* No seriously no harm done, sounds like you paid your dues and yer man got anew lock and learned not to leave it rusting, everybody wins ! :)

  48. Draxx Ltd II

    Paddys day two years ago i made the mistake of staying in with my girlfriend. We were watching a film and heard all sorts of comotion downstairs around 9 at night. I though it was just my room mates being very drunk seeing it was paddys day…
    Anyway we ordered food and i went down stairs to get my phone to ring them when i saw the front door open and the fella from Dominos hiding in the bush in the front garden.
    Turns out the gaff was actually getting ransacked and he presumably stopped them. Before i knew what was happening i he legged it and i turned around and the gaff was just emptied. Incuding my old claude butler racer. All the while my and my girlfriend where in bed laughing at how drunk we though the lads were. In fact we were getting brazenly robbed.

  49. Frank

    @ Clampers
    If ONLY “clampers” (i.e. you know the clampers who clamp cars?!?) clamped bikes, it sounds like it’d all be okay !!

  50. Rowland

    My wife and I bought two bikes on the bike to work scheme and we were only a couple of weeks into paying for them. We were out for the day and locked them both, using the one lock, to a pole outside a swimming pool we were visiting. We came out 20 minutes later and found that the lock was broken and my bike was gone but my wife’s luminous pink bike remained. They had to lift her bike out of the way to get to mine. It’s a rare thief that can steal your bike and insult your wife’s taste in bikes all at the same time!

  51. Bike thief

    Well past midnight but sure, look…

    So I saw this fella sitting on a wall with his lovely bike-to-work shiner of a bike sitting beside. So didn’t I just leg it up and hop on and off I went. His little racer was well too fast for him. Happy out. Brand new bike for me. So a day or two later I lock it up on O’Connell street while I head off in search of a nice bike to rob with my mate. He was well jealous of my new shiner and couldn’t go without. But Lady Luck was not on our side. We got busted on abbey St trying to break a lock. (Who locks a bike on abbey street anyways?) So after a few hours in the cop shop and a few slaps thrown my way, I head off to cycle home, to only find some scumbag had robbed me new shiner. Ragin I was, absolutely Ragin!! I’d love one of those master locks so that I’m never that Ragin again, Ya know? Sound

  52. Mr T

    I’ve never had a bike stolen, true story, so to keep up this perfect record I would really like one of these!

Comments are closed.

Sponsored Link