With two pairs of a pair of tickets to the ‘Not The Edinburgh festival But Better…’comedy festival this weekend at the Mermaid Arts Centre, Bray, Co Wicklow we asked you: tell us a joke.
You cracked gags of varying degrees of chuckleness in their dozens.
Emma at the Mermaid sez:
We had to avoid picking the dirtier jokes cos like we’re all profesh here, so the winners of the two pairs of weekend passes are: David for his many jokes, our favourites below and Mikeyfex ‘cos these Mermaids never heard that one (below) before….
David:
1. “Two buckets of sick were walking down the road. One said to the other, “I was brought up around here.”
2. Poor young Sean is a little dyslexic. One day in the science lab., his schoolmate said to him, “Can you smell sulphur dioxide?” Sean said, “Smell it? I can’t even smell my own name!”
3. A drunk goes up to the pianist and says, “Can you play a jazz chord?” “Yeah, here you go, G flat demented nineteenth.” “No,” says the drunk, “A jazz chord!” “Ok, how’s about P blunt flattened eleventeenth?” “No, you know, a jazz chord.” And the drunk starts to sing, “A jazz chord – – to say – – I love you.”
Mikeyfex: Two friends are hunting and one accidentally shoots the other in the chest. He goes down and is unconscious. In a blind panic the first guy rings 999. He gets through and says ‘I’ve accidentally just shot my friend. I think I’ve killed him! What can I do!’. The operator says ‘sir remain calm, first of all I want you to make sure he is dead, can you do that?’. The operator hears the man drop the phone, then he hears two gun shots, and the phone is picked up again. ‘Ok, what next?’
Thanks all.
Previously: JOKES JOKES JOKES
There’s nothing worse than someone going down on you Mikeyfex, especially when they’re unconscious.
Congrats !
My joke was so good that it magically disappeared mere minutes after I posted it
Good choice. Radio comedy The Goon Show had it in its original form, which went something like:
Harry Seacombe: What happened?
Spike Milligan: He was lying there when I arrived.
Seacombe: Is he dead?
Milligan: I think so.
Seacombe: Hadn’t you better make sure?
Milligan. Just a second.
sfx: *gunshot*
Milligan: He’s dead.
+1
Have a great time Spikeyfex!
:D
Hah. That’s snappier and all. Wasn’t happy with how I told that one.
Thanks Mermaids, I’m not sure if I’ll make it yet but if I can’t I’ll give them to someone who can.
Ma and Pa Clampers are going to have deh dinner in McGettigans, Galway this eve… thanks to BS… and McGettigans ! :)
“We had to avoid picking the dirtier jokes cos like we’re all profesh here”
lol right!
The BS censors got to them long before you did Emma!
Right winner.
Wrong joke.
Seriously, google ‘funniest joke ever’.
See?
Who judged this?
A bunch of comedians if you ask me.
’twas actually a bunch of Mermaids!
I was down in Dublin this (last) weekend but can’t make it this weekend.
Gah. So, Mermaids, flip your tails for another winner.
A man comes home from the doctor’s and says to his wife, “The doctor’s given me three weeks to live.”
The wife replied, “That’s brilliant. We’ll take two weeks in August and one at Christmas.”