Further to last week’s Cursed Words post, Maeve Convery of Roads Publishing writes:
We’ve just released a new version of Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary as part of our classics series this month.
Roads has five shiny copies of the excellent 1906 satirical wordbook to give away to the Broadsheet reader who can come up with the wittiest and most devilish dictionary entry for a word of their own choosing. To wit:
You get the idea.
Lines MUST close at midnight.
The Devil’s Dictionary (Roads)
Sponsored Link
Denizen: n. a person claiming citizenship of several countries simultaneously.
HA!
Libelous – having a written opinion contrary to that of Denis O’Brien
Free Media (n.)
The fallacy whereby one person, owning such a large portion of the media itself, leads to a misplaced narcissistic belief, that you are free to undermine its very basic tenet … integrity.
(or something like that! :)
politician (n)
Wanker
Topaz (n)
Gemstone once believed to have the power to shrink male genitalia
Holy – full of holes.
That’s the Uxbridge English Dictionary. An equally eminent but entirely different publication.
cf. Buggery (n.)
The study of insects.
You’ll have had your tea then ;)
Jehova’s bystander – believes in a supreme being, but doesnt want to get involved.
Ah, the old Les Barker classic!
Diminuendo: the gradual reduction of noise being made by a person who realises they’re making a bad sexual pun.
Barbecue – a long line of plastic dolls
Adultery – what happens after puberty.
(I’m here all night folks, dont forget to tip your waitress)
Sticky – a stick.
Bainne (n) (v)
Irish (Gealic) word for milk
e.g. To bainne the prostate
Fauna – someone whos constantly sucking up to you.
Maltese – a mediteranenan strip joint.
Malteser – a maltese stripper.
(I can go on all night like this)
Broadsheet : (n) wide in spectrum but lacking depth , ??
Nillo: (a) absolutely discredited & busted ?? I could go all night to ?
Thank you very little.
Actually.
Knocker – a tit.
Twitter: to wit, a medium by which one may witter; with her? ; to it?; to who?
— commentariat: n. collective. Those who are paid to espouse and/or defend opinion, and advocate for freedom thereof, esp. when such opinion bears no relation to fact. See also Independent.
— independent: [orig. Hiberno-English] (1) adj. quasi-independent; (2) n. prop. (Independent) popular satirical newspaper specialising in content which is independent of fact. See also: Waterford Whispers; parallel universe.
— online commenter: n. one, usu. lonely, who likes controversy, and reward. See also; [REDACTED].
— parallel universe: n. the stuff dreams are made of.
— Waterford Whispers: (1) n. prop. a collective of occasionally hilarious satirists, usu. in mortal peril, (2) a bad dose of laryngitis following [REDACTED]
— redacted: n: an old joke.
*applause*
Independent News and Media
Propaganda merchants who print their lies on dead trees
Grand national: A long-term tax-paying resident of the Republic of Ireland who was born elsewhere, well versed in the local patois and generally considered a decent member of society by the population at large, however still short the sum of one thousand Euro or so to complete the official transition from non-national status.
Superfluous; useless, pointless, waste of space/air/time etc.
Examples include politicians, bank managers and hipsters.
See also; Windbag, Asshat.
TD: Former Irish educator who found they could neither do nor teach.
tribunal; (noun) a long drawn out investigation into alleged abuse and corruption that goes nowhere and costs a fortune and tries the patience of the public.
Independent. (Adjective) something completely free from outside control, unless it goes against its proprietors vested interests.
Sinn Fein. A dangerous political cult who will destroy the fabric of our nation unless we need their votes for a coalition govt and then they’re a grand bunch of lads with a colourful past.
To Troll, trəʊl,trɒl/
verb
To excite passion and interest in what you say and for a brief moment imagine you were part of something.
see Lulz
Be grand; the idea that it will all turn out well at the end of the day; a sort of nervous, hopeful and yet cavalier attitude adopted by the Irish nation, often to their own detriment.
eg. “Oh no Fintan your face is on fire! Shall I fetch a glass of water?”
“Will you get away out of that Gobnáit! I’ll just stick my head in this bucket of gick, be grand!”
Elitist: n.
Someone who believes everyone should be listening to what they have to say because of some supposed position of authority, when really they should be listening to me.
…..damn that wasn’t finished… feck, start again….
Lulz
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=voOQ-Fph7Fc
Pro Life. A hyper vigilant busybody so concerned with the welfare of foteus’ they neglect to care about actual children.
Arsessist (n): One who aggressively and relentlessly threatens litigation to defend a supposed reputation, recognised and revered by no-one but himself, making a complete arse of himself in the process.
Alcoholics Synonymous. Boozers, lushes and drunks.
Sayonara Sierra. Appropriate greeting directed towards a Denizen. See: Denizen.
Laptop: Fun Zone
Selfie?: Bemused retort from native Londoner regarding the mental state of grown adults playing David Attenborough with their iPhone and a lesser spotted former X Factor star in the canned goods aisle in their local Tesco.
Zylophone: n
Incorrect spelling of Xylophone
Brown envelop : noun, arch, Formerly used by ones to send documents via An Post to another. Since the invention of e-mails, the brown envelop has become the favourite means of communication between business men and business men, business men and politicians, and politicians and politicians.
Also see corruption, morals.
Hashtag :Generation Y’s call for a revolution.