Kill Them With Kindness



Labour canvassers in Meath

The Crack Site writes:

“Here is our guide to dealing with canvassing career politicians during the election… It may be absolutely futile, but if we want politics to change we need to try something new…”

1. Whenever your doorbell rings between now and the election take a big deep breath before answering it.

2. If it is a career politician remind yourself that beneath their politician exterior there is a human being in there somewhere.

3. Avoid discussing their party’s proposals for the future. (Experience tells us these are nothing more than a hastily put together list of things that their team of marketers thinks you want to hear, and will more than likely never be acted on)

4. Ask about when they first ran for office and what drove them to it.

5. Sympathise with them as a person who is in a horrible job that would wear anyone down.

6. Encourage them to ask themselves whether the passion that drove them to start as a politician is still there, and whether or not there could be someone more suited to the job.


A guide to dealing with canvassing politicians (The Crack Site)

Sam Boal/Rollingnews

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33 thoughts on “Kill Them With Kindness

  1. Walter-Ego

    I usually find a good ‘Fupp Off’ works a treat with Fianna Fail, Fine Gael, Labour and Renua canvassers.

  2. Drebbin

    Pick one clear issue. Tell them calmly and unwaveringly that this is guiding your vote.

    Canvassers listen to that stuff, and they report it to the constituency office. Calling them names or trolling them may be fun, but it has absolutely no impact on their policies.

    1. Bob

      In fairness, their policies generally have no impact on what they’ll do once they’re elected, either.

    2. Medium Sized C

      I would hope, that saying that one clear issue is driving your vote would be a bare-faced lie.

    3. MajorThrill

      Side note : If you’re sticking with one clear issue then make sure you get the party’s position on said issue because if the past few years have taught us anything it is that their opinions are irrelevant if their boss thinks differently and they’ll fall in with the party line no matter what they’ve told you.

  3. Fergus the magic postman

    Just tell the Labour canvassers that if you listen to what they have to say, that it will be against your will, unless you can leave any time you like.
    If they say you can leave any time you like, slam the door.

  4. george

    This article smacks of someone who wants to show how caring and kind and nice they are. Like people who tweet “Remember to be nice to staff when doing your christmas shopping. It’s a stressful time for them”.

    1. Grouse

      It’s more subversive than that, I think. The final point is essentially asking someone to consider retiring for the good of their country.

  5. scottser

    i find talking in an exaggerated ‘sminky shorts’ type voice while grinning inanely also works.
    saying ‘ahh, whill ooo shtop..’ a lot also helps.

  6. scottser

    i find talking in an exaggerated ‘sminky shorts’ type voice while grinning inanely also works.
    saying ‘ahh, whill ooo shtop..’ a lot also helps.

  7. scottser

    i find talking in an exaggerated ‘sminky shorts’ type voice while grinning inanely also works.
    saying ‘ahh, whill ooo shtop..’ a lot also helps.

  8. ahjayzis

    If it’s a party I won’t ever vote for / feel no point in engaging with I lie and tell them they’ve however many 1st preferences in the house.

    Makes losing their seat slightly more of a shock.

    1. Fergus the magic postman

      I like it. But I think it’s important to let them know what you think of them if they let you down. It’s the only time they’re ever likely to feel first hand the consequences of their actions/ inactions, & should be made to feel as uncomfortable as possible.
      Even if it’s a short, “I’ve no interest in listening to what your party have to say, I wouldn’t believe it anyway, goodbye”.

  9. Eoin

    I’m telling everyone I’ll vote for them. It’s nobody’s business who I vote for and I don’t want to get labelled for voting one way or another. Don’t want my cards marked for life because of my, non establishment party political affiliations. There’s enough of that around as it is.

    1. LW

      Won’t this lead to you getting labelled as every kind of voter? So they all think you’re one of theirs?

      1. Caroline

        Sure, sure. But they’ll never get to the real Eoin. The real Eoin’s locked up inside real Eoin’s head. So unless they plan on pulling some Inception kind of… oh god.

        Eoin, this is important. Never fall asleep again.

  10. Joe cool

    Had the local labour lackey at the door. Told him there was absolutely no chance I was voting for them. Threw in some swear words too

  11. Frilly Keane

    I’ve yet to see a DSC candidate out on the canvas
    I was expecting some in an’ around the shopping centre and Village area at the weekend
    No one’s called either

    But we’re plastered with posters

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