When Life Gives You Lemons



A column in two parts.

One half lemon-based recipe.

One half political analysis

All tangy.

Frilly Keane writes:

Get 6 yolks (not your usual ones, the ones in the cartons). 350gms of Castor Sugar, and the juice of 4 lemons (bath them in a bowl of warm to hot water first and you’ll squaze more outta’ve’em.)

Tip the lot into a bowl that sits over a pot of simmering water and bate ‘till the sugar grains are dissolved.

Chunk up 225gms of Butter, the real stuff, and plop one by one into the bowl above. Keep batin’ until the substance coats the back of a spoon, and when you lick it, the licked stripe stays in place. (eg if the bits your tongue missed don’t keep running.)

Do not turn your back on that pot and don’t let it get too hot. Your Lemon Curd‘ll split so keep it simmering and you keep whisking. When you think its right, let it cool, it should fill a good sized jam jar.

Now, get those egg whites. 6, if the dog didn’t get at them. And bate them with the ba’jaysus of a mixer in top gear. Anudder 350 gms of sugar by one spoon at a time into the whizzing. (You could just use 4 & 250gm like I do) Keep going ‘till its gorgeously white and thick and glossy n’sticky. It might even be warm. If this doesn’t happen you let some yolk into it, or the mixing bowl wasn’t clean.

I use a swiss roll tin. But just use what ya have. Grease it line it, spread your white stuff and into a fierce hot oven; 200c nearly (180 fan or Gas Mark 6) for about 8-10 minutes, depends on how grand your oven is. You’ll know when, when the top is golden brown. Turn down the heat to 160’ish (140, Gas 3) for annuder 10 mins. See what you’ve done? With just egg whites n’sugar…. Now let it cool.

Get yerself some whipped cream. Stiff stuff and paste the top of what came out of the oven. Ladle the curd to your own taste; I add a handful of rasas and then roll. Dust over with icing sugar if ye like, I don’t bother.

A daycent’ slap, a pint a’ Rosé, and that’s me. I’d nearly get Saturday and Sunday night out’ve it. As long as there’s a few boxes of Ice Burgers in the fridge for everyone else like.

So just in case yere wondering…

I’ve deliberately started my Easter Holidays with a recipe as the only other words I have and the only ones that are making it out of my trap for ye are GE16 Round 1 related.

I want to forget about this shagging election, the bogus efforts of Government hogging up all the news cycles, and the shyte talk of who will be Taoiseach from the gimps that’ve just been dumped.

This place too, has been bulging with results threads. I’ve a pain in me whole.

Anything I have to say regarding the conduct of RTÉ in the week before and the days after the polls closed would slaughter a sow, so I’ll stay off topic, only to say:

(1) that Ivan Yates (TV3) was brilliant on Saturday & Sunday, he was only outshone by Matt Carthy who played a blinder, from Montrose to Carrickmacross to Ballymount and back. Nothing Miriam tried fazed him or that twinkle he had all weekend. (Can’t believe he’s 38 btw.) Miriam is a talk show host, not a journalist.

(ii) I have no intentions of respecting the mandate the electorate returned last week (apologies Anne-Marie), because the electorate were deliberately denied information that had the capacity to influence their vote (eg Noonan) furthermore, they were deliberately overwhelmed with misleading propaganda by mainstream media. That’s vote rigging as far as I’m concerned. Someone here last week wrote about Fear & Loathing on the Campaign. I’m not going to do it here again.

When Round 2 gets underway, a Top Table FFer reckons Late May/ Early June btw, the Shinners better have their vote management sorted and don’t let their votes get scared into voting for Labour & FF like last week (eg Dublin West.)

I also think there are a few Independents and Soci-Dees they should have a voting pact with SF at Constituency level. Reada Cronin might see the benefit of having a discreet chat with Mrs Murphy, a bitta Workers Party common ground might come in handy.

Snoddy needs a good talking to, his guzzling-up of party votes for himself have left us here in DSC [Dublin South Central] with NO MINISTERIAL CANDIDATE, again.

There has been no one of substance in this massively mixed, from KCR to Ballier, with massive industrial output, with 3 massive Hospital facilities and several established 3rd level Institutions, and whatever you’re having yerself, since Mary Upton, Joan Collins & Bríd Smith ffs…..And that Cat’rin Byrne can barely fill a post-it note.

Ah here. I’m off on me holidays. See ye in April.

(if ye want that recipe in old money just ask @frillykeane ttfn)

Frilly keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane

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60 thoughts on “When Life Gives You Lemons

    1. Neilo

      There’s only one thing more egregious than demotic ramblings and that’s poorly transcribed demotic ramblings.

  1. RT

    Vote rigging accusations? Really?

    Every party, even Frilly’s beloved SF, has manifestos, policies, press statements, websites, social media and spin doctors. You’d have to have been living on a cave on Mars for the past month to have avoided any information from any party or candidate coming your way. It’s up to the electorate as adults to inform themselves on who they should vote for.

    1. Cup of tea anyone?

      You are talking about all the parties putting information into the media. Frilly is referring to the media which should be biased, misleading the population or painting certain parties in a bad light.

  2. pedeyw

    “outta’ve’em” A daycent’ slap, a pint a’ Rosé,” This is why I find Frilly hard to read.

      1. pedeyw

        No, Frilly always writes like that. She occasionally writes interesting stuff but that colloquial “shlappa’nauld’bitta’howaya” thing she does annoys me. Might just be me, though.

    1. Anne

      “outta’ve’em” A daycent’ slap, a pint a’ Rosé,” This is why I find Frilly hard to read

      Here’s my translation :

      Outta’ve’em = out of them.

      A daycent’ slap: A decent slap, on the bottom.. Firm but not too rough.

      A pint a’ Rose: Rose is also known as White Zinfandel. It’s a California wine. I don’t think you’d drink it in a pint glass though.. but you could drink a pint of it, if you were so inclined.

      Some wine, a decent slap or two.. not a bad way to spend an evening I suppose.

  3. collynomial

    Make sure when you’re done baking you’ve enough tinfoil left to fashion a hat out of.

    1. classter


      I can read Frilly’s comments just fine.

      But these pieces are crying out for an editor

  4. DubLoony

    So Frilly is in DubSC, the nutter constituency
    SF had an internal huff when Devine was parachuted in on them, they wouldn’t campaign for her. Snoddy’s crew were taking down her posters the night before the election. Apparently getting a head start!

    SWP have issued their own statement on shenanigans with SF attacks.

    No mention of the hate campaign against Labour – it wasn’t a political debate, it was a hate campaign.
    But I’m sure that Brid & Joan will no doubt be part of government because people voted for change doncha know.

    1. nellyb

      Beg to differ. DBN, not DSC has a strong nutty flavour with a whiff of vintage cheese. Or vintage socks. You pick.

    2. Vote Rep #1

      Wow wow wow, I think you’ll find that the only nefarious things that Frilly is interested in are the ones which parties other than SF and the like did. If the parties she wanted to get in did dubious things, it was all for the greater good. If the likes of FG or Labour did something, it is a massive conspiracy.

      1. nellyb

        public class FG {
        public static void main(String []args) {
        System.out.println(“I will plunder your money again, suckers”); // prints I plunder your money again, suckers

        public class Labour {
        public static void main(String []args) {
        System.out.println(“‘Anyone saw me bAllz?”); // prints Anyone saw me ballz?

        A bank mishandles your account, you suffer loss. You contact the bank asking for explanations, they tell you they had to make hard decisions for all depositors’ good, no refund due and in fact you now owe the bank for someonelse’s large loan and if you don’t pay, you’d be persecuted.
        That’s FF/FG and now Labor “policies”. See how others will do if get in.

        1. DubLoony

          Even if the magic fairy of the IMF cancelled all our debt, we still didn’t raise enough in taxes to pay for day to day spending. Hence the need for cutbacks.

          1. Anne

            What don’t you understand, that people don’t think it was their debt to repay in the first place. Go way out of it

          2. nellyb

            Of course, who’d argue with meaningful cutbacks and meaningful reforms? I am sure you are Ok with that, so do I, so do other taxpayers.
            But I am staunchly against conflating this and selective assignment of cuts to “easy prey”. Anyway, you know it all yourself. Enjoy your Friday and weekend.

          3. Kieran NYC


            Oh, and we’re starting to run a surplus now. Which conveniently no one mentions.

          4. classter

            Exactly, however you feel about bailouts (horrendous) interest payments on this monent constitute a tiny amount of our current account budget.

  5. Jake38

    The Shinners managed to increase their first preferences from 10 to only 13.8%, despite the worst FF-made recession in 50 years and a Taoiseach who makes Norman Wisdom look like a towering giant of political strategy. Boo-hoo, Frilly, it’s all the fault of the meejah!

    1. DubLoony

      All that in the 1916 anniversary year too.
      They really had a bad election. Have heard from lots of people that they would vote SF but not while Adams is there.

      1. classter

        It’ll be an interesting succession.

        I wonder whether they want Adams to stay on and absorb Troubles-era revelations for as long as possible.

        Or if they’re just afraid that the succession battles will tear them apart.

  6. Clampers Outside!

    Soc Dems and Sinn Fein?

    It shouldn’t happen.
    It ain’t gonna happen.
    It won’t happen.

    Going in with SF in any shape or form, on some “voting pact” or whatever, would completely compromise the principles on which Soc Dems have based themselves, a young party with integrity. All integrity would be lost if they did. Scuppering that now would kill off the party before it gets started.

    Pure fantasy, IMO. But at least I now know how to make a nice lemon curd :)

    1. DubLoony

      Integrity? Soc Dems want to replace Irish water with a publicly owned national utility to mange water. Anyone see what the problem with this plan?

      1. Cup of tea anyone?

        well someone has to manage it. and if it is publicly owned profit goes to the public. If it is privately owned profit will go to private individuals.
        who do you think should own and run it?

        1. DubLoony

          It is a publicly owned national utility company i.e. we the people own it. Any change to that needs to be voted on by the people.

          1. Cup of tea anyone?

            Is there a typo there somewhere or am I just confused.. Are you saying IW is a publicly owned NU and the SD’s want to change it to another publicly owned NU.

            and I don’t think any changes would have to be voted on by the people. NAMA was publicly owned and has not been run for the people. There is nothing to stop IW being sold off to a private company.

          2. DubLoony

            Water services Act 2014

            Section 2 Plebiscite on ownership of Irish Water

            (7) The Minister shall publish details of the proposal and the reasons for it to be
            submitted to the people in the Plebiscite not later than 30 days before the day fixed as
            the polling day for the Plebiscite

            Which means any change in ownership needs to be voted on by the people. So if you want to abolish it or privatize it, the people need to vote.
            It is currently owned by the people.
            And you can thank Alan Kelly of Labour for putting that little nuggets in law.

  7. Lordblessusandsaveus

    It’s like listening to a rambling homeless drunk. Actually no, that’d be better.

    1. Prop Joe

      No it’s like listening to that faux country trying so hard to be funny type who ring into the RTE daytime radio shows with their “Hilarious” parody songs, replacing lyrics of the likes of Sweet Caroline with references to the Healy-Raes and tractors and horsemeat scandals.
      It’s painful and embarrassing.
      Frilly to a point had a certain aura of not really caring but this is just desperate pan handling for praise and recognition.

      1. Caroline

        Oh the phones in Montrose did ring
        Down the line to Joe I did sing
        Dealing with the controversial issues of the day
        In an incredibly cloying and toe-curling way
        As I glanced around at the now-forming Dail
        And bid my congrats to the bould Fianna Fail
        I spotted a face so downcast and foresaken
        It cheered me right up – it was Lucinda Creighton
        There’s a new way to describe
        Those moaners and complainers
        It turns out after all
        They’re a pack of Sinn Féiners
        (several hours later)
        And what of the fortunes of Poor Enda Kenny?

        “I have to stop you there”

  8. rotide

    “Everyone who voted differently to me is wrong and they are too stupid to see past media bias”

  9. Gers

    Between the other idiot on utube and this new useless column its becoming lame around here…

        1. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

          Neilo! you did it! You successfully replied under the comment you meant to! I knew you could do it *proud face*


          1. Neilo

            How so very dare you be absolutely correct, madam. *Fixes cravat and exits left in a state of aggravated hauteur*

  10. Verbatim

    With some of the comments on here, it would be more than a pint of Rosé I’d be drinking! Lovely lemon curd recipe, will try that.

Comments are closed.

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