27 thoughts on “Grand Stretch

  1. Joachim Gillespie

    That’s a heron and unfortunately unbeknownst to most people they exist solely on a diet of pigs’ tails, rather like the way pandas only eat bamboo shoots.

    As a result one heron like that will gain access to a pig farm and kill every pig instantly and then eat only the tails leaving the carcasses to rot.

    They are also riddled with diseases contagious to flora and fauna, and if one heron stands on any piece of grass used for farmland they will pass on a disease which will turn any tilled field into dust with 6 or 7 minutes.

    They are a massive pest and need to be exterminated.

    I hope the OP is ok, because when they stand to the side like that, that means they will attack you imminently by flying straight for your eyes, pecking them out and then placing their droppings into your empty eye sockets which slowly dissolve your brain-matter over the course of 3 weeks resulting in an unbearably painful death.

    Please educate people about the dangers of herons.

  2. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

    Although it’s abundantly clear
    This isn’t what you want to hear
    I’ll just run this by you
    Just to annoy you
    My new lover, I met HER-ON here.

    I promise not to mention it again today unless a better opportunity arises.

      1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

        I couldn’t care less who it shocks
        ‘Cos I’m from the School of Hard Knocks.
        Head over heels I am falling
        Hark, it’s Catherine who’s calling.
        She’s telling me to take off my socks

    1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

      Did you ever get attacked by seagulls?
      I’m telling ye, it’s scary.

      All you have to do is live or work near wherever they decided to build their nest.
      2 or 3 months of terror is your reward.

      It’s horrible.

      1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

        They work in gangs.
        They have two or three on look-out duty day and night.
        God help you if you dare get in their sights.

        I’m not joking.
        I think they got the idea off of a bloke called Albert Hitchcroft.
        That’s what me mate Dave says anyway. I dunno.

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