While You Were Sleeping


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This morning. (5.30am)

Wilton, Cork city.

Diarmuid McCarthy writes:

Comical scenes this morning, three drunks get car stuck in public lawn, main drunk is in his 50’s + 2 youths. Dig car deep into grass down to the body. Decide best course of action is to empty my rubbish bin all around the tyres to get traction. Rubbish is spun all over the place. Cars are destroyed with dirt and rubbish. They then try to break into neighbor’s car.

Guards come and the two youths scamper. Old lad is too drunk to run. Guards start telling them that his car will be repossessed if the others don’t come back. Starts shouting their names to come back or his car will be taken. Tells the guards ‘That’s awful bad form if they don’t come back’.

Guards leave with yer man and other two still on the loose. I go out to clean the rubbish and start taking photos of the car. Two young fella turn up and start taking selfies by the car. Totally oblivious I am five yards away on the phone to the guards.

Guards ask the aul lad who owns the car or did they steal it, he says he does. They ask was he driving, he says no. They ask how the car got on the lawn. He says he drove it there.

Guards come and pick the other two lads up. All in all not a bad way to start a Wednesday morning. Smell of rubber is unreal around the place though….


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25 thoughts on “While You Were Sleeping

  1. Otis Blue

    It’s worthy of a screenplay, I think. I’d be looking to cast Steve Buscemi as the 50 year old drunk. Not so sure of the idiot accomplices. Dermot & Dave perhaps?

  2. kellma

    A comical interlude to remind us that the gene pool of the mentally challenged waste of space ever bigger grows. What is particularly touching here is the depiction of how it is not just surviving but in fact, thriving from one generation to the other i.e one thick 50-year-old accompanied by two thicker young “uns”…. In a few years those 2 thicks will be passing on their infinite wisdom to 4 and on it goes.

      1. kellma

        Indeed I am! Hopefully, they are wrong… I am not so sure. Chronically stupid people seem to be having more children.

    1. B Bop

      I like the cut of your jib Kellma.
      Cretins overbreeding continued cretins, too true indeed & all financed by most of us with some cerebral semblance & honest productivity.

    1. DaithiG

      Wilton is a fairly large suburb.

      It’s also one of those weird places where the people there try to be working class like in Togher and snobbish like in Bishopstown all at the same time.

      I hated living there.

  3. Eamonn Clancy

    This is why it’s always handy to have an oul sledge hammer in the gaff. Happened across the road from me at 5 in the morning once. The lads bailed before cops arrived. When the cops left left I went to town on it meself. Oh the joy, the joy…

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