Let Me Count The Ways


Minister for Finance Michael Noonan

A poem to mark the imminent retirement from politics of Michael Noonan, who has spent his life in the upper echelons of Fine Gael.

Ode To Smugness

His head hairs are the thirty million maggots feeding on the carcass of creativity,

His eyes are x-ray beams burning holes through punctured public services,

His ears are oyster shells littered with the pearls of Christine Lagarde,

On the soft sand away from those drowning in the sea,

His bald head is the vulture at the “Everything Must Go” jumble sale,

His nose is an exhaust pouring black smoke on the children’s dreams,

His face is an Alsation keeping people from the truth,

His mouth is a swampy cesspit where poison splutters,

His tongue is a serpent that spits venom on the just and the poor,

His ass is a giant beach ball that Jean-Claude Juncker likes to boot around,

His heart is the army tank that drove on Bridget and her poisoned blood,

His arms are Graf von Faber-Castells writing off the debts of Denis at a stroke,

His legs are bowling pins as Cerebrus strikes it lucky again,

And his feet are roadside sweepers sucking up the crumbs,

The shivering homeless barely looking on

Ian Murlocks



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19 thoughts on “Let Me Count The Ways

  1. Clara Vaughan

    Nice that we can live in a society where criticism can be published.
    However i don’t like this poem.

  2. mildred st. meadowlark

    More poetry!

    Oh this’ll be good. I’ve got the popcorn on for whoever wants it.

    1. Zena

      +1 Mildred, much more poetry, keep them coming.

      Great heading – love Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s work.

      Lastly, as Dylad said, it’s quite kind considering the monster it’s describing. Well done Mr. Murlocks, can you write one about Enda, as a parting gift ;-)

  3. Clara Vaughan

    I applaud your right to publish this but I dont like this poem.
    Its true Noonan could have solved the problems, however its too graphic and body shaming is a low form of criticism. Clara Vaughan

      1. Brother Barnabas

        Every chance it’s not actually Clara Vaughan, seeing, like, as she’s a fictional character from the 1850s.

  4. scanlas

    Style’s a little familiar, together with the tone…

    You are Kevin Higgins and I claim my five euros.

Comments are closed.

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